Hi guys,
Quick intro/background on me. I'm a 39yr old male, from Brighton UK. I've had a very varied life. I went to 12 schools growing up as my mum moved with her job, my father was absent for most of my upbringing. At 27 I lost my mum to cancer, just before that my step father commited suicide and a couple years later my gran passed to dementia. I've had 4 serious relationships, all of which ended it with me. The last 2 of them cheated on me before ending it. Last year I was diagnosed with ASD. I've had depression therapy twice and been on meds but now I'm just raw dogging my depression. That brings you up to date.
Since my mum's passing I've been toying with the idea of suicide, each time something negative happens to me the feeling gets stronger. I've no desire to have children and I believe this world already passed saving. Humans have destroyed the planet and the governments have destroyed humanity. When my last relationship ended, I made my first suicide attempt. But I just couldn't see it through. Purely based on the fact that I haven't done a lot of things I want to do. I love travel, it's the one thing that gives me life and I've seen 23 countries so far. So I came up with this long term suicide plan. To work my ass off until September this year. At which point I will go travel with whatever money I have left. When the money starts to run out, then I will end my life. I've lost all hope on a relationship as I want old fashioned love, as I said before, I also have no desire to have children. I don't want to grow old and with all the control we have on our lives, ending my life is the one thing I feel I have control over. I've always been an emo/goth with a love for the darker side. So it's been very easy for me to come to this conclusion. I've spoken about this with one friend who said I was "overreacting". Am I crazy for having this plan?
Quick intro/background on me. I'm a 39yr old male, from Brighton UK. I've had a very varied life. I went to 12 schools growing up as my mum moved with her job, my father was absent for most of my upbringing. At 27 I lost my mum to cancer, just before that my step father commited suicide and a couple years later my gran passed to dementia. I've had 4 serious relationships, all of which ended it with me. The last 2 of them cheated on me before ending it. Last year I was diagnosed with ASD. I've had depression therapy twice and been on meds but now I'm just raw dogging my depression. That brings you up to date.
Since my mum's passing I've been toying with the idea of suicide, each time something negative happens to me the feeling gets stronger. I've no desire to have children and I believe this world already passed saving. Humans have destroyed the planet and the governments have destroyed humanity. When my last relationship ended, I made my first suicide attempt. But I just couldn't see it through. Purely based on the fact that I haven't done a lot of things I want to do. I love travel, it's the one thing that gives me life and I've seen 23 countries so far. So I came up with this long term suicide plan. To work my ass off until September this year. At which point I will go travel with whatever money I have left. When the money starts to run out, then I will end my life. I've lost all hope on a relationship as I want old fashioned love, as I said before, I also have no desire to have children. I don't want to grow old and with all the control we have on our lives, ending my life is the one thing I feel I have control over. I've always been an emo/goth with a love for the darker side. So it's been very easy for me to come to this conclusion. I've spoken about this with one friend who said I was "overreacting". Am I crazy for having this plan?
