Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
I dislike Xmas as much as the next person, I find it absurd. So if you enjoy taking the piss out of it then feel free to contribute.
Last edited:
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Xerxes
Invisible
- Nov 8, 2018
- 936
Christmas Eve, a miserable woman stands on the edge of a high bridge contemplating suicide. As she goes to step off she feels resistance from behind. She turns around to see Santa Claus holding her jacket.
"Santa Claus??" exclaims the woman,
"Yes, why are you out here so miserable on Christmas Eve, young lady?" Asks Santa.
"Well, I have nothing left to live for. I was fired from my job, my husband left with the kids, my landlord is evicting me, and my cancer has returned."
Santa replies, "Fret not, for Christmas miracles are real. When you go home tonight, you will have a message from your boss giving you your job back, your husband will be waiting happily with the children, you will have your apartment back, and your cancer will be gone."
"My goodness!" exclaims the woman. "That is truly a miracle, is there any way I can ever repay you?"
"There is one thing... how about a blowjob?"
"Well... sure!"
The woman gets on her knees, unzips Santa, gives him the best blower of his life, and slurps up every last bit.
As Santa is about to leave, he asks the woman "by the way, how old are you?"
"I'm 27" replies the woman while wiping her mouth.
"You're 27 and you still believe in Santa Claus?" he replies while chuckling heartily, walking into the night.
"Santa Claus??" exclaims the woman,
"Yes, why are you out here so miserable on Christmas Eve, young lady?" Asks Santa.
"Well, I have nothing left to live for. I was fired from my job, my husband left with the kids, my landlord is evicting me, and my cancer has returned."
Santa replies, "Fret not, for Christmas miracles are real. When you go home tonight, you will have a message from your boss giving you your job back, your husband will be waiting happily with the children, you will have your apartment back, and your cancer will be gone."
"My goodness!" exclaims the woman. "That is truly a miracle, is there any way I can ever repay you?"
"There is one thing... how about a blowjob?"
"Well... sure!"
The woman gets on her knees, unzips Santa, gives him the best blower of his life, and slurps up every last bit.
As Santa is about to leave, he asks the woman "by the way, how old are you?"
"I'm 27" replies the woman while wiping her mouth.
"You're 27 and you still believe in Santa Claus?" he replies while chuckling heartily, walking into the night.
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Empty Smile
The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
- Jul 13, 2018
- 1,785
Empty Smile
The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
- Jul 13, 2018
- 1,785
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Empty Smile
The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
- Jul 13, 2018
- 1,785
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Empty Smile
The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
- Jul 13, 2018
- 1,785
Empty Smile
The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
- Jul 13, 2018
- 1,785
Norest4thewicked
Losing it
- Nov 4, 2018
- 270
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
What did one one reindeer say to another reindeer about Rudolph's glowing red nose? Oh deer.
*drum beat, symbol crash*
*drum beat, symbol crash*
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Norest4thewicked
Losing it
- Nov 4, 2018
- 270
found this, fully relate to it. Merry fooking Christmas
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
Husband walks outside, looks up into the night sky, calls back inside to his wife on Christmas Eve: Oh look, it's raining, dear.
*Drum beats, symbol crash*
Pegasus
Experienced
- Dec 15, 2018
- 258
Felicia couldn't wait for Santa to come down her chimney but she panicked when she saw his bulky sack.
Johnnythefox
Que sera sera
- Nov 11, 2018
- 3,129
A guy decides to buy his new girlfriend a pair of gloves for Christmas. After all, they've only been dating for three weeks so it seems like the ideal gift - romantic, yet not too personal.
He asks the girlfriend's younger sister to accompany him to buy them then she can point out a pair she'd like. They go to the mall and the sister points out a pair of white gloves which the guy then buys.
The sister then picks up a pair of panties for herself and buys them.
But during the wrapping, the clerk mixes up the parcels without anyone realising. As a result, the sister gets the gloves and the guy takes home a gift box containing the panties.
Without checking, the guy rushes the gift to his sweetheart, but only after drafting this loving and helpful note to accompany it:
"I chose these because I notice you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she'd been wearing for the last three weeks and they were hardly soiled.
I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time. There's no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for the coming Christmas Eve.
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
He asks the girlfriend's younger sister to accompany him to buy them then she can point out a pair she'd like. They go to the mall and the sister points out a pair of white gloves which the guy then buys.
The sister then picks up a pair of panties for herself and buys them.
But during the wrapping, the clerk mixes up the parcels without anyone realising. As a result, the sister gets the gloves and the guy takes home a gift box containing the panties.
Without checking, the guy rushes the gift to his sweetheart, but only after drafting this loving and helpful note to accompany it:
"I chose these because I notice you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she'd been wearing for the last three weeks and they were hardly soiled.
I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time. There's no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for the coming Christmas Eve.
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
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