Venting What are we supposed to do with the pain?

[Kimlett]

I kinda agree with statements like "You don't really want to die, you just want the pain to end" or "Suicide doesn't end the pain, it passes it to your loved ones". At least these statements acknowledge that we are in pain. What do we do with the pain, then, if we can't end our life? Just keep coping? I believe some pains can't be healed, especially the ones that were born in our childhood and are a part of us. We can't ignore it. It hurts a lot, and therapy doesn't help, at least in my case. Seriously, what are we supposed to do? Is there really a way to end the pain that is not suicide? And if not, why is suicide such a bad thing?

Has anyone here managed to end their pain or at least make it bearable to live with it? What do you think are the keys?

 

[flightless bird]

in my case, nothing could be done. i lived through it and let things unfold, then i found myself reflecting on what i had endured.

suicide is bad as long as people love or need you. if you're alone... well, it might still hurt like hell if you're not truly ready for it, and usually your brain doesn't know or understand whether you're ready or not, so never trust it fully.

the problem with ctb is the experience of letting go. your ability to think, to interpret, to be, to recollect. even if your memories are nothing but pain and suffering, it's still agonizing to release them, because they're yours. people rarely grasp the immensity of their own selves, until it's too late.

but here's what i've learned: everyone has a breaking point. once you cross it, you no longer comprehend pain, suffering, sorrow, or joy. none of it remains. only then can you let go into the calm. otherwise, if you're still suffering, you won't be able to ctb. some still do, yes, but they go through hell - and don't overlook that word. what they internally endure is UNTOLD... beyond anything you can imagine.

we're really cursed with this existence. you know, sometimes i pause mid-breath, grinning through existential terror: here i am, this collection of cells on a spinning rock, orbiting a fireball in space. the pain never stops, the longing never ends - though i've forgotten what i'm longing for. and all i know is heartbreak, loss, and ceaseless torment, yet i can't even collect my thoughts; i forget about the things that hurt me and i only perceive the hurt itself. unbelievable... yet, here i am.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I also agree that the whole: 'We want to end the pain, rather than life itself' has an element of truth to it. I also agree though- that some people's problems and resulting pain, are very hard to fix.

Plus, it's almost pointless to point out a person would be ok with this or that, if this or that is near impossible to accomplish! It's like saying- 'You'd enjoy life if you had a million dollars.' Great- will you give me a million dollars?

As for how to move beyond the pain. I'm not sure really. You'd hope that therapists would be the ones with the solutions. If it's childhood trauma getting to you, I suppose I can only really go from my own: I tried to focus on a new, adult life for myself, away from my family. I tried to be kind to myself regarding some of my fears and behaviours because I can attribute them to what happened back then. I cut ties with reminders of that time.

I wouldn't say I've entirely moved on but, I suppose my ideation isn't really because of all that now. It's now driven by a rejection of the general grind of life. I'm tired of having to work and pay for everything. (Despite doing a job that I relatively speaking, enjoy.) That can't be changed either- that's just the reality of life. Everything costs money. So- it's also pointless using that phrase on me: You don't really want to die. You just want all that work to stop.' But- life is work! Hard to have one without the other.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

For the most part, my pain is bearable. If I play my cards right, I can even look back at my "greatest hits" through a romantic or comedic lens. I'm a character in a novel, and my pain is a side quest that guided me towards my mission, which I have chosen. It sounds sooooo tacky. But it's true. I've been a maladaptive daydreamer since I was very little and out of all the past times that have come and gone, that one has stayed for a reason.

Example: when I told a former boss about the details of my last hospitalization, he actually thought it was awesome and said I was a real life Harley Quinn.

 

[Hvergelmir]

Has anyone here managed to end their pain or at least make it bearable to live with it?

Many people have, but they tend to not linger on those forums. Every now and then I've seen posts; "I'm feeling better now, and will be leaving SS".

I think I'm myself about to recover from the immediate pain. I'm not as suicidal as I was.
My strategy have been to emulate suicide, by abandoning the things suicide promised to alleviated, disregarding the costs. As such I'm in a pretty bad spot, but without the things that made me acutely suicidal.

I think it's possible for most people to heal or mitigating pain, but it depends on the nature and extent of it.

 

[usernamesarehard]

Honestly? I don't really know. When I was a kid I was pretty lonely, but I was able to cope by playing videogames for hours on end. Some where along the way I became depressed and now life feels harder than it should. I don't know why but I flip flop a lot between being ok and not. Like right now I'm pretty depressed because I got broken up with. And I went from being ok to being suicidal to now being ok again. The thought of not being able to be with the person you want is painful. But I'm kinda ok at this particular moment.

I take meds. Antidepressants. But they only really help with keeping me energized. Not with being depressed.

Even if I was with someone that wouldn't stop the pain. It would just give me a reason to keep dealing with the pain.

Idk if it's realistic to hope the pain goes away. I guess the only thing is to cope.

 

[thereisnoneed]

I kinda agree with statements like "You don't really want to die, you just want the pain to end" or "Suicide doesn't end the pain, it passes it to your loved ones". At least these statements acknowledge that we are in pain. What do we do with the pain, then, if we can't end our life? Just keep coping? I believe some pains can't be healed, especially the ones that were born in our childhood and are a part of us. We can't ignore it. It hurts a lot, and therapy doesn't help, at least in my case. Seriously, what are we supposed to do? Is there really a way to end the pain that is not suicide? And if not, why is suicide such a bad thing?

Has anyone here managed to end their pain or at least make it bearable to live with it? What do you think are the keys?

enduring, hoping to get used to it or something, i am used to depression at this point after dealing with it for many years, my only desire to C.T.B A.T.M stems from poverty and my future anxieties over financial matters

 

[TBONTB]

I kinda agree with statements like "You don't really want to die, you just want the pain to end" or "Suicide doesn't end the pain, it passes it to your loved ones". At least these statements acknowledge that we are in pain. What do we do with the pain, then, if we can't end our life? Just keep coping? I believe some pains can't be healed, especially the ones that were born in our childhood and are a part of us. We can't ignore it. It hurts a lot, and therapy doesn't help, at least in my case. Seriously, what are we supposed to do? Is there really a way to end the pain that is not suicide? And if not, why is suicide such a bad thing?

Has anyone here managed to end their pain or at least make it bearable to live with it? What do you think are the keys?

My pain comes and goes, and honestly it's with the changes of conditions in my life. I do some conscious fantasizing to relieve pain in the moment, but it is just a very short term bandaid. I also sometimes find taking tasks will relieve the pain for a moment. I have dabbled with Buddhist philosophy which addresses this head on with the belief that suffering is a basic part of life. Then using meditation to relieve the suffering. I say this because it's a technique, not because it's been super helpful to me. I wish you the best.