Wanting to be alone.....a house far away.......Why?

[IsThisTheEnd?]

Sometimes you can see the same sadness in others eyes that you know for sure in in your own.

I don't know if it's just me but when people do see it in you they will kick you! and kick you hard once your down.
or is that just me.

 

[Sadman]

Man they kick like a mule

 

[Leshen]

I don't like people, I don't understand them, I don't trust them, I want to stay away from them as much as possible.
I wish I could die alone in the middle of nowhere where wild animals would devour my body. No autopsy, funeral and other made up human bullshit.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

do any of you feel some type of pressure to be social? like if you don't your weird or strange,a loner or something not normal because I have definitely felt like this before but I think it is becoming more accepted that people want to get away.

I feel no pressure to be social anymore. I only felt like that when I was with my abusive ex who expected me to "hang out" and socialize with his co workers and "friends"... So I turned to drugs and alcohol to make me social. It was a terrible life to lead. After leaving him I quit all hard drugs and just take prescription. I could care less if I'm seen as a weirdo loner because no one would see me or know anyway. I think females (at least in my experience) are always expected to be social and get together with friends. I have no friends nor do I care a thing about socializing the stigma is so unfair.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I'm quite gregarious, despite being an introvert, my experience has taught me that I think in a different way and see things differently to most people.
I've learned that I can't expect them to understand or accommodate my medical issues because they are so ephemeral.
I have no friends locally, though I'm still in touch with friends from university because we were on the same wavelength and they accepted me as was. We only talk online though and not that much, as I was off the radar for four years due to illness and, you know, feeling suicidal.

 

[Susannah]

I guess it's likely because they've been hurt by a bunch of people, some who were even close to them.

Personally I'd want a house alone too, but not too far out that it isn't inconvenient to buy things or have people I actually don't mind visit me.

Interesting I wonder if extrovert people ever get suicidal?

I have no worries personally with interaction with others but they always become a nuisance or a pain no matter how I play it, so I wouldn't miss anyone.
I would rather be alone but not though off as that guy who lives in the old house on the hill alone.

I'm an extrovert person. I have always been really social and outgoing. I've been suicidal for many years, or at least I think of myself as suicidal light. I have realized, though, that I'll never manage to kill myself. It's been frustrating, but I've accepted this fact.

I would love to live in a house far away, alone. People have let me down so many times. I don't trust anybody, and I never really open myself up. It's no use. They wouldn't understand. I need to socialize/ meet and talk to people, but after some hours, I'll become desperate to be alone.

 

[sadstuffie]

i want to live alone so that no one can judge me i think that's why

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

It'd be heavily inconvenient and expensive. Say I move to some fuck all nowhere, I still have most basic needs - water, food. Even if I have the fanciest of houses, I still need water and food. This would mean hunting, farming, and finding some water source to visit. People like living near rivers, so I can't do that if I'm moving to fuck all nowhere.
If I do get a river, I'd need to treat the water.
You can, but really shouldn't survive a long time by river water.
I'd be very limited in terms of food - mostly meat and grain, since things like tomatoes take ¼ of a summer to grow (according to stardew valley and harvest moon), and being a farmer is a hell of a job.
Discovery channel claims people are moving to absurdly small houses or RVs, though, so I kinda want to move to an RV. I would need to learn to maintain it, though.
This would lead to having no real friends outside of the internet as most RV parking lots limit the time you can spend there. I could, however, rotate spots, though even that would be difficult as after you leave a spot, you're temporarily banned, supposedly.
I'd prefer a two room apartment in a small-medium town that has an equivalent of Walmart or Target.

 

[ladolcemorte]

I can't speak for anyone else but I am just so tired of interacting with other human beings. I'm tired of having to put up that false front. Tired of having stupid conversations about the weather while my chest is about to rupture in agony. Just let me go somewhere that I can just be alone with my agony and not have to pretend that I'm fine when I'm not.

