What's the one thing you wanna do or happen before CTB?

[iamsadandinnocent]

What's the one thing you wanna do or happen before CTB?
I am very shameful about what I want to do before dying, cause the answer is sex, I don't think I am incapable of getting sex, but my mental state and problems in life, makes me incapable of even thinking about a relationship.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I want to get so drunk that I can't remember what I did 30 seconds earlier. The sex part would be fun, but I can care less if it ever happens.

 

[SuicideKitty]

I want to learn not to be afraid of death. That's my thing.

 

[EmptyBottle]

Eat a dessert called Watalappan (Sri Lankan cardamom spiced coconut custard)

PS: doubt I'd CTB in practice tho.

 

[nowherelilies]

What's the one thing you wanna do or happen before CTB?
I am very shameful about what I want to do before dying, cause the answer is sex, I don't think I am incapable of getting sex, but my mental state and problems in life, makes me incapable of even thinking about a relationship.

I want to wear a white dress, buy one of those toys that blows bubbles, and go near the beach so I can hear the waves all while blowing bubbles. I don't really know, I guess it just brings me a little bit of comfort to know I can do this one last innocent thing after all the traumatic stuff I've been through. I just want to feel innocent and pure again.

 

[iamsadandinnocent]

I want to learn not to be afraid of death. That's my thing.

Well getting scared of death is the nature of living beings, it's just our instincts.

I want to wear a white dress, buy one of those toys that blows bubbles, and go near the beach so I can hear the waves all while blowing bubbles. I don't really know, I guess it just brings me a little bit of comfort to know I can do this one last innocent thing after all the traumatic stuff I've been through. I just want to feel innocent and pure again.

What's stopping you from that

 

[SeafoamSkeleton]

I want to brutally cut all my ties with others so I don't hurt anyone.

 

[iamsadandinnocent]

I want to brutally cut all my ties with others so I don't hurt anyone.

I want to do the same thing, but it's hard to do, I am financially dependent on some people, which makes this much harder, plus I think I will hurt them more in the process of it, what you really want is disappearing, like you never existed, I want the same thing

 

[MeSauce]

I want to do a bunch of psychedelics like Mushrooms, Ketamine, Datura, LSD, etc.
I have Ketamine Therapy today which is cool so I can finally die knowing what it feels like to be on a dissociative.

 

[SeafoamSkeleton]

I want to do the same thing, but it's hard to do, I am financially dependent on some people, which makes this much harder, plus I think I will hurt them more in the process of it, what you really want is disappearing, like you never existed, I want the same thing

Absolutely. Never existing would've been ideal, or I'd even take dying when I was born prematurely.

It's not something I'll actually do, it's just what I want to do. I feel so bad for bringing even more people into my life when I was doing better with recovery...

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't wish to exist at all and I never would do, I don't wish to be conscious of anything at all and I'll just always see existence as the most terrible, dreadful abomination that just causes harm and suffering. I'll always see it as such a torturous burden to exist and if it's up to me I'd choose to erase this existence, I just want all to be gone and forgotten for me in non-existence with no more pain and no more suffering, existence just feels like a mistake to me and I wish this existence was never imposed more than anything, I suffer simply from existing, for me only non-existence is desirable and I'll just only be at peace once I no longer suffer in this dreadful existence I never would had chosen, I'd just always prefer to not exist than suffer so unnecessarily in this existence where there is no limit as to how much I can suffer just to decay and die anyway.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

One thing I would really like to do before I die is seeing orcas in person and not through a screen. I'm autistic, and marine biology was my special interest when I was 15. It still sort of is but to a lesser extent. I find orcas one of the most beautiful and fascinating forms of life on this earth.

 

[SailorBlue]

I want to return to two places I went on vacation to as a child, the rare happy moments of my life. The day I decide to CTB, it will probably be there.

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

I want to be smiling. Happy. Without resentment. Without guilt. And I want to think: I always knew that life was just an accident. Everything was so obvious. Why did I choose to suffer?

 

[nowherelilies]

Well getting scared of death is the nature of living beings, it's just our instincts.

What's stopping you from that

The beach is kind of far from where I am (and expensive to get there too) so I still have to plan stuff just to go there.

 

[secretghost]

I used to want to try psychedelics but not in trying to keep the internal floodgates closed while I'm here, so I won't be doing that. :-) I'd like to make some more paintings and drawings, spend more time in nature, have another orgasm, smoke, and leave the least painful impressions up on my loved ones as possible lol I've been lucky to get to cross a lot of bucket list items off in my life, this is a neat thread

 

[Kanoh]

To be honest nothing anymore. I don't enjoy sex, drugs, travelling, alcohol. I'm so ready to go. Unfortunately, SI is still strong in me for some reason.