Story What's been the final straw to make you want to CTB?

[blue_muse]

I spent some time away from SS to engage with the real world and I ended up getting poisoned by a stranger; although my muscles ached from the liquid, luckily, my body rejected it and I made a full recovery later on the same day. Of course I want to CTB, but not at the hands of a deranged predator! I'm pretty much done with life now and I don't care if that makes me a quitter, weak etc.
Toxic abusive family, seasonal friends (in and out of your life) and stranger danger (poisoning) has a way of reminding me of human nature's penchant for ugliness.

The things mentioned above don't come from a place of petulance because things aren't going my way, instead, it's from a place of trying so many times to do the things society expects of me and getting nowhere each time.

How about anyone else?

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Final straw? Theft of my entire life's savings (fraud) with the government essentially saying, "Not our problem!" despite hard evidence (banking, accounting, legal contracts...).

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm not sure if there is a final straw exactly, but ctb has always been inevitable for me. I simply do not like living and nothing will change that. I wish I was never born. The thing that I have a problem with is life itself. I have never wanted to be alive and I have always struggled with living. Life for the most part is just tedious and disappointing. It is all pointless as well, we are just waiting around for death. However things have got worse over the years and I guess experiencing various health issues could be seen as a final straw, as it made the ctb thoughts stronger, and it made the body into a prison.

 

[blue_muse]

Final straw? Theft of my entire life's savings (fraud) with the government essentially saying, "Not our problem!" despite hard evidence (banking, accounting, legal contracts...).

Sorry about your ordeal. It's enough to make the most normal person suicidal.

 

[Lost Magic]

Just waking up everyday then realising that my life went nowhere and never will. I am afraid I am a realist, not an optimist.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Sorry about your ordeal. It's enough to make the most normal person suicidal.

(Thank you.)

 

[Benegra]

When I lost someone who meant everything to me and it was the only thing I had left.

 

[pumpkinpie]

The whole Covid situation. The discrimination and bullying that is going on because of the fucking vaccines and how everyone seems to think that Covid is everyone's biggest fear and problem. I hate humanity so much and life in general has gone to shit since it all started anyways. I had at least a little bit of hope but now it's all gone.

 

[CatTheBus5689]

When I realized how much work it would take just to gamble at a chance to be happy and still have it taken away made me depressed. Then I realized that even then I wouldn't be happy for those fleeting moments, I gave up.

I can't stop hurting even for a single day, just smiling reminds me of what I'll never have, I can barely muster any enjoyment out of a comfortable life and knowing that I'll be lucky to maintain my current lifestyle is going to take a lot of work isn't really motivating. I don't want to grow old and decrepit, I don't want to watch more people leave me, I don't want to wake up anymore.

 

[Lmd]

Wanting to CTB has been always part of my personality. Things come and go but the feeling is always there, which bothers me because of the large amount of time I spend thinking about the same things.

 

[rosie93]

Realizing I haven't changed and I still hurt myself and others no matter what.

 

[Helplessturtle79]

I realized that, as a trans woman, I have to choose between transition or losing my family. My sister is trans too, there's a small chance family would accept one of us, but never both. I realized I'll never be happy with my body.
That, combined with realizing how fucked the planet is. We just act as tools for capitalism and our individuality doesn't matter. Nobody cares about the planet or future generations, it's just about instant gratification and making money, and we're miserable without this. I don't know that I want to live to see how things look 20-40 years from now. I don't know that I'd want to live to 80 to see how bad things get.

 

[one.way.out]

Realizing no man's ever going to love me. I am really, a truly bottom of the barrel romantic choice.

 

[rosie93]

Realizing no man's ever going to love me. I am really, a truly bottom of the barrel romantic choice.

I used to read romance books everyday thinking that one day I'm going to be a heroine. Hahahaha how stupid I was. It was never going to happen. I blame my personality. So, you're not alone ;)

 

[OnlyTheWind]

That literally every dream I had has been reduced to tiny pieces of dull, worthless glass. I'm too stupid to do the things I wanted, too scared, too weak, too unmotivated, too poor. I know it sounds hyperbolic, but that is my experience.

 

[Phosphophyllite]

A month ago, I was retraumatized just as I was starting to recover from a trauma that changed my life, and I finally snapped. It was really the straw that broke the camel's back. Giving up on my dreams hurts a lot, but I realized they aren't worth it anymore if I'm just going to continue to suffer no matter what I do.

 

[ClownMe]

I think it was when I lost interest in absolutely everything a few months back, things like watching sport or playing video games used to give me some relief but now they offer me nothing and im miserable pretty much every second of every day.

 

[meetapple]

Putting all my effort into conforming with no ostensible reward at all.

 

[Lost Magic]

The final straw was losing my beloved mother much too soon. I honestly can't live in this terrible world without her by my side. She was my rock.

 

[Niirvana]

Just waking up everyday then realising that my life went nowhere and never will. I am afraid I am a realist, not an optimist.

I feel the same, I don't know how much longer I can keep using the mask