"I'd like to feel a bit better/ I'd like to recover" Support Group Megathread

[venin.n]

Today I woke up feeling exhausted. I smoked 4 cigarettes and drank 2 cups of coffee and now I'm beggining to be able to function.

Hope everyone has the best day you can possibly can.

Take care and fight for your recovery. Harderd than you can, than you think you can. I would if I had some remaining chances.

You're all intelligent and good individuals.

If you wanna thank me for creating the thread: fight! Wholeheartedly! Madly!

Much love and consideration

 

[venin.n]

So I made this.

Everyone is invited

The purpose of it is easier venting and check-ins.

If it will become something, hopefully @HighFlight55 (or anybody else who wants to ) will take over after I'll be gone.

Thank you

Discord Server

 

[chancerlane]

This is an awesome achievement and I hope you've found a way to really celebrate this win.

So now that you've worked out over 60 days (2 months) in a row, what impact has that had on your mental health? Are you seeing real improvements?

Glad you're doing so well, in spite of difficulty at work and lack of sleep. Hopefully these are just temporary conditions and you'll overcome them quickly.

Wishing you well!

----

Hi @chancerlane , I'm sorry to hear you had to tough weekend. While it sounds good that you got some time with your dad, being so sad and having to stay in bed has got to be difficult. Is there something that triggered things for you this weekend?

I saw your earlier question on therapy. I've done virtual therapy with an idiot, and am currently doing in-person therapy. My first therapy session was decades ago (in-person) right after my dad attempted to kill my mom. I went because my school told me I had to, but dropped after 2 sessions. I was too cool for therapy and couldn't ruin my image on campus. (Attitude around mental health was a little different in the '80s.)

My current therapist is pretty good, but I don't think I know how to do therapy. I keep thinking there's going to be so big breakthrough and things are going to start getting better. And while I enjoy the therapy sessions, I don't see any impact outside the session. So basically I pay someone to listen to me ramble on for 50 minutes.

I'd be curious to know other people's experiences with therapy? What am I doing wrong??

Still on the fence about in person therapy just because it's so expensive and I'd have to take out a loan and medical bills give me anxiety haha, as for what triggered it honestly it's just myself I keep doing things I'm not supposed to and putting off important things I need to do to get my life together, and I keep giving myself a cycle of disappointment and frustration nearly every other week because of it. Just wish I had the discipline to do what I've been putting off.

 

[rosenwasser]

Hi everyone. I've been gone for some time - I haven't been doing so well. I'll try to read up on what has been going on in your lives and your achievements in the following days. I'm glad to see some known usernames when coming back, this space means a lot to me.
I'm at uni now and trying to get into civil law, wish me luck.
Much love, L.

 

[HighFlight]

@chancerlane - what country are you in? I've heard good things about TalkSpace. PM me if you'd like some help exploring more options that might work for your specific situation.

 

[I Can't Say]

CALL TO ACTION: We have no way of know who is lurking and just reading this thread without actively participating. There's no problem with that - youre welcome to just lurk. But if you fall into this category and feel comfortable, we'd like to know you exist. Post a simply "hi" in the thread.

All right, you win, I'll delurk on your thread. I've been hanging around like a big creepy creep since before I even made my account here. But I managed to complete a normal activity today, and I thought "if I do this, I could post about it" and so now you get to hear about it. I should perhaps warn you that this is going to be pathetic.

My goal for today was to get a haircut; you may remember my stupid thread from (checks calendar) exactly one week ago. First, I had to take a shower. Because I haven't been eating properly, it's hard to stand for any length of time, and I had to sit down in the middle of it. Second, I had to hang out in the park and gather up my nerve. The park benches are hard, and my butt is bony. Third, I had to bribe myself with food. There's a Thai place next to the barber, so I ate some actual vegetables for the first time in I don't even know how many months. Finally, the haircut itself turned out to be no problem at all. The shop wasn't crowded, and the barber didn't give me a hard time about anything. So now I'll look slightly less like a feral goblin for my therapist appointment (in case you remember my other stupid thread).

That's my pathetic update. I don't know if I'll be posting here regularly, I may just relurk. But hi.

 

[UsagiDrop]

I'm at uni now and trying to get into civil law, wish me luck.

I'm really happy to see you back around! Although it's not nice to know that you haven't been doing very well. I hope that life will go easier on you. We're here if you ever need to vent or get anything off your chest, and I'm wishing you all of the luck with uni and getting into the right program. Thank you for checking in with us!

