Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Lady Laudanum]

That was a shitty thing for them to do.
People are evil.... No surprise we need drugs to get through life.
I hope you don't lose your job. I hope karma bites them in the ass.

There is no mandated drug testing for my job but I'm a blue collar worker and being impaired at work can be dangerous because I can end up cutting myself with the tools I use, or messing up the thing that I'm working on. And the things that I work on are worth a fuck ton of money. My job doesn't involve driving around, operating any heavy machinery, etc. so messing up is very unlikely to put anyone's life at risk, but there's still a chance that I could get in serious trouble. That's all I can say about my job without going into too much detail and potentially identifying myself though.

I'm going back to school in a month and about to peace out from this job but being able to use it as a reference would have been nice. At this point it's unlikely that I'll be able to use it as a reference for future jobs, but I'll just have to see how things pan out.

 

[jyko]

Its kinda embarassing how the simple act of earning/having money makes me not want to ctb for atleast a second. I mean the reality kicks in that I'm still in thousands of debt I can't crawl out of because nobody will hire me but for that split second I feel joy and am reminded that materialism really has been the end of me

 

[tychai]

I feel isolated, the anxiety feels painful. I want someone to talk to, I want to drown out these feelings and pain and just seek comfort in others but I'm pretty sure the "right" thing to do is find comfort in myself. There's too much wrong and so little right, I don't know what I need and my chest feels gripped in agony.

 

[CTB Dream]

Pain sffri no stop

 

[sugarb]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

Vaguely annoyed at Albert Camus and absurdism in general.

 

[wCvML2]

I feel disgusted of myself and insane. I keep having the same argument with my parents on repeat for decades and it never ends. They always guilt trip me that I'm egoistic and not doing enough for them, but they don't take into account that I don't do anything meaningful for myself either and I basically rot. I want to die or them to die, or to somehow cut contact with them and never speak to them ever again... I wish I was more emotionally stable so I could depend on myself and move away but I always curl up to a ball wanting to disappear when the stress becomes too much and continually sabotage my plans... I'm stuck.

 

[Anonslostsoul]

Tired

 

[Rocinante]

I want to be left alone but I'd feel guilty for cutting people off. Sometimes I regret ever interacting with people

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I feel trapped in many ways. I'm just so exhausted because I'm trapped. I'm a slave to biology and a slave to society. The only way to escape is via death but it's difficult to kill myself because most suicide methods cause a lot of stress, pressure and a high risk of ending up far worse than I currently am right now

 

[Imagined_Euphoria]

Relief by writing here.

 

[CTB Dream]

Rly awfl life awfl human intrct all nonsns me no want this awfl nonsns wrld

 

[annxietty]

Angry, tired, scared.

 

[Callie Arcale]

I want to die.

 

[InaLoop]

Lost, alone, tired, i want to die but idk…

 

[EvisceratedJester]

You know, I've been wanting to go skating lately. I stopped doing it once I entered high school and I'm starting to miss it. I used to go ice skating all the time when I was younger. It'd be nice to go ice skating with my brother, especially since he never got the chance to do it anywhere near as often as I did back when I was his age. I wonder if I'll still be able to do it, similar to how I discovered that I could still swim a few months back despite having not swam in years. I'd imagine it would be the case, especially since I've been doing it for longer and way more often in comparison to swimming. I was also much better at it too.

 

[jc2121]

Sad, tired, over it and ready to go

 

[兎の耳]

Anxiety. Why does life have to involve so much stress? Why does my job have to be so mentally demanding with so many loud people?

 

[Somelucknojoy]

I feel really fucking sad. I just want to be a good parent, but this sadness is so overwhelming. I try so hard to be stable, to be present. I try so fucking hard and I just feel like I am drowning.

 

[2broken2fix]

I feel like I'll never be able to put out the things I want into the world— always interrupted, always too slow, always too derivative, and always too much of a coward for the follow-through.

