Discussion What’s your plan?

[locusdelicti]

How long have you been suicidal?

Method? At what time and where?

Thought about it for the last couple of years, and I finally got the ball rolling as far as planning/execution in the last 6 months. I started thinking about asset transfer, naming beneficiaries, executing a will with an estate attorney, etc. My will was finally completed last week. The last item on my list is getting my credit card debt largely erased so the credit card companies don't use the money from my checking/savings accounts to offset the debt (in my state, my 401K and Life Insurance policies are protected), because I have auto-withdrawals from my bank account for my house, and I'd like my executor to have at least two to three months of use of the house to deal with the assets in peace. I'll get a fairly substantial bonus this summer which I'll throw at the credit card, and that should be it. That's the last hurdle. The letters are written, I know how to send delayed texts/emails, so all I have to do is copy/paste from pre-written drafts on my computer, and it should go pretty seamlessly.

I have the N, I have the anti-emetics, and I'll most likely check into the Ritz for two days so the time between my body being found and loved ones being notified will be minimal.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I tried a few months back but was found before it worked. The paramedics brought me back to life. Been pissed and depressed ever since. This time I won't fail. Will happen very soon. Looking forward to leaving this world.

Why the hell do they bring us back only to tax us to death, to bear down on us hatefully on the roads and highways because we're in their way, to ignore us into oblivion if/when we reach out to them for companionship or help, to remind us over and over again that we have no claim on their time or other resources? They don't want us around. They're constantly comparing us to "the good people," telling us in detail how we're failures. So how is it rational to bring us back after we're gotten the message and trid to leave? People can be so grotesquely irrational.

 

[Hotsackage]

This sounds like me! Except I'll say for me (hindsight is 20/20 of course) but I've only come to terms with wanting to end my life a since about 4 years ago but had the feelings/thoughts long. Up until recently I never reflected on my life or gave anything much thought just existing in between sleep.

I will go out with partial hanging. It should feel just like going to sleep, I've been practicing for awhile and got it down to no pain even after practice runs. (It would hurt for a bit after practicing for awhile)

Have you been able to.get unconscious. And what are using as your ligament

 

[FauxEmotions]

Have you been able to.get unconscious. And what are using as your ligament

For practice runs I just wanted to make sure I was placing the noose in the correct spot so I didn't try anything to sturdy. I started by using various hoody strings to no effect at first so I started to cut strings from blinds. They turned out to give nothing but visual effects before snapping (digging into skin, definitely looked like I was trying to hang lol). I went back to a hoody string and found out I wasn't hitting the sweet spot because once I did, that's when everything clicked. Obviously to get the job done, I'll use rope and not a hoody string but it was definitely comforting to know I now know the kill spot. As far as consciousness, I never went fully out but that's because I wouldn't anchor the other end of then the noose. I would hold the string but I have gotten to the point of everything fading to black and lost all motor skills. I couldn't even stand, just had to lean against the wall for a minute. A tip that helped was looking at videos on how to execute the rear naked choke in Brazilian ju jitsu burn treating the noose as the opponents arms.

 

[LivingLies]

How long have you been suicidal?

Are you really doing it?

Method? At what time and where?

Personally I've been wanting to die for the last 6-7 years, but the last year has made me 100% sure about what I want... To have peace. Thinking partial hanging, not sure when or where, but hopefully soon. Can't stand this loneliness any more.

I've been suicidal for about 3 months but have felt suicidal in the past.

My method is partial hanging using neck ties from a door handle. It will have to be when my partner is out/at work. I'm really struggling with survival instinct I just want to be at peace. I can't stand any more crap

 

[detached]

I knew that I wanted to ctb before a specific age. I was around 6-7 years old when I thought about it.

I hope I'm really gonna do it. I doubt that I won't. Especially since, once I'm having my own apartment, I'll have much more options on how to ctb.

So far I've been thinking about SN, partially hanging, or jumping off a tall building.
I'll do it once my caretaker leaves which is at the end of this month. It is possible that it'll take some time for me to do it since I wanna make sure that I do it on a day when I feel really low but not too low to not have the energy to ctb.
no matter what way I'll choose, I'm gonna do it at night.

If I'll hang myself I'll have to do it in the closet or on the doorknob for my closet. If I'll use SN I'll possibly just be in my bed. If I'm gonna jump from a building I'll do it when I'm visiting my sister since she lives in a tall building.

