I am not doing very well recently. Some final talks a friend and I had were wiped in the website data loss, and I see how easy it is to lose a lot.
Thank you for checking in, I'm happy to see you around. But I'm also really sad to hear that you've lost something that I could imagine was very precious to you in the data loss. It really is sad how easily we can lose these kinds of things. That being said, I don't think that the way you are feeling is selfish at all. You're grieving, so I would say you're justified in feeling sadness over the loss of something like that. Two things can be true at once; you can be sad about your personal loss, but grateful that nothing horrible happened to the forum.
Take all the time you need; I hope that you take care of yourself and eventually begin to feel better.
I'm afraid my SAD will kick in during event.
Fingers crossed that this doesn't happen! Please keep us updated when you can and feel up to it. It's completely understandable why you're feeling anxious, with all things considered, but I'm really hoping that you can enjoy the event when you go. Also, safe travels!
Welcome to the pact
@ColorlessTrees !
I'm here because I struggle with PMDD(premenstrual dysphoric disorder) for years and my general health, enough that I haven't been able to commit to work/education/misc opportunities. I'm currently in a phase of burnout/dysfunction after a period of hope. Typical cycle for me, but never gets any easier.
I think that I share this struggle with you, even though I haven't gotten diagnosed with PMDD from a doctor or anything. Some time last year I just got very angry at my job, I couldn't focus and every little mistake I made was making me want to throw things at the wall. Every time someone talked to me, I was annoyed as hell for no reason. I was crying because I couldn't do anything else with all of my anger and I didn't know why this was even happening, so I started aggressively googling and trying to find out what the heck was wrong with me lol. And eventually, when I picked up on the pattern of when I experienced the mood swings and random pains, it immediately made sense.
Then I found out about PMDD, and I was both shocked and relieved it had a name and everything. I'm already diagnosed with bipolar, so I thought those intense mood swings just had something to do with that. I guess it just compounds it all though, but my ideation and depression shoot up dramatically at very specific times, very regularly. I don't know how I maintain a job or anything when I feel dysfunctional for three weeks out of the month, I think it definitely comes at the cost of myself because I put the little energy I have into faking normalcy so I can keep up with that sector of my life.
All this venting about myself is to say that I know it honestly, truly sucks! I'm sorry that you deal with it too. There is no shame in your cycle, it's completely understandable how you got here and the things that are happening to you. I hope that on your journey in recovery, you can find your way out of the cycle one day. I'm proud of you for taking the first steps no matter how small they are. I'm also wishing you the best in everything!
I'm terrible with commitments, and I still somehow get massive anxiety about posting anywhere, but I'll try to check the thread semi frequently.
I also feel you on this, I have anxiety posting to most places and certainly places everyone can just
see. I hesitated to commit to this thread for a long time too, haha, I think I came around only a few days ago. It's okay not to update every day, but I hope you will update when you can and when you're able. Or, you can just react to our posts if you're reading, that's always an option. But we would love to hear more from you more.
I love her. You should also listen to Waking Up
. That server crash really sucked. It's so depressing to see the past week & change of the thread completely lost...