 

[aperthmanarchist]

I am getting more excited as I complete the preparation, it is moving along rather quickly, and I maybe able to Exit tonight. My sympathies to you all who are suffering still, I feel like I am about to exit the waiting the room, and am heading for the last door.

 

[PinballWizard39]

I don't really know which way is up right now. I went back to work last week after three weeks off, but here I am again, having to take time off because I'm still not ok. I hate myself for it, I feel like a failure. The nurse on Monday told me that a good few weeks or so off might help my recovery better than forcing myself back to work. But, I never recover, I'm just sometimes less depressed that I am at the moment. How do I judge when I'm well enough to go back? Being off stresses me because welfare come after me with health questionnaires to judge if I am actually sick and half the time they don't believe you, no matter what proof you provide them. My nurse helped me fill in the forms today and figure out what I can send them as proof, but I guarantee I'll be called a liar. My brain is agitated with thoughts of SH and suicide and I don't know what to do. My leg still hasn't healed from the burns I gave myself over 5 weeks ago. That was the worst I ever hurt myself, so I am scared. I still have my plans of ctb with SN. Part of me wants to tell someone because I want to be ok, but I really don't think that it is possible that I will be ok. I really don't want to be in my head anymore and I seem to just spend my time dosing myself up on various medications. I'm not ok.

 

[sukiduki]

every time i have fun i think about how temporary it is, and how at the end of the day i will return to just me myself and i and my sadness. little things annoy me and my patience wears thin. i wanna be appreciative but i can't find it in me. i think about how much longer i can take it all, even just a year feels like eternity.

 

[CTB Dream]

Rly no brain no slf noany this no live this no thing nly trap

 

[Sulyya]

No matter how much I want to die I'll never ctb. No matter how much I want to get better, I'll never stop wanting to die.

I'm stuck here, aching for the end. I'll keep trying..

 

[emptyenvelopes]

I feel stuck and I feel muted (exhausted) despite. I went through something really hard, and I'm physically free of it now, but emotionally I am stuck there in that hell. I want to move on but the hurt is just stuck all over me. I'm so tired from peeling it off, only for me to find it again stuck to me in a different place.

 

[fleetingnight]

Consumed with anxiety. It feels like it doesn't even matter whether I try or not, I'll always fail anyways. I don't know why I bother. How can I be dedicated to the idea of something enough that I can't give up on it, but not enough to force myself to work for it? Maybe I'm really just not made for hard work, and it's just impossible for me. Or maybe it's possible, and I'm a lazy dumbass with no self control.
I've wasted this whole week doing nothing, I feel so fucking pointless.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Deep depression...
Sleeping in as long as I can on days I don't work. Even if I wake early I just lay there and fall asleep again.
Hard to do anything, even getting meds ready for the next week.
I don't want to be here.... It's getting worse and I think it's going to continue. Got some things coming up that are unavoidable.
Also summer is soon going to be over and winter is coming. I hate the heat but winter is even worse.
Just dread about everything.
It's funny to hear the rich and celebrities talk about taking a break for mental health.
Sure... I'm gonna buy a ticket to the Bahamas and relax. Are you paying???? My broke ass can't afford it.
Been broke my entire life. Read somewhere that being poor effects mental health.... NO SHIT !!!!
What genius figured this out !!!!
Life is horrible.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I had too much caffeine yesterday so now my head hurts today.

 

[CTB Dream]

rly brain hurt elec no know wat all dtriort rlyvscary hpne wat futur

 

[fleetingnight]

Hopeless. I almost never have motivation. When I do, my chronic pain and illness makes it so unbearable that I can't focus. And I can barely tolerate going outside. I have to be high and force myself. And I might still make a fool of myself and/or have a panic attack anyways.

I want to die, but the thought of anyone, even a mortician, seeing my body, disgusts me so much that I don't feel ready to die now. Maybe I'll have to choose a more brutal method that'll fuck up my body enough that you'd be unsure how I looked when I was alive. That's more realistic for me than something like plastic surgery, haha