Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Dejected 55]

Everything seems cruel. Even the things not purposefully cruel are still cruel. Sometimes those are the most cruel, because you can dislike someone or dismiss someone being cruel to you on purpose as someone you don't need in your life... but cruel by default, by nature, that cruelty is just there and you feel it is meant for you, you somehow deserve it, because it follows you and nothing you say or do changes it. I do not want to hurt. I do not think I deserve to hurt. But I hurt anyway. Some days I hurt more than others, but the pain is always there. Everything seems cruel.

 

[darksouls]

my pains are wearing me down

 

[Dejected 55]

I am in a daze. I woke up in a daze, wandered around the house in a daze. Trying to decide whether or not I need/want to go out today, but I am in a daze. The fog never lifts, it just moves around. I don't even care, it is just the way things are now.

 

[darksouls]

I wander around in an endless labyrinth of cold and darkness

 

[Dying Opportunity]

First time that I'm not required to attend the family meet up dinner with my parents and our realtors (they became friends) and I'm relieved that I don't have to get drunk in order not to get depressed in public about being a NEET for well over a decade. They are nice people, but being reminded of how many people I've disappointed fuels my desire to CTB.

 

[darksouls]

I am a lonely wanderer who finds no peace

 

[CutToRelease]

Sad
Disgusting like I need the shower but even if I did it wouldn't change a thing. I just feel like I'm a piece of trash.

 

[Dejected 55]

So much pain, loneliness and pain... strangely numbness at the same time. To be in pain and numb at the same time is difficult to explain, and hard to understand if you don't know how it feels.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I NEED to complete these projects, but I am also very sleepy; when I focus on one of these I lose out on the other. I am feeling anxious.

 

[Eriktf]

empty, tired but awake

should go to the gym but i have no energy even tho i just woke up

why did i wake up?? whish i just die in sleep but i guess im to young for that, probably kill myself before im old enough to die in sleep

 

[Dejected 55]

Malaise, melancholy, numb, staring out the holes in my head at a world very far away.

 

[renaxx]

Useless and self hatred

 

[Dejected 55]

Headache, I often have them especially when I first wake up. They aren't always bad, but always noticeable. I have a general malaise and numbness to the world for most of the day most days, and I'm feeling that now. Hard to care enough to even type something bland like this. Everything feels like it is too much, and I'm relatively isolated from the world most days, but I know interaction with anyone for any reason will bring me down. I wish things were different, but they cannot be. I've proven that conclusively. I want it all to be over but I still keep kicking that can down the road as far as I can. Like I think a miracle might still happen in the eleventh hour to change things... but I know that nothing is going to happen to change my life for the better.

 

[darksouls]

still trapped in my fortress of loneliness

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Please stop trying to do things for me! I am really trying to be as independent as possible in my current situation, but so far it feels as if my life has been lived for me, and it is an awful feeling. You are just making my suicidal thoughts worse; though I cannot actually say this to you, because you will get angry.

The sooner I learn to drive the better.

 

[r.m.216]

I'm actually pretty confused.

I thought I was in an unreal amount of legal trouble but I don't think I actually am.

That was my biggest reason for ctb.

I'm still undecided.. like this shit is tough. Life is long dude. I've got a lot of problems still, but with hard work I could do it. Move to Tampa, start fresh.. find a new career. It's not impossible. But really what's the fucking point? Life just kinda sucks. Everything good falls apart.

Iwish I knew for certain that I wasn't in legal trouble.

 

[LetMeOut67]

I miss the days when I wasn't here so so much

 

[darksouls]

since my female dog left me in 2020, I feel lonely and abandoned
she did not want to leave me
she wanted to stay with me
but she had to leave me alone
I hope she is in a better place now

 

[starinthesky]

I hate how things went

 

[LigottiIsRight]

I'm amazed by the fact that so many people are convinced that life is worthy (even some who at the same time recognize that their situation is a disaster). I just don't get it, it's so absurd.

 

[r.m.216]

I'm amazed by the fact that so many people are convinced that life is worthy (even some who at the same time recognize that their situation is a disaster). I just don't get it, it's so absurd.

