• Hey Guest,

    As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.

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narval

narval

Enlightened
Jan 22, 2020
1,188
here there's an urban legend. chinese restaurants make their food with CAT meat instead chicken, so... well. I wish i had a new laptop
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,206
Granted, but the laptop will record everything you say and do and send that data to who knows where even if it's turned off or out of battery.

I wish I didn't have to work for a living.
 
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262653

262653

Cluesome
Apr 5, 2018
1,733
Granted. Now you have to party for a living. You eventually get weary of lousy music and crowded places and getting drunk all the time but you have to keep partying or you will die. (So your instincts will make sure you party hard.)

I wish I was a lich.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,206
Granted, but as a being made mostly of bones, hellhounds constantly stalk you and try to chew on you. They can't kill you, but it still hurts to get chewed on.

I wish I never got headaches or migraines ever again.
 
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WhatDoesTheFoxSay?

WhatDoesTheFoxSay?

Hold your head high, and your middle finger higher
Dec 25, 2020
1,139
I wish I never got headaches or migraines ever again.
Granted. You participate in a drug trial which advertises itself as part of a national effort to fight the migraine epidemic, and are instructed to take your dose at regular intervals. Months pass without a single headache or migraine, but all is not what it seems. Unbeknownst to you, all of this is part of a super-soldier project to turn test subjects into unfeeling killing machines. As time goes by you lose interest in hobbies and relationships, and there comes a point where the fleeting pleasures others partake in make no sense to you. Disturbingly, you become drawn to the scent of blood and you ask for your steak to be blue-rare. You become so irritable that the smallest inconvenience is enough to send you into a violent rage.

Even though you are aware, you are unable to pinpoint the cause of this personality change. You feel both helpless and hopeless as terror begins to creep into your being. Then one fine day two secret service agents show up on your doorstep...

I wish we didn't have to work for a living.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,206
Granted! We now only have to work for a dying. As in, now we all become immortal/indestructible and cannot die unless we work to deliberately off ourselves slowly over the course of decades through manual labor or more dangerous tasks. Unfortunately because of that, the world population explodes and every problem associated with overpopulation gets worse because it's so hard to die now. This explosion in world population means everyone's Universal Basic Income becomes an average of around 5 dollars a month which amazingly still is enough to make a living, just not a very good one.

I wish everyone would just be happy and could get everything they want without getting in the way of other peoples' happiness.
 
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Dysgenic Pup

Dysgenic Pup

A canine that’s not so heavenly.
Sep 18, 2021
435
Granted, but this only includes human. All other species suffer greatly as a result.

I wish there was an alien civilization on Mars.
 
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Silenos

Silenos

Ṿ̸̄Ọ̶͂Ỉ̶͉D̴̞͝ ̴̲̐A̷̾͜W̷̪͒Ā̵̯I̵͍̅T̵̛͔S̷̗͛
Jul 25, 2020
1,057
Granted. They will start abducting and probing humans and you will be their number one test subject.

I wish for a shrubbery.
 
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AtMostOkay

AtMostOkay

Screw your courage to the sticking place.
Jun 29, 2021
926
Granted. The shrubbery is filled with pregnant spiders that infest your kitchen.

I wish for a seasoned cast iron skillet.
 
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MeltedJello

MeltedJello

My brain is a liquid mess.
Aug 18, 2021
2,214
Granted. The skillet can only be used for decoration.

I wish for a rope.
 
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AtMostOkay

AtMostOkay

Screw your courage to the sticking place.
Jun 29, 2021
926
Granted. The rope is made of twisted and thorned vines, making it impossible to touch.

I wish I were 20 years younger.
 
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MeltedJello

MeltedJello

My brain is a liquid mess.
Aug 18, 2021
2,214
Granted. Everyone you know, gets 20 years more older.

I wish for friends in real life.
 
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Silenos

Silenos

Ṿ̸̄Ọ̶͂Ỉ̶͉D̴̞͝ ̴̲̐A̷̾͜W̷̪͒Ā̵̯I̵͍̅T̵̛͔S̷̗͛
Jul 25, 2020
1,057
Granted. On the road to your first group holiday you get into a car crash and your friends die horrible deaths. You're the only survivor.

I wish for delicious pancakes.
 
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Choco

Choco

Tired
Nov 11, 2021
150
Granted, but they are made of slime LOL

I wish for chocolate~
 
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MeltedJello

MeltedJello

My brain is a liquid mess.
Aug 18, 2021
2,214
Granted, but the chocolate has expired 10 years ago.

I wish I could sleep longer than 5-6 hours.
 
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Silenos

Silenos

Ṿ̸̄Ọ̶͂Ỉ̶͉D̴̞͝ ̴̲̐A̷̾͜W̷̪͒Ā̵̯I̵͍̅T̵̛͔S̷̗͛
Jul 25, 2020
1,057
Granted. You now sleep 20 hours a day, yet you never feel rested.

I wish I had my own wings so I could fly.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,206
Granted, but like any muscle, your wings are weak and incapable of flight unless you train them for over 15 hours a day, seven days a week, for at least two years just to be able to fly for a few minutes at a time.

