Venting Is it really worth dying for this reason?

[discman19999]

Hi,
I have no disease or any other form of long term suffering. I am almost 40 and up until now my life was great. I got a wife I met her when I was 20. We have two kids, we both have great jobs we have money all week to be fine .

Two weeks ago she stated she is breaking up because she was unhappy for the past years. She said she dropped hints I didn't catch, and that her love feelings are completely gone.

We still live together. I am crushed since then everyday is getting worse. When one day I don't have that chest pain of fear, I think a bit about a future. I can't imagine a life without her. I can't imagine living alone with my kids only there for limited time. I can't imagine doing stuff with my kids without my wife being around , we always had fun the 4 of us.

The weird thing is she is still wantijg me to stay in the apartment and to do stuff together with the kids. I told her it breaks me because I have to cry constantly each day behind their backs. I have chest pain, I have death wishes.

I read about the manual and I am about to get SN and the meds in the protocol to execute it. But I have my doubts. I don't really want to die. I just want my old life. I want to be happy family I want it all to be reversed but since this is no possibility I lean more and more towards ctb.
I don't care so much about the consequences of the left behind because I will be dead. But I am afraid , SI is strong I just want the pain to be gone and also I don't want the future that is ahead of me.

 

[TBONTB]

Hi,
I have no disease or any other form of long term suffering. I am almost 40 and up until now my life was great. I got a wife I met her when I was 20. We have two kids, we both have great jobs we have money all week to be fine .

Two weeks ago she stated she is breaking up because she was unhappy for the past years. She said she dropped hints I didn't catch, and that her love feelings are completely gone.

We still live together. I am crushed since then everyday is getting worse. When one day I don't have that chest pain of fear, I think a bit about a future. I can't imagine a life without her. I can't imagine living alone with my kids only there for limited time. I can't imagine doing stuff with my kids without my wife being around , we always had fun the 4 of us.

The weird thing is she is still wantijg me to stay in the apartment and to do stuff together with the kids. I told her it breaks me because I have to cry constantly each day behind their backs. I have chest pain, I have death wishes.

I read about the manual and I am about to get SN and the meds in the protocol to execute it. But I have my doubts. I don't really want to die. I just want my old life. I want to be happy family I want it all to be reversed but since this is no possibility I lean more and more towards ctb.
I don't care so much about the consequences of the left behind because I will be dead. But I am afraid , SI is strong I just want the pain to be gone and also I don't want the future that is ahead of me.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It sounds so painful. And shock and loss like this makes each day an ordeal.

I think it's too soon though to decide to CTB. You were happy and enjoying life before this painful shock. To me that says there is a very good chance you will feel this way again. The pain will get softer, you will have fun, you will enjoy your morning coffee, you will make new friends

And of course you have your children. They will be hurt by your CTB, so it's worth trying to hold on for a while, if you can, for them.

So what can you do right now to help make your adjustment? Do you have the ability or resources to find counseling or perhaps a divorce support group? Also, Chat GPT can be a good little therapist.

Sending best wishes

 

[AutisticAcademic]

That is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. As an autistic person, mentioning that she said you missed social cues really made me feel your heartache.

The decision to end one's life is personal and only you can decide what a "good" reason is. But since you asked the opinions of the group, I would say it's not a good reason *at this time.* You are in shock and in the very first stages of grieving. It's never good to make big life (or death) decisions when emotions are high.

I think you should commit to giving life without her a fair shot. Set goals on moving forward (getting your own space, separating accounts, joining a club or activity to make new social connections). Maybe set a timeline (e.g. 1 year) and re-evaluate.

It is very possible you will look back and be grateful you gave yourself a second chance at life. It's also possible you won't. In that case, you can pass knowing you gave life your best effort.

 

[PI3.14]

Loneliness is extremely painful and I don't blame you wanting to CTB to avoid it.

However, it's too soon. I don't know if you both had a discussion already or not. Like what is exactly going on in her head.

Can you both do something to rekindle that love? Travelling together without the kids for example. Spending more quality time together, like going on dates.

Idk, I've never been in a relationship, but ordering SN after just two weeks is something I'm personally against, especially that you mention that you generally have a good life and I suppose fixing this current issue will mean that you're back to your good life again.

Take sometime, both of you, understand what's going on and what could be done.

