Introduce yourself

[Pale_Rider]

Hi. I picked the name pale ride as I have rode a trail of death. Not sure what to say. Suicide is always on my mind, but I'm not close. I'm not close. Because idk what comes next, and I feel like people would be happy I ctb. I don't want to give them the satisfaction, but I realize if I ctb none of that will matter anymore.
Mayne there are just some heavy emotions attached to my past attempts that I still can't shake. Idk why I can't just let it go. I spend a lot of time looking onto darkness.

 

[sleepy_redcar]

Well, some of it is published on the 'net, but I'm not too sure about publicly linking you to it -- my friends would know what my account is and would be able to ID me. I'd PM you if I could, but it seems like my post count is too low for that?

I appreciate the interest, though!

Sorry for the out of the blue question, but I also struggling with PM people, why is that?

 

[goodlifesurfaceskim]

Hello, thanks for this community. I am lost now more than ever. But I look forward to a merciful death. Currently residing in fear I hope to gain courage so that a meaningful death can be achieved in an orderly, timely manner. Praying for assisted dying to become available widely. I don't know who I am so I'm not sure any kind of relationship can be procured here. But I love that community is available for people like me who have resorted to these shadows of isolation.

 

[INYGTRMTFMO]

Hello, glad to see that this space is here! I was saddened to see the subreddit go down but somehow was not made aware that the forum exists until last night.

My username is the first letters of the words in a song lyric I really like, "I need your grace to remind me to find my own" from "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol. I know it's a bit of a finger-full, so you can call me "Grace" for short (which is not my real name nor a name that anyone has ever used for me in real life :3 ).

I'm in my early 30s and have had suicidal depression since I was 12. Yay. Halfway attempted to give myself a forever neck massage with a scarf and a bedpost when I was in college but backed out because that might traumatize the roommates. That's the hard part of ctb for me--it tends to be traumatic to those around the person, and I'm blessed to have a lot of people around me.

I'm nonbinary but in a "meh" way; I'm AFAB and not very successful at presenting as anything else despite my general apathy towards presenting as anything at all. I'm a mom to a lovely and lively two year old, who is my major reason for not ctb despite generally feeling like I'm not great at "life". I live in the Deep South of the U.S. and work in disability services. I'm AuDHD and hard of hearing. My hobbies include pony beads, cozy games, ASMR, and drinking enough coffee to almost be a ctb in and of itself.



Anyway, thank you for allowing this space to exist. I love you all and wish you all the best!

 

[Griever]

Hi everyone, I'm Griever. Looking forward to connecting with you all!

 

[WastedPottential]

Howdy, I'd not like to discuss my actual name, but you can call me WastedPottential or WW. If you'd like to call me by my actual name, Call me Broken.

I'm 20F from Canada. I used to be in college for a Computer Science-related degree, but burnout, surgery, and other factors mean I may drop out, switch courses, or take CBT before I go back. I still like discussing it, though.

I generally like Nintendo-related stuff, and have always been a fan of Life Sims and Visual Novels/Management games.

Even though I quite suck at it and I'm not proficient, I love writing, drawing and generally creating things.

I look forward to connecting or reconnecting with you all!

 

[SleepyTransit]

Salut, my name is SleepyTransit on here and only here. I am on the spectrum (diagnosis of Aspbergers) & speak 2 languages (English & French) with French being my mother tounge. Originating from Québec, Canada you can see where I get 2 languages part of my life... anyways I work as a tradesman for a living as part of my share of being a corporate slave. I do enjoy transit photography as it help keeps thing off my mind and forget about the shitty life i am in.

 

[0007000]

Greetings. I found this place after searching for information regarding the inert gas method. Have had a great time lurking around, finding lots of valuable information which I am grateful for.

