Discussion What's your reason for not trying to recover?

[wannabeshadow]

I don't know if this question has been asked already, I looked but can't seem to find any threads so I decided I'd ask.
Mine is that I've tried to in the past, A LOT of times and it's basically a vicious circle and I always fall back, sometimes worse than before and I know it's part of the journey but I don't want to deal with that. I've dealt with enough and I know I'll come back to suicide eventually again. Once the idea got in my brain it never really left. I often think about what I would say if someone asked me that and ;
I believe it's possible for me to feel fine again, very happy even, but when I think of the long run I know it's not always gonna be the case and I don't want to suffer anymore, I know that if I keep on living I will still have ups but the downs will still be there, and will still be excruciatingly painful. Not to mention the times when I was actually trying to get help but couldn't manage because the doctors here suck. They never helped one bit. Neither did the medication. I don't want to contribute to this society anymore and to be honest I'm not sure I can even if I wanted to. I've gotten to a point of being afraid of happiness and not allowing myself to be too happy because the pain of feeling sad again is so terrible.
I can name many more reasons as to why I completely "gave up" but that would take me a while lol
What are your reasons? Do you see yourslef possibly getting better? If so, do you know what would have to happen for it to be the case?

 

[Darkover]

It's the endless cycle of misery, wanting to get better, making changes in an effort to get better, starting to feel better, and hoping that this time around it will finally last, only to inevitably fall back into the same pit you were in to begin with and be forced to repeat the same process over and over again with no end in sight.
Medication, exercise, therapy, each time around trying even harder to get better than you did the time before thinking that if you just try hard enough, if you just put in enough effort this time, you'll finally feel better for good. Only for it to not only not pay off, but for it to backfire leaving you feeling worse than ever before.
An endless hamster wheel, with the false promise that things "will get better" as a carrot on a stick so you keep running and holding onto hope through sheer force of will as you become increasingly exhausted. There's only so long you can keep running for. There's only so much hope you can fuel yourself with.
Meanwhile the world around you continues to insist that you can feel better if you just make an effort but they don't understand that you've already been making an effort for as long as you can remember and you're so tired. So you think you must be the problem, your effort still isn't quite good enough. So you start the cycle again, because you know it's either that or nothing.
in the end there is no getting better for me there's only one way out of all this mess!

 

[pariah80]

1.) I've already tried. Many times. There's having hope, then there's lying to myself. I don't want to my happiness and mental stability to come from medication. That's not recovery, that's addiction and pathology.

2.) Recover to what? Personally and globally, life is just turning into crap. What the hell am I recovering to? A world of collapse and chaos? What am I recovering? My will to continue plodging along in a futile life of working tirelessly for necessities? Forging meaningless and hollow relationships that sooner or later collapse for no reason?

See, I'll never shit on anyone's desire to live. That's their decision. However, for me personally, it just doesn't make a lot of sense. I see nothing appealing or beautiful about drugging myself into oblivion to deal with life. For me, that's no way to live. They're not my 'therapist.' They're my pusher. And I'm their druggie. My eternal misgiving with pro-lifers is that they mistake cope for hope. And they impress this onto many people who are actually having a natural reaction to an inequitable society. However, many are convinced that there's something wrong with them and that they're somehow broken for not fitting into a fucked up human world. And, quiet as it's kept, some of them feed off of that for attention.

From my perspective, there's no true road to so-called recovery. There's too much money and privilege mined from depression and misery in this world.

 

[lost_one]

Oh all the self defeating thoughts...

I don't deserve to be better... ( this one feel's like the strongest)

I am a waste of space

I will never get better. anyway so will try

I hate myself, and I am hopeless for the world

I am a useless piece of sh*t

I will get the willingness to try and a week later there will be a voice in my head hammering that I don't deserve to do better, that I should CBT or if I am too weak to do it, just accept the misery and suffering I deserve. I am tryng currently,but it is hard. But I dont know what eslse to do.

(Also, I really like your profile picture, very interesting and detailed, idk if I got it right but, the glass slowly filling up with water, the character not doing anything about it, I assume there is the darkness lurking beneath the surfice and the glass itself is broken, decrepid...)