 

[discman19999]

It's passed that she definitely wants to end the relationship. She kinda wants me around because she also has trouble being alone. But there is no hope to rekindle. She made that so clear that it hurt a lot. I was left before ok it was 20 years ago but I still know what's ahead of me but this time it's much worse because of the kids and I can't even remember how life is as single being

 

[getoutgirl]

A separation and specially one of such time spent together is one of the worst things to go through. I'm really sorry it happened and that you are now feeling this way because of it. It is completely understandable you do though.

I read about the manual and I am about to get SN and the meds in the protocol to execute it. But I have my doubts. I don't really want to die. I just want my old life. I want to be happy family I want it all to be reversed but since this is no possibility I lean more and more towards ctb.

Reading this I'm inclined to believe you do want to live, but are going through an extremely bad crisis. In a vulnerable position like that impulse can be a real risk, specially if you are going through it alone.
Clearly I don't know about you or your situation to counsel you in a meaningful way, but If I could share my opinion that would be that what you need most at the moment is support.
If you have great jobs and thus can afford it, I would contact a mental health professional immediately. Maybe one specialized in this, which there are plenty of. You do need that help, and it probably won't sort out everything immediately, it is bound to be a hard change in your life as a whole, but it can make it manageable sooner, easier to go through. And I'm sure any easier for your current mood and feelings it'd get would be greatly appreciated. You cannot stay like this.

A lot of people go through this, a lot of people make it out the other end. It is normal and human that you feel this way at the moment, as awful as it is. You can still be there for your children and live a life I think you still want to live, even if it all seems fuzzy and uncertain now, take it as easy as you can, please get support, and hold on to anything at the moment.
I hope it gets better and easier for you, I know it can. Big hug your way <3

 

[Sutter]

Hi,
I have no disease or any other form of long term suffering. I am almost 40 and up until now my life was great. I got a wife I met her when I was 20. We have two kids, we both have great jobs we have money all week to be fine .

Two weeks ago she stated she is breaking up because she was unhappy for the past years. She said she dropped hints I didn't catch, and that her love feelings are completely gone.

We still live together. I am crushed since then everyday is getting worse. When one day I don't have that chest pain of fear, I think a bit about a future. I can't imagine a life without her. I can't imagine living alone with my kids only there for limited time. I can't imagine doing stuff with my kids without my wife being around , we always had fun the 4 of us.

The weird thing is she is still wantijg me to stay in the apartment and to do stuff together with the kids. I told her it breaks me because I have to cry constantly each day behind their backs. I have chest pain, I have death wishes.

I read about the manual and I am about to get SN and the meds in the protocol to execute it. But I have my doubts. I don't really want to die. I just want my old life. I want to be happy family I want it all to be reversed but since this is no possibility I lean more and more towards ctb.
I don't care so much about the consequences of the left behind because I will be dead. But I am afraid , SI is strong I just want the pain to be gone and also I don't want the future that is ahead of me.

Mull it is.

Friend of mine poked a nose about your post. Few years ahead myself but close to the same pool that darkens a gaze. Have left off posting a fair bit, part curling with a friend and part well, thoughts don't walk as intended at times and disturbs a quiet set surface more than a stone skipping.

Just a way and not gentle so mull as such.

As it is, same for an old fox. Didn't turn from that feeling, that place, sat in it and visit it often. Two daughters, an ex wife, and 25 years ground to dust.

Started with love marrying her and was my own choice to end that way, an ass at times and more trouble than one would think with a stubborn streak. So, we told the daughters after Christmas, stayed together 7 more months. Sold a home, prepared wife to run alone, accounts and such. Purchased what they needed, helped rent an apartment, and moved out myself when it was done. Crushed a heart and a will but kept up with dishes and the mundane tasks. Worked through paperwork for what I didn't want to do and closed it out. Ex had and having a hard time with that decision, did not go as she imagined. No relief just a side step with the same troubles waving. Step away but help as I can, just moving as I'm made.

The rub, wasn't all one or the other and pays to push cloudiness from the eyes on what was done right and not, a settling of accounts so to speak. There are sights and primal moments to gather in the world, things to collect, small goals or large to achieve. They strip down for me though that another soul to love in any capacity is the slow coals that burn low in any season, even winter. Mine are about out, nudge them around a bit.

