"I find a lot of things in this world that make me miserable, but one of the worst things to me is the staggering lack of (or very selective) empathy that I see in other sapiens as well as widespread judgement. I also find that when I voice any empathy of my own that it's often met with hostility. I don't believe the species will ever get past these issues and that leaves me hopeless."
Yup! That's me, Buddy. While my immediate family didn't do that to me, the rest of the world did. At an very early age, I became a magnet for all the bullies in my school. I was a sensitive boy who had no desire to hurt anybody. That is an attraction magnet for all of the bullies, looking to boost their self esteem by belittling an easy target. And back then, the victim was ostracized for being a weakling. Of course, my self esteem was destroyed in short order. I became an outcast. I withdrew socially. Anytime I ever tried to interact socially, I was just kicked aside. I used to play with other girls, because they were more accepting. That lasted until 7th grade, when puberty started kicking in. Then I found those friends abandoning me as well, as I was a liability for them to make boyfriends. So I withdrew even deeper into my protective shell, like a turtle. Anytime I dared to peek my head out just a tiny bit, I risk having my head chopped off. So I stayed protected. When you withdraw socially, you lose whatever little social interaction skills you may have had. Then you get to highschool, and you long to have a girlfriend, like everybody else. You look at a girl, she looks away. You try to get close to a girl, she immediately moves away. You try to make small talk with a girl, she responds, "Oh, I gotta' go." You try to become part of a group, they cast you aside. You try these things several times with no success. The stark reality becomes excruciatingly clear, you are a social outcast, and nothing is going to change that, You graduate from highschool without ever having touched a girl. Nothing changes in college. You bury yourself in academics, because you have no social life, zero. For once, that actually works out for you, because you do well in college. You graduate, you get a decent job, but socially, nothing changes. You try to avoid social gatherings. If you get roped into going to one, you are miserable, because you are invisible. If you try to chat with someone, or if someone tries to chat with you, you can tell in short order they are miserable, because your social skills are so bad. You become socially invisible. You are depressed and miserable. The only time you become visible is if you say something to piss someone off. Then they chew you out, after which you become invisible again.You develop a bad attitude. You start not liking people. You have a nervous breakdown. You end up in a shrink's office. Next thing you know you are locked up in a mental ward at a hospital. They give you Prozac. They tell you you have a chemical imbalance in you brain because you don't socialize enough. They make you attend classes to learn how to socialize. You are forced to socialize with other inmates. Of course it works because it isn't the real world. After 10 days, they tell you you are better. Go home and take your Prozac with you. Back in the real world, nothing changed, because nobody is forced to like you. The Prozac helps for about 6 months, then loses its effectiveness. Shrink doubles your dose. Again, only effective for 6 months. Shrink puts you on Zoloft. Shrink has to increase dosage several times to remain effective. You eventually find yourself on 200mg. / day. Talks with shrink are stupid and ineffective, but costly. Your insurance cuts off coverage, so you boot the shrink, he wasn't helping anyway. Your regular doc can write your scripts. Your on Zoloft for 25 years. You are sad and lonely. You social circle consists three people. You stay at home mostly. You hate to socialize. The only interaction you can get from anybody is for them to bark at you. So you stay invisible, it's your only option. Your miserable and lonely and life sucks. You decide that maybe it's time to catch the bus. Websites tell you it's a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Yah, right!