You should take your time catching up with things, I think that we ended up talking about a lot of things these past few weeks so I know that it might be a lot to read.

I'm not doing therapy at the moment, it's been like 8 months, I loved my therapist but money was short and actually still is...

If therapy helped at all, I'm sorry that you're unable to go right now. Eight months is a long time, too. I hope that things get better financially soon so that you can continue seeing your therapist. Please have my condolences for the passing of your dad as well, I know that beyond the financial issues that may arise, the loss of a parent is one of the hardest things a person can go through.

Did your parents ever come around to understanding your struggles? It's really isolating when they dismiss the things that we may have went through and how we feel about them, I went through that too but my parents unfortunately never came around. Or at least, not yet.

Thank you so much for your kind words, I feel like I've just been virtually hugged

I'm happy it helped at all! I definitely have lots of virtual hugs to give out.

This weekend has been really tough on my mind

I'm sorry to hear that you had a rough weekend. But it's really great that you found the positive in it all. I don't know why but watching (some) movies with a parent is the best way to watch them when you have a decent relationship with them.

The movie you recommended sounds like something both of my parents could enjoy, which is very rare, so I'm actually going to put it on a list. Thank you for sharing. I'm debating going home for the holidays and that could be something for us to do if I go!

Just wish I had the discipline to do what I've been putting off.

I know this feeling, lol, I trigger myself at least once a month by my lack of discipline. I constantly have to remind myself that objectively I'm doing okay in life, but most of the time, I'm really sad about how much further I could have been if I could have just kept on track, did what I needed to do. So, I definitely get it, but the good news is that discipline is a skill that can be worked on and it's never too late to start!

Are there a lot of things that you've put off? It might be overwhelming, and tempting to just get them all done in a short amount of time so that your life could be together, but maybe you could stick to doing/starting one thing a week? Progress may be slow that way but you could reward yourself every time, and then hopefully create a new cycle of fulfillment instead of frustration. I think that may eventually lead to more consistency, too.

It's the start of a new week, and I hope that it will be a better one for you than this weekend was!

You're all intelligent and good individuals.

So are you! Thank you especially for fighting for as long as you have and for the things you've done for this community.

I will meet you all in the Discord, for some reason just joining those still gives me anxiety. I'm trying to swallow it and just click "yes" on the prompt when I click to join, I have no idea why things like this scare me so much.

I don't know if I'll be posting here regularly, I may just relurk. But hi.

It's okay if you lurk! You're still one of us, and still very much welcome around. Thank you for giving us an update on your day, and I hope that we'll get to hear some more from you even if the updates don't come very often.

I'm very proud of you for setting a goal and meeting it today. Thank you for taking care of yourself, because I know first hand that doing that can be hard when we've fallen so far into our pits. Will this be your first appointment with a new therapist? Either way, I hope that things go well for you! People say that when we perceive ourselves to look better, we feel better, and do better. I definitely believe that's true for me and most people I know, so I hope that you also feel a little bit relieved, too. Your update definitely wasn't pathetic! I hope that this week is kind to you, too.

 

[carac]

Hi I'm still following the thread. Honestly I'm doing pretty good at the moment so it feels kinds of guilty just saying everything is fine don't mind me! I'm still trying to stick to my vow of saying no when I need to and yes to opportunities and not just be indecisive.

I will try and join that new discord but I'm on the other one and still hanging out if anyone needs to talk to someone.

 

[Cloud Busting]

Why hello, I haven't updated.

I slept basically all day. I have not been keeping up with my lists. But I did go to a Unitarian Universalist church yesterday, it was awesome. I wasn't going out of self sabotage but it increases my sense of well-being. I need to keep going.

Philosophy, spirituality, and community outreach is conductive to my recovery. Anyone else feel the same?

 

[HighFlight]

@I Can't Say - Thanks for delurking long enough to say hi. Your update is no more or less pathetic than anyone else's, and we're glad you felt comfortable enough to say more than just hi. Don't feel the need to post - we have no problems with people who just want to read the thread. But we also want to encourage people on the fence to feel comfortable participating.

Thank you for taking a risk on us. And I'm glad you were able to achieve your goal for the day.

 

[HighFlight]

I'm at uni now and trying to get into civil law, wish me luck.

I hope you were able to get into the class! Good luck with Civil Law, and all your classes.