Barring my interest in leaving, there is a debt owed for daughters. To take a step with stubborn, cut years or a year at least to see what their need may be. The ripples left in a passing will happen regardless as death offers no reprieve. A balance perhaps between the two.

For me grief is not a process, no defined steps, and not a thumper following the man in the sky. Waves, waves of grief that don't wash when a soul wants. Come on their own as the wind blows them and that is the state of it. No all encompassing future, few thoughts here and there but more a bucket list. May be another foxy lady out there but some crisp reminders not young, all carry baggage, the requirements many have for a partner are more than a laugh or napping under Aspens.

Should know when I mentioned stubborn, there is a depth to that, madness maybe. Gave a question to whether or how my ex loved me if ever, on the same token though I loved her and knew what that was. Want to rest a bit but sprouted daughters so wait for them. Go for walks as the world is still what it was when I was young, pushing wind, waving leaves, snow that is taking its sweet time to say hello again. Most would walk 2-3 miles, walk 6-8. Weather doesn't halt a step.

Settling a ledger as best I can and will see if there is a smolder or ashes consumed to white. Would just as easily step on deaths toes, offer a smile, mention she may need some hand lotion, or sharpen a scythe to cut apples.

That grief is here and coming, not going to pass by. Waded in that pool myself, deep and on the shores, padded away and back. How I settle love, loss, tragedy, laughs, crooked smiles, knit brows, having it and not.

If you find run along the same shaded trails. Rumble and roar, chase your kids. Glue shoes to floor matts and run in the grass. Offer the wife an ear and stow your grief for that. Offer the best for what you loved. When the air turns crisp, let the forest call, pad for a bit and let a small fire crackle in a stone ring, the one placed on you when first you slobbered and met this world. Burn a few thoughts on love, what you did wrong, what you did right, give yourself grace and not.

Mull it all, leave the discman though, leaves talk, wind whispers, cold creeps, and stars sound better with the symphony of it all in the pauses you'll have.

A greet from a poking wet nose of an old fox with muddy paws. Will pad off but left a pine cone and a gaze or as you see it.

 

[MissAbyss]

After 20 years of being together, there are serious communication problems in my opinion.

First of all, playing hints and giving mixed signals at that age is very immature of her.

Have you discussed what has made her so unhappy in the relationship over the past few years? Is it something insurmountable that neither of you can work on?

It looks like she hasn't quite made up her mind entirely, she puts the ball in your court. Talk with her but only listen to what she has to say, without judging. Don't make or start an argue.

If she's is open for it, you know that she still is willing to work on the relationship. After that, maybe suggest seeing a relationship therapist.

Sending best wishes

 

[discman19999]

She stated

After 20 years of being together, there are serious communication problems in my opinion.

First of all, playing hints and giving mixed signals at that age is very immature of her.

Have you discussed what has made her so unhappy in the relationship over the past few years? Is it something insurmountable that neither of you can work on?

It looks like she hasn't quite made up her mind entirely, she puts the ball in your court. Talk with her but only listen to what she has to say, without judging. Don't make or start an argue.

If she's is open for it, you know that she still is willing to work on the relationship. After that, maybe suggest seeing a relationship therapist.

Sending best wishes

She stated very very clearly multiple times it's 100% over. There is nothing I can do. So that's not possible to win back.
Now it's suffering time. Or ctb

 

[somebodyfromeast]

Now it's suffering time.

Oh, it's true.
I'm a little younger than you. My wife left me after 2 years of marriage (and ~7 years of dating before marriage).
We didn't have any children, so I can't fully understand your situation, but I understand your feelings and desires.
One day, she told me that she wasn't happy with me and didn't see any reason for us to stay together. We tried to salvage our relationship, but one day, she announced that she was filing for divorce and left. This happened about 3 years ago.
So, I can tell you what awaits you in the future.
First, it's a shock. It took me about 9 months after the divorce to stop being in shock. In this state, you don't need to make any decisions, even if it's a bad one. Because it's not your decision. It's not you who will be in control of your life, if you know what I mean. It's best to just let time work. If possible, consider seeking therapy to shorten this period.
Secondly, when the shock wears off, you'll realize what's happened. Yes, your life won't be the same. And you won't like this new life. I can guarantee that. Everything will seem wrong, bad, traumatic, and repulsive. Yes, it's going to be shitty. I don't want to lie to you. However, there's a significant upside to this: you'll return control over your life. You'll be able to do what you want, influence the events in your life, and move forward. Right now, you only want one thing, but that's only for now.
Thirdly, when you learn to live in a new life for yourself, then you can think about your future. It can be very different, but it will be the one you choose. Choose calmly, thoughtfully, and soberly.

