Discussion Anyone else alone all the time?

[atarax1a]

Same, sort of. No friends, but a patner. Still. A patner is not the same than a friend, is a type of friend.

 

[Saponification]

Looking back, I've literally never had a single loyal person in my life. Even my own family bullied me relentlessly. So I was used to not having anyone. I didn't care about being alone. At school, I never so much as looked anyone in the eyes and most days I wouldn't pronounce a sentence.

I don't know exactly how, but the emptiness got to me and I attempted socializing. Of course, I've no idea how to socialize because I had a dogshit social upbringing. My misery increased ten-fold as I started asphyxiating on my own loneliness.

Though I'm pretty sure that if my social life weren't so shitty it wouldn't have changed much, since my dissatisfaction with life comes from many places.

 

[katara]

I brushed it all off back when I was a NEET by just distracting myself with games and such. Now I go to school again and feel like a complete outcast, just like how I've always felt at school before. Nobody approaches me and says hello except sometimes a teacher. I got social anxiety so I can't really approach anyone either. I also feel like I don't want to befriend them so that's kind of a conflicting thought lol.

Tbh school has always felt like a place for making friends most of the time. Barely learning, even if I graduated high school I don't think I could've gone to college, not where I live. It's good that u are at least trying.

 

[katara]

I'm completely alone and empathise. Loneliness consumes :( I used to invest everything in one person/my girlfriend. After a sudden breakup following a decade together, I slowly lost everything. I would love to have a relationship again, but there is simply no hope when so much is wrong with me.

I wish I had a relationship but it would have to be with someone who isn't super judgemental because I've completely failed at life. I fear I'd be judged, people don't even want to be my friend.

Me 24/7

Hey sorry to hear that. If you ever want to chat with me let me know. The only thing is I'm not the most interesting person because I don't have anything going on irl.

 

[katara]

I live alone with my mom currently but plan to apply for a voucher myself to have full independence if my condition is more permanent in nature.

I have a core friend group from highschool but don't want to burden them with what's currently going on with my impairment and had to distance myself.

They want to do everything I simply can't anymore i.e. playing videogames, going to the mall etc. while I have trouble walking without an aid.

I told them as much as I could about how disabling my condition is and how I'm barely functional but working hard to get to a better state.

You are not unlovable at all and are very sweet, don't doubt yourself.

Ahh I haven't been to the mall in forever. You could do something like a concert right? Even deaf people enjoy those, unless you aren't a music person.
Thanks for what you said, you are very kind. I've been having a hard week, I guess it's harder for those of us who have no support system. It's hard to feel anything at all when I'm constantly treated like I don't even exist. I've tried reaching out to people, to just feel weird after opening up. So many people even on this site have a lot of love and care waiting for them just to push it away, I wish I had that privilege. It hurts a lot, but I can't do anything to fix it, I can't self harm, or starve myself, nothing makes me feel better But I do enjoy seeing the few nice people on here, like yourself I just wish I had more to say. I hate having nothing but negativity in my life because I feel like that's all I'm ever getting, no ups, just downs.

 

[katara]

Same here, 99.9 percent of my hours alone. I have coworkers that I see at work but I'm not friends with them. I was pulled out of school to be homeschooled when I was younger and was very isolated as a result. I was never educated and I'm basically a middle school drop out.
My lack of friendship has carried on to adulthood, but I don't really experience loneliness. I've grown used to being alone even if I'm not happy.

Ya homeschooling doesn't typically work unless you have someone there to help you, or you're already super smart and trying to get ahead and get out of school ASAP. I got out of school at 9th grade. So I've been pretty alone since then. When my mom moved us here, I basically logged off, I was in bed a lot. I never got my id because my mom threatened to send me to a psyche ward and when ur under 18 they can assault you where I live they have something called 51/50 where they can assault you and do things to u without ur consent. Shithole America, fuck this dumbass country. I've been used to being alone as well, but it scares me bc I worry I'll be trapped here forever. My mom doesn't care about me, she only wants me alive so when she's old I'll take care of her. She says this anytime I am unable to speak to her bc I'm tired and don't feel like conversing. My only reason for being alive in her eyes is so when she's too old I'll take care of her, that's all I am. It hurts. I can't remember the last time I felt happiness. If you ever want to talk to me and anything I've said connects with u, feel free to message me anytime. Thanks so much for your comment

