When should you have ctb?

[charcoalcat]

I should have ctb 6 yrs ago when I created this account. I had second thoughts and believed things would get better. Left the forum for a period. Sadly things didn't get better but worse. Now I finally made peace with death, or the concept of death. I'm ready.

 

[CatLvr]

I should have been born still. It was a torture growing up in my family. My parents should not have had me, and they said so to me.

Yep. I was 4 months premature in a time when preemies didn't survive. And yet, here I am, 70 years later. My mom got pregnant with me in order to trap my dad into marrying her. Then she had all my brothers and sisters so that he would never be able to leave because he couldn't afford the child support -- Never mind that he was a doctor. And I know all this because I heard her telling the neighbor lady over coffee and cigarettes one summer afternoon when I was 14 years old. She was such a lovely woman, my mother. The world became a better place the second her black heart stopped beating.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I should have wrapped the umbilical cord around my neck in the womb.

 

[divinemistress36]

I should have wrapped the umbilical cord around my neck in the womb.

Im doing that if I reincarnate

 

[CogitoMori]

Before I finally tasted what happiness felt like and had it taken away. It was easier to cope when I'd never known that feeling

 

[raindrops]

I believe that only by dying will I be able to escape from those who stalk me.

I thought they had given up on stalking me, but I did a test and there they are. And I remember very well the extortion they made on me two years ago.

I don't have the amount required and even if I did, I would never pay the scammers. And the worst part is that I think my brother is involved.

If dying is the only way to have privacy, then let them try to stalk me in heaven.

Interesting reading your post as i am also being stalked.. not in person just online.

It is the most frightening thing and i was one of those people who would say "just block it"
but we do and they come back with more accounts!

their manipulation tactics are worrying. I recently found out about the "Flying Monkeys" the stalker/narcissist use your own family & friends to get to you, its sickening. I recently lost a friend because i figured it out. We are made to look mad. You know what i had a message saying "im worried for your mental health" they are sick and evil and try all these degrading things to bring you down.

I pray no one gets involved with these people.
I'm unsure what your whole story is but i felt this and im sending hugs to you
x

 

[TheHolySword]

10 years ago when I first attempted. It doesn't get better.

 

[avalokitesvara]

23/24 after I lost my love. I'd rather not have healed from that and gone while still within that love. Now I'm " healed " /"over it" but my heart is dead.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

About 20 or 22 years ago. That's when I started getting ideation and at the time my plan was to OD on Tylenol p.m. because I didn't know any better. Maybe I should have looked into it more seriously then. Because I could never imagine that years later when I was in my 30s, I would develop OCD which ruined my life. That plus even worse ideation this time make for a very difficult combo.

 

[sorrymyfault]

Interesting reading your post as i am also being stalked.. not in person just online.

It is the most frightening thing and i was one of those people who would say "just block it"
but we do and they come back with more accounts!

their manipulation tactics are worrying. I recently found out about the "Flying Monkeys" the stalker/narcissist use your own family & friends to get to you, its sickening. I recently lost a friend because i figured it out. We are made to look mad. You know what i had a message saying "im worried for your mental health" they are sick and evil and try all these degrading things to bring you down.

I pray no one gets involved with these people.
I'm unsure what your whole story is but i felt this and im sending hugs to you
x

I've never been active in social media and this is one of the reasons, people call me crazy but that's what happens when even one individual decides to ruin your life, stay strong brother I feel you
I should have done the first time I decided to attempt it. But I'm an addict to life, even though it just gets worse and worse with time I can't help it

 

[destinationlosangel]

Probably at 11 because that was when life got shitty. I should have just killed myself then but unfortunately I'm a fighter and I kept fighting hoping things would get better. Now with these new health issues I feel like an idiot for holding on. Anyway, the plan now is to just play video games and also try to. figure out how not to reincarnate. Cuz I am convinced this place is hell.

 

[endlessmelancholy]

I should have done it 11 years ago when I first got suicidal. I wish I had stumbled upon such sites then

 

[-Tandem-]

somewhere between 13-20 for sure.

 

[hereornot]

Interesting reading your post as i am also being stalked.. not in person just online.

