NSFW Wasted half of my life

[BigDumFailure]

I just wanted to ask you guys about what to do at this point..

Long story short i feel that I am inferior to everyone especially males around me thus I feel super bad and feel like ending it all for the good of everyone else.

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Short story long is that, I have always felt like that and now at 28, i feel like I am behind everyone else and inferior to them, that i have no right to live and occupy space and use the resources, i am a waste of space.
I have been a victim of rape attempt at 10 or 11 by an older guy who I believed to be someone awesome and would follow him around and after that incident i have become aware of sexuality but not in a good way. I felt like i have been used and that I am ultimately powerless and even less of a man. This sentiment got cemented when first time I paid attention to my father's manhood and how big it was when i accidentally saw it and how it made me felt insignificant, flawed and bad. Eventhough I turn my looks to other way around that slight moment burned into my memory forever since from my childhood and it got even worse as time went on. I saw how some of my friends pridefully showing how big their manhood are in our guys convo and how low of a being i am to not even be able to feel that. I have always felt bitterness in my heart and started to hate my body and genes for it therefore never took care of it. Now at 28, im morbidly obeze and feeling like a ruin and no matter what I can not change this image of myself in my mind. I have texted with girls after I gathered my courage by the end of high school nearly all of them wanted to meet me in real life, and out of fear i have rejected them. Those who have seen my height and manhood said they are quite above average and that I should not be ashamed of it but i dont think it helps at all. I dont even think if I lose weight I could ever be normal or fixed. I dont think I can ever socialize again with how damaged my mental state is. I dont even think I can hold a job to feed myself. I am seriously thinking about jumping off of window in the near future.

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What do you guys would suggest? Should I try for the remaining years of my life or just throw it all away cuz Im already 28. Nearly half of my estimated years are gone..

 

[FuneralCry]

I think it's always a personal decision deciding what to do, it's up to you. But anyway I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.

 

[Dogged fellow]

I believe that over all wasted time isnt a logical reason since you're basically saying "because i wasted so many years should i just waste the rest?" To me this reads more like you want to be happy not dead.

I would recomend you start very very slowly if you want to better yourself i was in a similar situation as you years ago i wouldnt call myself happy now but im not miserable anymore either i got healthier and started working out even things like that greatly improof you mental state but wanna know how i started? I started putting on socks before i put on shoes. Thats it, that was my first step towards betterment try going the same way concentrate on really small steps bit for bit these small thing become routine and you will be able to better yourself i whole heartidly believe that. Only use ctb if you're 100% because you cant go back once you made the decision.