 

[yariousvamp]

Because recovering ain't a thing when you're living in poverty in s shithole islamic third world country in north africa, I'm not only suicidal because of a breakup or being unloved, my problem has no solution, it's not a trauma or just depression that i can fix with a doctor or some meds, I just continue suffering and living like shit in this shithole until i die, there's nothing to recover for when your problem is physical, not just mentally.

 

[weiyus123..]

It's the endless cycle of misery, wanting to get better, making changes in an effort to get better, starting to feel better, and hoping that this time around it will finally last, only to inevitably fall back into the same pit you were in to begin with and be forced to repeat the same process over and over again with no end in sight.
Medication, exercise, therapy, each time around trying even harder to get better than you did the time before thinking that if you just try hard enough, if you just put in enough effort this time, you'll finally feel better for good. Only for it to not only not pay off, but for it to backfire leaving you feeling worse than ever before.
An endless hamster wheel, with the false promise that things "will get better" as a carrot on a stick so you keep running and holding onto hope through sheer force of will as you become increasingly exhausted. There's only so long you can keep running for. There's only so much hope you can fuel yourself with.
Meanwhile the world around you continues to insist that you can feel better if you just make an effort but they don't understand that you've already been making an effort for as long as you can remember and you're so tired. So you think you must be the problem, your effort still isn't quite good enough. So you start the cycle again, because you know it's either that or nothing.
in the end there is no getting better for me there's only one way out of all this mess!

In China if I didn't work and didn't have family to feed me I would starve to death. I wanted to get better, but my eyesight was broken and I had to work low-paying, back-breaking jobs. .

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally wish to die because of existence and under no circumstances would I wish to exist at all, I have no interest in the futile and torturous burden of human existence rather I see such as the most terrible, tragic mistake. Wanting to die really is all I know because for me existence itself is the problem and I'd always prefer to painlessly die than suffer all for the sake of it in this existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel just to be tortured by old age. I see existence itself as something deeply undesirable that just causes harm, I'd always prefer to die but more than anything I wish I never suffered in this existence at all, I wish for non-existence as only then will I be safe from all suffering, peace for me could only lie in being permanently unconscious where this cruel existence I always saw as so unnecessary is no longer my concern.

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

I don't know if this question has been asked already, I looked but can't seem to find any threads so I decided I'd ask.
Mine is that I've tried to in the past, A LOT of times and it's basically a vicious circle and I always fall back, sometimes worse than before and I know it's part of the journey but I don't want to deal with that. I've dealt with enough and I know I'll come back to suicide eventually again. Once the idea got in my brain it never really left. I often think about what I would say if someone asked me that and ;
I believe it's possible for me to feel fine again, very happy even, but when I think of the long run I know it's not always gonna be the case and I don't want to suffer anymore, I know that if I keep on living I will still have ups but the downs will still be there, and will still be excruciatingly painful. Not to mention the times when I was actually trying to get help but couldn't manage because the doctors here suck. They never helped one bit. Neither did the medication. I don't want to contribute to this society anymore and to be honest I'm not sure I can even if I wanted to. I've gotten to a point of being afraid of happiness and not allowing myself to be too happy because the pain of feeling sad again is so terrible.
I can name many more reasons as to why I completely "gave up" but that would take me a while lol
What are your reasons? Do you see yourslef possibly getting better? If so, do you know what would have to happen for it to be the case?

Everything you just wrote!

 

[CogitoMori]

Same as you. A couple of meds I've tried have worked, but then randomly stopped working so I have to keep trying new ones that don't seem to be making any difference

 

[wannabeshadow]

It's the endless cycle of misery, wanting to get better, making changes in an effort to get better, starting to feel better, and hoping that this time around it will finally last, only to inevitably fall back into the same pit you were in to begin with and be forced to repeat the same process over and over again with no end in sight.
Medication, exercise, therapy, each time around trying even harder to get better than you did the time before thinking that if you just try hard enough, if you just put in enough effort this time, you'll finally feel better for good. Only for it to not only not pay off, but for it to backfire leaving you feeling worse than ever before.
An endless hamster wheel, with the false promise that things "will get better" as a carrot on a stick so you keep running and holding onto hope through sheer force of will as you become increasingly exhausted. There's only so long you can keep running for. There's only so much hope you can fuel yourself with.
Meanwhile the world around you continues to insist that you can feel better if you just make an effort but they don't understand that you've already been making an effort for as long as you can remember and you're so tired. So you think you must be the problem, your effort still isn't quite good enough. So you start the cycle again, because you know it's either that or nothing.
in the end there is no getting better for me there's only one way out of all this mess!