 

[Commitmentphile101]

I want to be rich, so that I can hide in plain sight. After the trauma of school and college, I have a real social claustrophobia. I do not want to be trapped in the same social circle with no way out and that's exactly what would happen at work.
Ideally I want many quality studio to 2 bedroom apartments all over the country so that I can have different bases to chill. Apartments and not houses because houses are easy to burgle and vacant ones draw too much attention. First or second floor apartments though are brilliant. Easy escape if a fire and the neighbours being individuals mostly will usually be temporary, also difficult to burgle or least targeted the least by burglars and hard to spot if vacant.

My idea of a great job is to be a freelance computer programmer working from home.
I am an introvert but I need human interaction and do like socialising with individuals when we click ( small groups at the max). A house totally isolated is too extreme and living off the grid is too much effort anyway. It's also really boring. I need the buzz of the city. I've thought about it a lot and I just love the feeling of being fluid, invisible and limitless and not being socially constrained. Travelling and choosing to interact in my required dose is what I need. It just happens that as an introvert this dose is low.
Seeing the same people, conflict with neighbours, dealing with social drama at work and everywhere that I don't like makes the walls close in rapidly and I get very on edge.
Lots of money, lots of travel, lots of real estate- boy if I could own 10 or so all over the country what a life. If I could expand and do the same abroad, what a life it could be. This dream is what has kept me alive. The feeling of seeing everyone else who made me suffer trapped in the rat race and knowing after all the pain and the lowest depths I have escaped and am just a spectator of all the drama that I was a victim of. Hiding in plain sight from the drama, transcendent. But always getting better, improving and living a life of purpose whether it be in business, or academia, or working on my health (both mental and physical).
The reason I'm buying N is to give me that further feeling of freedom, having N in my possession will be a powerful feeling for my mind, knowing that I am in full control of my destiny whether it be CTB or achieving greatness. As the recent weeks have passed I just know it will be the latter.

Fuck going off the grid. I was born on this planet like everyone else. This is my planet and I'm not physically running anywhere to hide from the people who were simply born lucky. I'm living in the city, the country, by the sea. I'm going to enjoy everything it has to offer while adapting to my wants and needs. It's about time.

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

WoW! there are some interesting points, Going totally off grid, now I would find that hard personally and having some physical health problem that is something I forgot when thinking about CTB I was all on my own thing mental anguish.

programmer is possible, probably the best thing now is learning Android Studio or mobile stuff.

My dream and it probably is nothing but a dream would be somewhere remote in France, Belgium, Holland, Germany something like that and maybe round where the Dutch go for caravan holidays so people are changing fairly frequently, and vast areas of pine fields etc

 

[airboy_a380]

5 million and live in the woods with all what i need, that wld be a dream

That's what I would do too.

 

[Commitmentphile101]

I need to feel in control to feel peaceful. A house alone far away means I have the absolute control, nobody I care about can die and nothing could ever really upset me beyond any current memories or if I try to paint the house and drop my only bucket of paint on the grass.

Definitely. I need both. I need my base, my home to be the place I can have complete control. An area of total privacy, a place to collect my thoughts to regroup after a tough day and the place where I can prepare for the uncertainties and challenge of the next day. But I also want to develop and grow as a human being and you just can't do that when there is no uncertainty and there is total control. The only certainty is death or a life of mediocrity where you are slowly dying.
I understand how everyone here is feeling. Everybody here (me included) has been pushed to the point where they are fighting for survival whether from others or themselves. When simply staying alive is on the agenda, it is easy to feel you will be OK in life as long as the pain goes away. This is what life has done to us. Battered everyone so bad to a point where we will all simply be grateful if there was a place to escape all our pain, e.g a house far away. I love this idea of a sanctuary where you are safe. It is absolutely necessary as far I am concerned. But this is only step 1. To function well and be the best version of yourself you need a safe space and to be mentally and physically happy. We don't need this disgustingly cruel game of life to make us cower into accepting mediocrity once we have achieved step 1 . The crucial and most difficult step has been complete, why not try and win? I define a win as achieving your full potential and living a life of purpose.
For everyone else they take step 1 for granted and are looking way past that. Why should they get to extract the best this planet to offer just because of lucky circumstances ?