 

[HighFlight]

@UsagiDrop - thank you for your responses to everyone. They have always been thoughtful and kind, and I appreciate you. But how are you doing? I hope things have at least stabilized for you.

@lita-lassi - with all the posts the past few days, I may have missed an update. If so, I'm sorry. But you've been on my mind and I'm wondering if there's been any progress in getting your belongings back.

@carac - thanks for checking in. I've seen you've been active on the Discord site. You should never feel bad about telling us that you're doing pretty good. What helped you reach that point?

@Cloud Busting - I'm to the point of turning to religion/ spirituality to assist in my recovery. It's great that the church has helped you and I pray that it can continue to assist in your recovery. I'd love to hear more about if you're willing to share. (You can PM me if you'd like.)

As for my own update, I'm slowly coming out of my low cycle and am feeling a little bit better. But after 4 months of therapy, including 3 Ketamine sessions, I don't feel any better than when I started. I think I will continue the sessions through the end of the year, and reevaluate.

I talked to my therapist about this and she said that the problem was I'm unwilling to make the big changes needed, and the small changes aren't enough. The big changes I'm unwilling to do is to simply leave the situation. I vowed to do what I can to ensure my kids make it to adulthood and I don't want to do anything to hurt my wife.

The funny part is she called me an asshole during our session this evening. My wife suggested that we attend an event. I'm not a fan, and told this to my wife. Apparently that's was enough to get r/iamtheasshole.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing good, or at least a little better than yesterday.

 

[carac]

@carac - thanks for checking in. I've seen you've been active on the Discord site. You should never feel bad about telling us that you're doing pretty good. What helped you reach that point?

It's been a long a complicated journey, if we get a chance to chat for a while I can give you a run down
Suffice to say the first part of this year was hell but around June I found a breadcrumb and I just followed that trail and I've been working and researching and just threw myself into recovering. It was just before then (in May) that I found Sasu and this site has helped me a lot to get through it all. I am still petty messed up lol but yea life is good for the most part

I have posted a bit about my story, I think the most comprehensive post was one I made here

Recovered people’s stories megathread

If you found solutions to your main problems,then please tell us in details your backstory and explain how you solved psychological problems. Your story might help empower individuals to find solution to their own problems by learning from others who have successfully overcome similar...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[UsagiDrop]

@UsagiDrop - thank you for your responses to everyone. They have always been thoughtful and kind, and I appreciate you. But how are you doing? I hope things have at least stabilized for you.

Thank you for asking! I'm doing okay. I think things are pretty stable. I'm not doing much better on the drinking front because money is stressing me out a lot right now (I know that's ironic lol). I got myself down to one drink a day, sometimes two, and sometimes not even at all for a day (my partner has been a great help in restricting me). But this time of month is always really stressful and I wasn't able to hold out like how I wanted to. I'll try not to hold it against myself too much but it doesn't feel good to feel so out of control of myself. Other than that things are fine, at least external things.

I don't really feel sad anymore, I don't think. For a while now, I've been feeling empty. I don't even really know how to describe it in words so I can't really talk about it. And that scares me.

I kind of feel like I'm always just putting a bandaid and a mask on and just trying to get through the day, but that's all I can really do right now. I think my vow was just to survive, and that's all I can ask myself to do. I'm happy that I'm just surviving. On some lighter notes, I don't have to worry about paying the rent, the other important bills have been paid despite unexpectedly setbacks, my plants are okay and I got some really pretty flowers to arrange into a bouquet this week. My needs are met, I'm still able to eat and I still actually have my job. I'm trying to focus on the things that are going right so that I can hold onto those.

I want to respond to other things but I think I'll do it in another post.

 

[venin.n]

I'm really happy to see you back around! Although it's not nice to know that you haven't been doing very well. I hope that life will go easier on you. We're here if you ever need to vent or get anything off your chest, and I'm wishing you all of the luck with uni and getting into the right program. Thank you for checking in with us!

You should take your time catching up with things, I think that we ended up talking about a lot of things these past few weeks so I know that it might be a lot to read.

If therapy helped at all, I'm sorry that you're unable to go right now. Eight months is a long time, too. I hope that things get better financially soon so that you can continue seeing your therapist. Please have my condolences for the passing of your dad as well, I know that beyond the financial issues that may arise, the loss of a parent is one of the hardest things a person can go through.

