BurgundySnap
Sick of being sick
- Jul 19, 2023
- 76
Hello SolaceNight, yes! Anyone can join whenever they want, no stress or obligation.This is still on? Can i hop in?
As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.
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Hello SolaceNight, yes! Anyone can join whenever they want, no stress or obligation.This is still on? Can i hop in?
I hope you have a great time.Going out tonight. I don't usually go outside, as I usually isolate and become a hermit. I'm forcing myself to go today, and hopefully it will be a nice time.
Yes! Welcome to the thread.This is still on? Can i hop in?
Welcome to the thread!Her life may have been cut short, but even if that's the case, I'll recover from this so that she can live out the rest of her life through me.
And maybe, along the way, I'll find another reason to live. I'll want to live, for myself. But until then, I will live for her, and she can live through me.
This is a really understandable fear and anxiety to have. I'm happy that the people in the server or chat were able to overlook the minor mistake. As I'm getting older for the internet's standards, I have those worries too when I'm interacting with people who aren't even ten years younger than me.While the mistake was minor and people quickly forgot it, for me, it triggered one of my worst fears, that I am just the creepy old man that parents warn their kids about.
Thank you a lot. I was having a bit of a rough time today of falling back into the routine of go to school, work all day, spend all the rest of my time doing homework and wake up tired anyways. Your message really touched me, and it made me feel a lot better.I think this is a really lovely vow to make for yourself. I know that you can and will be successful with it. I'm really sorry to hear about the passing of your cat, though; please accept my condolences. Some people think that the loss of a pet is not such a big deal, but it's truly like losing a family member.
Until you find a reason to go on, there is nothing wrong with just living for your precious kitty. At the darkest time of my life, I lived solely to log onto my Animal Crossing town every day. We all may need a push to get us from one period in time to another, and I'm really sure that your cat definitely wants to see you live a happy life from her place beyond the grave. I think that she more than likely loved the life she got to live with you.
Good luck on your test. I always wished I could play the piano better and comfortable enough to play in front of others. I inherited a baby grand piano from my grandparents. Sadly, it just collects dust these days. If you don't mind me asking, what are you studying?Now, I have a load of homework to do and a test tomorrow. Luckily, it's maths and I'm pretty confortable with it but I still wish I could spend my time doing something more meaningful (I've been playing a lot of piano these past few days, so probably that).
Thank you, I just recently started playing again, so I'm a little rusty. I'm just studying math, review so it's nothing I don't know, just tedious repetition and practice. I'm in my last year of highschool, but I'm hoping to go into physics if I go to university, so the math is, unfortunately, necessary. I probably would have dropped it otherwise.Good luck on your test. I always wished I could play the piano better and comfortable enough to play in front of others. I inherited a baby grand piano from my grandparents. Sadly, it just collects dust these days. If you don't mind me asking, what are you studying?
To my family's dismay, I love physics. Everytime my wife asks me why something happened, I can usually explain it to her in physics terms. But unfortunately, my high school math is like your piano playing - a little rusty. If I can ever escape from my work hell, I'd like to brush up on my math and statistics, and start doing some AI work. (Sorry team, not a vow - just something on the bucket list.)I'm hoping to go into physics
Sounds like that would be really nice. I hope you manage to do that some day. I feel like physics in unnecessarily unpopular, I really enjoy it.To my family's dismay, I love physics. Everytime my wife asks me why something happened, I can usually explain it to her in physics terms. But unfortunately, my high school math is like your piano playing - a little rusty. If I can ever escape from my work hell, I'd like to brush up on my math and statistics, and start doing some AI work. (Sorry team, not a vow - just something on the bucket list.)
I'm happy that I was able to help at all. The beginning of the school year is always a drag, but I can imagine that with grief piled on top it must be even worse. I hope that today was better. How did your test go?Thank you a lot. I was having a bit of a rough time today of falling back into the routine of go to school, work all day, spend all the rest of my time doing homework and wake up tired anyways. Your message really touched me, and it made me feel a lot better.