I fully understand, that last part too. I think I would've felt hopeful if people in the mental health industry would admit that sometimes life just sucks and your never gonna be able to do anything about it, which I'm sure some actually do believe and tell you that but most of my encounters were always met with that hypocrisy and false beliefs.

 

[pariah80]

It's the endless cycle of misery, wanting to get better, making changes in an effort to get better, starting to feel better, and hoping that this time around it will finally last, only to inevitably fall back into the same pit you were in to begin with and be forced to repeat the same process over and over again with no end in sight.
Medication, exercise, therapy, each time around trying even harder to get better than you did the time before thinking that if you just try hard enough, if you just put in enough effort this time, you'll finally feel better for good. Only for it to not only not pay off, but for it to backfire leaving you feeling worse than ever before.
An endless hamster wheel, with the false promise that things "will get better" as a carrot on a stick so you keep running and holding onto hope through sheer force of will as you become increasingly exhausted. There's only so long you can keep running for. There's only so much hope you can fuel yourself with.
Meanwhile the world around you continues to insist that you can feel better if you just make an effort but they don't understand that you've already been making an effort for as long as you can remember and you're so tired. So you think you must be the problem, your effort still isn't quite good enough. So you start the cycle again, because you know it's either that or nothing.
in the end there is no getting better for me there's only one way out of all this mess!

This. Fucking all of it.

 

[wannabeshadow]

1.) I've already tried. Many times. There's having hope, then there's lying to myself. I don't want to my happiness and mental stability to come from medication. That's not recovery, that's addiction and pathology.

2.) Recover to what? Personally and globally, life is just turning into crap. What the hell am I recovering to? A world of collapse and chaos? What am I recovering? My will to continue plodging along in a futile life of working tirelessly for necessities? Forging meaningless and hollow relationships that sooner or later collapse for no reason?

See, I'll never shit on anyone's desire to live. That's their decision. However, for me personally, it just doesn't make a lot of sense. I see nothing appealing or beautiful about drugging myself into oblivion to deal with life. For me, that's no way to live. They're not my 'therapist.' They're my pusher. And I'm their druggie. My eternal misgiving with pro-lifers is that they mistake cope for hope. And they impress this onto many people who are actually having a natural reaction to an inequitable society. However, many are convinced that there's something wrong with them and that they're somehow broken for not fitting into a fucked up human world. And, quiet as it's kept, some of them feed off of that for attention.

From my perspective, there's no true road to so-called recovery. There's too much money and privilege mined from depression and misery in this world.

Medication is still very new too and the amount of stories I've heard of people being given medication that made them worse, or medication being sold by companies when the effects of it have been barely studied/are barely known is terrifying. I can definitely see how it can help but it's infact not a solution.
Maybe I could've worded better than "recovery", I was referring to just getting better in general but your point still stands.
Being able to get better is definitely a privilege yeah :/

 

[pariah80]

Medication is still very new too and the amount of stories I've heard of people being given medication that made them worse, or medication being sold by companies when the effects of it have been barely studied/are barely known is terrifying. I can definitely see how it can help but it's infact not a solution.
Maybe I could've worded better than "recovery", I was referring to just getting better in general but your point still stands.
Being able to get better is definitely a privilege yeah :/

No, recovery is the correct term. There are a myriad of ways I've tried to recover. Working out. Putting myself back 'out there.' Hoping. Stepping out on faith. A positive mindset. Cold showers. lol. No, not the cold showers. However, buying into the feel-good human platitudes to escape the harsh reality of this life only led me to deeper valleys of despair. It oftentimes left me feeling even more empty and exhausted than actually fulfilled and educated from my experience. I wanted to love life. If I had to name my biggest regret in this existence, it's trying to see the beauty of life and not the reality of life. I chose to believe that love exist and that humans are basically good.