And now, talk. Talk to your friends, acquaintances, and strangers on the internet. Tell everyone about your situation. Tell them about your feelings. There's no need to think right now. There's no need to worry about what others will say. You can agree or disagree with their opinions, but you shouldn't share everything inside you. Otherwise, it will destroy you.

I'm sorry as hell that you're here. Believe me, there are no people here who want you to suffer. It doesn't matter if it's CTB or not. What matters is that you preserve yourself and get out of this shit.

I'm sorry for not saying something like "everything will be fine." I've been there. I know that it won't be in the near future. But that's not a reason to die right now. Let's just get through this. For your own sake. So that you can one day say, "This is absolutely MY decision." Whatever it may be.

I still have a little bit of hope that you're going through a relationship crisis. A crisis that can be overcome. And I'll be very happy if her decision changes. But if it doesn't, remember: You don't have to go through this alone. There are people who are willing to help you.

 

[unluckysadness]

If you don't have any disease, please reconsider this option. I'm older than you, disabled, in constant pain, isolated, no friends, no kids, even still virgin, many health issues... and I think we must have 100% reasons to CTB. I think I have 90% reasons right now. I'm not in your head but I understand you're suffering, To my opinion, your wanting to CBT is not justified. That said, it's your life. But leaving 2 kids is so cruel. You seem to have a life. I don't. Please think about it twice. Take care

 

[discman19999]

Thanks for all the responses. I realize that there is probably no need to ctb now hasty in a state of mind that is not the best. I am worried that this fear and pain never will go away and I read and also actually know it will go away.

I think what I am afraid of most is maybe not the pain I feel right now but the pain that awaits me. Having tasted the fruit of a happy relationship of warmth and compassion, having had multiple nice talks and sharing a lot of hobbies together , I have high standards for a next partnership. Put on top I am now older and lost hair , I am too short for today's standards and ofc I have 2 kids , so my chances of finding anyone is already 0 then put on top my negative aspects. To live the next 20 years alone, and seeing my wife remarry some guy that is probably in some or every aspect better than me is crushing me.

I can only hope my kids still keep the connection to me otherwise I ctb immediately.
Its maybe not comparable to direct suffering due to diseases be it mental or physical but to from what I experienced all my life this change is brutal and I don't see a reason IF it is like I described, to stay

 

[R. A.]

This sucks, sorry to read. My take: you can always kill yourself, but you (probably) can't unkill yourself.

This is a situation that makes me think of that thing we all hate to hear - about the permanent and the temporary, you know it. I'm not saying this is a surmountable situation at all; it would be great if you were able to heal and move forward in life. But this just happened; half of your life was spent living a way that in mere days has been radically altered for the worse. We form our identities in connexion with our partners. In a way, part of you has just died. Of course the pain is incomprehensible.

This also makes sense as to why you can't imagine life another way. Maybe recovery isn't possible...but maybe it is. This isn't known territory to you. If you die now or later, it's the same result, right? Why not see if you can adjust, and if not, act then? Also:

She kinda wants me around because she also has trouble being alone.

is fucking bullshit. You need to do what you need right now. Looking out for your kids is also a priority but what?! She's goddamn leaving you because she wasn't able to be forward with her issues and just dropping "hints" didn't work so she's calling it quits. Nah, fuck that.

 

[westerly_merlin]

That sucks man.

I am in a similar situation, living in same house as my wife but separate rooms. She is not sure what she wants to bo but I can't afford to move out and pay for this place as well. She gives me the silent treatment and I think she wants me to make the decision to move out so she does not have to.

Living in the same house is hard, it is impossible to move on and she is not willing to try and reconcile things.


You have kids, they need to feel loved by both parents. I have a sin from a previous marriage and I have made a point of being 50% of his life.

Having been through a breakup (and going into one again) I can tell you it can work but it is tough. You have to dig deep emotionally and sometimes lean on friends.

Always happy to listen if you need someone who has been through that wringer to vent to.