Discussion What has kept you clinging on to life so far? #50

[MeltingBrain]

Please do expand in the comments why you chose what you chose in descending order of importance, I would like to read it.

I will start -

1. Fear that CTB will make me dishonorable/inferior - I have no major achievements in life and I will die as a resource guzzler while others have done fantastically well. Once dead this position only solidifies permanently .

2. Family and friends - I will traumatize them for life. I have many well wishers. Although 95% of my friends have gone their own ways they were part of my life once and my death will scar at least some of them. My mother who is emotionally sensitive will be hit with an emotional nuke after she learns about my death.

3. Fear of pain while dying- Noose is scary, if done wrong one could die of choking otherwise seems like a viable option. Jumping is out of the question. Terror while you are in mid air, followed by the terror of the ground closing in, then the pain of the impact will be too much to bear for me. An injection or an oral solution sound like the best options but they too have a waiting time which will cause mental agony. A solution might change the color of my body, make me nauseous which will be the last things felt before dying.

4. Fear of death - Death is permanent nothingness. I want to be absolutely sure before I turn that switch.

5. Hope that things will get better - I have some hope things will turn around, that my physical condition will be treated properly. Although that looks like a losing battle with every passing day.

6. Lack of access to methods - Don't have the noose or the salt.

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You can find previous polls here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/what-do-you-think-about-suicide-hotlines-49.190050/
Part of : https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...st-at-least-1-poll-daily.123125/#post-2051973
DailyPoll
#50
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[RinneOfAragon]

This poll will close: Sep 18, 2055 - optimistic .

 

[EmptyBottle]

Family and friends will miss me (online friends mainly tho I have some friends I chatted to yesterday at a hall)
Fear of 'death'... more like fear of consequences like brain damage, but some hesitation to TTF (take the flight... tks @vercabow for the phrase)
Hope that things get better - probably founded, since I will likely eventually complete study, even if I have to redo a few courses
Religion - Sometimes feel like a natural death would do better for me when it is time to enter the afterlife... vs have to spend longer in purgatory.

 

[RinneOfAragon]

To expand though I'm nearly 35 and I'm actually amazed I'm still here. I knew from 19 I wasn't cut out for life. My main reason to stay was my mother, now it's my vulnerable family members. Lack of reliable method sends shivers down my spine. Thinking all the ways it can go wrong. I have tried. I'm mentally ready to go. I haven't really had any hope since before Xmas. Now it's just purely practical things I need to sort. I'm completely done in my mind. It's over , just needs to be right.

 

[FoxSauce]

Moslty my fear of pain and Secondly if I survive get scolded or probably be shamed and I don't wanna cause anymore pain to anyone.


Plus every method is painful tried with chockingnyself with a shirt in the hospital to no avail.

 

[Namelesa]

1. still be here for boyfriend, especially as he makes life much easier
2. wanting to finish the games I want to make for the world
3. lack of methods at the moment due to being trapped by parents cus of my suicidalness
4. stay for my dog as I see him as my child and need to look after him as his mother

 

[VoidButterfly]

It's really just friends and family. More specifically, I know how much this is going to hurt both my mother and my best friend, they don't deserve this. I've lived for them both for a long time now. I'm really worried my best friend will follow if I do it, she's attempted in the past too.

 

[encore]

unfinished business related to some life stuff. not work, but relationships. i also don't rush to die anyway, i will have my method very soon, so if it just gets too unbearable at some point and at that exact moment i find myself not caring about anything anymore - i will do it.

 

[river_birch]

I am very sorry that everyone here is suffereing, and I wish that you weren't.

What initially kept me from suicide was that I at least wanted live longer than my dad who suicided. Now I'm past that age, I just need to figure out how to get the mess cleaned up without it disturbing my family. If anyone has thoughts on how to do that, I would appreciate knowing. I can't just disappear, and its not legal to pre-purchase having the body taken care of from local funeral homes (I've checked).

Wishing you all happiness.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

fear of failure and remaining alive but with more brain damage and or more disability . and fear of pain.

so that's also lack of access to a guaranteed suicide method

that's it . i'm not afraid of non-existence forever / Death . non-existence forever is what i want for me .

nothing matters to me except : this is the only only thing that matters to me . it's the only thing i want to get to eternal non-existence asap but in an almost guaranteed way. that and me avoiding extreme pain but that's what my suicide does skips over any suffering or pain and gets me to permanent non-existence. it really doesn't matter to me what others do as long as it doesn't affect me

we can't have guaranteed methods because they made someone else helping you with suicide a crime .

 

[FuneralCry]

I only continue to suffer as after all I was so harmfully burdened with this existence that there was never a need for that just caused and brought all this pain, problems and suffering that there was never a need for at all yet I'm so cruelly denied the option to die peacefully in an guaranteed way even know this existence of suffering all for the sake of it was so tragically imposed.

I'd be long gone if I could just choose to peacefully cease existing as I'd just never wish for the torturous, futile burden of existing rather all I want is to not exist, I'll always find it so deeply undesirable to exist. I see existence as such a terrible, harmful mistake that just causes cruelty and suffering, for me non-existence really is all that's positive and I see so much cruelty in how the suffering and torture of human existence is seen as to force and prolong no matter what with no option to just simply cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again.

