Venting Too depressed to attempt to kill myself, I don’t know what to do

[Lovelesss]

I feel like I'm being tormented in hell. Everyday all I think about is ending my life but I hate myself for not having the strength to do it.

How do people with severe depression manage to do it? I barely have the strength to get out of bed or do basic task so I can't even begin to imagine how am I supposed to do something as draining as overcoming my SI to CTB. My only attempts were by trying to overdose on paracetamol but, as you can guess, it was very ineffective.

All the other attempts like jumping or hanging were too overwhelming for me to do in my current depressed state. I feel so awful about myself and so weak. I wish I had access to a firearm because it, at least, seems like there isn't much time to let the SI kick in and I can finally end it all.

 

[nobeertonight]

What exactly makes you feel overwhelmed?

 

[Lovelesss]

What exactly makes you feel overwhelmed?

nothing in particular. Just that my state of depression makes every action so tiring. and when I think or try to practice hanging myself (not that I'm even sure I know how to properly do it) my body automatically gives out and can't follow through.

it's horrible bc I know I want to die and it's something i thought through a lot but my body doesn't seem to let me do it

 

[Griever]

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I am equally as depressed and want to die so badly. I need to finalize my will first and can't even do that. I'm mostly bedridden. So I have no good answer for you as I have no strength to do anything either. I've tried at least 20 meds, ketamine and even ECT. Nothing has helped. You are not alone.

 

[divinemistress36]

I am equally as depressed and want to die so badly. I need to finalize my will first and can't even do that. I'm mostly bedridden. So I have no good answer for you as I have no strength to do anything either. I've tried at least 20 meds, ketamine and even ECT. Nothing has helped. You are not alone.

Are you in the USA?

 

[Lovelesss]

Are you in the USA?

No, in the EU (France)

 

[Lovelesss]

I am equally as depressed and want to die so badly. I need to finalize my will first and can't even do that. I'm mostly bedridden. So I have no good answer for you as I have no strength to do anything either. I've tried at least 20 meds, ketamine and even ECT. Nothing has helped. You are not alone.

I'm so sorry you're also in that hell. i wish there was an option for both us.

I'm glad i'm not the only one feeling trapped, though…

 

[deathisapanacea]

I was in the same state a few months back, buddy. Don't worry this phase shall pass. You will gain the strength to commit suicide, at least.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you have to suffer, I really understand finding it so torturous to exist, I always wish there's the option to just choose to never wake ever again. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Mooncry]

Same boat… It's beyond tiring at this point. I'm so numb.

 

[Lovelesss]

I was in the same state a few months back, buddy. Don't worry this phase shall pass. You will gain the strength to commit suicide, at least.

I don't know, I hope so. it's been a couple of years since I'm in that state and it's just getting worse honestly.

 

[holyhorse]

I'm in the same state, buddy. Hope we will get through it tho...

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Are you in the USA?

Yes I am

 

[divinemistress36]

Yes I am

psilocybin assisted therapy is the last thing Im going to try. Have you thought about that?

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

psilocybin assisted therapy is the last thing Im going to try. Have you thought about that?

Have you tried iv ketamine? I've only done the oral and it didn't work. Considering IV ketamine but hear mixed reviews

 

[divinemistress36]

Have you tried iv ketamine? I've only done the oral and it didn't work. Considering IV ketamine but hear mixed reviews

Ya Ive done 12 ketamine inufusions didnt help. It was a cool experience leaving the body for a bit. Like I felt like I was dead in another realm

 

[Ariel1]

I'm in the same boat. I have a plan, but I don't have the strength to carry it out. Wish I could just die in my sleep, undetected. I've also tried oral and intranasal ketamine and it didn't work because it didn't change the conditions in my life that make me depressed.

 

[ndoprsge22]

Have you tried iv ketamine? I've only done the oral and it didn't work. Considering IV ketamine but hear mixed reviews

I had ketamine via injection - IV was an option at the same clinic. It's been so long, I cant remember the details but when I was dojng my research IV has better outcomes than oral. *0(Double check me, my brain has turned to mush.) And I highly recommend a place that does therapy along side. My ketamine treatments were about 40 minutes but the appointments were two hours to set an intention and discuss the treatment as well as therapy sessions outside the ketamine treatment. It really made a diffference for me - not remission but increased function and eliminated suicidality. This was private in Norway. Unfortunately the public mental health system - which, given the outrageous taxes I am forced to rely on longer term just tore me down in the months following my treatment and reversed the gains I got. I know ketamine isn't a durable (lasting) effect but I think they robbed me of my chance to make the most of the gains. Which is just to say, IV clinics cost more but might be worth trying. It gave me three okay-good months before I was torn down again. I wonder if I had support instead of attacks from the public health system, if I could have made chnages in those good months that would have led to lasting changes.

Have you tried iv ketamine? I've only done the oral and it didn't work. Considering IV ketamine but hear mixed reviews

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I had ketamine via injection - IV was an option at the same clinic. It's been so long, I cant remember the details but when I was dojng my research IV has better outcomes than oral. *0(Double check me, my brain has turned to mush.) And I highly recommend a place that does therapy along side. My ketamine treatments were about 40 minutes but the appointments were two hours to set an intention and discuss the treatment as well as therapy sessions outside the ketamine treatment. It really made a diffference for me - not remission but increased function and eliminated suicidality. This was private in Norway. Unfortunately the public mental health system - which, given the outrageous taxes I am forced to rely on longer term just tore me down in the months following my treatment and reversed the gains I got. I know ketamine isn't a durable (lasting) effect but I think they robbed me of my chance to make the most of the gains. Which is just to say, IV clinics cost more but might be worth trying. It gave me three okay-good months before I was torn down again. I wonder if I had support instead of attacks from the public health system, if I could have made chnages in those good months that would have led to lasting changes.

Have you tried iv ketamine? I've only done the oral and it didn't work. Considering IV ketamine but hear mixed reviews

I just started the IV treatments this week. Had 2 so far. Im so sorry your healthcare system let you down. It is the same in the US. It's sucks! I am paying an exorbitant amount of money privately to have the infusions with the therapy afterwards. I've committed to 6 treatments total. After that I will have to re-evaluate. I wonder how the shot experience compares to the IV because the high from the IV is incredible euphoria. I wish I could stay like that