I've been trying to convince a friend to help source opiates and he's like life is so great

He's homeless and sleeps outside behind a mobile phone dealer, has as drug problem and never sees his kid that his family took from him. How in the fuck are you under the impression life is livable

 

[Dejected 55]

Everything is awful. Even when it is almost palatable, it is still awful. The best days are only so relatively speaking, because they are still awful. There is no hope or redeeming qualities to any part of life. I do not like it here.

 

[CTB Dream]

this alws pain sffr no psbl any

 

[Bowerbird]

So fucking tired of this shit.
> I see a problem
> I try to call it out
> People think I'm overreacting
> Later it comes out there is/was indeed a problem

also turns out, for years i complained i was tired no matter how much i sleep. got told "but have you x" yes believe me, i tried every fucking thing, people still thought i was overreacting or whatever. but low and behold, recent test came back and i do indeed have a sleep disorder!!!

im just sick of my life and always being tired no matter how much i sleep, of being alone.

do people realise how fucking PAINFUL it is to have a brain that is so active and full of activity all the time, and yet being unable to convert it into words, so everyone just assumes I am "intellectually challenged". Its like a geode that is smooth and grey on the outside but all chaotic and rainbowy and weird exploding shit on the inside.

Or its like I'm a dog that was bred by humans to have fucked up legs, so everyone assumes it's lazy because it doesn't move much, but it is bred in a way so that its legs are deformed and it has trouble moving, so it can't really move much even though its a dog and it wants to be active and run around but it can't and everyone just laughs at how lazy it is and it's just a life of pure torture.

Also I probably have some kind of undiagnosed mood problems and I think my mood is going down the shitter.

its just exhausting, i would 100% ctb if i didnt have my pet birds + this one person i like

 

[Dejected 55]

Endless misery... one day bleeds into the next, if I didn't have a calendar on my phone I wouldn't know what day it was because it doesn't matter. The time of day rarely matters either. I don't matter. The world is cruel even when not intentionally so... sometimes the unintentional cruelty is worse because it just happens and nobody is to blame. The end calls to me, but it seems so far away. I want the end to be here.

 

[Lefty]

Very meh

 

[fedup1982]

Yeah I'm ok I guess, just wish my life was filled with something more meaningful. And no, I'm not having kids!!

Endless misery... one day bleeds into the next, if I didn't have a calendar on my phone I wouldn't know what day it was because it doesn't matter. The time of day rarely matters either. I don't matter. The world is cruel even when not intentionally so... sometimes the unintentional cruelty is worse because it just happens and nobody is to blame. The end calls to me, but it seems so far away. I want the end to be here.

Yeh the cruelty really gets to me too

 

[r.m.216]

I just hate this place.

Went out for the first time in 10 months today to. Hardcore show. Leaning on wall for one of the openers and someone crowd kills me. I'm pissed. I let it go.

One minute later they do it again so I wrap around his waist and drive. His friend comes and starts wailing on me. Someone pulls him off.

One song later IM getting thrown out by a bouncer who says he saw the whole thing. The guy was also there tattling on the consequences of his actions and claimed I had him in a head lock and was punching him

I asked if he thought that was physically possible considering he was 5 inches taller than me, and for him to swear on his mother's life that's what happened.

He lied and swore and I cLled him an absolute piece of shit. He said he wasn't going to argue. I told him if I'm on the fuckig wall and you come and swing on me when I'm not looking that's assault and expect to get hit. He says it's a mosh pit.

No the mosh pit is the mosh pit. Outside of it is crowd killing.



This is after someone on Reddit goes at me for an hour telling me to kill myself so my family can finally be happy, and that I'm a faggot pussy trans retard etc. and after I message my ex asking why she lied and told 250k people I was physically abusive, psychotic and on coke.

I just fucking hate this world. I'm sick of being weak and having zero fucking power whether it be social or physical, as I've lost all my physical strength.

This is just a bunch of bullshit. I just want the fuck out.

 

[Grog]

There's too many things on my mind and I never know where to start and I never know what to say and I always second guess myself. I want to vent but I hate venting because I'm so jumbled up and can never convey what I want to convey…

I'm suffering

 

[Dejected 55]

I am a combination of depressed and alone and horny that intertwines so much and leaves me just sitting staring at the walls or laying down staring at the ceiling knowing I am forever alone.