SI is too strong nonetheless, thoughts and everything running around. Leaving my girl behind breaks my heart
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almostoutofhere
Living in the past
- Dec 27, 2022
- 163
Are you leaving behind a suicide note? I'm still debating on thisSI is too strong nonetheless, thoughts and everything running around. Leaving my girl behind breaks my heart
This reminds me of how I tried to ctb exactly a year ago, on New Year's Eve. I failed miserably. I hope you have a better experience than I did.
My girlfriend decided to stay with me instead of going out since I told I didn't feel well, so it has to be postponed to the original date, Jan 4.
What happened?
I'm now almost ready. Have fasted for 15+ hours. Will take my ibuprofen in a bit and I'm less than 2 hours away. Will open my SN in a bit and prepare the drinks. I'll stick around till the end. Thank you all, much love
Last edited by a moderator:
12: 45pm local time here, less than an hour remains. I'll prepare the drinks in about 30 minutes.
rejected
Being alive is ghetto
- Oct 13, 2022
- 28
Thank you for your updates. I really hope you're able to attain peace. Are you taking any benzos or beta blockers?
Nope. Just ibuprofen and then SN
If possible make some timed email to your gf to make it easier for her
Also I hope you find peace and what youre looking for
Also I hope you find peace and what youre looking for
rejected
Being alive is ghetto
- Oct 13, 2022
- 28
I left several notes, especially for her. Oh god I love her, wish I was different.
Hi @sneakyninjapantalon, you mentioned that you feel like you're bad for your family and girlfriend and don't want to bring them down with you. I was wondering what you meant. I had started to feel that way in 2021, like I will always drag people down due to my anxieties and limitations. Are you having something similar or is it something else that makes you feel you cannot be the better man you wish to be or different, as you said? If you don't mind talking about it.
Ofc I don't mind. They're loving and caring, with their own negative parts of course, but they've given me all they could. I've studies, been working and in theory had a great future, but there's gambling and I destroyed it all. And I know that I can't handle it anymore, it's better cutting it once and for all instead of having them go through this all.
It's now almost time. Drinks are ready. I'll have a cigarette and I'll get done with it. I'll write till it's over if possible
Raven2
Arcanist
- Dec 1, 2022
- 448
Sending you love and light your way. I hope you find peace sneakyninjapantalon
crowbait
they/them
- Oct 4, 2022
- 65
I'm sorry things turned out this way. My chest hurts for you.
I'm so sorry it's come to this for you. I hope you find peace. Sending love 
I've been paralyzed looking at the glasses for an hour. Oh the strength that's needed. I gotta do it
If you're not ready then put it off to another day. We're here for you whatever you decide
It's okay to feel that way, SI can be a bitch. It's also okay to stay another day if you can't find the strength. We'll be here. I hope you find peace whatever you choose
MidnightTrain
Brain Full of Static
- Sep 12, 2022
- 50
If you're not ready, it's OK to wait. You might feel differently tomorrow.
I wish you luck whatever you decide and hope you're content with your decision
As others have said, there's no harm in postponing. You only get one life. Regardless of that, I can only wish you the best, whether you decided to go through with this decision or not.
Sooner or later it'll come to this so no real reason to postpone. I'll anyways lose them all if they learn the truth and I don't blame them. Need a couple of seconds of strength.
Why not find out if you will lose them all first? If you do and you still want to CTB, then the option is always there.
hopelessgirl
Happy Unbirthday
- Oct 12, 2021
- 505
I know already, and I don't have the courage either to face them or start over. I'm totally aware that my gambling is the worst desctructive out there and I won't let it harm the ones I love. It did its part on me already
Thanks a ton for that. I'm still trying to find the strength to chug that SN. 2 hours in paralysis mode, oh god
hopelessgirl
Happy Unbirthday
- Oct 12, 2021
- 505
I was where you're at a couple of weeks ago. In front of my mixed SN. Know how it feels and don't know when I'll make a second attempt <3
