Women: Do you feel in danger throughout the day when you leave the house?

[Ambivalent1]

I was reading a yahoo news article about a woman being stalked by a guy outside of her apartment.

 

[milkandcoffee]

I wouldn't say I feel in danger necessarily, but I keep my neck on a swivel. I'm suspicious of people who follow for too long, get too close, etc. The fact of the matter is I'm small and weak compared to just about any male-bodied person. If I met a guy equal in height and weight to me, he could still overpower me easily. Forgetting being attacked, even, there are guys out there who get obsessed with you and won't take no for an answer. Those guys are scary too and they don't even understand how scary they're being. I've had multiple female friends over the years who have experiences being stalked.

I live in America though. I'm sure there are places in the world where it's worse. If I feel in danger out here, it's usually not related to my being a woman.

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

Most women are sexually abused or stalked by men they know like bfs, ex bfs, bosses and friends rather than strangers. And most of it happens inside rather than outside in dark alley ways.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Most women are sexually abused or stalked by men they know like bfs, ex bfs, bosses and friends rather than strangers. And most of it happens inside rather than outside in dark alley ways.

Why do women show interest in men (other men) after having gone through stuff like that? I'd be terrified of men forever.

 

[chloramine]

I'm wary. The lizard brain fear will kick in if I notice anything. As mentioned above you're more likely to be attacked, raped, stalked, etc by someone you know. If I don't completely trust that someone in my life would never do that then I probably wouldn't hang out with them anywhere isolated.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

Always… I don't even like being the center of a man's gaze. I am very uncomfortable being sexualized.

I'd rather be ignored entirely, so I don't have to have this burden weighing on me all the time. I never let my guard down, and it's exhausting to have to deal with it day in and day out. I have a hard time just forcing myself to go for a walk.

I try to fight against the feeling of vulnerability. But being a woman has its own unique set of issues. No matter how much I lift, I will always be at a disadvantage.

I would like to see a day when I'm comfortable around men, but it's hard to erase the idea that they have some sort of vendetta planned against you. I did manage to strike up conversation lately with two men, so that's progress.

Both conversations were about dogs, which I have no trouble talking about.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Not in that way, no. But if anxiety counts as a feeling of danger then yes. It should count since I'm in a constant fight-or-flight mode whenever I'm around people. Various degress of panic attack. No reason, no direct threat. Nobody follows but I still just want to run.

 

[Winry]

TL;DR I'm not scared of anyone, except my husband's crazy ex who sabotaged my job and is obsessed with other people's children.

I feel in danger every day but not bc of men, believe it or not. Its bc my husband's ex is actually crazy. A lot of people say that, but she is genuinely unhinged.

They broke up years ago and tbh they only dated during the brief time me and him had broken up for 2.5 years so I could focus on school and travel for college.

He tried to leave her multiple times over that period and she would manipulate him into staying with her. He finally was able to leave her and then he got back with me about a year after I came back home to stay for good.

Flash forward to recently though:

Last year, she used to show up at my old job and tell my boss about me being a terrible person outside of work (bc I got married to my high school sweetheart, her ex, I guess that's what makes me so bad?)

It was a family run business so I got uncomfortable with everyone possibly believing her and after a while I found a better job by pure luck. She came in weekly to spew bullshit to my boss up until I quit.

She still stalks me on socials, I guess she doesn't know TikTok has a profile views feature now (or she's just unapologetically stalking and letting me know lmao) and I've seen her in my local grocery store close to my parent's house (we just moved out but we're still near by) but there's no reason she should be there bc she has another store of the same chain much closer to her house. It's anxiety inducing when we see her in public bc she genuinely has no reason to be on our side of this big city. She lives and works all the way on the other side.

She also has a weird affinity for being friends with pregnant women. Everyone has noticed it. Even her friends. She'll make friends with a pregnant woman, and when the baby is born she tries to act like a second mommy, even when they ask her to stop. It's so unnerving and creepy.

I'm genuinely waiting for the day we see her on the news for cutting a baby out of a pregnant woman.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I barely leave the house- problem solved. But no- in all honesty- I'm not attractive enough to feel threatened by men generally. I do get scared at night though. I guess it's just the feeling that more bad stuff probably happens at night. There are fewer people around and just not being able to see properly is scary.

 

[Cøøkie]

I have a little problem with leaving the house, as soon as i am outside i feel like someone is watching me and everything i do, the longer i stay outside the worse it gets until at some point it switches to the feeling of being followed which then results in me starting to go different ways to reach my target. One time i even used a different bus line which took me on an hour ride until i ended up at the second last bus stop for that route and I only got home that day because a friend of mine came and picked me up after i called him panicking because for me it felt like someone is going to jump out of a bush and attack me

Edit: I myself identify as non-binary but my biological gender is male

 

[psp3000]

I am just afraid of being noticed by anyone I like hiding in the background and don't like bringing attention to myself when doing random tasks in public

but when it comes to being afraid of bad things happening it depends on the time of day and the location

I am afraid of being out at night especially since I'm in a somewhat wooded area and because I'm afraid of the dark when it comes to being outside sometimes

especially last year because a lot of people were getting kidnapped close to the areas I frequent

 

[lna_]

I feel it all the time but i'm not sure sometimes if i'm reacting out of trauma or being rational. That article reminds me of a school trip I went on when i was 16. We had some time to walk around the city by ourselves and my friends and I had a conversation with a group of older guys at one point that I'd all but forgot about til we were leaving the hotel the next day and one of the guys was outside waiting for me. He'd followed us all the way back to the hotel and slept outside over night. In a weird way i'm grateful that I had that experience because it was at a temporary place and it taught me a valuable lesson to always remember the faces of any man I interact with or who I notice following me around or making comments/catcalling and keep checking if they're behind me before entering any place I go to frequently. If they're behind me I'll go into a shop or walk until I find a security guard or police station.

