"I'd like to feel a bit better/ I'd like to recover" Support Group Megathread

[venin]

Hello and welcome to the support group megathread!

[Editor's Note] This thread was started by Venin, a former SaSu member. While Venin is no longer with us, his legacy lives on through this thread: since his initial idea to start a peer support group on SaSu, this group has blossomed into a community of support, understanding, and shared growth.

What is this thread about?
This thread is a safe space for anyone feeling overwhelmed, lost, or at their lowest to share, vent and seek support from other SaSu members. Here, we share our daily struggles and victories, no matter how small they may seem. Every voice matters and every experience is valid in this group. Whether you've decided to focus on the path to recovery or just want to feel better than you do right now, you're welcome to participate. There's no pressure to fully commit to recovery and no judgement for whatever path you decide to take. The only thing that matters here is that we be kind and supportive to each other.

How can you participate?
* Share Your Story: Feel free to share your challenges and progress. No matter where you are on your journey, your story has power.
* Offer Support: If you see a fellow member in need, offer a kind word, share your own experiences, or simply let them know they're heard.
* Seek Guidance: If you're looking for advice or need help navigating a tough situation, don't hesitate to ask. Our community thrives on mutual support and the exchange of ideas and suggestions.

Why join us?
You're not alone in your struggle. While SaSu began as a site primarily focused on discussion of CTB, the recovery section is a place where members can find others who relate to their mental health struggles, and this group has become a compassionate community within this part of the site. Together, we can find the strength to get through another day, and to feel a little bit better than we did the day before. Let's make this journey together, one step at a time.

 

[venin]

Feeling a little bit better today but I still wanna take a couple more days. I wanna do it seriously and profundly if and when we do it.

Do you wanna talk here or on other platforms?

It would be great if you stated your preferance

I wish you easier and better days

 

[venin]

I asked @HighFlight55 to take over the thread (at least for now) because my rough patch seems to not get any lighter so it doesn't seem fair to me to slow you down.

Some of you might wanna do this right now or have already been wanting to do it.

So, if you wanna do it, DO IT!

I will be following.

Just have to get my shit together a bit more

I wish you easier and better days

 

[venin]

So, my dudes and dudettes

Some things changed for me, tbh I made some decisions and I am ready to make the pact.

I will write the things I wanna promise myself here and you do the same. We'll change the things we don't like along the way. But he have to start somewhere.

So this is what I propose for a start: each one of us making a vow, a promise (however you see fit) and then, as a rule write a post every day (no exception) about how their day went and how they are feeling

I'll make mine a tat later

Hoping on hearing from you soon !

 

[venin]

I VOW TO MYSELF AND TO YOU THAT I WILL RECOVER.


I will go after the life I dream.
I really think I can do it & I WILL DO IT.

CTB is no longer an option for me, neither is failing and from now on I leave my past in the past and start anew.

I will definetely succeed in living the way I want to live and in being who I truly am & want to be.


I also vow to speak with my pact siblings on a daily basis because as of this moment we're in this together & WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER.

May this oath be my first step to recovery, happiness, fulfillment and the real joy of being alive.


20th of august 2023


————————————————————————


!!! You can write yours however you wish and fits you best.

The only thing I ask of you is to take it and the thread seriously.

We are not gonna try, we are gonna succeed

 

[HighFlight]

I vow to continue to search for my life purpose - my reason for living which was abruptly stolen from me a few years ago. In the meantime, I will continue to share my life experiences with this community, both good and bad, in the hopes that it may help someone else. Right now, it is the only thing that is giving me any sense of purpose.

 

[venin]

I vow to continue to search for my life purpose - my reason for living which was abruptly stolen from me a few years ago. In the meantime, I will continue to share my life experiences with this community, both good and bad, in the hopes that it may help someone else. Right now, it is the only thing that is giving me any sense of purpose.

So it begins

I've had a fairly good day yesterday after making the vow, unexpectedly good actually. Before I went to bed some really fucked up anxiety bubbled up, but I managed to cope and go to sleep.

@enough of this @FungusButler @SoftWorries @UsagiDrop @CTBookOfLife @BurgundySnap @jar-baby @Ugly_little_thing @lamentos @Square251

If you wanna join you're more than welcome

I would suggest making a vow, writing it however you see fit, in order to have some backbone to this initiative and being serious about it.