 

[calebzz1]

Ahh I haven't been to the mall in forever. You could do something like a concert right? Even deaf people enjoy those, unless you aren't a music person.
Thanks for what you said, you are very kind. I've been having a hard week, I guess it's harder for those of us who have no support system. It's hard to feel anything at all when I'm constantly treated like I don't even exist. I've tried reaching out to people, to just feel weird after opening up. So many people even on this site have a lot of love and care waiting for them just to push it away, I wish I had that privilege. It hurts a lot, but I can't do anything to fix it, I can't self harm, or starve myself, nothing makes me feel better But I do enjoy seeing the few nice people on here, like yourself I just wish I had more to say. I hate having nothing but negativity in my life because I feel like that's all I'm ever getting, no ups, just downs.

No problem.

Yeah, a concert would be fun for sure.

I really have been connected a lot more to music in general due to my visual impairment and it's helped a lot.

I can definitely relate with the support system, my family and friends care but I had to take all the initiative to get proper treatment and further my disability case.

I don't mean to probe or push but do you have any hobbies that can make you feel better?

I personally enter a lot of sweepstakes and giveaways since they don't require good vision as long as I focus, same with surveys too.

I've experienced plenty of losses with my situation as well but try to think positively.

 

[Upon a hanging Body]

I'm constantly alone

 

[katara]

im always alone. even in the house with my family, it feels like im not even there. just wasting away in my room until I get the courage to finally ctb

I'm so sorry, I totally understand. Have your family ever said anything to you about it? I just have my mom here (plus her boyfriend but me and him don't really talk) and my mom hasn't ever really tried to help me, she actually makes me worse. I want to sell as many things as I can so I can feel better about leaving. I don't want to have a bunch of shit just sitting around when I go and my mom can go through my laptop and see my personal things. I already feel bad enough for never having done anything in my life. I hate having clutter on top of everything else, it's just another thing to deal with.

 

[deadhead12!]

Title.
I have no friends and I've been alone for years. I'm starting to feel effects of it. Idk if it's a gen z thing bc so many are anti social and leave u the second they get bored. Anybody here have a similar experience? I just hate seeing shit online about people like Luigi Mangione or serial killers, even they had friends! But why can't I? And I really that unlovable? I guess so

I feel your pain. My mental illness has driven everyone away. I am so alone all the time and have no friends as a 27 year old and wouldn't know how to make friends anyway since all I think about is death. I have no interests or hobbies, my brain just goes I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die all day. I hope I will find peace soon.

 

[katara]

always alone but i have this place

I used to come here when I was lonely but tbh some people on here make me feel worse. I'm glad it's helping you tho Eric

 

[starinthesky]

I have nothing and no one. Nobody to talk to. Nobody I can confide in. Last time I looked for people to talk to online was October or so. Everyone always abandons me

 

[katara]

Alone,and ugly. I go to the gym most days...it's all the keeps me going now. There are a couple of other people there I see most days, sometimes we say hello otherwise we dont talk. They look socially awkward and unnacetable like me. I imagine they are proberbly outcasts, alone like me too.

That's awesome you go to the gym. I've heard it can be a good distraction, is that the case for you? I wish I had that kind of energy, I've even tried this stupid caffeine vitamin powders that were on sale and I didn't feel anything. I would like to have more energy, but I guess there's no much I can do in regards to that.

Yeah, no friends or a partner. I can't have neither though tbh due to me not having a job and not being social anyways.

I plan to die this year though so this won't matter soon.

The only people I'm interacting with are the ones on this forum.

I didn't know u were planning on leaving. I've always liked seeing you in the general chat even though we haven't talked a whole lot. You are very nice, and I just want u to know I appreciate you and the conversations we've had.

