Trying to understand

[TryingToUnderstand]

Hi everyone, new here so please bare with me! I may be posting in the wrong area and don't want to cause any offence, rather understanding to a personal situation.

A couple of years ago my grandfather committed suicide by partial hanging, at his family home which he shared with my grandmother. There had been no indication of his intentions to end his life.. always had anxiety but seemed to hide this well, however my grandmother asked him to seek help which he refused. He played his anxiety down but was a worrier none the less.
Leading up to his death he seemed his usual quirky self, and even prepared his morning medication and vitamins for the day after.
I've since been told he had a horrendous sleeping pattern where he would sleep for only a couple of hours a night, for many years, which he didn't seek help for.

Goodness, I am sorry for going on and on, however my main struggle is how he didn't leave a suicide note, and I have come here to ask if anyone with personal experience could give me some insight into why he didn't leave one? What are your personal thoughts on leaving one? Of course i know leaving one wouldn't change the outcome however I feel it would have helped give me answers rather than spend my life wondering how he felt.

I have nothing but respect for my grandfather he had a (very well hidden) battle with dark thoughts, I just wish he sought help. As a mother of two sons, and with a father who suffers with anxiety and depression - as do I - i feel my grandfathers death has taught me some valuable lessons.

Sorry for the lengthy post, as I say I'm new here I would just love some opinions regarding suicide notes and no indications of an impending suicide.

Thank you so much!

 

[timf]

A person can drift into suicide or plunge into it. Often external circumstances create an increasing pressure such that consideration of others can be pushed off the horizon. A note may be an attempt to wrap things up and a person that does not leave one may not be able to express himself or just so consumed and overwhelmed that he is unable.

 

[so tired or manic]

My reasons for never writing one were because I didn't think anyone would care or it's not like I kept my struggles a secret so a note wouldn't be a huge revelation. I've been told the depression stops from being able to see when people care, but I'm fairly certain in my case the ones who are left would not miss me for more than a month at most.

but with your grandpa it sounds like your grandma did care and wanted him to get help so maybe it was not wanting to feel weak. that's pretty common with men.

 

[KleinerWolf]

I'm sorry for your loss. And for grieving while still having to search for answers.

I have suicidal ideation and was close to acting on it few months ago.
I struggled with drafting and amended the suicide notes again and again.
Some notes express my guilt towards my family,
some showing great anger towards my personal struggles,
some notes are brief but radical.

I can never come up with a note that properly puts things into perspectives.
I sometimes thought my family already knew a thing or two as for why I'm unhappy.
In that sense, I felt it's alright to keep the notes brief or only say something along the lines of "This is a suicide"

To answer your question, oftentimes people do not leave suicide notes because they are overwhelmed for many years, either felt they cannot express things at that point, or that they felt great despair towards their personal struggle, that they have this sense of indifference towards the situation.