Since I was a teenager I've had this overwhelming sense that someday I was going to take myself out. It's an inevitability. Now I am 38 and still here, which is hard to believe, but the thought and desire to go by my own hand has never left. Over the past several months I've gathered the supplies for various different methods, never know when the urge will strike. Unmarried, no kids, no desire for such things. Strongly suspect I've got a personality disorder like schizoid or something. And/or C-PTSD, as I was emotionally neglected as a child. I spend my time alone, listening to music, hanging out with my dog, little bit of video games, and reading books, mostly about suicide, pessimism, antinatalism. Couple of my favorites are Every Cradle is a Grave by Sarah Perry and Tractatus Logico-Suicidalis by Hermann Burger. Not much else to say really, cheers

 

[RibbonAmia]

Hi, my name is Amia. I can speak both English and Spanish. I'll try interacting here and there but I mostly lurk. I found out of this website by someone mentioning it on Quora, and was browsing without an account for maybe about a year until decided to actually join it yesterday.
I like Vocaloid music, especially Maretu's music. Though I can listen to other things too! Just that I've been looping Maretu for the past couple of weeks, is all.
I also like cats, and fashion. I'm more of a fan of cute fashion, such as lolita clothing, however I have yet to buy any dresses to wear. For now, I just wear bags or just things with ribbons. I am aware I can just make my own dress, but I don't know how to sew yet. Maybe one day I'll gather up the motivation to actually learn how to do so, and perhaps make a pretty dress.
I have heard that you need to have a specific amount of posts to be able to PM people on this site, so if I unlock that, if you would like to talk or be friends, you can.
I hope you have a nice day, whoever is reading this!! :)

 

[onelastsnack]

Hi everyone!

You can call me Q. I go by she/her. I'm almost 19 and I am here because I honestly don't really have anywhere else to go. I love indulging in the arts. I love creating with all sorts of media and tools. I love animanga! (heh) I also love to play HSR. I don't really have any prospects for my future. I've kind of lost any sort of motivation to do anything with my life so I can admit that I'm kind of a bum.

I do have some friends but they're more like passing acquaintances than actual friends. I can be spontaneous sometimes. I'm quite energetic over text because it's what I'm most used to. I grew up with severe social anxiety but I've almost overcome it! I don't have any issues with socializing anymore but I am a little shy sometimes.

 

[mourningyesterday]

hi guys thanks for approve,
mid 20's living with a rare neurological condition that has chipped away at me and took everything i ever enjoyed abt life.

probs do a longer post soon of my story when in the right frame of mind :)

 

[user183782]

Hey everyone, I've been on here for a while now, always read a lot, now I thought i might introduce myself.
You can call me Grace, as I wish to die with Grace. Not by feeling utterly shattered, but dying with a free will, a mind that's at peace, and without having suffered an insufferable amount of agonizing years on this earth.
I'm heavily mentally ill, suffering from various disorders. And quite frankly, I don't see myself fit for the ordinary life that I am supposed to have.
When I am feeling well, i love writing stories and poetry and listening to Music, especially nineties- alternative/rock & grunge.
I'm looking forward to interacting with y'all.

 

[doctordetritus]

Hi welshspider 54m, looking for like minded people who think about death all the time, but doesn't want to ctb.
I enjoy cooking and chilling, talking shit about anything and everything.
If anyone's interested then drop me a line
Cheers

"I enjoy cooking and chilling, talking shit about anything and everything." i read this too fast and thought you wrote "i enjoy taking a shit!" i clearly need more coffee.

 

[rxk39]

I've been here for a bit now but only just started to interact/do more than lurking. You can call me RK. I'm from Canada, I can go by she/her, and I'm a lesbian. I like drawing, listening to music, and watching movies. I've been suicidal for longer in my life than not, and I'm just happy to be here with community of people who understand how hard it is to get through each day.

 

[LetMeOut67]

Hello.
Nice to be accepted!
I'm male , 57, and in the UK, struggled decades with serious depression and anxiety. Things have got much worse recently for one reason and another. I believe the planet has become a hellscape and that life is a fate worse than death for an increasing number of people. I believe my life would be easier if I knew I had an always available , easy , painless , quick method of exit. I'm probably autistic and I'm running out of energy.
Nobody asks to be dragged into this hell and they shouldn't be expected to remain if their life is intolerable.