I think some rules are required to make it efficient and reach it's finality.

That being said, I hope we get to be more than a bunch here. I think we could do some great things thru this thread. I am really motivated right now. I hope I can pass that also to you guys.

Good luck and I wish you better coming days

 

[BurgundySnap]

I vow to see beauty in the world again someday.

Everything is going to become more difficult in this future, however I will change as well to persevere. I will one day be free to be able to go where I want at my own pace.
Until I can discover what I am looking for, I will believe that I can help others who may also be going through this. I believe that I can accomplish this, and I will not give up. If I ever again find myself in the space between logic and memory, I will remember the resolve I felt while typing this.

 

[venin]

I vow to continue to search for my life purpose - my reason for living which was abruptly stolen from me a few years ago. In the meantime, I will continue to share my life experiences with this community, both good and bad, in the hopes that it may help someone else. Right now, it is the only thing that is giving me any sense of purpose.

Congratulations for the courage and will to make this!

I vow to see beauty in the world again someday.

Everything is going to become more difficult in this future, however I will change as well to persevere. I will one day be free to be able to go where I want at my own pace.
Until I can discover what I am looking for, I will believe that I can help others who may also be going through this. I believe that I can accomplish this, and I will not give up. If I ever again find myself in the space between logic and memory, I will remember the resolve I felt while typing this.

Congratulations for the courage and will to make this!

It could be hard as fuck but that doesn't mean it's impossible. It also can be way easier than we think now. For me it really fucking helped, honestly. I'm motivated af and begining to think more and more that we really can do this.

I'm really excited we started this and that you decided to join.

I'm really proud of us

BROTHERS IN ARMS

 

[venin]

My day was fucked up but somehow managed to not let it get to me… but it was tough afffffffff

Hope you're having a better one

 

[venin]

So it begins

I've had a fairly good day yesterday after making the vow, unexpectedly good actually. Before I went to bed some really fucked up anxiety bubbled up, but I managed to cope and go to sleep.

@enough of this @FungusButler @SoftWorries @UsagiDrop @CTBookOfLife @BurgundySnap @jar-baby @Ugly_little_thing @lamentos @Square251

If you wanna join you're more than welcome

I would suggest making a vow, writing it however you see fit, in order to have some backbone to this initiative and being serious about it.

I think some rules are required to make it efficient and reach it's finality.

That being said, I hope we get to be more than a bunch here. I think we could do some great things thru this thread. I am really motivated right now. I hope I can pass that also to you guys.

Good luck and I wish you better coming days

@FeyB @carac @cactusflower @hhh_ @KitsuneAiKirai @SoftWorries @xXAJBXx
@heavyeyes @Cherry Crumpet @LoiteringClouds

 

[BurgundySnap]

My day was fucked up but somehow managed to not let it get to me… but it was tough afffffffff

Hope you're having a better one

Hello venin, I'm sorry to hear about your day. I hope things can one day improve for you.

Today, the birds outside were chirping, and one day I will be able to go outside and see them. I did my best to see chirping as a symbol of hope, it is not working yet. One day!

Take care.

 

[cactusflower]

I vow to make it through this wave of sadness. I've been told I'm a strong person, having survived growing up in a toxic household with a verbally abusive mother. I've moved out notlw and things feel just as empty as they were before, be a use my one support line that I had passed away in December, my dad.

I know that things will change eventually, life is just a constant teeter totter between emotions. I know this too will pass, I just need to strength to get through it and not completely give up. It's so difficult when I feel this is a completely new low for me. I feel abandoned, rejected, unloved, and unwanted. I suspect these feelings may partially stem from a low self esteem as well. I vow as well to take action in taking care of myself, and showing myself some much needed love.

Thank you all. If any of you ever want to chat, or need a friend, I'm always open to it

 

[HighFlight]

Hey @venin, I'm sorry you didn't have a good day. Mine was filled with meetings where I had to pretend everything is OK, while quietly dying on the inside.

But at least the birds were chirping for @BurgundySnap.

