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permanently tired

permanently tired

I'm supposed to want to get up a thousand times
Nov 8, 2023
241
The only time I wasn't living with them was a year for uni and then I dropped out and shit hit the fan. They welcomed me back and are generally concerned for my well-being and know I'm depressed. They don't understand my sentiment though and will give unhelpful advice. I have despised them at one point for the role they played in my depression, but I don't outright hate them currently. I'm mostly detached. I don't want to ctb until I move out for certainty and control over my attempt. I'm planning on going the rope or sn route when I do, though in the event I attempt at home for some reason I will probably go with sn in the middle of the night and hope for the best.

When I ctb, it's probably inevitable they will find out unless I'm in a foreign country and I'm not planning on going to one. They'll cry, have a funeral and visit my grave on occasions. My father visits his parent's grave quite frequently and I imagine he will do the same for me. My mother probably will too, I think she'll try to converse with me like we have in the past. She's the type to sit and stare for a while, wondering. My sister is definitely the silent type, especially when other ppl are around. She won't make her feelings or questions known though perhaps she might if she is alone. I don't know if a friend would visit. Perhaps they'll be saddened by the news though I doubt anyone outside my family has the emotional or temporal availability for me.
 
Daxter777

Daxter777

Member
May 22, 2023
99
I live with my mom... Kind of, im mostly reliant on her. I live in my grans house that my mom comes to because she has a business here.

Im 30 btw. And struggle to find work and just to work in general. My mental illnesses wreck me. Honestly i don't want my mom to find my corpse because I know it would fuck her up mentally and she would probably end up taking her own life because of it.

Honestly she is the best mom i could have asked for she is very loving and tried her best with me. The fact that i will enf up hurting her in this way honestly breaks my heart. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.
 
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Reactions: death_bed221
ChaiTea

ChaiTea

Member
Apr 17, 2023
57
i bought my sn from ccs a while ago and it came in during christmas time so i told them they couldn't look. discreet packaging, nothing that says "hazardous" or anything that shows that it's a poison. just a brown cardboard box with my billing info

a birthday could work too, just make sure a bunch of packages are coming in with different kinds of packaging. that should work
 

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