Did your parents ever come around to understanding your struggles? It's really isolating when they dismiss the things that we may have went through and how we feel about them, I went through that too but my parents unfortunately never came around. Or at least, not yet.

I'm happy it helped at all! I definitely have lots of virtual hugs to give out.

I'm sorry to hear that you had a rough weekend. But it's really great that you found the positive in it all. I don't know why but watching (some) movies with a parent is the best way to watch them when you have a decent relationship with them.

The movie you recommended sounds like something both of my parents could enjoy, which is very rare, so I'm actually going to put it on a list. Thank you for sharing. I'm debating going home for the holidays and that could be something for us to do if I go!

I know this feeling, lol, I trigger myself at least once a month by my lack of discipline. I constantly have to remind myself that objectively I'm doing okay in life, but most of the time, I'm really sad about how much further I could have been if I could have just kept on track, did what I needed to do. So, I definitely get it, but the good news is that discipline is a skill that can be worked on and it's never too late to start!

Are there a lot of things that you've put off? It might be overwhelming, and tempting to just get them all done in a short amount of time so that your life could be together, but maybe you could stick to doing/starting one thing a week? Progress may be slow that way but you could reward yourself every time, and then hopefully create a new cycle of fulfillment instead of frustration. I think that may eventually lead to more consistency, too.

It's the start of a new week, and I hope that it will be a better one for you than this weekend was!

So are you! Thank you especially for fighting for as long as you have and for the things you've done for this community.

I will meet you all in the Discord, for some reason just joining those still gives me anxiety. I'm trying to swallow it and just click "yes" on the prompt when I click to join, I have no idea why things like this scare me so much.

It's okay if you lurk! You're still one of us, and still very much welcome around. Thank you for giving us an update on your day, and I hope that we'll get to hear some more from you even if the updates don't come very often.

I'm very proud of you for setting a goal and meeting it today. Thank you for taking care of yourself, because I know first hand that doing that can be hard when we've fallen so far into our pits. Will this be your first appointment with a new therapist? Either way, I hope that things go well for you! People say that when we perceive ourselves to look better, we feel better, and do better. I definitely believe that's true for me and most people I know, so I hope that you also feel a little bit relieved, too. Your update definitely wasn't pathetic! I hope that this week is kind to you, too.

We'll be waiting for you. You have a lot to offer

Thank you for your acknowledgement. It's much appreciated

I've had a better day. I used cbd oil sublingual and I think I will use it for SI because it really makes me not give a fuck.
Smoked a lot. Went to the psychiatrist with my mother, walked the dog, read a little, got some dude to come and fix the heating in the bathroom and so on.

Wishing all of you a wonderful day or gn

 

[sadwriter]

Hey guys. I'm back to being exhausted, so I won't be able to reply as fully as I'd like to to people, but wanted to stop back in.

@venin.n I'm sorry that things didn't work out with your attempt. It's so hard to CTB, and I know that it can be devastating to be stuck in that place of not wanting to live but being unable to die. I'm glad that you're at least doing a little better right now, though, and selfishly glad that you're still with us, even if it's just for the time being. It sounds like you had a pretty productive day, too.

@sadrainbow welcome to the thread! It sucks that mental healthcare is so expensive & that it's hard to find a quality therapist who takes insurance. I hope that you'll be able to get back to therapy eventually, since I know that it's super hard to handle this stuff on your own.

@LoiteringClouds kudos to you for keeping up your workout routine for two months now!! That takes a lot of self discipline and you should definitely be proud of the achievement. Even when I was at my best & most consistent athletically speaking I was never able to reach that level of consistency, so I'm certainly really impressed.

@eatyouryoung it's great to see you again! I'm sorry you're not doing well, though. University is a real ass kicker, so I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your semester.

@I Can't Say it's nice to meet you! There's definitely no pressure at all for you to post more, though it's definitely nice able to acknowledge your existence now that you've de-lurked, lol! Regarding your update, I know how hard it can be to get out of the house and do things when your mental health is shit, and given how much of a battle getting that haircut sounded like, I commend you for getting through it. I currently am avoiding the task of going out & buying a blazer for an event that I'm going to on Friday, so we'll see if I can follow your example and get the thing over with.

@HighFlight55 looks like we're tied for the triple posting record now ;)

The funny part is she called me an asshole during our session this evening. My wife suggested that we attend an event. I'm not a fan, and told this to my wife. Apparently that's was enough to get r/iamtheasshole.