I've grown tired of spinning enthusiasm out of thin air to waste time building something, only to have life come and knock it back down in a matter of moments. The creator of life can stick all of this up its ass. I'm done hoping. I'm done looking for paradise in purgatory.

 

[ctemourge]

to keep it short
i dont want to.
every time i try to get better it fails. ive done multiple treatments, any medication for mental health u can think of ive done
nothing works for me

 

[wannabeshadow]

Oh all the self defeating thoughts...

I don't deserve to be better... ( this one feel's like the strongest)

I am a waste of space

I will never get better. anyway so will try

I hate myself, and I am hopeless for the world

I am a useless piece of sh*t

I will get the willingness to try and a week later there will be a voice in my head hammering that I don't deserve to do better, that I should CBT or if I am too weak to do it, just accept the misery and suffering I deserve. I am tryng currently,but it is hard. But I dont know what eslse to do.

(Also, I really like your profile picture, very interesting and detailed, idk if I got it right but, the glass slowly filling up with water, the character not doing anything about it, I assume there is the darkness lurking beneath the surfice and the glass itself is broken, decrepid...)

I get that, the self loathing is horrible, sometimes especially painful when you realise that some of it is truthful (in my case at least). I do hope you'll be able to be at peace, must it be by ctb or just getting better
The weakness part is very real too, I've come to a realisation that some are just too weak to keep going on, it takes a lot of courage to keep fighting and thats something that i do not have.
(Thank you very much! It's from a horror RPG called "Ib" that ive been obsessed with again, the art is from the dev called "Kouri" and although I'm not exactly sure what they had in mind while making it, it definitely resonates with me. And the way you described is very much what I felt!)

Because recovering ain't a thing when you're living in poverty in s shithole islamic third world country in north africa, I'm not only suicidal because of a breakup or being unloved, my problem has no solution, it's not a trauma or just depression that i can fix with a doctor or some meds, I just continue suffering and living like shit in this shithole until i die, there's nothing to recover for when your problem is physical, not just mentally.

I'm sorry to hear that, I'm fortunate enough to not live in a poor country so I wouldn't know what it feels like, neither am I educated enough to make a comment on the topic. If we manage to not destroy our own planet before, I do hope that one day there won't be as much inequality everywhere. I doubt it'll happen but I wish it could.

 

[Hollowman]

Because it's impossible.

 

[moonoverthesea]

For me, it's because my issue is a physical illness and there is no cure for that. I've tried getting my health to be better for the last 2 years, and all I've got is an uncurable conditions and a pletora of side effects from meds that should have never been prescribed to me, as they were a result of misdiagnosis. This body is tired.

 

[FireFox]

For me there are no resources for me achieve recovery

1) I have tried to get therapy but I can't find a therapist. First I tried the NHS and had difficulty getting access to therapy due to my referral failing to go through the bureaucracy. This week I tried my university counselling services but my first ever appointment ended up getting cancelled and now I can't get another one due to high demand for services

2) I have no one to talk too about my problems my family are not great at listening and talking just makes it worse.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

The concept of recovery doesn't apply to me since my problems are with existence itself. What does recovery even mean to somebody who has issues with existence itself and how suffering is inherent to existence? The definition of recovery is somebody who manages to improve their situation well enough for existence but I'm against existence. I don't want to exist under any circumstances that is achievable to me

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Old (35) and starting to feel decline. Something went wrong in my adolescence and I failed to become an adult. The way up is over, the way down has started, and my oh my, what a low peak it was.

 

[borderlinee]

I've been trying for years and I don't see the point anymore, even if I got better, I wouldn't get the idea that non-existence will always be better out of my head.

 

[lnlybnny]

Lack of energy and motivation

 

[escape_from_hell]

I think everyone else has already stated similar reasons.
It's pretty simple, just after a certain number of years acceptance that the odds aren't so hot and it's time to get serious about ending the evil.