If any of you ever want to chat, or need a friend, I'm always open to it

The same goes for you too.

 

[Kadaver]

Unfortunately as you can see in the picture below, the maximum number of participants is 5

Maybe we can here for now? This will also make the subject seen for others. I'm there's more of us who want in but just haven't come across this thread until now.

SUGGESTIONS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME

Maybe you could start a discord chat room? They let you have a bunch of people I think. I'd be interested in joining. I really want to get better

 

[venin]

Hello venin, I'm sorry to hear about your day. I hope things can one day improve for you.

Today, the birds outside were chirping, and one day I will be able to go outside and see them. I did my best to see chirping as a symbol of hope, it is not working yet. One day!

Take care.

Thank you so much

Glad to hear you did your best! I hope it works soon.

Maybe you could start a discord chat room? They let you have a bunch of people I think. I'd be interested in joining. I really want to get bettert

Me and @HighFlight55 will give you an asnwer soon. In the meantime, if you wanna join our pact I would recommend making the vow we've all made

You can do it however you want, it just has to be an "official" engagement regarding recovery.

Hey @venin, I'm sorry you didn't have a good day. Mine was filled with meetings where I had to pretend everything is OK, while quietly dying on the inside.

But at least the birds were chirping for @BurgundySnap.


The same goes for you too.

I'm glad you still made it through

Thank you for the compassion

 

[CTBookOfLife]

So it begins

I've had a fairly good day yesterday after making the vow, unexpectedly good actually. Before I went to bed some really fucked up anxiety bubbled up, but I managed to cope and go to sleep.

@enough of this @FungusButler @SoftWorries @UsagiDrop @CTBookOfLife @BurgundySnap @jar-baby @Ugly_little_thing @lamentos @Square251

If you wanna join you're more than welcome

I would suggest making a vow, writing it however you see fit, in order to have some backbone to this initiative and being serious about it.

I think some rules are required to make it efficient and reach it's finality.

That being said, I hope we get to be more than a bunch here. I think we could do some great things thru this thread. I am really motivated right now. I hope I can pass that also to you guys.

Good luck and I wish you better coming days

I vow to try my damn fricking HARDEST to recover and get out of this. I feel better now, despite being a bit depressed. It doesn't hurt as much. As long as I am alive, I will keep fighting. I can do this. Thanks for this guys

 

[venin]

I vow to make it through this wave of sadness. I've been told I'm a strong person, having survived growing up in a toxic household with a verbally abusive mother. I've moved out notlw and things feel just as empty as they were before, be a use my one support line that I had passed away in December, my dad.

I know that things will change eventually, life is just a constant teeter totter between emotions. I know this too will pass, I just need to strength to get through it and not completely give up. It's so difficult when I feel this is a completely new low for me. I feel abandoned, rejected, unloved, and unwanted. I suspect these feelings may partially stem from a low self esteem as well. I vow as well to take action in taking care of myself, and showing myself some much needed love.

Thank you all. If any of you ever want to chat, or need a friend, I'm always open to it

Ty for the offer you're wanted and appreciated here already

Welcome to the fam

We will do this!

I vow to try my damn fricking HARDEST to recover and get out of this. I feel better now, despite being a bit depressed. It doesn't hurt as much. As long as I am alive, I will keep fighting. I can do this. Thanks for this guys

Good vow dude/dudette

I'm glad you're not that far down the pit

Welcome to the fam!

We shall succeed!

Maybe you could start a discord chat room? They let you have a bunch of people I think. I'd be interested in joining. I really want to get better

I would keep this thread running for the vows, the daily "check-in" and for the fact that if we write here daily, the thread will be at the top of the list a lot so it's more visible for others who wanna join.

Regarding the discord chat I wanna ask all of you how do you wanna proceed? There's already a channel there with individuals who are aiming to recover, and @HighFlight55 can squeeze us in. Or would you rather create our own discord chat so it would be more private? Or both?

Think about it, and we'll decide

In the meantime we'll keep the mandatory vow for the people that will join us in the future and the daily check-in.


I wish you better and sunnier days fam

XO

 

[venin]

Hya fam

I've had a pretty rough day. A looot of intrusive thoughts about every single thing I don't want & don't wanna think about but now I'm feeling really tranquil and serene.