I hope you didn't mean that your therapist called you an asshole?!?! Unless that's somehow within the dynamic of your therapeutic relationship, that sounds like a really shitty thing for her to say to a client under any circumstance.

@UsagiDrop I'm glad that things are more stable for you and that you're doing ok!! Though feeling empty is not fun. I hate those bad emotions that you can't describe in words. It's good that you have some positives in your life to hang on to, though, including having your partner to support you through it all. (Yay for flowers & your plants being ok as well!!)

 

[I Can't Say]

@UsagiDrop Thanks for the kind words. My appointment is with my old therapist. She's nice, but never really pushes me on anything. I'll see if I can build up enough motivation to bring some things up this time.

@HighFlight55 Thank you too. I've been interested in reading about your experiences with Ketamine. My mom has this friend who thinks it's just the best thing ever, so I used to hear about it all the time. I don't know if it's for me.

@sadwriter If there's one mundane activity I hate more than getting a haircut, it's shopping for clothes. I just do not understand fashion. Good luck with your blazer.

@Cloud Busting I've actually been kind of interested in the UU. Is there anything you'd want to tell me about them? They're supposed to be cool with atheists, but I'm not sure how that works. It'd be nice to get involved with something, and I see they have a church right downtown.

By coincidence, I have another update today: I rode my bike down to the bookstore. Posting from their cafe right now. It was foolish, admittedly; I'm not strong enough, even for this little distance. But no exercise, no appetite. I used to love bicycle riding, but it's been a while. Had to get rid of the cobwebs, literally. The objective was to pick up a new book that just came out (City on Mars by the Wienersmiths of SMBC fame, really cool people). I never thought I'd get a hold of this book; you can extrapolate the reason why (sorry if that's too dark for Recovery).

Anyway, thanks for listening, kind internet strangers.

 

[HighFlight]

@I Can't Say - I journaled my ketamine treatment in a separate thread that can be found here: Ketamine Treatments

It should be noted that I used ketamine in psychedelic psychotherapy, as a way to discover deeply buried emotions and feelings. Ketamine is more routinely used as a method to alter and increase the neuro pathways in the brain. This usually involves either a nasal spray or IV while being monitored in a medical facility. It also has a set schedule of 2-3 visits the first week or two, and then tapering the weekly visits down over the next few week. Another individual on this site journaled his treatment and that thread can be found here: Ketamine protocol

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.

 

[HighFlight]

@sadwriter - I guess we're tied... :) I've been finding it faster to post shorter replies more often than try to create one big. Especially since I do almost everything on my phone. And I was trying to catch up with all the action over the past few days. My apologies to anyone I missed.

I hope you didn't mean that your therapist called you an asshole?!?! Unless that's somehow within the dynamic of your therapeutic relationship, that sounds like a really shitty thing for her to say to a client under any circumstance.

In her defense, not at first. But she strongly implied it, you know, in those medical professional, read between the line, talk... I find it rather refreshing and humorous when someone can be bluntly honest, and was not offended by it at all. However, she did send me home with some homework that included: "Apologize to your wife for being an asshole, and tell her why!"

Some times I just need people to be straight-up honest with me, even if it something I don't want to hear.

 

[sadwriter]

In her defense, not at first. But she strongly implied it, you know, in those medical professional, read between the line, talk... I find it rather refreshing and humorous when someone can be bluntly honest, and was not offended by it at all. However, she did send me home with some homework that included: "Apologize to your wife for being an asshole, and tell her why!"

Some times I just need people to be straight-up honest with me, even if it something I don't want to hear.

Ahh, got it, makes more sense with context. If it's helpful to you that's what counts the most! I tend to be overly sensitive to criticism, so if my therapist called me an asshole in any context it would probably break me a bit

 

[venin.n]

Hey guys. I'm back to being exhausted, so I won't be able to reply as fully as I'd like to to people, but wanted to stop back in.

@venin.n I'm sorry that things didn't work out with your attempt. It's so hard to CTB, and I know that it can be devastating to be stuck in that place of not wanting to live but being unable to die. I'm glad that you're at least doing a little better right now, though, and selfishly glad that you're still with us, even if it's just for the time being. It sounds like you had a pretty productive day, too.

@sadrainbow welcome to the thread! It sucks that mental healthcare is so expensive & that it's hard to find a quality therapist who takes insurance. I hope that you'll be able to get back to therapy eventually, since I know that it's super hard to handle this stuff on your own.

