What do I do with my life?

[Zen0]

I'm in my last year of highschool right now. Honestly I don't really know or understand how i even got here. Most of my experience in school life since I was about 12 or so has just been a constant down hill stream that only really pauses momentarily every so often. I expected myself to have committed unalivement by now and yet I'm still here. Still breathing. Still suffering. My family and friends are all constantly asking me questions about my future all the time, but frankly I don't believe I have one. I never have. I've never been able to see a life for myself far into the future and I still can't. Knowing the nature of this site's existence I'm imagining you're expecting the "Welp time to unalive myself now cuz idk what to do.". But for once in my life I think I actually have something to live for in the present moment. People to live for. People I can believe would genuinely miss me if I'm gone forever.

So now all I'm left with is this question: "What do i do now?".
Can't die.
Living often still feels hard.
I don't know where I'm supposed to go with my life.

I know it's probably stupid, asking a question like this to a site about literal suicide.
But at this point I think I'll grasp onto anything I can get my hands on if it means even a small chance of getting an answer.

 

[Withered]

I'm new here, but I think this site is about the idea of suicide, not for nor against it; to discuss it with no incorrect opinions; to advise each other on big life decisions; to hear others' stories; to empathize with others' pain. We are here to do those things with you.

There's far too often situations wherein a suicidal person has a family and friends who love them. My family is the only reason I'm typing this comment to you today. Accordingly, I understand that feeling of not knowing what to do, so you simply... don't. But living like that isn't a life, at all. It's dying. It's definitionally torture. You have to make steps toward something, whether life or death, sooner than later. Living like this just hurts you. It hurts your family. It hurts your friends. But I have a feeling you already knew that.

I'm sorry. I wish there was a magic wand that could stop suffering. That's why there's religion, haha

 

[Forever Sleep]

I suppose at a very fundamental and obvious level- identify the things that bring you joy in life and try to expand on them. Identify the things that cause you pain and, try to avoid them where possible. I suppose we all have to acknowledge that a certain amount of discomfort/ unpleasantness is inevitable but I guess all we can do is try to mitigate that.

I guess at your stage in life, you're at the start (relatively.) Most of us have to consider the nuts and bolts of life- holding it all together. For most of us, that's money and relationships. Sounds like you have got people in your life you love so- that's great.

Now I guess you have to try to work out how you would most like to spend your day to day time while being able to afford everything. I'm guessing you're either considering employment or, further education? Probably depends on which you think will give you the best chances.

I think it's useful though to really figure out what's important to you and, what you want out of life. I've known people pursue the careers their families wanted for them and be utterly miserable about it. I've known people put all their focus on their careers as a kind of coping mechanism (me included.) I've known people who fight like hell to protect their work to leisure balance and, I've known people wage slave just enough to make enough money to travel the world then, come home and do it all again. It's 'horses for courses' as it were. You probably need to have a good think on what you want your life to be or, not be and figure out your best chances of achieving that. I wish you luck.

I also think it's worth asking the same question in the 'Recovery section' too. Presumably there, people are more focussed on living rather than dieing.

 

[derpyderpins]

It's something a lot of people struggle with, understandably. Purpose, reason, path, goals.

Our mind goes to what we're suggested: career, traditional "success", family, friends, social acceptance, intellectual achievement, financial achievement, love, sex, thrill, "happiness." Those things aren't bad! But to have anything there be defined as the purpose of your life is unnerving. Other people are often unfulfilled. Many paths lock you in to an extent.

What I've found, as someone who was supposed to have committed suicide by 25, then 30, and now decided I won't, is that there's a framing issue with trying to pick and define those endpoints. The process of figuring your life out and deciding what to do is seen as intermediary, but I am finding more purpose and satisfaction with understanding life and the human experience.

"The journey is the destination." This makes me think of

Start ======= Journey ========= Destination

Where we've defined destination (eg reach the peak of X career path) and are recognizing that we grow along the way. That's nice, but somewhat unhelpful here because it's still asking you up front what that destination will be, right? Think of the reciprocal:

"The destination is the journey."

This framing tells us that if we are currently figuring our shit out, that's exactly where we are supposed to be. Our goal can be to explore this life, world, existence, and consciousness.

Of course along the way we have to work/contribute to keep these fleshy bodies alive, sheltered, and comfortable, but ultimately what you're working towards is the "working towards."

I hope that nonsense can be slightly helpful. It was very abstract. But basically, I think asking questions like this, taking input, and thinking about the possible answers is largely what you should be "doing" in life.