 

[Manfrotto99]

That's awesome you go to the gym. I've heard it can be a good distraction, is that the case for you? I wish I had that kind of energy, I've even tried this stupid caffeine vitamin powders that were on sale and I didn't feel anything. I would like to have more energy, but I guess there's no much I can do in regards to that.

I didn't know u were planning on leaving. I've always liked seeing you in the general chat even though we haven't talked a whole lot. You are very nice, and I just want u to know I appreciate you and the conversations we've had.

The gym is the only thing that keeps me going and perhaps reading the psalms....or at least they help with the awful nightmares. I've gone to the gym for years as it's helped with depression and tremor and I've not been able to take anti depressants as they aggravate the tremor. I'm on heavy psychotic now for the depression, but still managing to lift weights. The gym has been the only staple thing in my life, I call it my safe haven, it's the only place I feel comfortable, that hasnt been taken away from me. I guess im lucky i have the health to do it. Its a distraction in so much as I have to count and focus on keeping form or I hurt myself, so that clears my head for a bit while im there.

Things were looking OK for a while, but everything fell into a heap yet again. This time worse than ever before as now I don't even have my dog and I can no longer garden and the abuse has gotten worse than ever. I have everything I need for SN, just working on my protocol and still need to get my will signed.

 

[katara]

Looking back, I've literally never had a single loyal person in my life. Even my own family bullied me relentlessly. So I was used to not having anyone. I didn't care about being alone. At school, I never so much as looked anyone in the eyes and most days I wouldn't pronounce a sentence.

I don't know exactly how, but the emptiness got to me and I attempted socializing. Of course, I've no idea how to socialize because I had a dogshit social upbringing. My misery increased ten-fold as I started asphyxiating on my own loneliness.

Though I'm pretty sure that if my social life weren't so shitty it wouldn't have changed much, since my dissatisfaction with life comes from many places.

I was quiet all day when I was in school. Too nervous to eat, or focus, or anything. I barely ever saw my cousins growing up. Now I never see them, it's been years. I spend every Christmas and every other holiday alone. It's been this way for years. My mom doesn't care. I want to get away from her, but I have nobody else. So idk I've thought about slowly transitioning to being homeless. It's hard, but I know staying here with her is hell. She lies to people about me and only wants me around so I will take care of her when she's old. I hate saying this, but I kind of hate her. I wish I got away from her immediately, but I never saw any opportunity. Now I know I'll never have it.

 

[chudeatte]

I'm so sorry, I totally understand. Have your family ever said anything to you about it? I just have my mom here (plus her boyfriend but me and him don't really talk) and my mom hasn't ever really tried to help me, she actually makes me worse. I want to sell as many things as I can so I can feel better about leaving. I don't want to have a bunch of shit just sitting around when I go and my mom can go through my laptop and see my personal things. I already feel bad enough for never having done anything in my life. I hate having clutter on top of everything else, it's just another thing to deal with.

not really. they just complain that I never leave my room and dont do anything, but they can't see how depressed I actually am. they dont actually know im suffering in the way I am but thats to be expected from them. im sorry about your experience. honestly I relate when you talk about selling your things, I do the same thing. decluttering helps me too. I hope you find peace one day

 

[katara]

I feel your pain. My mental illness has driven everyone away. I am so alone all the time and have no friends as a 27 year old and wouldn't know how to make friends anyway since all I think about is death. I have no interests or hobbies, my brain just goes I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die all day. I hope I will find peace soon.

I have no interests or hobbies either, and haven't for years. Actually I don't even remember having a hobby ever. Even as a kid. It feels weird. And my mom moved me to a shitty boomer city to isolate me more, so now I'll never be able to have a normal life. I think about leaving all the time, it's the only way I can end this cycle. I've never been on vacation, I never go and see movies, haven't been to a movie theater since I was 13. It's crazy when I think of it. My mom just keeps me alive bc she's scared of ending up in a nursing home when she gets old. That's what I've been told my value is for being alive. I wish someone would help me. I need a guardian angel that doesn't exist.