Discussion What is your relationship with self harm?

[imjustamtfgirl]

My relationship with self harm is interesting. My most obvious is cutting which I have done daily for months now but also my tattooing of myself has become the more socially acceptable outlet for my self harm. I find myself surrounded by outlets for my self harm whether it's when I have sex (kinks), eat (or not eat in my case), why I smoke, and various other cases. Self harm is a big part of my life.

 

[stuckinh3ll]

I haven't cut in a while but that's just cause my gf would be upset if I did. One of my other outlets ig is eating a lot of food like binging or sometimes not eating. Or smoking excessively. It depends on the day really which method I turn to.

 

[Namelesa]

I mostly cut when I started to self harm. Mostly as a way to relieve emptiness and anxiety and to punish myself when I did something wrong and I feel guilt and shame. I did it quite often at first but over time as been less effective at helping me cope with these painful emotions so I have only been doing it occasionally and prefer to hit myself than cut now as to me thats more painful and long lasting. I do like being able to create marks with cutting tho as a way to physically show I am in mental pain and I don't feel any regret with my scars.

 

[Luv (sic)]

My relationship with self harm is interesting. My most obvious is cutting which I have done daily for months now but also my tattooing of myself has become the more socially acceptable outlet for my self harm. I find myself surrounded by outlets for my self harm whether it's when I have sex (kinks), eat (or not eat in my case), why I smoke, and various other cases. Self harm is a big part of my life.

Mainly cutting, started off curious and skeptical as to how it could be addictive... And ended up getting addicted. Been doing it for months and my longest streak was only a measly week. (Note i started to cut just a little bit after i had my depression)

 

[IndictEvolution]

Not really sure if this counts, I never really considered it self harm, but have been told by some people that it is considered self harm. For me it is eyelash pulling, skin picking (lips, scalp), and in the past I'd often punch myself in the arm if I was angry. This last one is obviously self harm I guess. Don't do that as often now, but it's all BPD related.

 

[Jamesun]

My relationship with self-harm began with cutting myself, at first it was just an escape route since I was a teenager, although I think over time it became an addiction, One that has been decreasing over time, although sometimes I only have periods of weeks or months where I can't help but do it constantly, lately I've been trying to find less serious alternatives to control my anxiety, although it's sometimes difficult to do so.

 

[garbage01]

Self harm has been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember. I was always a masochistic kid I guess. I would punch and bang my head against the wall, I'd get into fights. I started cutting at 10, haven't stopped since. I'll occasionally bruise or burn myself but I seem to have always been addicted to pain. I was physically abused until I was 17, I think something in my brain is wired to associate large emotions (happy or sad) with physical pain. I think there's a self punishing aspect, a control aspect. There's a part of it I find comforting too in a way. Normally, I'm an extremely detatched person and usually very dissociated. Self harm brings me back to reality and gives me something "real" to worry about. The pain is grounding. Takes the focus away from things I can't control. Turns my head off. Not to say its good for me, it's kinda ruined my life. But its the only thing that works. I'm covered in scars and that's really alienated me, even from others I know irl who sh.
I hate my self harm, I wish I never let it get to this point.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I was doing it before it had a name. But nothing that would leave a mark.

 

[simonttt]

I pull out my beard hair all the time, which leaves constant red marks on my cheeks and sometimes make me bleed. In the worst times I also punch my thighs as strong as I can to deliver the max pain without bleeding or leaving marks except bruises. Sometimes I'll use tools to do more pain..

 

[amomentspeace]

i cut myself, helps take the edge off, but it's hard since i like going to the pool to swim and i cant be showing any fresh SH wounds out there

 

[JesiBel]

It's a way to release all the negative emotions, I always tend to react violently. I can never be at peace with myself, it's like I'm my own enemy.

 

[ashendreams]

i would cut every now and then since i was 13, more and more until at like 18 i was doing it all the time. partly because it made me feel better and partly as a desperate cry for someone to notice how much i was suffering. i was scared of my hand slipping and cutting too deep so i mostly used dull blades to cut. my arms and legs are still covered in scars but theyve healed pretty well because my bf at the time would force me to clean and bandage them. after that i didnt clean them and now i have hypertrophic scars on my shoulder and thighs which are extremely visible so i have to cover them up when i go out :/ ive stopped cutting for the most part, it just doesnt seem to do anything for me anymore. sometimes i do still miss miss it though. i still sh from time to time via hitting myself or digging my nails into my skin.

 

[kitkat9234]

I would cut myself with razor blades starting at age 15-16 on my arms then moved to my legs. Graduated from disposable razors to box cutter blades. Would do it for the whole thing of wanting to feel physical pain not emotional pain blah blah blah. I somehow just stopped around 17-18. I think I scared myself out of the habit as one night I did the cut very fast and it caused a deep gash on my leg. I should have gotten stitches but I went to the ER too late. I was going to cut on my arm and last min switched to my leg so I think I was scared since I never did that deep of a cut before. At the time wasn't super suicidal was just doing it to self harm. I think I went inpatient shortly after though.

I'm 41 and still have pretty visible scars. For some of them they appear to be somewhat new. I think the way it healed. I'm super ashamed of them still and people notice from time to time.

 

[Doll Steak]

Its always there to slightly take the edge off, as sad as that might be to say.

 

[Meimi18]

I brand myself, basically. Less these days though
Idk, I think I feel better when I see the scarring, it's like it makes more sense somehow. "It" being, the world or myself or idk
That and I suck at stress management lmao, it's an easy distraction

 

[landmine]

i want to cut my self but usually don't since my boyfriend will find out sometime + it's a hassle to take care of.

if it wasn't for that i'd probably cut regularly!

 

[kmycluisfe]

I've never been into cutting. It always scared me too much
But I've had other phases. I used to hit myself until I bruised, scratch myself compulsively, and more recently it's been food
I go several days without eating, then binge on huge amounts of junk food
It feels like a cycle of control and punishment

 

[cecropia]

My relationship with self harm is interesting. My most obvious is cutting which I have done daily for months now but also my tattooing of myself has become the more socially acceptable outlet for my self harm. I find myself surrounded by outlets for my self harm whether it's when I have sex (kinks), eat (or not eat in my case), why I smoke, and various other cases. Self harm is a big part of my life.

it's on and off. I used to be able to not cut or bruise myself for months, and now I can barely get through 2 weeks without it, sometimes I'd do it for days straight. I mostly cut now, I haven't told my boyfriend, friends or anyone really. they wouldn't get though, honestly. it's worse to keep everything in and do nothing to relieve yourself than to take care of wounds that will close and go away in a couple of weeks.