I like music of all kinds but especially punk and 80s alternative.

 

[BPDtgirl]

hi everyone

i'm a trans sex worker with BPD. i know right, really drew the short straw on the life lottery. trying to waste my time and ride out a low period with video games and walking my dog. he's kinda the only thing that's kept me from doing it right now. guess i'm here because knowing i can end it offers me some sense of control

i read a few days ago that 1 in 10 BPD diagnoses end in suicide and 80% of us attempt. so i'm not shocked i'm here.

 

[spark]

20yo, another troubled transfem enby/doll-thing, making breakcore music, gory art and working in IT, stereotype of a traumaqueer bpd girly, quite kinky, too.
Can't even think of much to say.
Been doing a lot of stuff. Activism, art, lots of peer support and mutual aid shit, anti-deportation and animal liberation stuff..
I have a whole lot of mental conditions (as probably everyone here) and trauma (surprising right?) but honestly also a lot of empathy and compassion. I'm really trying hard. Maybe too hard.
woof~

 

[Swolfy]

36f, bpd/cptsd/a little bit of aspd or dissociative. I used to be a member back in 2020. Tried a bunch of methods on here then, water, hanging, partial, salt, soy. Spent 3 months inpatient. When I finally got out swore away this site. But I'm back. I mostly just escape with gaming, reading, passive suicide. It's just most days I don't know who I am. Stuck in fight or flight/panic so my working memory is absolute junk. I try really hard to be a good person. But my brain convinces me I'm evil. I isolate way more than I should. Been on a LoA from work while I dealt with my most recent "psychotic episode". Haven't slept 2 hours straight in months. Maybe tonight I'll get some sleep.

 

[Imeavie]

Im 29/M U.S.A
I have the typical backstory of a problematic childhood, Im bipolar with psychotic features, I have Narcolepsy/Cataplexy, and have been living as disabled with no income since 2018 when I had to step down from my state job.
I have been wanting to ctb since I was 8yrs old.
Ive come close many times, but stuff happens I won't get into. These days Im only around for my grandparents, and dont plan to stay around when they leave.

Im not here to complain, I just never know what all Im supposed to say with these things.

On a more positive note, I love nature, Its always been almost spiritual for me.
Im an avid reader, I also write a little bit of poetry, and some very short prose.
I have social anxiety, and never know how to begin a conversation, but if you get me talking on the phone, or irl, I wont shut up.
Also I am a supporter of the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.

Im not sure what else I can say, so Ill just apologize for how long this has gotten.

 

[RoseGirl]

19 F || Trans fem thing || BPD ADHD NO PROSPECTS LOOSER ||
Abt me. Uhhh idk I'm a horrible person, who only causes pain to those around me :c
I don't even want to hurt the people i love most i just do.

I've tried to bleed out many times, only 2 got me close to being dead, now my wrists r covered in scars.
I actually only found this website after this supersweet person who's partner i totally didn't flirt with gave me the site.

 

[apict]

greetings,

I am 74 years old, a former Respiratory Therapist mostly in NICUs (neonatal ICUs). That job was very rewarding but also very stressful. Knowing that I made a difference kept me going. I retired 12 years ago. Post retirement I managed to keep my attentions mostly focused on busy stuff but have never felt as vital/impactful as I did before retiring. So that has been one source contributing to me considering leaving. Another is that I actually believed we were ushering in the Age of Aquarius. (I'm not the only one" - lots of boomers felt that way.) Recent political realities combined with a more nuanced view of the way our physical universe works have pretty much convinced me that this world will never experience the age of Aquarius - a revelation that is EXTREMELY depressing.
Also, I have always tried to live lightly so that the adverse impact of my existence would be minimized. But as my health has deteriorated it has become necessary for me to rely more on things that pollute or otherwise harm our environment. This has added to the "messages from the Universe" telling me the party is over and it is time to go. I am grateful for the life I have lived and for the place I am living now. But it is clear to me that, yes, it is time to go.
I had assumed that an OD of oxycontin I have a prescription for would reliably/peacefully accomplish that. Thanks to this forum, I now know that is not the case. But, apparently, all the other peaceful methods (Nembutol appears to me to be the best) are available. Yes, I could rant about the unfairness of a society (especially here in the bad old usa) that allows and arguably even encourages extreme gun violence while criminalizing peaceful exit strategies. But that would only make me feel even more depressed.
So, while I originally envisioned my exit as peacefully falling asleep and never waking up, what I'm left with is blowing my head off with a shotgun. Don't know for sure if I'll be able to do that. But I think I probably will. Crap!
What a world! What a country!

