Story Trial run of hanging

[Chikitawita]

Hello friends, I'm glad I finally got accepted on here! What a time to be alive...not! My hamster was dying in my arms tonight. It was kind of a segway into my reality. I am coming out of a very, very abusive partnership. It's really been hard. My partner told me to just go die already and that is doesn't matter what happens to me because no one wants me around anyway. Then blocked me everywhere when I asked to talk on the phone for 5 minutes to distract me from my thoughts...I am heartbroken...My birthday is on Christmas and it was supposed to be special. Lights, tree, festivities, presents and all! I really believed it, but now I am all alone during the holidays and my birthday, while he is with another girl.

His words keep replaying in my head considering I was suicidal already after all the abuse. It doesn't matter what will happen to you. No one cares. Was he being honest or gaslighting me? I don't even know. He programmed his friends to think I am the bad guy. Some people look so nice from the outside but are really different in relationships. A week ago he said "I don't want to be with you because I can't cheat on you and lie to you without you finding out. I'm sneaky and I want the freedom to do whatever I want without having to look over my shoulder. You're too smart. My ex was stupid. You should have heard the lies I told her and she never suspected anything" and he cheated on his ex the whole relationship and I don't think she knows. A break up was the best thing but during my birthday month, typical narcissistic conditioning into submission. No thanks.

I'm sorry if I am depressing anyone! Let me continue on to my methods. This time I have 2.5 methods under my belt. I have also ordered SN from the internet but I'm not sure how pure it'll be so that's what makes it 0.5. :haha.

I have created a will! So my family is set I have also informed them and they are supportive about it.

Tonight I will TRIAL hanging while high. (I don't think I will succeed as I'm getting anxious) but I tied a slip knot out of the yellow polyrope...I recommend getting a non coated rope as this one was a bit hard to tie however it still works and is the cheapest. I just tried a bit of hanging and holy, within 3 seconds, i felt dizzy and lost total hearing in my left ear for 5 mins. Exciting results. The only thing that makes me nervous is that I come out of my unconsciousness before I pass. We'll see. I'll do an update later today

*I got anxious about succeeding and then going to my appointments fucked up so I will postpone it for Thursday night so I have the whole weekend

 

[healthrecovery]

Is that your real picture..you are kinda hot

 

[supermario]

You really should reconsider ctb if your life was great a second ago before your bf decided to end the relationship. This tells me you still have a lot to live for. A lot of us here suffer from incurable diseases and are in anguish every second, that's why we want to ctb. If you're not in that boat, take a deep breathe, be grateful, and really consider if suicide is what you want at this point.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

Love-sickness and puberty are temporary problems, for them time is a better solution than suicide.

 

[Chikitawita]

You really should reconsider ctb if your life was great a second ago before your bf decided to end the relationship. This tells me you still have a lot to live for. A lot of us here suffer from incurable diseases and are in anguish every second, that's why we want to ctb. If you're not in that boat, take a deep breathe, be grateful, and really consider if suicide is what you want at this point.

I've wanted to die since I was 12.

Love-sickness and puberty are temporary problems, for them time is a better solution than suicide.

haha aw, I wish I was at the age of puberty again

 

[healthrecovery]

I've wanted to die since I was 12.

Everybody dies...if you don't have an illness go buy a bag of kratom or weed and go watch alot of television series..dying is for people who have absolutely no way out

 

[Chikitawita]

Everybody dies...if you don't have an illness go buy a bag of kratom or weed and go watch alot of television series..dying is for people who have absolutely no way out

Who decides who dying is for?

 

[healthrecovery]

Who decides who dying is for?

Touche ! Geez ..your just too hot/cute to die ok

 

[Chikitawita]

You really should reconsider ctb if your life was great a second ago before your bf decided to end the relationship. This tells me you still have a lot to live for. A lot of us here suffer from incurable diseases and are in anguish every second, that's why we want to ctb. If you're not in that boat, take a deep breathe, be grateful, and really consider if suicide is what you want at this point.

Who says I do not?

 

[supermario]

Who says I do not?

If so I apologize.

 

[LivvenDe]

I have also informed them and they are supportive about it.

You are lucky to have your family supporting your plans to CTB... My family would be devastated... When I once made the mistake to tell my husband, he told everyone and I was always being looked after for a long time....

They are really the reason I don't ctb now, if not for them I would imediatelly take actions to leave this hell... But unfortunately I don't want to put them through that ordeal again...

If and when I decide to ctb, I will do preparations but won't tell anyone about it.

 

[FuneralCry]

You have the right to exit at a time of your choosing, it is your life and your decision after all. You do not have to justify your reasons for leaving. I'm sorry you had to deal with someone like that. Some people are just so cruel. I wish you the best with your plans. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.