If I'll choose different methods:
Starving and dehydrating- once I live alone
Sleeping pills- I doubt that I'll try since I tried it on my first attempt and I failed. If I'll choose, I would have to fake having sleeping problems to get a prescription. I would also have to wait until I live alone.
Gunshot- I'd have to fake mental stability and somehow get the right to own a gun. In my country, they're really careful when it comes to guns.

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

Suicidal since I was about 10.

I plan on going, not sure if I'll go trough with it because I'm kind of a coward. So for when en where I'm not sure.

My method will be SN

 

[lululoo]

I have the N, I have the anti-emetics, and I'll most likely check into the Ritz for two days so the time between my body being found and loved ones being notified will be minimal.

So you live alone but you're gonna do it in a hotel so that your body is found? Couldn't you just send a delayed email to notify someone? I'm just curious. I plan to do it in my apartment but maybe a hotel is better in some ways.

 

[locusdelicti]

So you live alone but you're gonna do it in a hotel so that your body is found? Couldn't you just send a delayed email to notify someone? I'm just curious. I plan to do it in my apartment but maybe a hotel is better in some ways.

I do live alone, but I'd like my house to be as drama-free as possible since it's where all of my possessions will be. A hotel will handle everything as quickly and professionally as possible, notifying people and keeping my loved ones' contact with my body as minimal as possible. My delayed emails will be more of a means of provision of passwords/goodbyes, along with a brief primer on how to handle probate to get them through the emotional haze.

 

[wanttodie]

I live alone but im gonna do it in a hotel so my body is found right a way as I don't have cops going in and out of my apt Suicidal about 20 years.

 

[Broken]

How long have you been suicidal?

Are you really doing it?

Method? At what time and where?

Personally I've been wanting to die for the last 6-7 years, but the last year has made me 100% sure about what I want... To have peace. Thinking partial hanging, not sure when or where, but hopefully soon. Can't stand this loneliness any more.

It's taken me 8 months of living in this nightmare to realise it ain't changing and I don't have the strength to get myself out of it and ctb is my only option for peace. I'm just sorting out my finances but I hope to be gone by June if all goes to plan.

 

[omw/2/ctb]

Do you also feel kind of calm about it once you've finally decided? I'm not scared to die anymore. It's a relief!

I know exactly what you mean about the calmness...I've always been terribly afraid of dying but I know I'm ready now because I have no fear about it.

As for method, I've given a lot of thought to the options. I've considered several methods and done some comparative research on things like success rates; required preparations; time required for fatality; likelihood of interruption; reversibility; danger to others; level of pain/discomfort; and other factors.

For me I don't think hanging is an option because the failure rate is so high and it's so easy to get it wrong; jumping is also out because I suffer from acrophobia and I know I'll never have the courage to take the leap; ingested poisons like N are not good options because I have always had a low threshold to nausea and vomiting; intravenous poisons are not a viable option for me because I have an aversion to needles and I wouldn't be confident of acquiring the right substance or finding the right vein; guns are not widely available here and having seen photos of several people who survived failed attempts definitely put me off; trains seem a relatively quick and certain method but the violence and disfigurement really put me off as well - the real videos of people dying this way are gruesome. Going in front of a car traveling at high speeds is something you can find videos for easily too but again they are violent and gruesome, not to mention enormously dangerous to the innocent driver. I honestly don't think I'd have the guts to touch something with enough electricity to be certain of fatality (never mind that all of the electrocution videos I've seen result in gruesome remains); burning and drowning have always terrified me so I don't think I could actively pursue either of those means of exit.

From all I've read and from my own predispositions, I feel like inhaled poisons are the best option. My first plan was to generate Hydrogen Sulfide Gas in a confined space. This method offered several advantages: firstly, it's relatively easy to come by the necessary materials in a hardware store and it's toxicity is extremely high (as high as hydrogen cyanide gas but far easier to acquire) with death occurring in minutes. The process is painless and offers no real discomfort because, although the mixture reportedly smells of rotten eggs, the gas paralyses the olfactory sense almost immediately, unconsciousness quickly follows and within minutes it will have paralysed the respiratory system resulting in death by cellular hypoxia. It is reported that death occurs so rapidly that the remains always appear to be in a peaceful slumber. This method for me offered everything I could want: it would be relatively simple to produce the agent; the effect would be rapid and free of discomfort; death would be non-violent, non-disfiguring and irreversible.