I'm always on alert when I'm out because I've learned from experience that I have bad freeze response when I get attacked by unknown men. They're also really strong! One time this sweet looking older man asked me for directions and after I helped him he groped me and then punched me and just so easily split my lip open and it hurt really bad to move my jaw for a week. It's also scary how hard it is to tell who is threatening and who isn't and that even an older guy can do damage. That's actually the second guy who physically attacked me after I gave him directions. Now every time I pass a man I keep my gaze down and avoid eye contact and pray they won't try to talk to me. I keep headphones in without volume so that if they try to approach me i can act like I didnt hear them but tbh it hasn't been helping recently.

I hate how easily these things can happen. I've made split second eye contact with men I'm passing in the street just to have them turn around and start following me. A couple years ago, I was trying to get on the bus at the same time as a guy and gave him a small smile when he let me go ahead of him. He then started stalking me around the bus and kept trying to put his hand over mine on the rail. I thought if I got off a few stops early I would be fine and not risk leading him to my apartment. It was a terrible idea since it was night and he got off after me and literally chased me but luckily an empty taxi passed by and I was able to get away. That same year, I was entering my apartment complex late one night and realised I didnt hear the main door close behind me. I looked back and there was a clearly crazy looking man smiling up at me as I was going up the stairs. Luckily he had a limp and I got into my apartment and locked the door and he hung around in front of it for a while before eventually leaving. I called my best friend after and she told me about her mom's best friend who had the same thing happen except the man pushed her inside her apartment as she was unlocking it, locked the door behind them and basically what he did to her was so terrible that she was a dancer and was never able to dance again. I literally think of this woman every time I'm coming home at night and make sure to close the entry door behind me firmly.

There's just so many things that happen that are close calls, or things that happen to other women in your area, on your walk home you take every day, horrible things that happen to close friends and family and the violence starts to feel so imminent and uncontrollable. And aside from the physical violence, the unwanted attention just while you're trying to live is so suffocating. I've always had bad social anxiety and I get extremely uncomfortable getting catcalled esp when they do it in a really loud way that draws so many eyes towards you. And with some men if you don't thank them for their 'compliment' they will start hurling insults at you. And idk if it's an Andrew Tate effect but in the last 2 years I've noticed men who approach me when I'm outside just will not take no for an answer and are so rude when I tell them I have a boyfriend. I can only think of one exception that a guy actually just left when I said I was dating someone and the rest just keep going on and on and eventually i have to just walk away while theyre still talking to me. It's just shit because I feel like some men just have no concept of women as human beings and that they're actually inconveniencing us or making us feel physically unsafe with their actions.

Sorry I turned a simple question into a huge rant. I guess your question just really hit home for me right now. I moved cities for work and started doing long distance last year and it's just been brutal here. I can't go on a one hour walk without having some kind of sexual advance most days especially during the summer. I feel like I can only comfortably wear the clothes I like and spend time just walking around when my boyfriend is visiting which sucks. But all that being said I still second what the other commenters have said -- the real ones you need to worry about are the men you already know unfortunately.

 

[loyalskateboard]

I mean... I barely leave the house. I don't feel like I'm in danger from people all the time when I'm outside though. It's in specific situations. Two examples would be 1) When someone looks a bit dodgy and is intoxicated and shouting 2) When it's nighttime and you're pretty much alone and then a man walks up to you

 

[Sweet Tart]

I only worry about poorly lit, isolated places with a history of sketchiness. I don't really leave the house these days, so it's not a concern.

 

[eatantz]

I think I'm quite paranoid in general about being stabbed. London knife crime always keeps me looking left and right when i go out. I'm also quite ditzy and i zone out a lot when I'm outside, this make me extra anxious.

 

[annxietty]

Im going to say a very disgusting thing that I only think about myself and MY situation... every woman I have ever met has a story about men being creepy and dangerous, very disgusting situations that many women have to go through just because they are women... so about the first sentence, that very disgusting thing... I feel so bad about myself, how do I look for example, I hate how I look, and I dont take care of my appearence too much, it feels like because I know Im a lost case I dont want to put the effort lol, so because all this I feel those disgusting things that many women go through will never happen to me... My logical side knows that you can be "ugly" or fat or whatever, and still be a victim of assault, rape, etc. I know looks are not a key factor and you can look at multiple cases that prove it, I just dislike myself so much that I cant think about the possibility of a man taking an interest and being dangerous... of course like everyone else Im cautious about not being robbed or kidnapped, but you talk about being a woman and the dangers we women go through each day so yeah.... only in this site I would dare to say this lol.

 

[moshimoshi]

Honestly I don't feel in any danger per se outside of the usual agoraphobia and anxiety haha. I don't think I feel in any more danger than if I was another gender. I've walked outside alone in the middle of the night in a bit city plenty of times. But I was always ready to fight/escape if need be and carried pepper spray. I think I tend to have an unrealistic expectation though of how well I would do in a fight like I imagine myself kicking their ass even though realistically I have no experience in that kind of situation

 

[slightoverlooked]

depends. im just a little more aware nowadays because i have past experiences/incidents with a stalker and just being harassed in general. i do try to assume good in others but i trust my gut feeling.
i just always stay kind and avoid eye contact with suspicious people.
I'm going to be honest though which pisses me off but I dont wear the clothes Id want to wear to avoid catcalling or even more harassment. when i wear skirts i try to travel by car and not train :/