Peace,
jeff

 

[BumbleBees]

Hi everyone,

My life is a disaster and now I'm here. Barely holding on and exhausted. Life is cruel. Cheers

 

[Monicahere]

My name is Monica, i'm a 21 yo woman from France and I've been suffering of depression since my friend's suicide when i was only a teenager in middle school. I'm still trying to gather the courage to finally ctb

 

[Gárà912]

Salve, fellas,

I'm a 20yo chill guy that have been socially isolating myself my entire life. And now here I am feeling the consequences...

My biggest dreams are:
- To separete my head from my neck with a huge explosion. or be brutally impaled through the chest
- To introduce an animal into a different habitat forever changing the ecosystem

I like to play videogames, especially insurgency: sandstorm. I like others things also, but I'll just end it here.

 

[PrettyWhiteFlower]

Hi,

I've hated myself as long as I can remember. Made a few attempts in my teens and early 20s. Got sick in 2016 and my life has been on hold since then. Can't work, had to move in with family, too ill for a social life so all my 'friends' disappeared and can't find a partner who would be willing to put up with this. I barely leave the house outside of medical appointments and no matter how hard I try I keep getting sicker

 

[VoidButterfly]

Hi everyone, I'm a woman in my late 30s. Got put on anti depressants when I was 16 for wanting to jump off a large building and have been on one type or another of them ever since. Have had a couple of impulsive attempts so far, but I'm still here for the moment. The state of the world has me thinking that it's time for a third attempt. So yeah, I'm just here to explore that option. About me I guess, I'm a scientist, I like video games, dark electronic music, and all sorts of crafts.

 

[darksouls]

hi community
I apologize for my poor english
it is not my native language
I am 49 years old, female, from germany
I was banned from a german chat where I was present every day for about 6 month
I am grateful to be here

 

[d0nut]

27M in the U.S. here
Completely disillusioned with life and can no longer see the point in continuing this meaningless dance. Have been suffering with ideation for a while, but the despair has been ramping up and the distractions that I would use as means of escapism are no longer effective. I believe this place is hell and I want out.

 

[jb.fletcher]

Hi everyone!
30s, F, US
Lurker for a little while and now I'm here- thanks! Feel I'm just an average person, nothing really special. Have some mental illness, been on and off many different meds for years. Get moments of despair and just wanting to end it all... But I pull through. I have cats and a dog, that helps!
Work at Vet clinic part time due to schooling, and a morgue- I'm around death quite a bit!

 

[guapogato]

25 and have nothing to look forward to in life. last year was the worst year of my life and this year right after my birthday (same as last year) was a nice little repeat of that. thought I would have CTB by now. the only things keeping me around now are the drive to prepare for CTB, good food, and blowing my savings on that or weed. emotional eating and sleeping is my big steeze, along with playing video games and watching youtube.
born and stuck in the farthest south you can get in the US where plenty of people want me dead already for who I am, which is funny considering how hard it is for people in the US to actually do so without red tape. multiple immune issues that were already proof I shouldn't have lasted this long.
I'm really grateful for finding this place, maybe the singular place in my life that doesn't seem guilt-trippy, or shamed me for wanting what I want. excited to be here actually! now I'm off to eat a cheeseburger.