It is the most frightening thing and i was one of those people who would say "just block it"
but we do and they come back with more accounts!

their manipulation tactics are worrying. I recently found out about the "Flying Monkeys" the stalker/narcissist use your own family & friends to get to you, its sickening. I recently lost a friend because i figured it out. We are made to look mad. You know what i had a message saying "im worried for your mental health" they are sick and evil and try all these degrading things to bring you down.

I pray no one gets involved with these people.
I'm unsure what your whole story is but i felt this and im sending hugs to you
x

It's exactly like that with me, online... they make you look crazy and somehow involve people close to you. In my case, there was an express request for extortion, they asked for millions and said that a neighbor would come and get it.

Reading about the Flying Monkeys, their definition sounds the same as my own brother's.

 

[BlendedHeart]

6 years ago, when I was 30, just like you, OP.

Second best option is right now.

 

[divinemistress36]

6 years ago, when I was 30, just like you, OP.

Second best option is right now.

Everyone said 30s are better than 20s those liars

 

[BlendedHeart]

Everyone said 30s are better than 20s those liars

"You are more confident and less anxious, you are financially secure, friendships and relationships are better and more stable" and so on.

 

[saturn1402]

Honestly I wish I would have done it 3 months ago when my ex kicked me out of the flat knowing that I was suicidal. Every day I am fighting to stay alive. Every day I dream of the day I will take my last breath and leave this world peacefully.

why I haven't CTB yet?
- I was (and stupidly still) hoping my ex would change his mind and help me heal from the trauma he caused me.
- I wanted to CTB in the most peaceful way (SN) and my SN order never arrived
- I have a dog I love more than anything in this world and I don't know who to leave her to.
- I want to say goodbye to everyone in the best possible way (without saying it, just spending some more time with them)

 

[divinemistress36]

"You are more confident and less anxious, you are financially secure, friendships and relationships are better and more stable" and so on.

Only for some people!

 

[Warlord's Pulse]

2012, I was still a child but the idea got to my head
To this day, I can't think that being alive was worthy it

 

[InAgony]

I think I was 13 when I first became suicidal and if I had done it then, I'd have saved myself a lot of suffering and not be in the situation i am now. Other than meeting my nieces and nephews, there's not really been any advantages from having lived a longer life so I might as well have done it back then and saved myself a lot of grief. I'm still facing suicide... nothing's changed there.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

On 6 May this year. My suicide-partner and I planned everything for this date. We found a suitable location, a sturdy oak tree in a former military training area full of duts. But I backed out, the tentacles of life did not let me go. Grandchild number 6 and 7 were born and I wanted to see them.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Age 9.

 

[billie]

2020

 

[noname37]

I wish it would have succeeded on my first attempt when I was 15 years old. Life has only gotten worse since then. I've had suicidal thoughts as far back as I can remember, my mental state has only worsened. I just don't really see myself having a place in the world or finding any enjoyment from it.

 

[Shatami44]

should have been back in 2020. Gonna try again next friday.

 

[Red Moon]

To be honest I would have rather not been born in the first place but realistically I should have CTB 10-20 years ago. I don't know how but it's a miracle that I'm still alive and writing on SS right now.

 

[isolatedl111]

I feel like I should have ctb 6 years ago but everyones stupid "It gets better" sayings kept me going. When do you feel you should have ctb?

I must have done it a year ago

 

[raindrops]

It's exactly like that with me, online... they make you look crazy and somehow involve people close to you. In my case, there was an express request for extortion, they asked for millions and said that a neighbor would come and get it.

Reading about the Flying Monkeys, their definition sounds the same as my own brother's.

i have lost trust with many. Please stay strong and i come here sometimes if you want to ever vent. I am sorry you are also going through this. Please switch your ISP please i beg you get new internet and a VPN - a decent one too, not a cheap VPN, please do this. Please get your data removed with "Incogni" which is a service that will remove your data online.

Here is a song i want to share here that a memeber of SS shared with me:
♡

we will be fine. Stay strong

 

[Andrew10]

I think the perfect moment was 3 years ago in 2021 when I was 17, I survived after drinking bleach. I vomit everything. I got scared and was looking for other methods, almost 2 years later before I turned 19, I discovered this forum and discovered the innert gas method which I had a hard time planning and hiding from my parents. I had everything planned and I did it, but I don't know what happened, I survived and it was horrible, I had a headache for 3 days and since then my vision was damaged. Since then I want to try again but I don't know what's stopping me, whatever it is I plan to defeat it and have my peace.