 

[bankai]

I don't think I can throw away life casually. I understand the beauty of life. It's rare, and I think the Earth is the only planet in our solar system that's supporting life as of now. i think each person is unique and precious.Except the twats that hurt other people.

I'm just going to struggle. And I'm going to try my hardest. I'm gonna keep trying to live. That's what kept me going so far. I don't really have any joy. I have not had any joy today. I've not had any joy typing this

But I'll continue for as long as I'm able to.

 

[polm]

Fear that my one method that is partial hanging won't work well enough and I'll end up in hospital and mh on my back

 

[SmilingNoMore]

1. Method has been unattainable due to timing, unemployment and no shipping address
2. Clinging onto hope for the future and a belief of reuniting with my person in this life still

 

[Scenegirlshooter]

being a edgelord piece of shit.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Family and friends: (Just family, I have no friends.) Mainly for financial reasons for them, which are slowly shifting to where I won't be needed. Also because the thought of my adult children having to carry around "oh by the way my dad killed himself" for the rest of their lives, usually makes me cringe a little. That's all!

 

[Georgegeroge]

First it was hope. Now its not having any religious beliefs and feeling sorry for the son my dad got.

 

[Lapdog6795]

Family and biryani (my favorite dish)

 

[starboy2k]

Fear of pain while dying
Lack of access to method (partial hanging sucks, SN preferred)

 

[darksouls]

my family abused me
that is why I do not care about them
I have no friends
and no social contacts
I am afraid of being reincarnated
and then everything will get even worse

 

[usernamesarehard]

Fear of death- the idea of nothingness scares me. Weirdly if I think about the nothingness that I came from before I was born it doesn't bother me. But the idea of returning to that state terrifies me

Hope that things get better- idk why I'm like this

 

[Higurashi415]

I am not completely convinced that my suicidality isn't just a symptom of an illness. What if I'm just confusing things?
I'll make an analogy, maybe it will get the point across.
Let's say I have a brain tumor. In this case, I may or may not experience migraine. This could also happen for, say, severe dehydration. It would be completely inappropriate to treat a brain tumor by drinking water, though. How am I supposed to distinguish between the two?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Other: Few things to finish up, getting affairs in order.

 

[Vivir_O_No]

Please do expand in the comments why you chose what you chose in descending order of importance, I would like to read it.

I will start -

1. Fear that CTB will make me dishonorable/inferior - I have no major achievements in life and I will die as a resource guzzler while others have done fantastically well. Once dead this position only solidifies permanently .

2. Family and friends - I will traumatize them for life. I have many well wishers. Although 95% of my friends have gone their own ways they were part of my life once and my death will scar at least some of them. My mother who is emotionally sensitive will be hit with an emotional nuke after she learns about my death.

3. Fear of pain while dying- Noose is scary, if done wrong one could die of choking otherwise seems like a viable option. Jumping is out of the question. Terror while you are in mid air, followed by the terror of the ground closing in, then the pain of the impact will be too much to bear for me. An injection or an oral solution sound like the best options but they too have a waiting time which will cause mental agony. A solution might change the color of my body, make me nauseous which will be the last things felt before dying.

4. Fear of death - Death is permanent nothingness. I want to be absolutely sure before I turn that switch.

5. Hope that things will get better - I have some hope things will turn around, that my physical condition will be treated properly. Although that looks like a losing battle with every passing day.

6. Lack of access to methods - Don't have the noose or the salt.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You can find previous polls here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/what-do-you-think-about-suicide-hotlines-49.190050/
Part of : https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...st-at-least-1-poll-daily.123125/#post-2051973
DailyPoll
#50
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Im saving money to buy the salt.

 

[rs929]

Curiosity

 

[semio]

Honestly I love life, its not been kind to me and I have not been happy but I wanted to live, I kept getting passed the roadblocks in front of me and I finally got to what I wanted to do since I was a toddler. I finally got to where I always wanted, I found a wonderful person to share it with and felt like I could feasibly stick it out and things would be ok enough to tell myself I can stick it out until the next thing I was looking forward to, be it a show, movie, concert, trip whatever it was to say "you cant kill yourself before that!" Until a few months ago everything got ruined, I couldn't do my life's purpose anymore, I had to deal with a ton of extra things being thrown at me and dealing with it all knowing things cant ever be the same and then having her leave me...no amount of desire to watch Spider Verse 3 can keep me here.
TL:DR Knew it would happen, just wanted to enjoy what I could before it didn't matter.

 

[timechained]

Besides my methods failing, I really don't know. I am confused.

A few months a go I felt like the world was an isolated, revolving, place where the further one elevates/descends they recognise existence has no real meaning and that choosing to not be a part of it should be an accepted option just as choosing to create is an accepted option.

Now I have an almost guaranteed method but I am just so numb to everything that I don't really care about just existing, no matter how mundane it is...stuck in autopilot.