Aww, this was really amazing to read. I worry a lot about my interactions with others and I'm happy that I could really help anyone at all. Thank you!@UsagiDrop , thank you for your kind words. You have a way of making people feel better with your words - a gift. Im sure its appreciated by the entire group.
I meant to reply to this in the last post but I forgot, because it was on the previous page. I actually didn't know some of this! Thank you for making me aware, this was really informative. I do want to try out Magnesium, and B vitamins have helped me manage my mood in the past so I could see how it would help with PMDD. It's especially interesting to hear that it could be misdiagnosed as bipolar or BPD, though. I know there's already quite a bit of overlap in between the two (three?) BPDs, and lately I've been wanting to get a second opinion whenever I can. I think it will still be bipolar, but the more I read and research (and observe), the more I feel like my symptoms may align with borderline…Not saying this is the case for you, but it is often misdiagnosed as bipolar or BPD; with that said, excaberation exists and can make those conditions that much more debilitating.
I've had terrible luck with birth control and SSRIs, the two main treatments, but they do work for some people. Aside from that, I've heard of Magnesium, B vitamins, Vitex/chasteberry, evening primrose and DIM being anecdotally helpful.
Any time! Thank you for checking in with us today. I'm sorry about how you're feeling at the moment, I hope for better days for you because you deserve them.Also, thank you for your kind & motivational words the other day, @UsagiDrop. It was just what I needed in that moment.
Aww, thank you so much. I think my test went pretty well. I complain about math, but I do think I'm pretty bright and I tend to do well on tests. I definitely am trying, and it's not too bad, but I've been getting so tired lately that I spend most of my time either working or sleeping. I also have a lot of homework and a few projects already, so I'm trying to make sure those are cleared up. But don't worry, it didn't sound annoying at all, it's only bothersome when it's someone who clearly has no intention of understanding what we're going through and just tries to patch up our feelings with words.I'm happy that I was able to help at all. The beginning of the school year is always a drag, but I can imagine that with grief piled on top it must be even worse. I hope that today was better. How did your test go?
Also, if it's possible, I really think you should make time for the more meaningful things in your life! I personally kind of dislike when people tell me to "make time" for anything even though I know it's theoretically possible to do so, I cringed a little typing it. I hope that doesn't sound annoying, because if the things you do already drain you, then I don't want to make you feel pressured or forced into carving more time out of your day. But what I do mean to say, probably, is that I hope you can find some time for the things you love. It's really beneficial. I think.
I'm currently also stuck in that go to work > go home > go to work cycle and I really hate it. Compared to HS and college, there's a lot more freedom but somehow more monotony. I just know that it sucks, "making time" for my hobbies and stuff is really hard especially when I'm going through the motions and I don't want the same for you. I hope you will have time and energy to do the things that are meaningful to you, whether it's practicing piano, learning physics or reminiscing about your cat.
But what you're doing now is still meaningful, btw. Getting out of bed, alone, is a meaningful action.
Oreo is such a lovely name for your cat. And I'm sure that the memorial will be beautiful, and it will likely be helpful for you as well. Is she the cat in your DP?I have a project due tomorrow, so I'm just working on it, but otherwise, I have nothing to do over the weekend. I'm probably going to spend my time sleeping, playing the piano, and trying to plan out a memorial for Oreo. It'll hurt, but I think it will be nice. Until then, just going to keep working.
Yes, she is. I've also seen some people thinking that getting new pets so soon after losing one is trying to replace them, but I see it a bit differently. I think it gives you more opportunities to reminisce and form good memories even when you're at your lowest. Of course, I don't think it's heathy to look into getting new pets before you've processed your late pets' passing.Oreo is such a lovely name for your cat. And I'm sure that the memorial will be beautiful, and it will likely be helpful for you as well. Is she the cat in your DP?