I wish you happier and easier days

How are you? How's it going?

 

[BurgundySnap]

Hya fam

I've had a pretty rough day. A looot of intrusive thoughts about every single thing I don't want & don't wanna think about but now I'm feeling really tranquil and serene.

I wish you happier and easier days

How are you? How's it going?

Hello, venin

Intrusive thoughts are awful and difficult. I'm glad you are feeling tranquil now.

Today seems to be nothing new. Nothing seems worse, and nothing seems better. I am in a way appreciative of this; I think it is okay when nothing changes. And change should not be instant.

Best wishes!

 

[heavyeyes]

@FeyB @carac @cactusflower @hhh_ @KitsuneAiKirai @SoftWorries @xXAJBXx
@heavyeyes @Cherry Crumpet @LoiteringClouds

I know I was tagged in this because I liked the post. I think the pact is a good idea for those who see recovery as a feasible option! I can't promise I won't ctb which is why it would be wrong for me to join in. I wish you all luck and prosperity in your respective journeys ❤

 

[carac]

My vow is to be more decisive and to try and stop postponing and getting anxious over events in my life.

I will try to say yes more often to things than can lead to positive change in my life, I will not to put things off and worry about all the possible negative outcomes. I will focus on what the benifits are and know that things can go wrong but they can also go well.

I will try to say no more often to things that could lead to negative change in my life. If I am confronted with an oppressive person or situation I will stand up and be brave. I will not fear confrontation, it can be scary but it is better than putting things off or feeling myself being pushed into something I dont want to do.

 

[venin]

Hello, venin

Intrusive thoughts are awful and difficult. I'm glad you are feeling tranquil now.

Today seems to be nothing new. Nothing seems worse, and nothing seems better. I am in a way appreciative of this; I think it is okay when nothing changes. And change should not be instant.

Best wishes!

Thank you for your empathy

Happy to see that little step forward!

You too!

I know I was tagged in this because I liked the post. I think the pact is a good idea for those who see recovery as a feasible option! I can't promise I won't ctb which is why it would be wrong for me to join in. I wish you all luck and prosperity in your respective journeys ❤

You don't have to you can make the vow however you see fit.

I also feel sometimes I wanna CTB, but I stick to the vow and move forward.

It's not that our depression or our suicidality mirraculously dissapeared.

We just made a commitment to ourselves and to others to try once more.

I'd be really sad, to see someone from here CTB but after all it's their choice. I am definetely pro-choice and not pro-life.


### I WILL WRITE THIS WITH BOLD LETTERS SO EVERYONE CAN SEE ###

WE ARE NOT PRO-LIFE. WE ARE NOT BETTER THAN YOU.

WE'VE JUST DECIDED WE'RE GONNA GIVE IT ONE MORE TRY.

THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO CTB, TO THINK ABOUT CTB
OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MATTER.



THE VOW AND THE DAILY POSTS ARE IN OUR BENEFIT AND I THOUGHT OF THEM LIKE ANCHORS IN THE PRESENT/FUTURE & SOMETHING WHAT WOULD HELP US WITH CONSISTENCE, A SENSE OF COMMUNITY, BELONGING.

My vow is to be more decisive and to try and stop postponing and getting anxious over events in my life.

I will try to say yes more often to things than can lead to positive change in my life, I will not to put things off and worry about all the possible negative outcomes. I will focus on what the benifits are and know that things can go wrong but they can also go well.

I will try to say no more often to things that could lead to negative change in my life. If I am confronted with an oppressive person or situation I will stand up and be brave. I will not fear confrontation, it can be scary but it is better than putting things off or feeling myself being pushed into something I dont want to do.

@heavyeyes this is the perfect example that for the fact that you write whatever is important to you and think it will keep you on the surface

I'm not trying to convince you. I just wanted to clarify the dynamic

My vow is to be more decisive and to try and stop postponing and getting anxious over events in my life.

I will try to say yes more often to things than can lead to positive change in my life, I will not to put things off and worry about all the possible negative outcomes. I will focus on what the benifits are and know that things can go wrong but they can also go well.