I subsequently discovered that a different method offered all of these qualities plus the possibility of appearing like an accident. For the sake of some of the people I will leave behind, this possibility has a particular value. Despite work-place fatalities resulting from hydrogen sulfide poisoning being not uncommon for agricultural, sewerage and sanitation workers; there's no way a bucket of bath-salts and garden fungicide in the back of my car could appear as anything but a deliberate suicide by hydrogen sulfide (aka 'detergent suicide'). Ultimately, Carbon Monoxide is the method I have settled on because it's almost as lethal a gas as hydrogen sulfide, offers the same level of toxicity and rapidity of effect; but it is even easier to produce and results in large numbers of accidental deaths every year.

For me the bottom line is to find a way out that is certain and peaceful. I think this is it.

 

[outhor]

I know exactly what you mean about the calmness...I've always been terribly afraid of dying but I know I'm ready now because I have no fear about it.

As for method, I've given a lot of thought to the options. I've considered several methods and done some comparative research on things like success rates; required preparations; time required for fatality; likelihood of interruption; reversibility; danger to others; level of pain/discomfort; and other factors.

For me I don't think hanging is an option because the failure rate is so high and it's so easy to get it wrong; jumping is also out because I suffer from acrophobia and I know I'll never have the courage to take the leap; ingested poisons like N are not good options because I have always had a low threshold to nausea and vomiting; intravenous poisons are not a viable option for me because I have an aversion to needles and I wouldn't be confident of acquiring the right substance or finding the right vein; guns are not widely available here and having seen photos of several people who survived failed attempts definitely put me off; trains seem a relatively quick and certain method but the violence and disfigurement really put me off as well - the real videos of people dying this way are gruesome. Going in front of a car traveling at high speeds is something you can find videos for easily too but again they are violent and gruesome, not to mention enormously dangerous to the innocent driver. I honestly don't think I'd have the guts to touch something with enough electricity to be certain of fatality (never mind that all of the electrocution videos I've seen result in gruesome remains); burning and drowning have always terrified me so I don't think I could actively pursue either of those means of exit.

From all I've read and from my own predispositions, I feel like inhaled poisons are the best option. My first plan was to generate Hydrogen Sulfide Gas in a confined space. This method offered several advantages: firstly, it's relatively easy to come by the necessary materials in a hardware store and it's toxicity is extremely high (as high as hydrogen cyanide gas but far easier to acquire) with death occurring in minutes. The process is painless and offers no real discomfort because, although the mixture reportedly smells of rotten eggs, the gas paralyses the olfactory sense almost immediately, unconsciousness quickly follows and within minutes it will have paralysed the respiratory system resulting in death by cellular hypoxia. It is reported that death occurs so rapidly that the remains always appear to be in a peaceful slumber. This method for me offered everything I could want: it would be relatively simple to produce the agent; the effect would be rapid and free of discomfort; death would be non-violent, non-disfiguring and irreversible.

I subsequently discovered that a different method offered all of these qualities plus the possibility of appearing like an accident. For the sake of some of the people I will leave behind, this possibility has a particular value. Despite work-place fatalities resulting from hydrogen sulfide poisoning being not uncommon for agricultural, sewerage and sanitation workers; there's no way a bucket of bath-salts and garden fungicide in the back of my car could appear as anything but a deliberate suicide by hydrogen sulfide (aka 'detergent suicide'). Ultimately, Carbon Monoxide is the method I have settled on because it's almost as lethal a gas as hydrogen sulfide, offers the same level of toxicity and rapidity of effect; but it is even easier to produce and results in large numbers of accidental deaths every year.

For me the bottom line is to find a way out that is certain and peaceful. I think this is it.

how will you make it look like a accident ?

 

[Walilamdzi]

I think I've been suicidal more or less for 3 years, I really can't find a method I think will work that I feel able to carry out so far.

 

[omw/2/ctb]

how will you make it look like a accident ?

By doing a little research, I found that accidental CO poisonings are not uncommon and frequently fatal. Happens to people all the time...why not me? :)

 

[outhor]

By doing a little research, I found that accidental CO poisonings are not uncommon and frequently fatal. Happens to people all the time...why not me? :)

i know that, i posted some links about co accidents, i mean what is your plan? a guy tried to fake a accident with a motorcycle, running it in his shop while working on it, but it was considered a suicide.