It's great that you're taking steps to deal with loss and grief so I'm hoping that all goes well. And of course, getting a new kitten sounds really exciting! It seems that you really love cats, so I have no doubts that they will have a very loving home and a better life. Initially, I wanted to ask if you were ever interested in getting another pet, but I felt like that was inappropriate somehow. I believe that's a good next step, though. It would be really healing to you. Some people think of getting another pet after the loss of one is "replacing" them but I disagree, I think our pets would want us to house more beings like them and to give another animal a chance to experience the love they got while they were alive.
Good luck with your project, and everything else!
I feel the same way. It's heartbreaking for me to read the goodbye threads on this cite, to imagune the pain these poor people have gone through because of the simple misfortune of being born. I can only wish that all their pain and hurt can be absolved oncee they return with the earth.This site is a mixed blessing. I feel welcomed into a social group. The stories from the various threads are all reminders that I am not alone while dealing with my issues. And the people in the thread have been amazingly supportive.
But I read every goodbye thread, and I can't help but to feel sad. Not that the person is ctb'ing, but life brought them to the point where they were forced to make that decision. Bad parents, physical and mental health issues, poor relationships, and the list goes on.
When I've interacted with any of them, there seems to be so much kindness. So much potential lost.
I realize it's a little ironic given that I'm here working through my own issues. I support their right to choose, but that doesn't mean I can't be sad about everyone we lose.
At some point I will need to make a decision. However, I have decided I need to stick around until my kids are safe and on their own. My youngest just turned 20, and is still trying to find him own path through life. But he's healthy, in a good relationship, and is studying hard. The oldest is 22, but he's more fragile with his own MH issues. As a parent, I need to make sure they're on a positive path before I can write my own goodbye thread.
I think that your kids are very lucky to have you as a parent. It's great that you care about them even when they're in their twenties. For a lot of people, parenting stops when a kid turns eighteen. I will be really sad reading a goodbye thread from you in the future, but at least I would have the comfort of knowing that you've ensured you've lived until your purpose on this earth was fulfilled. I definitely know the feeling, even though I don't and hopefully will never have children of my own.However, I have decided I need to stick around until my kids are safe and on their own. My youngest just turned 20, and is still trying to find him own path through life. But he's healthy, in a good relationship, and is studying hard. The oldest is 22, but he's more fragile with his own MH issues. As a parent, I need to make sure they're on a positive path before I can write my own goodbye thread.
Everything that you wrote about her was so beautiful! I'm so sad you didn't have more time with her. Unfortunately, those that are the most important to us sometimes seem to have the least amount of time on this earth. It may have been cut short, but I'm sure she is grateful to have spent her limited time being loved by you. She must have been so happy!I only wish that I had more chances with her. That she had a little bit more time on this awful earth.
I think all three of us feel this way. Until our times come, let's make the most of the time we have left! Or, at least try to, lol.my time hasn't come yet.
Yup, this is pretty much like having kids...They leave food and dishes everywhere. All they do is put the dishes in the dishwasher and then I'm responsible for the rest of the deep cleaning, even though the arrangement was that I work and they take care of the house since they stay home all day.
Is this a cardboard_house original? It's great that your finding some time for things you enjoy, and even better that it's helping with your grief.I have been working on a song on piano. I've made good progress. I don't know how long it really is, but it feels like I spend hours sitting in that chair every day. I can feel my grief flowing out through the notes and the melodies.
Without speaking for everyone, I think we know how lonely life can be, especially when you're feeling stuck. I'm glad we were able to help, if even a little, you to begin to get unstuck.It feels terribly lonely to be stuck. And I think, in this tar pit, I have finally managed to pick up one of my feet.
Thank you so much, HighFlight55. This means a lot that this is understood, it is beyond words really.Without speaking for everyone, I think we know how lonely life can be, especially when you're feeling stuck. I'm glad we were able to help, if even a little, you to begin to get unstuck.
I share your feelings about this site and specifically this thread. The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me, and being able to post a short message and get positive feedback kept me going.
(And I'd be happy to have a philosophical discussion with you anytime )
Hope everyone is doing well.