I will try to say no more often to things that could lead to negative change in my life. If I am confronted with an oppressive person or situation I will stand up and be brave. I will not fear confrontation, it can be scary but it is better than putting things off or feeling myself being pushed into something I dont want to do.

Btw, awesome vow. Really good points made

Welcome!

 

[HighFlight]

Quick update - I've just returned from a family vacation (with many mixed emotions), and have been pulled in sooo many different directions since getting back.

I had a therapy session last night in preparation for a ketamine-assisted therapy session on Friday. The last session showed me how cold and lonely I am, and the hope is that this session might help answer 'why'?

Also started taking a stimulant med this week to help with ADHD issues. So far, it's worked well with limited side effects. But it's not dealing with the long seated depression or anxiety. Hopefully, therapy and ketamine can help there.

Thank you all for sharing your stories with us. It has been as powerful and moving as any medication or therapy session.

@venin , I will try to be better at posting more often.

 

[venin]

Quick update - I've just returned from a family vacation (with many mixed emotions), and have been pulled in sooo many different directions since getting back.

I had a therapy session last night in preparation for a ketamine-assisted therapy session on Friday. The last session showed me how cold and lonely I am, and the hope is that this session might help answer 'why'?

Also started taking a stimulant med this week to help with ADHD issues. So far, it's worked well with limited side effects. But it's not dealing with the long seated depression or anxiety. Hopefully, therapy and ketamine can help there.

Thank you all for sharing your stories with us. It has been as powerful and moving as any medication or therapy session.

@venin , I will try to be better at posting more often.

No worries m8

I'm really glad you're getting therapy and trying stuff, and basically not quitting.

How did you enroll for the ketamine therapy? And how many sessions did you until now?

Btw, good luck with finding the answers you seek

 

[HighFlight]

I have a threat where I am journaling my treatment. I've had one session so far, with my second happening on Friday.

Starting Ketamine Treatment

 

[venin]

My day was so bad I wanna stab my eyes…

Hope tomorrow will be better.

I hope you had or are having a better one.


Take care

 

[BurgundySnap]

Since my last post yesterday, I could not find what was up from what was down. I feel as if this all could take me to non-existence, if that makes any sense.
A strong feeling of doubt came over me, and I'm trying to remember what the first resolve felt like. It feels strange to already not remember anything.
I cannot find it in me, maybe only for today, to have energy to thoughtfully and genuinely reply to others.

Best wishes for others, take care.

 

[heavyeyes]

You don't have to you can make the vow however you see fit.

I also feel sometimes I wanna CTB, but I stick to the vow and move forward.

It's not that our depression or our suicidality mirraculously dissapeared.

We just made a commitment to ourselves and to others to try once more.

I'd be really sad, to see someone from here CTB but after all it's their choice. I am definetely pro-choice and not pro-life.


### I WILL WRITE THIS WITH BOLD LETTERS SO EVERYONE CAN SEE ###

WE ARE NOT PRO-LIFE. WE ARE NOT BETTER THAN YOU.

WE'VE JUST DECIDED WE'RE GONNA GIVE IT ONE MORE TRY.

THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO CTB, TO THINK ABOUT CTB
OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MATTER.



THE VOW AND THE DAILY POSTS ARE IN OUR BENEFIT AND I THOUGHT OF THEM LIKE ANCHORS IN THE PRESENT/FUTURE & SOMETHING WHAT WOULD HELP US WITH CONSISTENCE, A SENSE OF COMMUNITY, BELONGING.


@heavyeyes this is the perfect example that for the fact that you write whatever is important to you and think it will keep you on the surface

I'm not trying to convince you. I just wanted to clarify the dynamic

I never got the impression from the post/thread that you're prolife at all. There's nothing wrong with trying again. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep moving forward for one reason or another

Thanks for the clarification :) I suppose I'll join in while I'm still here. There are certain things I'd like to do before I ctb so I suppose this would be a good way to get motivated and do the most with the time I have left. It helps that the vast majority of this community is very kind and open minded about these things it helps a lot in terms of support

 

[HighFlight]

Welcome @heavyeyes! Hopefully, you can find some support from this group to help keep you motivated to finish your tasks. And who knows what the future might hold. Wishing you all the best.