@LoiteringClouds kudos to you for keeping up your workout routine for two months now!! That takes a lot of self discipline and you should definitely be proud of the achievement. Even when I was at my best & most consistent athletically speaking I was never able to reach that level of consistency, so I'm certainly really impressed.

@eatyouryoung it's great to see you again! I'm sorry you're not doing well, though. University is a real ass kicker, so I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your semester.

@I Can't Say it's nice to meet you! There's definitely no pressure at all for you to post more, though it's definitely nice able to acknowledge your existence now that you've de-lurked, lol! Regarding your update, I know how hard it can be to get out of the house and do things when your mental health is shit, and given how much of a battle getting that haircut sounded like, I commend you for getting through it. I currently am avoiding the task of going out & buying a blazer for an event that I'm going to on Friday, so we'll see if I can follow your example and get the thing over with.

@HighFlight55 looks like we're tied for the triple posting record now ;)

I hope you didn't mean that your therapist called you an asshole?!?! Unless that's somehow within the dynamic of your therapeutic relationship, that sounds like a really shitty thing for her to say to a client under any circumstance.

@UsagiDrop I'm glad that things are more stable for you and that you're doing ok!! Though feeling empty is not fun. I hate those bad emotions that you can't describe in words. It's good that you have some positives in your life to hang on to, though, including having your partner to support you through it all. (Yay for flowers & your plants being ok as well!!)

I'm also glad to be here while I'm still around

Thank you for your kind words and I wish you succeed in your recovery

 

[cheese.out]

Hello, hope you all doing good and life is kinda bearable for you rn.
I just have to vent a bit rn. So for the last few days life went extremely downhill for me. I even wrote a suicide letter (almost 8 pages lol) bc I thought thats it - i cant fight anymore. But yesterday I went to therapy again after almost 2 months now and I really like my therapist, he does his job very well so I told him about almost all the bs thats going on rn and he recommended that I should try an impatient treatment (I only have to go if i want to) and I think I should give it a try. I had such a treatment last year for a week after my suicide attempt and it helped me very much. So I hope things will work out bc if not.. well then 2024 will be my last year i guess

 

[HighFlight]

@cheese.out - I'm sorry to hear that life has taken a turn for the worse for you, but glad to have a therapist that you like and are taking steps for your recovery. I wish you all the best with your treatment and am looking forward to hear about your progress.

 

[sadwriter]

@cheese.out It sucks that you've had such a tough time lately, but it's really great that you were able to go back to therapy and have a therapist that you can trust when you're at your worst. I'm also glad that you're in a situation where you have the option to go inpatient but no one is forcing it on you. I know it can be scary opening up to a therapist when you're suicidal for that reason– I was honestly terrified myself of losing my ability to make choices for myself when my therapist found out about my suicidality a few weeks ago– so it's great that you had a positive experience. If you're comfortable sharing, when do you leave for the treatment? I know that inpatient has the potential to really turn things around for some people, or at least get you back on track in terms of recovery, so I hope that you find it helpful.

As far as my update, I was, in fact, able to go out yesterday evening and buy clothes for my upcoming event (couldn't find a good blazer but I found something else that worked) but then I woke up feeling sick today. I'm honestly not complaining since I don't feel super awful and it just gives me more of an excuse to rest all day. Hopefully I'll be better by Friday so I can make it to the thing I'm supposed to do, but we'll see.

 

[Cloud Busting]

I found my first journal entry from the psych ward. I've come a long way. I'm proud of myself. To think my level of self-hate was so high that I thought the only way to redeem myself for my mistake was to die is morbidly humorous in a way. That would of made things so much worse. I still feel remorse for my actions, but I owe it to myself and the people in my life to learn from my mistakes and prevent myself from spiraling so low in the future. All I can do is build myself up.

Spoiler: trigger warning

I've fallen behind in responding to people here. My apologies! Prior to my attempt, I tossed out my internet routers and factory reset my phone. My grandmother- who is technologically illiterate- tried to help me set it up and that didn't go well. I was angry with myself for what I had done, so I just stubbornly blew off setting my internet back up for 2 months. I was relying solely on wifi on my phone. I finally set my internet back up today because it will make job searching easier. Hopefully it will make keeping up with this thread easier too!