Oh yes i forgot to reply. If i can tell, i failed at CTB,and as i failed my mother disowned me the next day. Turns out a suicidal trans atheist autistic daughter was too much. But it was a good thing now that she is gone i found its easier to work on me free of her negative comments. I got medicated again, don't like it so much but its ok i guess. Now i am trying to figure out what i want to do with life, what makes me happy and learning how to use my time efficiently. What about you gentleman? EDIT: i would also love to hear from youYup, this is pretty much like having kids...
@UsagiDrop - thanks for the kind words. Parenting has been major contributor to my depression. I feel responsible for many of their issues. When they were little, my wife turned into a helicopter mom and started to ignore me. I, in turn, focused on my work cause my opinion didn't seem to matter. Now the boys are older and she's still a helicopter mom - always trying to solve their problems as opposed to letting then learn. If I was only more involved earlier...
And I totally get the deep cleaning part. She (we) have never made the kids do chores, and she'll only do the basic cleaning. The whole house needs a deep cleaning, but I can't do it alone and no one will help.
Is this a cardboard_house original? It's great that your finding some time for things you enjoy, and even better that it's helping with your grief.
We're going to go through this grief sometimes in the near future with at least our dog, but also possibly our cat too. The dog is sick with Cushing and they says she has less than a year. That was about 4 months ago. Our cat is getting old (12 or 13 years), and has been showing her age more and more each day. I don't think the family can lose both of them.
@cactusflower - how was your night out last week? I hope everything went well.
@sadwriter - glad the fruit flies are gone and you got some furniture built. How are you doing now?
@SolaceNight & @BurgundySnap - how have you been? We'd love to hear from everyone.
I really hope everyone is doing as well as can be expected. Peace
Thank you for letting us know how things are going with you. I am so sorry life brought you to this point, and even more sorry for your mom's reaction. If you ask me, a suicidal trans atheist autistic woman would be a very interesting person met and get to know (in a positive way).Oh yes i forgot to reply. If i can tell, i failed at CTB,and as i failed my mother disowned me the next day. Turns out a suicidal trans atheist autistic daughter was too much.
As i read your text i slowly transitioned your voice to a wise old man voice. It was so blessing to read it. That different POV over the situation is just... wise. I am sad to know a conflict installed between your mom and you over a gay couple on TV. I wholeheartedly hope it did not damage the relationship and it all settle down peacefully. As for a Groundhog Day life, if i am allowed to ask, do you do anything regarding it? I would like to say i am not judging, just curious about it because i also see myself like it from time to time, so im wondering what a wise mind approaches it.Thank you for letting us know how things are going with you. I am so sorry life brought you to this point, and even more sorry for your mom's reaction. If you ask me, a suicidal trans atheist autistic woman would be a very interesting person met and get to know (in a positive way).
Not to take your mom's side, but it sounds like she reached her own limit. I'm having to deal with a similar situation with my son who has a variety of issues himself. He's not currently suicidal, but has been in the past. As kids get older, it can become frustrating for parents as our options to help decrease. But I could never give up on my son. I hope your mom just needed a temporary break.
And if you want to talk about your attempt, we're here for you. (I'm open to PM if you'd like.) If not, no pressure...
But I'm glad you're finding some happiness in looking at the future. Any ideas of what you're interested in?
As for me, my Groundhog Day life continues. Pretty boring, unless you count the "discussion" I had with my mom because HGTV aired a show renovating a home in the neighborhood she grew up in. She liked the show, but was upset with the fact that the renovation was done by a gay couple, one of whom is a teacher in the city schools. I realize it was different back then, but why can to treat people with respect and dignity. What a surprise it will be if my son ever openly comes out of the closet. ( I suspect he's quietly questioning, but it doesn't matter to me -as long as he's happy.)
Otherwise, it's just the normal work stress,
Isolation, depression, etc. Like I said - Groundhog Day. The only good news is I'm planning another ketamine session October 6. Hopefully, it won't mess with my mind like the last one.
Wishing everyone a great day (ok, maybe a good day, or slightly better than yesterday day).
Peace