 

[failureofahuman]

I deserve to die, not to be happy. It would be wrong for me to be happy, I should remove myself from the world, it's just karma and what's right.

 

[username12345]

I don't know if this question has been asked already, I looked but can't seem to find any threads so I decided I'd ask.
Mine is that I've tried to in the past, A LOT of times and it's basically a vicious circle and I always fall back, sometimes worse than before and I know it's part of the journey but I don't want to deal with that. I've dealt with enough and I know I'll come back to suicide eventually again. Once the idea got in my brain it never really left. I often think about what I would say if someone asked me that and ;
I believe it's possible for me to feel fine again, very happy even, but when I think of the long run I know it's not always gonna be the case and I don't want to suffer anymore, I know that if I keep on living I will still have ups but the downs will still be there, and will still be excruciatingly painful. Not to mention the times when I was actually trying to get help but couldn't manage because the doctors here suck. They never helped one bit. Neither did the medication. I don't want to contribute to this society anymore and to be honest I'm not sure I can even if I wanted to. I've gotten to a point of being afraid of happiness and not allowing myself to be too happy because the pain of feeling sad again is so terrible.
I can name many more reasons as to why I completely "gave up" but that would take me a while lol
What are your reasons? Do you see yourslef possibly getting better? If so, do you know what would have to happen for it to be the case?

It's more so about not being left alone and being neglected and not having better opportunities at the same time. Being constantly harassed and things never getting better while not having adequate support and no choice of where I live or even just exist is not living. I always feel like a dead animal for vultures to tear apart. No one really cares about me and I can't even help make things better for myself even when I try. I'm afforded no boundaries and not an ounce of respect even when I am at risk for heart attacks and things like that. And even when I tried to kill myself I just woke up to being sexually assaulted. After finally finding a shit job after every shift I have heart palpitations just I don't want what kills me to be something that doesn't give a shit about me. I'd rather just mercy kill myself im so tired of being a doormat for everyone and never being appreciated or understood even a little bit.

 

[weiyus123..]

因为当你生活在北非一个贫民窟的伊斯兰第三世界国家时，恢复根本不可能，我不仅因为分手或不被爱而有自杀倾向，我的问题没有解决办法，这不是一个我可以通过医生或药物解决的创伤或抑郁，我只是继续在这个贫民窟里受苦、过着狗屎一样的生活，直到我死去，当你的问题是身体上的，而不仅仅是精神上的时，就没有什么可以恢复的。

老兄我和你差不多。

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Why? So I can MAYBE live another 10 to 20 years in poverty? Possibly be homeless and senile and die an even more horrible death? Nah, fuck that.

 

[theolivanderroach]

Because there's nothing for me to recover from. My problem is existential, not circumstantial. I've tried (and did) for the past 13 years to push along and see if things would change. But reality just set in even more.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

"recover" ? for what into what, hell ? to me life is hell why would i want to live? i don't never under any scenario or circumstances.

For what objective reason do i have to want to live another minute? there is none. however i don't want to suffer extreme torture , i don't want to work 15 hours a day a job chores only to exist under threat of extreme torture for no objective reason. buy many people tell me i have to live i can't leave this hell, that i have to want to live that i have to want to get a romantic partner and children etc. no i don't have to do anything. i don't and never will . every day i see reality more and more every day i see this horror this brain that can suffer unending constant unbearable pain these 30 trillion monstrous cells i'm imprisoned in as a worse and worse abomination .

i want to be more suicidal i want to be a suicider. i want to kill these monstrous cells they call a human body i'm imprisoned in.

i never wanted to "recover" . what i want is to defeat all this brainwashing in my brain and kill myself and reach the only perfection non-existence asap

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I would like to recover but all my problems stem bc of a lack of money and to generate the amounts that would really satisfy me and that would increase my life quality I would have to put an enormous amount of energy/work into it with the huge risk of failing again. Aside from that - I've got no idea how I could achieve this. Becoming a wage slave isn't an option that's not the solution to my problem.