Discussion What are the main reasons that you keep going on in life

[Taetre]

Because of my gf. I know my departure would destroy her life and she's been an angel for me. I'm just waiting for one last month if i can get a job and turn things around. If it were just for me I would have been gone a long time ago

 

[diy-event]

I keep on using pencil instead of ink on CTB days to mark it

 

[Forveleth]

How long have you been in this position?

My last attempt was about four months ago. So four months.

Have you set a date and/or age where you've decided that you'll attempt regardless of whether or not the feeling of readiness has come back yet?

No because, as I said, I find I am much more likely to fail if I don't feel ready. It sucks being stuck in this state but I have scheduled attempts before and found my brain does all sorts of things to try and keep me alive. I need both of us (my brain and I) to be in agreement to even have a chance.

 

[Ligottian]

My parents, the people I would hurt the most, are now dead. Just hanging on til I can't bear life any more.

 

[pariah80]

Just biding my time. I'm doing it on the 30th.

 

[Demian]

I have the SN and the metoclopramide, but I need the zolpidem to be completely off while the SN does the work, so I die in my sleep.

Zolpidem and courage, these two things I lack, but I believe that having zolpidem in hand I will have the courage.

 

[Fire&Ash]

My parents know I'm suicidal. I literally just had a huge fight tonight with my dad. He said my mom will die if I kill myself she couldn't had me if she would die from being devastated. And he said so will he. But I've been alone most of my life, I have learning disabilities that I don't know how to cope with, I struggle to do daily things or one thing a day. I'm 29 as of this Saturday and I still struggle keeping a job. Idk life just isn't worth it anymore. But I don't want to kill my parents I wish I was better or not stupid or just likable idk

 

[Lexandro]

My kids.

 

[bleeding_heart_show]

What exactly are your beliefs if I may ask? Could you elaborate further?

Also, I define the dissection of life as realising that life is horrific due to DNA replication and the desire that sentient life have to replicate. In addition to that, there are metaphorical "crude forces" in play which are there to make life absolutely horrific such as how there's predation in the wild which causes suffering as well as other ways that suffering is caused. The dissection of life is also observing all life has a whole instead of having your vision clouded by your personal ego and your personal life. When I look at all life as a whole, I notice that it's more negative than positive due to how we're automatically in a negative state of being. There are more "losers" than "winners" in life and every single one of our existence has a price to it... that price being blood. I believe that whilst life is meaningless and how there is no meaning or point to any of this, suffering is still important to sentient beings because we all don't want to experience suffering. From this, the solution that I arrive to is pro mortalism. Although, of course pro mortalism is sadly impossible for me to achieve alone so all I can do is save myself instead

Your beliefs are similar to mine.

Living beings exist in a constant state of biologically induced deprivation and any sort of fulfillment is fleeting. Existence is a net loss, so it makes the most sense to cut one's losses.

I understand why predation occurs; because animals are not capable of thinking beyond it, but as humans we should be above it (or at least minimize it to the best of our ability). Preying on plants is more sensible (in my opinion) than preying on animals because (based on our current understanding of their anatomy at least) they lack the complex nervous system to experience pain in the way animals do both physically and psychologically.

A desire to live is irrational in a vacuum, but brains do not exist in vacuums. I believe that biological, environmental, and psychic determinism are all accurate and guide every action we take. The framework for our lives was being laid thousands of years before we were born and does not stop until we are deceased, whenever and however that may happen.

Apologies for this being verbal scattershot.

 

[vercabow]

music. if it weren't for music i would've 110% died 2 years ago. i even got a playlist ill listen to before i ctb. haven't listened to some songs on there for years because they're just that special to me. i want to save it for my last moments.

 

[hereornot]

I believe that the hope that the people who hurt me will answer for it is something that would make me rethink CTB.

At the same time, the lack of perspective that this could happen only pushes me out.

 

[LevUwU]

Honestly... My Girlfriend. I know that's stupid, what a ---- move, but besides that I have nothing, and even then, it feels like a whole lot of nothing when it's all done and dusted. I lie in my bed, thinking about how if not for her, I would be dead already. It's not that she compels me to live, she simply is something, a light in darkness, something to look to in my hate-filled life, a feeling of love I'd never known.

Pathetic.

 

[bugs_for_brains]

I'm also only able to keep going the way that I am bc of my girlfriend. I was literally preparing to die before we started speaking more she basically saved my life. Obviously I'm not gonna tell her that but yeah I'm so so thankful for her it's crazy how I've never thought about suicide in a realistic/serious manner since being with her.

Not gonna go into her personal issues but she struggles with mental health related stuff too so it makes me wanna be stronger for her and gets me out of my own head, I don't even care about telling her that I was ever even clinically depressed bc I want her to be able to lean on me without worrying about me and I like that she sees me as a somewhat positive person because nobody has ever thought of me that way before. I didn't mean to make it so long but honestly I'm just so grateful for her I can't even explain enough

 

[brokeandbroken]

My reasons for still being here is fear of dying which I imagine is a lot of us here and my friends they make life a lot more barbel for me

I guess the things that come with and make a good life. Passion, career, love, family, friends, kids, etc... Issue is im stuck in life with none of those things or opportunities to have them and every day I'm a day closer to those opportunities being gone permanently if they aren't already. So I'm living for opportunities i may never actually be able to get while I beg for her removing immovable obstacles and that help never arrives. 4/5 of those revolve around people and maybe all 6. Yet everyday my hatred for people grows more as well. To be honest everyday the balance tilts more and more towards not living. Simply put you remove every reason someone has to live no matter who they are they will try to CTB at some point.

 

[stink144]

I can't kill myself