Discussion What are the main reasons that you keep going on in life

[Spazsticatednoodle]

My reasons for still being here is fear of dying which I imagine is a lot of us here and my friends they make life a lot more barbel for me

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Malnutrition from my eating disorder numbed out my emotions and so I can't feel suffering anymore, which in turn means there's no impetus to take direct action to end my life. Inertia, essentially -- I'm already moving and the easiest thing to do right now is to just keep moving.

 

[not fond of it]

I promised myself and my family that I would try every treatment I could before making the decision. Just a few weeks away from ruling out my last hope, and that'll be it for me.

 

[bleeding_heart_show]

Cognitive dissonance. If I was truly an efilist I would not partake in any life affirming activities I have control over such as eating/drinking, hygiene, pleasure seeking, etc. etc. etc.

Thanatos is unable to overcome eros (and vice versa) because of neurological/biological/social/societal factors.

I am sick of typing. This is meaningless anyways.

 

[TheHolySword]

Only reason I'm still here (besides waiting for SN) is that my life insurance doesn't pay out for suicide until I've been covered for 2 years. Otherwise I would be gone as soon as the SN arrived.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I'm staying alive mostly for practical reasons, and I hope to CTB at the earliest opportunity.

I would have jumped a couple of months ago, but it wasn't a good enough spot when I got there. Now I have a better method, but I'm waiting a few more weeks so I don't ruin the holidays for my loved ones.

I just hope fear and SI don't foil me after the holidays. I do fear death, but I fear a life of endless suffering even more.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me it's the fact that we exist in this horrific world where I'm denied the option to just painlessly die in peace and never suffer ever again, what I'd fear is trying to die going wrong and leading to way more unbearable agony and torture as a result, it's just so horrific to me how there is no limit as to how much a human can suffer as long as they exist and I suffer so much from being enslaved in this existence that was so tragically imposed without the option to just peacefully die. Personally I'd rather die no matter what to escape from pointless suffering, human existence is an abomination to me, I personally see no benefit to being burdened with this cruel, torturous existence that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there was never a need for just for one to die in agony from old age and more than anything I wish I never suffered at all, I find existing to be so deeply undesirable in every way.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't have access to any suicide methods that I know is reliable enough for it to work. At this point, I am desperate enough to ctb even if it's via a painful method but the issue is that the current accessible suicide methods aren't really reliable (aside from SN but I don't think I can access that due to my overprotective parents).

Cognitive dissonance. If I was truly an efilist I would not partake in any life affirming activities I have control over such as eating/drinking, hygiene, pleasure seeking, etc. etc. etc.

Thanatos is unable to overcome eros (and vice versa) because of neurological/biological/social/societal factors.

I am sick of typing. This is meaningless anyways.

Out of curiosity, how does you being an efilist mean that you shouldn't partake in any life affirming activities? I'm also an efilist but I merely see efilism as "the dissection of life" as efil blaise succinctly states.

 

[dontwakemeup]

No means to a reliable method. If I fail another attempt, I will be in trouble and the risk isn't worth it. I'm afraid there is a hell, but that's not the ultimate reason for not trying in the past.

 

[novemberrain]

I ordered SN at the beginning of November and shortly after, the postal service went on strike. NO idea when I'll receive it. Fml. Otherwise I'd probably be dead by now. I really didn't want to have to suffer through another Christmas.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

I keep going on for my parents. Sinister existence for sure. Sometime i think about finally CTB despite that they exist and find a bit of hope and relief. That's actually the only thing that bring me hope and relief, rest of time i'm trying to improve my existence but the suffering is still there and unbereable whatever what i do.

 

[bleeding_heart_show]

I don't have access to any suicide methods that I know is reliable enough for it to work. At this point, I am desperate enough to ctb even if it's via a painful method but the issue is that the current accessible suicide methods aren't really reliable (aside from SN but I don't think I can access that due to my overprotective parents).

Out of curiosity, how does you being an efilist mean that you shouldn't partake in any life affirming activities? I'm also an efilist but I merely see efilism as "the dissection of life" as efil blaise succinctly states.

I feel that if I am to be serious about my beliefs I should act in accordance to them. Naturally others will have differing views of efilism.

How do you define the dissection of life? I find your phrasing interesting.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I don't know. It's a couple of things, one being that I want to try to minimize the impact of my death by dying somewhere away from people who know me well, and the other is the hope that I will find some reason to live - although I cannot help but feel that my time is running out for that.

 

[Surai]

The great stall as I like to call it where I just exist at the moment but that can change. Im stalling my own end This is life stalling a inevitable end because of a drive that sits in our roots

 

[skylight7]

It doesn't seem possible to get SN in the US, so I need to research to find the next best method.