I wish I could always watch movies for free at any theater.
 
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avoid_slow_death

avoid_slow_death

Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
Feb 4, 2020
1,269
Granted. Catch is they're only films you despise.

I wish I was nonexistent in the first place. All traces, effects and memories of me deleted. I had no effect on the world whatsoever.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,206
Granted, but you first have to actively do all the work to erase yourself as a time traveler and prevent your existence without creating any paradoxes or changes and you aren't allowed to start not existing until you finish. Just going back and killing your parents or yourself in the past alone is not enough since killing anyone would cause a noticeable change to the timeline so you have to work a lot more stealthily and you become immortal in order to accomplish this task meaning you can't even die regularly until you're done. How do you accomplish this? That's up to you to figure out.

I wish I had a perfectly edible, nonspoiled, and delicious sandwich to eat right now.
 
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avoid_slow_death

avoid_slow_death

Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
Feb 4, 2020
1,269
Granted. But it's a holographic illusion so real it fools your senses but doesn't fill you at all.

I wish that this game REALLY took effect with each answer.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,206
Granted, but…actually the already-listed negative side effects of each wish alone should be enough to consider this wish as a whole to be corrupted…okay let's also say that each person who participates in this game immediately forgets any wishes they ever made and the corruptions anyone gives to them meaning we'll be completely unprepared for what will happen.

I wish I wasn't so scared of horror movies or anything scary and could actually enjoy them.
 
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WhatDoesTheFoxSay?

WhatDoesTheFoxSay?

Hold your head high, and your middle finger higher
Dec 25, 2020
1,139
I wish I wasn't so scared of horror movies or anything scary and could actually enjoy them
Granted. Creepy, crawly things, the dark, screams of the damned—elements of the horror genre that would otherwise intimidate others—arouse you, such that watching horror movies is not only pleasurable, but oddly...comforting.

Unbeknownst to you, this is all part of a curse laid by the vengeful spirit of an actor who died whilst filming. The hapless victim, first to download from a certain illegal streaming site, is haunted by said actor. Every time you talk to someone, you hear a voice in your head, "Be wary, be very wary..." At times you try to raise doubt, but 'he' somehow manages to convince you that 'he' has your best interests at heart, and that 'he' alone is the only one you can trust.

This goes on for some time until you become paranoid that everything and everyone is out to get you. You withdraw yourself socially. You dread every waking day as you are plunged into a living hell. You become reluctant to leave home to get the groceries, so you opt for them to be delivered to your doorstep. Watching horror movies becomes your only refuge, so you spend your days doing just that. You live out the remainder of your life—tragically cut short by physical inactivity and an unhealthy diet—as a shut-in, with 'him' as your one and only companion.

I wish I wasn't so afraid of vomiting (a.k.a. emetophobia).
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,206
This goes on for some time until you become paranoid that everything and everyone is out to get you. You withdraw yourself socially. You dread every waking day as you are plunged into a living hell. You become reluctant to leave home to get the groceries, so you opt for them to be delivered to your doorstep. Watching horror movies becomes your only refuge, so you spend your days doing just that. You live out the remainder of your life—tragically cut short by physical inactivity and an unhealthy diet—as a shut-in, with 'him' as your one and only companion.
For the most part, this ain't too different from how I already live hehe.

I wish I wasn't so afraid of vomiting (a.k.a. emetophobia).
Granted, but now you automatically vomit everything you try to consume causing you to starve and/or die of thirst. You aren't afraid of it anymore, but it's still gonna be annoying to clean up.

I wish gas was under $4 a gallon again.
 
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Choco

Choco

Tired
Nov 11, 2021
150
For the most part, this ain't too different from how I already live hehe.


Granted, but now you automatically vomit everything you try to consume causing you to starve and/or die of thirst. You aren't afraid of it anymore, but it's still gonna be annoying to clean up.

I wish gas was under $4 a gallon again.
Granted, but they are very smol

I wish I could fly
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,206
Granted, but flying requires you to apply for a very specific and unique license and even though you're the only one applying for it, it will still take many weeks maybe even months to process and then even when your license comes you're still bound to tons of restrictions and regulations by your government lest you be shot down by snipers.

I wish I could pause time whenever I fall asleep.
 
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MeltedJello

MeltedJello

My brain is a liquid mess.
Aug 18, 2021
2,214
Granted, but time goes back a day every time you wake up.

I wish Pokemon existed in real life.
 
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Choco

Choco

Tired
Nov 11, 2021
150
Granted, but It's illegal to catch pokemons

I wish to be a vampire
 
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MeltedJello

MeltedJello

My brain is a liquid mess.
Aug 18, 2021
2,214
Granted, but you burn in darkness instead of sunlight & drink urine instead of blood.

I wish for a vampire girlfriend.
 
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Choco

Choco

Tired
Nov 11, 2021
150
Granted but she'll turn you into a vampire and you'll burn in darkness instead of sunlight & drink urine instead of blood.

I wish I was a cloud
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,206
Granted but for some reason it agonizingly hurts everytime you make rain.

I wish I had a "what-if machine" that could be used to examine outcomes without ever feeling their effects.
 
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