 

[omw/2/ctb]

i know that, i posted some links about co accidents, i mean what is your plan? a guy tried to fake a accident with a motorcycle, running it in his shop while working on it, but it was considered a suicide.

There are a lot of camping accidents where people bring grills into their tents or cabins to keep warm at night not realising that the device will consume all the oxygen. It's a gentle and peaceful way to go.

 

[Deadgirl]

I plan on hanging myself my due date is this summer. I know how to tie a proper slipnot now. I'm waiting till my family gains more trust to leave me alone then i will be hanging in my garage. I've been wanting to go since i was 12 because i knew it wouldn't get any better. The burden only gets bigger.

 

[Pickles79]

My plan was to try partial suspension, this morning I actually tried it. Out in the woods on a tree. Got the noose tied tight but I couldn't pass out and it hurt too much to put my full weight on it. I'm so angry that it didn't work. I guess hanging isn't my thing. I really didn't want to be here today. :( I guess my next try will be either SN or CO with a grill in the car. I tried the CO in the car a few years ago but after an hour got scared and stopped. Ugh. Why is dying so damn hard!!!!???? :(

 

[FauxEmotions]

My plan was to try partial suspension, this morning I actually tried it. Out in the woods on a tree. Got the noose tied tight but I couldn't pass out and it hurt too much to put my full weight on it. I'm so angry that it didn't work. I guess hanging isn't my thing. I really didn't want to be here today. :( I guess my next try will be either SN or CO with a grill in the car. I tried the CO in the car a few years ago but after an hour got scared and stopped. Ugh. Why is dying so damn hard!!!!???? :(

What about a mix of partial and full? Like start partial and once you know you're closing the carotid and consciousness is fading, kick the stool out.

 

[omw/2/ctb]

What about a mix of partial and full? Like start partial and once you know you're closing the carotid and consciousness is fading, kick the stool out.

Is that your intention?

 

[big-nothing]

I've been suicidal for about 4 years, so nearly a quarter of my life. I tried to hang myself a while back but the closet I was using broke. I'm now planning to CTB using SN. As to when, hopefully this week, as soon as my antiemetics arrive. I'll take paracetamol and baking soda beforehand, and possibly sleeping pills (I've been prescribed Zopiclone). I live in university accommodation so I might put it off for a few days in order to be able to go to a hotel in a different town.

 

[maleontraen]

I've been suicidal for about two months now. It started with me becoming and atheist and losing my belief that there's an eternity of hellfire and torture waiting for me on the other side. The snap came one day while having a sudden anxiety attack and numerous other things (including my mother telling me I am no good and an allergic reaction that made my whole body itch maddeningly) decided to have their way with me AT THE SAME TIME. I decided staying alive is too much work and will only result in more and more fruitless suffering.

I hope I'm really doing it. Though I do have lapses in my misery when I kinda feel like leaving this suicide nonsense behind and taking charge of my life. That feeling doesn't last long. It subsides on its own or gets battered out of me.

The method I've planned and equipped myself for is suspension hanging. I have a rope ready and a with a door that can be locked shut and some heavy furniture around to keep it that way (if rescued within 30mins of experiencing suspension hanging the victim has a chance of becoming brain-damaged. So, precautions must be taken against someone looking barge in to borrow a stapler or pencil)

 

[FauxEmotions]

Is that your intention?

If I can't fully let go with partial. I've been practicing with partial and got it down to zero pain.

 

[Jenna]

On and off since 2010. Caused by pharmaceuticals. Looking at hotels. I hate the thought of someone finding me and cleaning up after me so probably in the bathroom. Working on method.

 

[Please_stop]

If things in the near future go really south as I fear, I'm planning on hanging. I still have to think about the best method and do some tryouts, but I've been suffering for too long. If I get the final push, I'll cbt

 

[200_ponies]

I've been actively suicidal for about two years, but passively for much longer than that.

I'm almost 100% certain I want to ctb. I really think it's almost time for me to go. I plan on doing it either at the end of this year or the beginning of 2020.

As for methods, I'm debating between inert gas asphyxiation and shotgun to the head. I have to do much more research though before I fully decide and purchase the components.