 

[Tig]

My friends, and how they will be affected by my death.

Love, and the opportunity to have it one more time in my life.

 

[chippyprince_]

honestly, i keep going just because i love suicide and mental illness. i keep myself sick because of this unfortunately.

 

[hanginglights.]

honestly my gf is the only reason. without her idk if id still be here.

honestly, i keep going just because i love suicide and mental illness. i keep myself sick because of this unfortunately.

i relate to that so heavily, plz stay strong

 

[Violet7]

My husband. He's an amazing, kind, beautiful human being. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to leave him.
I have lots of health issues. A person can only endure so much suffering. But I hang on for him.

 

[hereornot]

I don't know. It's a couple of things, one being that I want to try to minimize the impact of my death by dying somewhere away from people who know me well, and the other is the hope that I will find some reason to live - although I cannot help but feel that my time is running out for that.

Finding a reason would be nice.

Although I also have the logical observation that things happened and made the life I intended to have unfeasible, despite there being defects, it could be fixed to a certain extent.

With reason or not, today is just the clock ticking down to the end.

 

[Forveleth]

I have found that attempts are most likely to succeed if I feel "ready". Unfortunately, that feeling hasn't come for me in a while and I'm not sure why. I'm still extremely depressed and can't wait for my life to be over but yet every time I think about setting up for my method I'm just kind of "meh". I have little projects around the house to work on, so maybe that's why? However I feel if someone barged in and put a gun to my head I would be totally ok with them pulling the trigger.

I do not know why I cannot seem to bring myself to do it so I just keep existing until my brain decides I'm ready.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Obligation to not upset my Dad by CTB. Obligation to not become a financial burden on him and get a massive guilt trip makes me carry on working. After that, I'm sure fear will hold me back. But, it's nothing good or hopeful keeping me here. Just the threat of bad things.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Fear that after a suicide attempt their evil ER hospital will bring me back to life but with brain damage

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I feel that if I am to be serious about my beliefs I should act in accordance to them. Naturally others will have differing views of efilism.

How do you define the dissection of life? I find your phrasing interesting.

What exactly are your beliefs if I may ask? Could you elaborate further?

Also, I define the dissection of life as realising that life is horrific due to DNA replication and the desire that sentient life have to replicate. In addition to that, there are metaphorical "crude forces" in play which are there to make life absolutely horrific such as how there's predation in the wild which causes suffering as well as other ways that suffering is caused. The dissection of life is also observing all life has a whole instead of having your vision clouded by your personal ego and your personal life. When I look at all life as a whole, I notice that it's more negative than positive due to how we're automatically in a negative state of being. There are more "losers" than "winners" in life and every single one of our existence has a price to it... that price being blood. I believe that whilst life is meaningless and how there is no meaning or point to any of this, suffering is still important to sentient beings because we all don't want to experience suffering. From this, the solution that I arrive to is pro mortalism. Although, of course pro mortalism is sadly impossible for me to achieve alone so all I can do is save myself instead

 

[outrider567]

I still really can't think of any reason to keep going, but I'm still here somehow 3 years later--It would only take me a few minutes to gather all the pillows and cushions to put on and around my air mattress, put the hood on, turn the Nitrogen on, and lie down....

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I have found that attempts are most likely to succeed if I feel "ready". Unfortunately, that feeling hasn't come for me in a while and I'm not sure why. I'm still extremely depressed and can't wait for my life to be over but yet every time I think about setting up for my method I'm just kind of "meh". I have little projects around the house to work on, so maybe that's why? However I feel if someone barged in and put a gun to my head I would be totally ok with them pulling the trigger.

I do not know why I cannot seem to bring myself to do it so I just keep existing until my brain decides I'm ready.

Same here. How long have you been in this position? Have you set a date and/or age where you've decided that you'll attempt regardless of whether or not the feeling of readiness has come back yet? I can't imagine spinning my wheels endlessly like this...

 

[SomePeacePlease]

My one and only reason is my son. I don't want him to experience that trauma. On the other hand, during my worst periods of depression, I feel like such a failure as a dad, so I'm getting closer and closer to ctb. 20 years(half my life) of trying everything is enough, so at some point I should be "allowed" to find permanent peace.

 

[divinemistress36]

Fear of failure . Even though I have SN I still fear something could wrong and end up in the ICU

Fear that after a suicide attempt their evil ER hospital will bring me back to life but with brain damage

Big fear of mine

 

[Johnzaga23]

lazyness

 

[me_when_:D]

someone would suffer greatly if I die, and I know for a fact that they won't kill themselves so the trauma will be for the rest of their life with them