I haven't been doing great, but things are picking back up again. I hope all is well with you guys. Hopefully I will respond to ya'll tomorrow. I'm glad walls of texts are welcome here. lol

Also I would be more than happy to update on my experiences with attending a UU congregation if you'd like @I Can't Say I hope it will be helpful in a similar way to @HighFlight55 sharing his therapy and ketamine experiences. I have considered making a religion/spirituality/philosophy megathread for those interested in using such systems as a recovery aid.

 

[lita-lassi]

hello all new people! :) my irregular posting schedule continues but i am around. much love to everyone ive communicated with and those i havent. all are welcomed and appreciated to all people still lurking, no pressure, hopefully this thread helps even just by merit of the existence of those within

my lawyer is wonderful and hilarious and my idiot ex got served today, he decided to take the dumbass (predictable) route of basically ignoring it completely and claiming ignorance on what of mine hes still withholding despite a shit ton of text messages stating otherwise. i cant wait to have the piece of shit arrested in his own store.

 

[Fimbulvetr]

I can try my best! ><

 

[HighFlight]

Hey @lita-lassi, I like your lawyer. :)
I'm glad you're letting the process play out and hopeful that you'll get everything back, especially the stuff that is irreplaceable to you. Also hoping tha dumbass gets what he deserves. Most importantly, I hope that you are doing well and are able to move on with your life as soon as things are resolved.

Hi @Fimbulvetr, welcome to our little recovery/feel better community. Everyone is welcome here, and hopefully you can find support in an open and safe space. Feel free to contribute as much or as little as you like. The important part is to share only what you're comfortable with, there's no pressure. And if you feel like you want to talk to someone in private, many of us are open to PMs. Your welcome to PM me anytime, and if you'd prefer to talk to someone else, just ask them.

I can try my best! ><

I am curious about what you want to try your best at. (Again, only if comfortable. )

 

[UsagiDrop]

I wanted to reply to some things individually but I'm back to not really doing well, unfortunately.

@cheese.out I was really sad to read about you not doing well, however I'm really happy that you gave your therapist a visit, and I'm proud that you're considering taking a step like going to an inpatient. I know that those aren't always the best experiences, but if it has helped you, I think it's definitely worth a try. I really hope that 2024 won't be your last year, but we are here to support you in any decision that you decide to make.

@lita-lassi I love good news from you! I hope your ex makes an extra embarrassing show out of being arrested just to add the icing on top of the cake.

My update: I'm unfortunately staying alive. There are so many things I can't will myself to get done. I still haven't cleaned up even though this place being dirty and gross is driving me crazy, I can't concentrate to write even though I'm behind, the only hobby I can bring myself to do is keeping up with my plants... and they're still not doing very well. I haven't been able to perform a lot of self-care that I've been putting off for months in general. Bills are due like every day and my partner isn't on top of them anymore which is actually resulting in us paying even more money, but everything is under my name, so I'll be the only person punished for that. It also means I can't even go home for the holidays like I wanted to. I'll never be able to afford a ticket.

This is just a really miserable time but I know that it's probably just because of my silly little hormones, the seasons changing and being sober for a few days. Each day feels more pointless than the last but I hope that one day things won't be like this anymore. It's probably irrational but I feel really alone in life.

The most productive thing I got done this week is putting myself out there and applying for jobs again. I know that it is virtually impossible to find a permanent job this time of year but I can use the season to get used to exposure and rejection at least, and at best, I'll actually find another job. I'm actually a little proud of myself for that.

 

[HighFlight]

It's probably irrational but I feel really alone in life.

This is totally NOT irrational! I feel this way on a daily basis. I know I have a good family and an employer that actually cares about their employees. But I have never felt more alone and lonely. Your feelings are definitely not irrational, and the scary part is how many of us probably feel this same way. You are not alone!

Ironically, as your saw your message come in, I was reading an article about how New York has appointed Dr Ruth Westheimer as the state's honorary ambassador to loneliness. Not sure what she's going to do, but they are referring to it as a loneliness epidemic.

I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going so well, and hope that this is just a minor setback. It sounds like you are juggling many important things, and they are all adding to your stress level, and your lack of motivation as things appear overwhelming. You might try focusing on the small things - those tasks that don't take much time or effort, but are bothering you. The hope would be that these small wins might help improve the motivation to tackle the bigger things.

On the job situation, any thoughts about taking a seasonal job and pushing the job hunt down the road a little ways. Wondering if that might help financially and remove some of the stress involved with searching. Just thinking out loud.

Please take care of yourself!