Venting Long and unhinged rant about why I hate being female

[RosebyAnyName]

(tw: I'm not kidding about the "unhinged" part in the title)

I hate being female.

I hate that I was taught to always say yes even before I could speak, and now it's my fault that I couldn't say no to the boy who wanted to touch my body inappropriately (and it's normal anyways because he was just "playing doctor" and "he liked me"). I hate that I was socially punished in highschool for reporting when a guy and his friend group groped and dry humped me. I hate that in university I was completely cut off from my friend group and socially isolated for calmly leaving a conversation because I wasn't comfortable being asked "tits or ass".

I hate that everyone wants me to be a rapeable fuckdoll solely because I am biologically female. I hate that everyone wants me to be punished with rape and forcibly impregnated because I don't want to have sex with men (I'm a lesbian).

I hate that conservatives hate me for not wanting to be a live-in sex maid forced to care for shitstain children under the ownership of a male. I hate liberals for saying I'm an evil terf bigot for not wanting to have sex with dicks, although honestly at this point I don't want to have sex with anyone in the LGBT community because even other lesbians hate me for not worshipping dick and being a "good lesbian" who's ok with cotton ceiling rhetoric and rape culture in LGBT spaces.

I hate men for the way they've treated women for thousands of years everywhere on the entire planet. I hate how males have created multitudes of cultures all over the world, each with their own special and unique way to justify why women are only ever breeding cattle, and if they aren't then they deserve to be tortured. I hate women for loving and cheerleading their abusers, and similarly punishing any woman who doesn't want to be around men. If even a single woman gives anything to a man (by being a prostitute, a tradwife), then every man can point to her and say I deserve to be beaten and raped until I become like her, because if one woman can do it then everyone must do it or else they're "failed" women who aren't being sexually available for men like they're "supposed to be." Women are some of the biggest advocates for prostitution and porn, and they want to force me into being raped on camera as punishment for being a "bigot".

I can't even find suicide resources to leave this shitty world because even the fucking suicide forums are run by incels and woman-haters. It's socially unacceptable to be racist, abelist, transphobic, homophobic, etc. (and that's good, I'm not advocating for these things) but not only is it 100% acceptable to publicly hate women, but women willing advocate for their own self-hatred, and they will always advocate for their own abuse because they enjoy it. Feminism is a lost cause because women don't want to be free from the men, they're sexuality makes them attracted to their abusers. They put a halo around the men they love so much, even when 80% of them watch women being raped on camera.

I have been considering therapy recently, but now I'm deciding against it because all of my therapists want me to be sexually available to a man. It's just a "trauma I need to unlearn" so I can fulfill what everyone considers my only purpose as a woman: to be a rape doll for men. All of my therapists want to force me into prostitution because they support the right for women to advertise themselves as nothing but fuck holes.

And it isn't because of anything I've come up with, I've simply learned that this is how women are seen in the real world, yet for some reason I'm blamed for it because I acknowledge it and still won't go along with it. I literally can't, I'm a lesbian. People who think loneliness is the worst possible fate must be very privileged, because the truth is that it's significantly more traumatic to be in the crosshairs of someone else's sexuality.

I love to "dress ugly" when I go out. I love when everyone barely glances at me and quickly looks away. I love when people think I'm "scary" and leave me alone. I feel calm, confident, and happy when I am not seen as rapeable. But, I hate when it's summer and I wear less, and everyone puts on shitty fake smiles or pleasant voices because I'm "cute". I've had multiple people call me cute and it makes me want to shoot myself in front of them. I hate when males stare at my body like a piece of meat when they think I'm not looking. I hate when my mother, who knows I'm a lesbian, says "oh, he's looking at you~" all cutesy and shit as if I ever want to be around some ugly ass man for any reason. I especially love when she points out when a much older man is staring at me.

I hate that I fawn to hell and back whenever I'm in confrontation with a man because I know I will be punished if I show even the slightest bit of discontent around a man. He will yell at me and beat me and everyone will tell me I deserved it for being "mean" to a man by not essentially sucking his cock right then and there. It's horrible. It's traumatic, significantly more than being seen as "scary" or whatever.

Being dead is a privileged. A homeless man can wander or even die on the streets, but a homeless woman is quickly scooped up by a pimp and forcibly raped for 14 hours a day and kept alive for 50+ years. But, according to other women, that's just "sex work" and I shouldn't be such a bigot, and somehow that's actually a better fate then just dieing in the peace of my own company.

I wish I could be dead. I remember being a child and wanting to sew my vulva shut, or getting nullification surgery because I hate how 100% of the population sees me as nothing more than a rapeable fuckdoll who deserves to be forcibly impregnated. I have been afraid of this since before I remember and I'm told I'm just being "paranoid" or "mean to men" when I talk about it, so I should shut up and just accept it because it's a woman's duty to please a man.

Most of all is that I hate that I can't not think about it. I can't escape abuse or the people who advocate for it. I can't be in the gym without thinking about how other males stare at me (while I feel disgusting for staring at the women there too). I can't go anywhere without men being present or considered. Can't go to the clothing store because there's a men's section. My mind is like a big hole, and every thought is like a drop of water: no matter where that droplet of water hits the ground, it always slowly sinks back into the "male trauma" hole, where it festers and loops for hours of my day at a time and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It just keeps happening. I can never heal because I can never be away from the thing that traumatizes me: men and their worshipers.

I wrote all of this is only a couple minutes because there are just what my thoughts look like, it flowed more naturally than anything my mind has every been capable of. I can barely focus at work or vacuum my floor and clean my house regularly, but I sure can spend hours on end in the "hating men thought loop".

Inb4 everyone responds with "butwhataboutmen" and ignores everything I just said, because women are never allowed to have trauma outside of hypersexuality and doing cam work.

 

[wondering&wandering]

Hey RosebyAnyName,

I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences. I can hardly even imagine what you not only had to go through, but continue to go through both irl and in your mind.

Not saying it's easy, but it sounds like you have a lot of trauma that needs to be unpacked before you allow yourself the ability to start loving yourself.

There are things in this world we wished weren't so, but there are still ways we can cope and perhaps even live around them without hating oneself and practically everyone else.

I used to hate everyone and everything and myself, now its only some things, a few people, and 100% myself. And I find live can get better when one's mind isn't consumed with hate. I mean, mine still is at times, but I found I have gotten better, and I hope the same for you.

Again, I'm so sorry to know this happened to you. I wish someone couod have stepped in and helped you. I believe there are people like that in the world, and I hope that someday I can be that kind of person who makes a difference like some people have to me. It's a long journey, but it doesn't have to be a lonely one. Hope you have friends/family to talk to about this.

Also, you're welcome to pm me if you want to just vent or talk. Wishing you swift peace!

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I don't like thinking this way, just to be clear. I hate my mind and I feel like I'm constantly fighting it.

I recently came back from the gym. For context I have a personal trainer, he is male. We were talking with other guys in the gym too (the trainer knows everyone) and it was pretty good. I hated feeling powerless just in the sense that I didn't know what to say or I came across as socially awkward, but those guys all for the most part seem like normal people, or at least not people who would go out of their way to attack me or harm me, especially not in a populated gym setting. I was enjoying myself and not entertaining my delusions. But, as soon as I got home, guess what my mind went to almost right away?

I know it would be better for me emotionally not to get so wrapped up in my thoughts like this... but I've discovered recently that I can't let go even though I'm now at the point that I want to. When I started using cannabis and the obsessive thoughts disappeared, it made me realize how not normal my thinking patterns are when sober.

I don't want to rely on cannabis for my mental health, so I've tried getting hobbies, exercising, exposure therapy (like getting a personal trainer who is a man), acknowledging how bad it is and trying to logic my way out of thinking this way... but nothing works in the long term. It's like a worm got in my brain and whenever I try to catch it, it just slips away and burrows itself deeper.

Sorry for the weird metaphors, I'm not good at expressing my emotions.

In case anyone is wondering why I posted this, I'll admit it's because I'm trying to desensitize myself to talking about it, so that I can actually try and get therapy because I clearly need it but I'm afraid to. I'm afraid of how others react when I talk about my obsessive thinking patterns, especially considering that the object of my obsession is very politically charged. Worst I'd get is negative responses, very unlikely to be in actual tangible danger like my mind wants to convince me. I probably have OCD or some other obsessive disorder, with a bit of trauma thrown into the mix. I hate always feeling on edge.

 

[Malaria]

I'm afraid of how others react when I talk about my obsessive thinking patterns, especially considering that the object of my obsession is very politically charged.

I relate so much to this, some stuff I have to bring up with therapists is very politically charged as well (I've personally dealt with a lot of misogyny in my life as well). It's very awkward and hard to talk about, I don't usually like talking about politics with people I'm not super close to, and that includes therapists.

Luckily my therapist is very understanding and kind, and understood where I was coming from. If you do decide to get therapy, definitely try to get with a therapist that won't judge you for bringing up these topics and allows you to express how you feel.

 

[fkyou]

Same .I feel unsafe.sad.scared.and severally depressed.

 

[SexyIncél]

I'm afraid of how others react when I talk about my obsessive thinking patterns, especially considering that the object of my obsession is very politically charged. Worst I'd get is negative responses, very unlikely to be in actual tangible danger like my mind wants to convince me.

S'ok! Just hope you feel catharsis & your mind eases up

I may be a target of your hate, but found your rant well-written & worth reading! Nothing better than a good rant

(I just hope this post on your thread isn't inappropriate; if it is, simply report it & I welcome a mod to delete it. You have all the power here)

 

[BoredAndAll]

I can relate to being hyperaware of the misogyny that surrounds us in life. Personally haven't decided if radfeminism viewpoints has been a curse and a blessing in my life.
Your politics are so based. It's sad it took a lot of bad situations befalling upon you to reach this point. It's not much coming from a suicidal forum user, but I do want better for you and every women who are struggling with the burden of being female in a patriarchy that always has a foot on our necks.

 

[R_N]

S'ok! Just hope you feel catharsis & your mind eases up

I may be a target of your hate, but found your rant well-written & worth reading! Nothing better than a good rant

(I just hope this post on your thread isn't inappropriate; if it is, simply report it & I welcome a mod to delete it. You have all the power here)

Last time I felt uncomfortable by a similar thread I caused uneccessary drama and had to leave this place for a bit. But your post gave me a new perspective more than my own introspection did regarding this.

So I thank you.

 

[lita-lassi]

fwiw i absolutely fought my abuser and hate him and had a support network of other women helping me who advocate to get women away from abusers and warn other women about said assholes. ive stepped on dudes dicks for daring to touch me without consent, i highly recommend more do the exact same thing until the point is made

but i absolutely understand and have had similar unhinged feelings when im in a rut and spiraling out hard. its pretty insane living under the heel of half the human population by default because of genitalia, really does wonders to the mind

i hope exposure therapy and conventional therapy help you in any way they can. there are other women you can talk to that empathize

 

[Linda]

Your post is certainly long, and it could reasonably be called a "rant". It's not "unhinged", though I might describe it as "unbalanced", i.e. you are only looking at one side of things, the bad side.

You start by stating that you hate being female, but the rest of your post tells us that what you really hate is the things that women often have to put up with. That's not quite the same thing. You can't change being a woman (unless you decide to do a F2M transition, but that doesn't seem to be what you want.) You can force some changes to the way the world interacts with you, though you won't be able to eliminate completely all the things you (and I too) don't like about the way women are often treated. You can certainly train yourself not to let them bother you too much.

When interacting with people, especially those people you meet frequently, you can set boundaries. You can make it clear that you consider some things to be inappropriate. In my experience, doing this firmly but reasonably politely is usually the best method. A more aggressive approach can appear to work in the short term, but it may create resentment, and make it harder to get a good long-term solution with that person. You may find it difficult to set boundaries, because of your upbringing, but with practice it will become easier.

The other thing you can do is to simply ignore many of the negative things in the world. If I had let all the negative things I have had to put up with get to me - and there have been lots, some of them vicious and evil - I would have been dead decades ago. Hate is not the best solution. I'm not saying that for any kind of high-falutin moral reason. I'm saying it because hate is more likely to harm you than to harm the people or things you hate.

Just ignore the men who stare at your body in the gym. So long as it's only staring, that's the best response. And if you want to stare at the women, then do it. Try to do it in a way that doesn't bother them, i.e. be reasonably discreet, but do it. Almost everybody has sexual feelings, and trying to suppress or ignore them tends to do more harm than good. Let's just accept that people are the way people are.

Do you have a girlfriend? Most people find that life is better with a partner.

You might also bear in mind that gay men tend to treat women better than heterosexual men do. They will see you as a person, not just as a body to fuck. I have had lots of gay male friends all my adult life, and I know other women who have too.

I don't think ctb is the solution for you. (It certainly isn't the solution right now.) I think you have lots of options for moving forward. Good luck.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I can relate to being hyperaware of the misogyny that surrounds us in life. Personally haven't decided if radfeminism viewpoints has been a curse and a blessing in my life.
Your politics are so based. It's sad it took a lot of bad situations befalling upon you to reach this point. It's not much coming from a suicidal forum user, but I do want better for you and every women who are struggling with the burden of being female in a patriarchy that always has a foot on our necks.

Agree about radfeminism in my life having been a blessing and a curse.

On the one hand, for a long time I had no way to understand my anxiety and feelings, or even knowing if they were real or justified. Reading radfeminist resources helped put a lot of it to words, and helped me think about my experiences more logically, even if old habits (obsessive thinking) die hard. I never felt like I had a single instance of misogyny I faced to cling to as the "catalyst" for my feelings, but feminism helped me accept how misogyny can act more like "death by a thousand needles".

On the other hand, it's a pandora's box situation. Once you start learning about the history of the gender war and where it's most likely headed based on history repeating itself, it's looking pretty bleak. It's hard to accept that the problem is something much bigger and more intangible than yourself, psychologically it's "easier" for our brains to think it's our own fault and that we therefore might have some power in the situation. And the truth is, sometimes I wish I could "un-learn" it, or un-learn the fear of the knowledge, or have learned it in a more helpful way instead of through the internet.

 

[executioner1983]

I've never related to anything more. Men act like "human nature" is there god and instincts are their holy commandments. Truly they're just brainless zombies who are servant to their hormones. I've always viewed it as pathetic.

 

[Equaldentist]

Hi, I totally agree with everything you've said and feel that way often myself. I've actually been put in a DBT support group for it but it is not going well, precisely because the men in the group aren't willing to let me talk about any of my previous experiences - and I'm not saying stuff like I Hate Men, apparently saying anything negative about any man ever is a personal slight on them. I have a post with more detail on my profile, my introduction post, if you want to hear how bad it is :-) and I was specifically put in the group basically so that I could have positive exposure.

It sounds like you don't have a lot of support IRL, do you have any online as a starting point? there are terf / radfem communities on twitter and tumblr, and there is a website called Ovarit entirely for radical feminists, although I think there is some sort of referral process to join that I don't know about. I think there are some on discord but I wouldn't be sure how to find them.

I completely understand how overwhelming it gets, but we're in a better position than our grandmothers because women came together and made it happen, so if we come together we can make even more changes to help women.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

As a guy i will just keep this brief as im passing by, i agree on many fronts.

I hate the drooly sad nature of some men, i used to work at a place deep in the country that was mostly men, i would see them staring at underage girls asses and say the most vile depraved shit ever.

They would try every chance they got to get behind them and look, just a fucking fantasy toy for them, no person behind the eyes just a sex doll.

Nah i got no tolerance for dirty apes, id agree that many are downright depraved as fuck.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

Hi, I totally agree with everything you've said and feel that way often myself. I've actually been put in a DBT support group for it but it is not going well, precisely because the men in the group aren't willing to let me talk about any of my previous experiences - and I'm not saying stuff like I Hate Men, apparently saying anything negative about any man ever is a personal slight on them. I have a post with more detail on my profile, my introduction post, if you want to hear how bad it is :-) and I was specifically put in the group basically so that I could have positive exposure.

It sounds like you don't have a lot of support IRL, do you have any online as a starting point? there are terf / radfem communities on twitter and tumblr, and there is a website called Ovarit entirely for radical feminists, although I think there is some sort of referral process to join that I don't know about. I think there are some on discord but I wouldn't be sure how to find them.

I completely understand how overwhelming it gets, but we're in a better position than our grandmothers because women came together and made it happen, so if we come together we can make even more changes to help women.

Sorry if old post, I avoided the internet for a couple weeks.
I was once in radfem spaces and I specifically left because it isn't "socially acceptable" for women to be radfem. Everyone thinks radfems should be raped and murdered (just search "#terf" on any social media website and see what non-radfems have to say). I left the spaces I was in on bad terms so I can't go back. I alienated myself from other women at everyone else's request because I don't want people to hate me and tell me I deserve to be raped and murdered. I was potentially interested in becoming an online artist and I didn't want anyone "cancelling" me and doxxing me if they "dug up" my past.

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

(tw: I'm not kidding about the "unhinged" part in the title)

I hate being female.

I hate that I was taught to always say yes even before I could speak, and now it's my fault that I couldn't say no to the boy who wanted to touch my body inappropriately (and it's normal anyways because he was just "playing doctor" and "he liked me"). I hate that I was socially punished in highschool for reporting when a guy and his friend group groped and dry humped me. I hate that in university I was completely cut off from my friend group and socially isolated for calmly leaving a conversation because I wasn't comfortable being asked "tits or ass".

I hate that everyone wants me to be a rapeable fuckdoll solely because I am biologically female. I hate that everyone wants me to be punished with rape and forcibly impregnated because I don't want to have sex with men (I'm a lesbian).

I hate that conservatives hate me for not wanting to be a live-in sex maid forced to care for shitstain children under the ownership of a male. I hate liberals for saying I'm an evil terf bigot for not wanting to have sex with dicks, although honestly at this point I don't want to have sex with anyone in the LGBT community because even other lesbians hate me for not worshipping dick and being a "good lesbian" who's ok with cotton ceiling rhetoric and rape culture in LGBT spaces.

I hate men for the way they've treated women for thousands of years everywhere on the entire planet. I hate how males have created multitudes of cultures all over the world, each with their own special and unique way to justify why women are only ever breeding cattle, and if they aren't then they deserve to be tortured. I hate women for loving and cheerleading their abusers, and similarly punishing any woman who doesn't want to be around men. If even a single woman gives anything to a man (by being a prostitute, a tradwife), then every man can point to her and say I deserve to be beaten and raped until I become like her, because if one woman can do it then everyone must do it or else they're "failed" women who aren't being sexually available for men like they're "supposed to be." Women are some of the biggest advocates for prostitution and porn, and they want to force me into being raped on camera as punishment for being a "bigot".

I can't even find suicide resources to leave this shitty world because even the fucking suicide forums are run by incels and woman-haters. It's socially unacceptable to be racist, abelist, transphobic, homophobic, etc. (and that's good, I'm not advocating for these things) but not only is it 100% acceptable to publicly hate women, but women willing advocate for their own self-hatred, and they will always advocate for their own abuse because they enjoy it. Feminism is a lost cause because women don't want to be free from the men, they're sexuality makes them attracted to their abusers. They put a halo around the men they love so much, even when 80% of them watch women being raped on camera.

I have been considering therapy recently, but now I'm deciding against it because all of my therapists want me to be sexually available to a man. It's just a "trauma I need to unlearn" so I can fulfill what everyone considers my only purpose as a woman: to be a rape doll for men. All of my therapists want to force me into prostitution because they support the right for women to advertise themselves as nothing but fuck holes.

And it isn't because of anything I've come up with, I've simply learned that this is how women are seen in the real world, yet for some reason I'm blamed for it because I acknowledge it and still won't go along with it. I literally can't, I'm a lesbian. People who think loneliness is the worst possible fate must be very privileged, because the truth is that it's significantly more traumatic to be in the crosshairs of someone else's sexuality.

I love to "dress ugly" when I go out. I love when everyone barely glances at me and quickly looks away. I love when people think I'm "scary" and leave me alone. I feel calm, confident, and happy when I am not seen as rapeable. But, I hate when it's summer and I wear less, and everyone puts on shitty fake smiles or pleasant voices because I'm "cute". I've had multiple people call me cute and it makes me want to shoot myself in front of them. I hate when males stare at my body like a piece of meat when they think I'm not looking. I hate when my mother, who knows I'm a lesbian, says "oh, he's looking at you~" all cutesy and shit as if I ever want to be around some ugly ass man for any reason. I especially love when she points out when a much older man is staring at me.

I hate that I fawn to hell and back whenever I'm in confrontation with a man because I know I will be punished if I show even the slightest bit of discontent around a man. He will yell at me and beat me and everyone will tell me I deserved it for being "mean" to a man by not essentially sucking his cock right then and there. It's horrible. It's traumatic, significantly more than being seen as "scary" or whatever.

Being dead is a privileged. A homeless man can wander or even die on the streets, but a homeless woman is quickly scooped up by a pimp and forcibly raped for 14 hours a day and kept alive for 50+ years. But, according to other women, that's just "sex work" and I shouldn't be such a bigot, and somehow that's actually a better fate then just dieing in the peace of my own company.

I wish I could be dead. I remember being a child and wanting to sew my vulva shut, or getting nullification surgery because I hate how 100% of the population sees me as nothing more than a rapeable fuckdoll who deserves to be forcibly impregnated. I have been afraid of this since before I remember and I'm told I'm just being "paranoid" or "mean to men" when I talk about it, so I should shut up and just accept it because it's a woman's duty to please a man.

Most of all is that I hate that I can't not think about it. I can't escape abuse or the people who advocate for it. I can't be in the gym without thinking about how other males stare at me (while I feel disgusting for staring at the women there too). I can't go anywhere without men being present or considered. Can't go to the clothing store because there's a men's section. My mind is like a big hole, and every thought is like a drop of water: no matter where that droplet of water hits the ground, it always slowly sinks back into the "male trauma" hole, where it festers and loops for hours of my day at a time and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It just keeps happening. I can never heal because I can never be away from the thing that traumatizes me: men and their worshipers.

I wrote all of this is only a couple minutes because there are just what my thoughts look like, it flowed more naturally than anything my mind has every been capable of. I can barely focus at work or vacuum my floor and clean my house regularly, but I sure can spend hours on end in the "hating men thought loop".

Inb4 everyone responds with "butwhataboutmen" and ignores everything I just said, because women are never allowed to have trauma outside of hypersexuality and doing cam work.

I would offer that you don't hate being a female, you hate being a woman in a male supremacist, androcentric world. DM me any time if you want to talk more or would like some reading that I think you'd find validating.

 

[Timothy7dff]

A homeless man can wander or even die on the streets, but a homeless woman is quickly scooped up by a pimp and forcibly raped for 14 hours a day and kept alive for 50+ years. But, according to other women, that's just "sex work" an

Most of all is that I hate that I can't not think about it.

That's true. I never thought about that difference. A homeless female is a real target.

Not being able to not think about things is tough. I've been trying to move on from a trauma from several years ago, but it's so tough. No matter how many times I tell myself to just forget it and start over, I can't. I used to be able to meditate for hours at a time. Now I can't shut my brain off for 10 seconds. My nervous system is damaged beyond repair.

Not all men think poorly of women.

 

[yearsoflonliness]

It makes me very sad knowing that there are enough men out there acting in a bad manner to make women have beliefs and hatred such as this.

 

[mainlanders_son]

Mushrooms?

 

[SexyIncél]

I would offer that you don't hate being a female, you hate being a woman in a male supremacist, androcentric world.

Many societies we're in aren't male supremacist, but are patriarchal. As bell hooks points out, many pop mainstream feminists reformed patriarchy so they can be boss girls who keep "poor men exploited and oppressed", just like "their powerful daddies and husbands". Once they achieved power & especially economic parity with men of their class, they pretty much lose interest in feminism

Hence she uses the term "imperialist white-supremacist capitalist patriarchy" to describe her country's politics. Not male-supremacist, because many men are losers under patriarchy

Which is perhaps why the OP felt compelled to share the admittedly bizarre argument that homeless men somehow have death-privilege because our bodies aren't inherently valuable as women's:

Being dead is a privileged. A homeless man can wander or even die on the streets, but a homeless woman is quickly scooped up by a pimp and forcibly raped for 14 hours a day and kept alive for 50+ years. But, according to other women, that's just "sex work" and I shouldn't be such a bigot, and somehow that's actually a better fate then just dieing in the peace of my own company.

Clearly, many misandrists & TERFs have zero human sympathy for loser homeless men who die valueless. Fortunately, their ample self-interest is sufficient: I hear women are already feeling the manosphere backlash in 2024! As bell hooks counsels, it'd be wise to organize the many men who are also losers under patriarchy. (While I don't enjoy patriarchy, I can get benefits from it, so I can resign myself to watching with faint amusement)

 

[LunarLight]

A guy known as "SexyIncél" quotes bell hooks. You saw that on Sanctioned Suicide!

(I'm not making fun of you, it just made me burst into laughter to see an incel quoting a famous black feminist, I must say it's unusual!)

 

[xinino]

I hope you find someone who loves you and can understand your feelings.

 

[BojackHorseman]

As a guy i will just keep this brief as im passing by, i agree on many fronts.

I hate the drooly sad nature of some men, i used to work at a place deep in the country that was mostly men, i would see them staring at underage girls asses and say the most vile depraved shit ever.

They would try every chance they got to get behind them and look, just a fucking fantasy toy for them, no person behind the eyes just a sex doll.

Nah i got no tolerance for dirty apes, id agree that many are downright depraved as fuck.

Sexist men who treat women that way obviously won't listen to women when they say its wrong. It takes another man like yourself to tell them they are wrong for them to actually listen. Thank you for agreeing with us.

 

[miseryh8scompany]

(tw: I'm not kidding about the "unhinged" part in the title)

I hate being female.

I hate that I was taught to always say yes even before I could speak, and now it's my fault that I couldn't say no to the boy who wanted to touch my body inappropriately (and it's normal anyways because he was just "playing doctor" and "he liked me"). I hate that I was socially punished in highschool for reporting when a guy and his friend group groped and dry humped me. I hate that in university I was completely cut off from my friend group and socially isolated for calmly leaving a conversation because I wasn't comfortable being asked "tits or ass".

I hate that everyone wants me to be a rapeable fuckdoll solely because I am biologically female. I hate that everyone wants me to be punished with rape and forcibly impregnated because I don't want to have sex with men (I'm a lesbian).

I hate that conservatives hate me for not wanting to be a live-in sex maid forced to care for shitstain children under the ownership of a male. I hate liberals for saying I'm an evil terf bigot for not wanting to have sex with dicks, although honestly at this point I don't want to have sex with anyone in the LGBT community because even other lesbians hate me for not worshipping dick and being a "good lesbian" who's ok with cotton ceiling rhetoric and rape culture in LGBT spaces.

I hate men for the way they've treated women for thousands of years everywhere on the entire planet. I hate how males have created multitudes of cultures all over the world, each with their own special and unique way to justify why women are only ever breeding cattle, and if they aren't then they deserve to be tortured. I hate women for loving and cheerleading their abusers, and similarly punishing any woman who doesn't want to be around men. If even a single woman gives anything to a man (by being a prostitute, a tradwife), then every man can point to her and say I deserve to be beaten and raped until I become like her, because if one woman can do it then everyone must do it or else they're "failed" women who aren't being sexually available for men like they're "supposed to be." Women are some of the biggest advocates for prostitution and porn, and they want to force me into being raped on camera as punishment for being a "bigot".

I can't even find suicide resources to leave this shitty world because even the fucking suicide forums are run by incels and woman-haters. It's socially unacceptable to be racist, abelist, transphobic, homophobic, etc. (and that's good, I'm not advocating for these things) but not only is it 100% acceptable to publicly hate women, but women willing advocate for their own self-hatred, and they will always advocate for their own abuse because they enjoy it. Feminism is a lost cause because women don't want to be free from the men, they're sexuality makes them attracted to their abusers. They put a halo around the men they love so much, even when 80% of them watch women being raped on camera.

I have been considering therapy recently, but now I'm deciding against it because all of my therapists want me to be sexually available to a man. It's just a "trauma I need to unlearn" so I can fulfill what everyone considers my only purpose as a woman: to be a rape doll for men. All of my therapists want to force me into prostitution because they support the right for women to advertise themselves as nothing but fuck holes.

And it isn't because of anything I've come up with, I've simply learned that this is how women are seen in the real world, yet for some reason I'm blamed for it because I acknowledge it and still won't go along with it. I literally can't, I'm a lesbian. People who think loneliness is the worst possible fate must be very privileged, because the truth is that it's significantly more traumatic to be in the crosshairs of someone else's sexuality.

I love to "dress ugly" when I go out. I love when everyone barely glances at me and quickly looks away. I love when people think I'm "scary" and leave me alone. I feel calm, confident, and happy when I am not seen as rapeable. But, I hate when it's summer and I wear less, and everyone puts on shitty fake smiles or pleasant voices because I'm "cute". I've had multiple people call me cute and it makes me want to shoot myself in front of them. I hate when males stare at my body like a piece of meat when they think I'm not looking. I hate when my mother, who knows I'm a lesbian, says "oh, he's looking at you~" all cutesy and shit as if I ever want to be around some ugly ass man for any reason. I especially love when she points out when a much older man is staring at me.

I hate that I fawn to hell and back whenever I'm in confrontation with a man because I know I will be punished if I show even the slightest bit of discontent around a man. He will yell at me and beat me and everyone will tell me I deserved it for being "mean" to a man by not essentially sucking his cock right then and there. It's horrible. It's traumatic, significantly more than being seen as "scary" or whatever.

Being dead is a privileged. A homeless man can wander or even die on the streets, but a homeless woman is quickly scooped up by a pimp and forcibly raped for 14 hours a day and kept alive for 50+ years. But, according to other women, that's just "sex work" and I shouldn't be such a bigot, and somehow that's actually a better fate then just dieing in the peace of my own company.

I wish I could be dead. I remember being a child and wanting to sew my vulva shut, or getting nullification surgery because I hate how 100% of the population sees me as nothing more than a rapeable fuckdoll who deserves to be forcibly impregnated. I have been afraid of this since before I remember and I'm told I'm just being "paranoid" or "mean to men" when I talk about it, so I should shut up and just accept it because it's a woman's duty to please a man.

Most of all is that I hate that I can't not think about it. I can't escape abuse or the people who advocate for it. I can't be in the gym without thinking about how other males stare at me (while I feel disgusting for staring at the women there too). I can't go anywhere without men being present or considered. Can't go to the clothing store because there's a men's section. My mind is like a big hole, and every thought is like a drop of water: no matter where that droplet of water hits the ground, it always slowly sinks back into the "male trauma" hole, where it festers and loops for hours of my day at a time and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It just keeps happening. I can never heal because I can never be away from the thing that traumatizes me: men and their worshipers.

I wrote all of this is only a couple minutes because there are just what my thoughts look like, it flowed more naturally than anything my mind has every been capable of. I can barely focus at work or vacuum my floor and clean my house regularly, but I sure can spend hours on end in the "hating men thought loop".

Inb4 everyone responds with "butwhataboutmen" and ignores everything I just said, because women are never allowed to have trauma outside of hypersexuality and doing

(tw: I'm not kidding about the "unhinged" part in the title)

I hate being female.

I hate that I was taught to always say yes even before I could speak, and now it's my fault that I couldn't say no to the boy who wanted to touch my body inappropriately (and it's normal anyways because he was just "playing doctor" and "he liked me"). I hate that I was socially punished in highschool for reporting when a guy and his friend group groped and dry humped me. I hate that in university I was completely cut off from my friend group and socially isolated for calmly leaving a conversation because I wasn't comfortable being asked "tits or ass".

I hate that everyone wants me to be a rapeable fuckdoll solely because I am biologically female. I hate that everyone wants me to be punished with rape and forcibly impregnated because I don't want to have sex with men (I'm a lesbian).

I hate that conservatives hate me for not wanting to be a live-in sex maid forced to care for shitstain children under the ownership of a male. I hate liberals for saying I'm an evil terf bigot for not wanting to have sex with dicks, although honestly at this point I don't want to have sex with anyone in the LGBT community because even other lesbians hate me for not worshipping dick and being a "good lesbian" who's ok with cotton ceiling rhetoric and rape culture in LGBT spaces.

I hate men for the way they've treated women for thousands of years everywhere on the entire planet. I hate how males have created multitudes of cultures all over the world, each with their own special and unique way to justify why women are only ever breeding cattle, and if they aren't then they deserve to be tortured. I hate women for loving and cheerleading their abusers, and similarly punishing any woman who doesn't want to be around men. If even a single woman gives anything to a man (by being a prostitute, a tradwife), then every man can point to her and say I deserve to be beaten and raped until I become like her, because if one woman can do it then everyone must do it or else they're "failed" women who aren't being sexually available for men like they're "supposed to be." Women are some of the biggest advocates for prostitution and porn, and they want to force me into being raped on camera as punishment for being a "bigot".

I can't even find suicide resources to leave this shitty world because even the fucking suicide forums are run by incels and woman-haters. It's socially unacceptable to be racist, abelist, transphobic, homophobic, etc. (and that's good, I'm not advocating for these things) but not only is it 100% acceptable to publicly hate women, but women willing advocate for their own self-hatred, and they will always advocate for their own abuse because they enjoy it. Feminism is a lost cause because women don't want to be free from the men, they're sexuality makes them attracted to their abusers. They put a halo around the men they love so much, even when 80% of them watch women being raped on camera.

I have been considering therapy recently, but now I'm deciding against it because all of my therapists want me to be sexually available to a man. It's just a "trauma I need to unlearn" so I can fulfill what everyone considers my only purpose as a woman: to be a rape doll for men. All of my therapists want to force me into prostitution because they support the right for women to advertise themselves as nothing but fuck holes.

And it isn't because of anything I've come up with, I've simply learned that this is how women are seen in the real world, yet for some reason I'm blamed for it because I acknowledge it and still won't go along with it. I literally can't, I'm a lesbian. People who think loneliness is the worst possible fate must be very privileged, because the truth is that it's significantly more traumatic to be in the crosshairs of someone else's sexuality.

I love to "dress ugly" when I go out. I love when everyone barely glances at me and quickly looks away. I love when people think I'm "scary" and leave me alone. I feel calm, confident, and happy when I am not seen as rapeable. But, I hate when it's summer and I wear less, and everyone puts on shitty fake smiles or pleasant voices because I'm "cute". I've had multiple people call me cute and it makes me want to shoot myself in front of them. I hate when males stare at my body like a piece of meat when they think I'm not looking. I hate when my mother, who knows I'm a lesbian, says "oh, he's looking at you~" all cutesy and shit as if I ever want to be around some ugly ass man for any reason. I especially love when she points out when a much older man is staring at me.

I hate that I fawn to hell and back whenever I'm in confrontation with a man because I know I will be punished if I show even the slightest bit of discontent around a man. He will yell at me and beat me and everyone will tell me I deserved it for being "mean" to a man by not essentially sucking his cock right then and there. It's horrible. It's traumatic, significantly more than being seen as "scary" or whatever.

Being dead is a privileged. A homeless man can wander or even die on the streets, but a homeless woman is quickly scooped up by a pimp and forcibly raped for 14 hours a day and kept alive for 50+ years. But, according to other women, that's just "sex work" and I shouldn't be such a bigot, and somehow that's actually a better fate then just dieing in the peace of my own company.

I wish I could be dead. I remember being a child and wanting to sew my vulva shut, or getting nullification surgery because I hate how 100% of the population sees me as nothing more than a rapeable fuckdoll who deserves to be forcibly impregnated. I have been afraid of this since before I remember and I'm told I'm just being "paranoid" or "mean to men" when I talk about it, so I should shut up and just accept it because it's a woman's duty to please a man.

Most of all is that I hate that I can't not think about it. I can't escape abuse or the people who advocate for it. I can't be in the gym without thinking about how other males stare at me (while I feel disgusting for staring at the women there too). I can't go anywhere without men being present or considered. Can't go to the clothing store because there's a men's section. My mind is like a big hole, and every thought is like a drop of water: no matter where that droplet of water hits the ground, it always slowly sinks back into the "male trauma" hole, where it festers and loops for hours of my day at a time and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It just keeps happening. I can never heal because I can never be away from the thing that traumatizes me: men and their worshipers.

I wrote all of this is only a couple minutes because there are just what my thoughts look like, it flowed more naturally than anything my mind has every been capable of. I can barely focus at work or vacuum my floor and clean my house regularly, but I sure can spend hours on end in the "hating men thought loop".

Inb4 everyone responds with "butwhataboutmen" and ignores everything I just said, because women are never allowed to have trauma outside of hypersexuality and doing cam work.

Have you considered living in a monastery?

 

[BardBarrie]

I'm sorry for all the pain you've been through.
Though I cannot empathise with your struggles — since I'm a man and haven't experienced such things — I certainly sympathise.

I wish life wasn't like this, so much needless trauma for people.

 

[miseryh8scompany]

Have you considered living in

(tw: I'm not kidding about the "unhinged" part in the title)

I hate being female.

I hate that I was taught to always say yes even before I could speak, and now it's my fault that I couldn't say no to the boy who wanted to touch my body inappropriately (and it's normal anyways because he was just "playing doctor" and "he liked me"). I hate that I was socially punished in highschool for reporting when a guy and his friend group groped and dry humped me. I hate that in university I was completely cut off from my friend group and socially isolated for calmly leaving a conversation because I wasn't comfortable being asked "tits or ass".

I hate that everyone wants me to be a rapeable fuckdoll solely because I am biologically female. I hate that everyone wants me to be punished with rape and forcibly impregnated because I don't want to have sex with men (I'm a lesbian).

I hate that conservatives hate me for not wanting to be a live-in sex maid forced to care for shitstain children under the ownership of a male. I hate liberals for saying I'm an evil terf bigot for not wanting to have sex with dicks, although honestly at this point I don't want to have sex with anyone in the LGBT community because even other lesbians hate me for not worshipping dick and being a "good lesbian" who's ok with cotton ceiling rhetoric and rape culture in LGBT spaces.

I hate men for the way they've treated women for thousands of years everywhere on the entire planet. I hate how males have created multitudes of cultures all over the world, each with their own special and unique way to justify why women are only ever breeding cattle, and if they aren't then they deserve to be tortured. I hate women for loving and cheerleading their abusers, and similarly punishing any woman who doesn't want to be around men. If even a single woman gives anything to a man (by being a prostitute, a tradwife), then every man can point to her and say I deserve to be beaten and raped until I become like her, because if one woman can do it then everyone must do it or else they're "failed" women who aren't being sexually available for men like they're "supposed to be." Women are some of the biggest advocates for prostitution and porn, and they want to force me into being raped on camera as punishment for being a "bigot".

I can't even find suicide resources to leave this shitty world because even the fucking suicide forums are run by incels and woman-haters. It's socially unacceptable to be racist, abelist, transphobic, homophobic, etc. (and that's good, I'm not advocating for these things) but not only is it 100% acceptable to publicly hate women, but women willing advocate for their own self-hatred, and they will always advocate for their own abuse because they enjoy it. Feminism is a lost cause because women don't want to be free from the men, they're sexuality makes them attracted to their abusers. They put a halo around the men they love so much, even when 80% of them watch women being raped on camera.

I have been considering therapy recently, but now I'm deciding against it because all of my therapists want me to be sexually available to a man. It's just a "trauma I need to unlearn" so I can fulfill what everyone considers my only purpose as a woman: to be a rape doll for men. All of my therapists want to force me into prostitution because they support the right for women to advertise themselves as nothing but fuck holes.

And it isn't because of anything I've come up with, I've simply learned that this is how women are seen in the real world, yet for some reason I'm blamed for it because I acknowledge it and still won't go along with it. I literally can't, I'm a lesbian. People who think loneliness is the worst possible fate must be very privileged, because the truth is that it's significantly more traumatic to be in the crosshairs of someone else's sexuality.

I love to "dress ugly" when I go out. I love when everyone barely glances at me and quickly looks away. I love when people think I'm "scary" and leave me alone. I feel calm, confident, and happy when I am not seen as rapeable. But, I hate when it's summer and I wear less, and everyone puts on shitty fake smiles or pleasant voices because I'm "cute". I've had multiple people call me cute and it makes me want to shoot myself in front of them. I hate when males stare at my body like a piece of meat when they think I'm not looking. I hate when my mother, who knows I'm a lesbian, says "oh, he's looking at you~" all cutesy and shit as if I ever want to be around some ugly ass man for any reason. I especially love when she points out when a much older man is staring at me.

I hate that I fawn to hell and back whenever I'm in confrontation with a man because I know I will be punished if I show even the slightest bit of discontent around a man. He will yell at me and beat me and everyone will tell me I deserved it for being "mean" to a man by not essentially sucking his cock right then and there. It's horrible. It's traumatic, significantly more than being seen as "scary" or whatever.

Being dead is a privileged. A homeless man can wander or even die on the streets, but a homeless woman is quickly scooped up by a pimp and forcibly raped for 14 hours a day and kept alive for 50+ years. But, according to other women, that's just "sex work" and I shouldn't be such a bigot, and somehow that's actually a better fate then just dieing in the peace of my own company.

I wish I could be dead. I remember being a child and wanting to sew my vulva shut, or getting nullification surgery because I hate how 100% of the population sees me as nothing more than a rapeable fuckdoll who deserves to be forcibly impregnated. I have been afraid of this since before I remember and I'm told I'm just being "paranoid" or "mean to men" when I talk about it, so I should shut up and just accept it because it's a woman's duty to please a man.

Most of all is that I hate that I can't not think about it. I can't escape abuse or the people who advocate for it. I can't be in the gym without thinking about how other males stare at me (while I feel disgusting for staring at the women there too). I can't go anywhere without men being present or considered. Can't go to the clothing store because there's a men's section. My mind is like a big hole, and every thought is like a drop of water: no matter where that droplet of water hits the ground, it always slowly sinks back into the "male trauma" hole, where it festers and loops for hours of my day at a time and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It just keeps happening. I can never heal because I can never be away from the thing that traumatizes me: men and their worshipers.

I wrote all of this is only a couple minutes because there are just what my thoughts look like, it flowed more naturally than anything my mind has every been capable of. I can barely focus at work or vacuum my floor and clean my house regularly, but I sure can spend hours on end in the "hating men thought loop".

Inb4 everyone responds with "butwhataboutmen" and ignores everything I just said, because women are never allowed to have trauma outside of hypersexuality and doing cam work.

Maybe start a tribe of Amazonian warriors?