Discussion My Conflict with Suicide Methods

[MyShadow]

Things went from bad to worse so I started putting those thoughts about killing myself into action. I pulled back from work and social situations, isolated myself and started researching methods.

There was no Plan B. However, it is way more complicated than I anticipated.

A fast, violent method like leaping in front of a train was my first plan. Yet I don't want to create collateral damage in the form of trauma of those who discover my body or witness the act. The same applies to self-inflicted gunshots or jumping off a bridge or tall building. The choice to kill myself should not traumatize others.

Then there's the so-called "peaceful methods" like inert gas asphyxiation. Apparently, to minimize the pain and suffering is an expensive, complicated DIY project. Tanks, hoses, adapters, regulators and flowmeters are required and it's more complicated than popping down to my local Home Depot. Gathering all of the essentials can take weeks or months because it has to be sourced or ordered. This can take months. Set up is even more complicated, especially because there's a lot of unfamiliar equipment involved. If I want a peaceful exit then I will need to be prepared to spend quite a bit of time and money to ensure this method's effectiveness.

I've considered poisoning myself with sodium nitrate but getting it requires finding reliable source, but I've heard that it's getting harder and harder to find. Once I get it, there's a procedure to avoid suffering with this method as well. Even with the centuries old method of hanging, there are still things that go wrong.

Then, there's the fear of failure and ending up in a worse situation.

I'm not naive nor is the decision to end my life a spontaneous thing. I admit that I am scared of where I am now. Life is getting harder as I get older. I'm alone. I've suffered from depression, anxiety and PTSD for decades. My body and physical health are slowly deteriorating. Financially things are looking bleak and my options are becoming more and more limited.

The longer I live the more I want to end my life. I just never thought that it would be this complicated.

What's your method of choice and what's stopping or delaying you from following through?

 

[helptoendlff]

Ending my life is way more complicated than I anticipated.

The fast, violent methods like self-inflicted gunshots or leaping in front of a train will create collateral damage in the form of trauma of those who discover my body or witness the act. I feel that jumping off a bridge or tall building will put me in the same situation.
I feel the same way and it's unfortunate.

I feel the same way and it's unfortunate. I feel like it should be on us to determine and demand that we leave when we prefer to leave and when we're ready.

Then there's the so-called "peaceful methods" like inert gas asphyxiation. Apparently, to minimize the pain and suffering is an expensive, complicated DIY project. Tanks, hoses, adapters, regulators and flowmeters are required and it's more complicated than popping down to my local Home Depot. Gathering all of the essentials can take weeks or months because it has to be sourced or ordered. This can take months. Set up is even more complicated, especially because there's a lot of unfamiliar equipment involved. If I want a peaceful exit then I will need to be prepared to spend quite a bit of time and money to ensure this method's effectiveness.

I've considered poisoning myself with sodium nitrate but getting it requires finding reliable source, but I've heard that it's getting harder and harder to find. Once I get it, there's a procedure to avoid suffering with this method as well. Even with the centuries old method of hanging, there are still things that go wrong.

Then, there's the fear of failure and ending up in a worse situation.

I'm not naive nor is the decision to end my life a spontaneous thing. I admit that I am scared of where I am now. Life is getting harder as I get older. I'm alone. I've suffered from depression, anxiety and PTSD for decades. My body and physical health are slowly deteriorating. Financially things are looking bleak and my options are becoming more and more limited.

The longer I live the more I want to end my life. I just never thought that it would be this complicated.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

I'm really sorry you are feeling trapped. I wish we had easier options to end our own life. Every person should be accessible to euthanasia. I've not chosen my method yet, SN and hydrogen sulfide feel like better options now.

I've considered poisoning myself with sodium nitrate

Is this just a typo? Not nitrate but nitrite.

 

[MyShadow]

Is this just a typo? Not nitrate but nitrite.

It was not a typo but simply ignorance. Apologies for any misleading information.

 

[FuneralCry]

My method of choice would be one as peaceful and painless as possible, I always wish for Nembutal as all I want is a death like falling into an eternal dreamless sleep, I just want to never suffer ever again and I always suffer so much from being so cruelly denied a death like that with the suffering and torture of existing seen as to force and prolong no matter what, it's always so painful to be trapped in this futile, torturous and deeply undesirable existence.

 

[Dejected 55]

I'm going with a CO plan. If you have an older car it's easier... otherwise it seems like burning charcoal is the popular route, but I'm angling for using my chainsaw (gas powered) to generate CO in an enclosed space (inside my car). A gas-powered electrical generator does the trick too.

I'm nervous, but if what I've read is accurate, the saw-CO method should be sufficient and peaceful.

 

[MyShadow]

My method of choice would be one as peaceful and painless as possible, I always wish for Nembutal as all I want is a death like falling into an eternal dreamless sleep, I just want to never suffer ever again and I always suffer so much from being so cruelly denied a death like that with the suffering and torture of existing seen as to force and prolong no matter what, it's always so painful to be trapped in this futile, torturous and deeply undesirable existence.

What stops you from following through?

 

[Dopamine_Junkie44]

I feel like you wrote down my thoughts. Feels like we need a clever machine that only starts pouring acid over our bodies in the bath tub, when it measures no more signs of life.

I get so annoyed whenever I read of a successful suicide under less than perfect conditions...
I am so envious of people who dare to do it and suceed...

 

[unluckysadness]

My method of choice would be one as peaceful and painless as possible, I always wish for Nembutal as all I want is a death like falling into an eternal dreamless sleep, I just want to never suffer ever again and I always suffer so much from being so cruelly denied a death like that with the suffering and torture of existing seen as to force and prolong no matter what, it's always so painful to be trapped in this futile, torturous and deeply undesirable existence.

The "Holy Grail" Nembutal... I could pay a lot for a little bottle

 

[MyShadow]

I feel like you wrote down my thoughts. Feels like we need a clever machine that only starts pouring acid over our bodies in the bath tub, when it measures no more signs of life.

I get so annoyed whenever I read of a successful suicide under less than perfect conditions...

Regardless of how "perfect" the conditions of someone's attempt, I have mixed thoughts when I read about successful suicides. Part of me is sad that someone's life was so fucked that they could only find relief from it by ending their lives. The other part wants to know the details so I can broaden my own knowledge about my own death.