I don't really want total isolation but I want the ability to escape from people when I want to

I don't think anybody really wants total isolation, deep inside. That is why we are all here. Inadvertently many people who come to this website must have realised how being part of a community can be invaluable and it cannot be simply be a case of "I hate people". Many have ended up here for one reason or another but if they are here they cannot deny the value that human beings can provide and how speaking to them can help.
I was a recluse for the first two years of university, I took two years out while my original class graduated and when I came back despite being largely still an introvert I met a few people from my cohort and learned a considerable amount from them. There was still a lot of garbage that I hate about people like the gossip and the typical shit nature of people but I've really decided to adopt a Bruce Lee approach : "Absorb what is useful, reject what is useless, add what is essentially your own"
I want to use the great stuff that people can bring and mitigate the stuff that made me suffer. (Gossip, Rumours, Bullying, Abuse both mental and physical)
Lots of people are saying they want to cut people out completely and I get that but is it conducive to bettering yourself?
The saddest thing about this mentality is it's a double edged killer:
1) The easiest thing to do is to cut them out and we love the path of least resistance.
2) Your brain is actually justified this time and it uses all the overwhelmingly convincing evidence from past trauma to prove to you that it is right and you should do this.
But is it conducive to bettering yourself which should be the aim of the game at the end of the day...

I don't know if it's just me but when people do see it in you they will kick you! and kick you hard once your down.
or is that just me.

Life has taught me to come to expect it. I do not cry about it when I am down ever again.
You ever heard the saying: "Don't tell people your problems. 20% don't care. 80% are glad you have them" Those stats are obviously exaggerated but you're supposed to read between the lines. You want to talk to people that matter. Family. Therapist. Anonymous community like here. A close "friend" if you really trust them. Anywhere where there is an adequate structure which will help you solve the problem you have basically. If it's a financial issue for example, speaking to people and organisations whose sole agenda is to solve your problem.
Don't whine for the sake of whining to some randomer like a "friend" you think is a "friend" or your kid's friend's mom because it's probably just something to talk about and gossip/laugh about while giving the air of being a caring person.
This is people's shit nature. Why else do people love watching shows like Jerry Springer? They are misery parasites and we all know how misery loves company.
Why do people love watching the news? Cos it makes their shit lives feel a little better.
Like the Bruce Lee quote above, absorb the advice of the former and reject the trashy latter.

To the relevant people: I'm a person, one of the group you have a blanket hatred for right? But surely I have provided some value on this site and this thread alongside many many other people here? Even you yourself with your experiences that have led you to this site and the comments you have made have made useful contributions. You're throwing away a lot of good. Even if there was 1% useful information in everyone/good to learn from, with billions on the planet that's a considerable amount to learn if you just practice rejecting the 99% of the stuff you don't find of benefit with every single person you meet/ articles, books you read/ whose movies you watch.

With that I'll leave you with the image:

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

I like the energy of your posts.

 

[Commitmentphile101]

I like the energy of your posts.

Funny you have said that. I am still 100% pro choice but I have become a believer that many situations can be broken into pieces and a successful and fulfilling non CTB option is always possible even if excruciatingly hard, maybe even downright very unlikely for some. I know for some it can seem FUBAR, and I will respect their decision whatever they choose to do. But I have decided to become someone who follows the Recovery section and be the person who gives energy and light to anyone who is on the edge.
I am at this moment going to say that I think it is unlikely that I will ever CTB, it will give the torturers from my past too much satisfaction. They have no more right to enjoy life any more than me. But who knows, you're a slightly different person every day and I'll wait and see what happens in 5, 10, 20 years.

Edit: Actually that was dumb of me, there are plenty on the "Suicide section" who are on the edge and it's not all goodbye threads and method threads there so I will contribute positively in the other threads there too.