Story Why I’m posting a lot...?

[An0nymouse_97]

I'm 22, a female and live in UK.

I have attempted to ctb too many times I've lost count the past 4 years. Taken 40+ overdoses, ligature strangulation, partial suspension, jumping from a high building twice and even cutting my radial artery twice. Yet I'm still here. My last attempt was a week ago and I cut an artery in my arm and I'm now severely anaemic (I was already anaemic beforehand so I thought I'd lose enough blood to die). I ended up in hypovolemic shock but I survived. It almost feels like something is keeping me here for whatever reason...I have no friends, no social life outside of this coronavirus lockdown, minimal money, no savings, no career as I'm too mentally unwell to work (I have BPD, PTSD, anxiety and depression), not in education due to also being too unwell. I have physical health problems like when I broke both tib and fib from jumping and broke my back. I'm in pain 24/7. My life is shit I keep getting threatened by my family to move out too. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. But I'm sorry for posting my attempts a lot...I just feel I'm doing something wrong for them all not to work. X

 

[faust]

I am sorry life is tough for you...
The most shocking thing was cutting artery in an arm. It is deep and requires a very strong will. No need to say about painfulness.
Please, do a bit of research before doing something next. We have everything in Resources.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/resource-compilation.3/

Wish you a good luck and hope you will find your peace no matter what your decision is...

 

[oneside]

I don't believe there is something keeping you here, but maybe you should start thinking about if there is a option for you to keep living. I know it will sound like a pro-lifer talking, but you already have been through a lot, try to stay calm right now, maybe some meds will help. Take this lockdown to plan things in your life more carefully, regardless if it will be about ctb or not.

I truly wish that you at least try to stay calm right now, I can see you are in a lot of pain. You can count on the people of this forum, whenever you need.

 

[RedDEE]

Have you considered that maybe you're the real life Deadpool?

I honestly don't know what to say. I've tried to kill myself a bunch and failed, too. Usually it's from backing out, though. You seem to have the will to do it, you just got to go bigger. If you choose to overdose, use something super lethal like fentanyl mixed with benzos, and a bunch of it. If you cut yourself, go for the carotid artery in your neck. If you jump off a building, jump out of a 20 story one. If you hang yourself, go for a full suspension so you can't turn back.

Maybe there is a kind of force stopping you. Maybe you won't die until the universe is good and ready for you to. Maybe you should stop trying to kill yourself, you're already in pain 24/7, if you keep failing suicides you're just gonna be in more pain and still alive. At the rate you're going, you're just gonna be one big mass of scar tissue.

You remind me of that one episode of spongebob,

"I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep."