Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Dejected 55]

Most days it is just too much, then other days it is beyond too much... Days don't get better so much as they just aren't as bad as the day before, but by any other measure are bad. I have ups and downs, but my ups are still downs, just not as far down... I have downs and less downs... that's no way to exist. I'm so tired. Some days I'm literally tired, because I am so weighed down I don't want to stay awake or be up and moving around... it sucks so hard so much of the time... I don't like it.

 

[Cavalcade]

Rage. One of the communities I'd joined just had a beat for beat repetition of 'yeah, people are openly shittalking you on main and I will confirm this is about you, but like, you're the problem for being disabled and people find it distasteful,' so I just left, because I categorically refuse to allow people to have access to the 'warm, lovely parts of you that are nice to have around' if they're going to be a blistering fucking asshole about the fact my legs don't work properly. Go fuck yourself. This is why I reclaim the word cripple because if being confronted with the reality of my disability makes you uncomfortable: good. You should be glad you aren't living this hell, and have the position to be 'grossed out' by it.

 

[CTB Dream]

rly awfl wrld all pain sffr noend

 

[_Gollum_]

Even the "good" things in life come with so much baggage, the cost is almost never worth it, would've been better to just not play at all

 

[dissociation]

Day by day it becomes more difficult to stay alive.

 

[DirtCommie]

lol I actually typed out what Im feeling right now and I already know its gonna get me banned so looks like Ill be taking that to the grave. But I hope everyone is having a better day and a better life than me.

 

[Dejected 55]

I believe I have value, but nobody wants me, so I am the same as garbage. People think of garbage and trash as without value, because it has been thrown away. But some people throw away good things, useful things, valuable things. Not everything in the garbage is worthless. But if you are thrown away with the garbage and no one comes looking, it doesn't matter.

I was watching a Youtube video recently and there was a story I had not heard before... Joe Dante, a known director, had sold in auction one of the few existing "Rosebud" sleds from the movie Citizen Kane. It sold for something like $12 million or more at an auction. But that wasn't the interesting part... Dante had put this sled in various scenes of movies he directed over the years. Now that you know to look for it, you can look in Joe Dante movies and find the Rosebud sled hidden in plain site in a bunch of them... That's not the interesting part either...

How did Dante get the sled? Many years ago he was on the studio lot and a crew was dragging out all kinds of stuff to throw away, cleaning up storage... and Dante saw them and was curious, and the crew asked him if he wanted any of it before they threw it away. Dante took a quick look and was surprised to find the Rosebud sled in there.

So... in a pile of trash on a studio lot where people should have known the value of what they had, one of the most famous items from one of the most famous movies... and it was thrown away with the trash... and Joe Dante was there on the right day at the right time, and picked up the sled for nothing.

So, when you're depressed and maybe you like yourself or maybe you think you are worthless... and someone says "You aren't worthless" just know that it doesn't really mean anything unless the person who is saying that recognizes your value and wants you around. If no one wants to take you home, or bring you to work, or whatever... you might as well be ignored in the pile of garbage. You can be valuable, but if no one wants you around it really doesn't matter.

 

[Raven o(T□T)o]

I am trapped.
I am overburdened.
I am criticized constantly.
I cannot set boundaries.
Nothing I do is ever enough.
I am frustrated every day.
I am unheard.
I am exhausted.
I am confused.
I am manipulated.
I need space.
I need freedom.
I need peace.
I cannot be myself.
I am always failing.
I am under constant pressure.
I am stressed all the time.
I am tense.
I cannot escape.
I am overwhelmed.
I am ignored.
I am not understood.
I am judged constantly.
I am mentally drained.
I am emotionally drained.
I cannot focus.
I am trapped.
I cannot control my life.
I am powerless over their reactions.
I am scrutinized in every interaction.
I cannot express my true feelings.
I am forced to hide who I am.
I am expected to perform perfectly.
I am always on alert.
I cannot relax anywhere.
I am always the target.
I am blamed unfairly.
I am pressured to apologize for things I didn't do.
I am forced to explain myself endlessly and when i do then im judge for doing so.
I am constantly doubting my decisions.
I am punished for being independent.
I am mentally exhausted from repeated criticism.
I am emotionally exhausted from repeated manipulation.
I am forced to navigate invisible rules.
I am frustrated by hypocrisy around me.
I am anxious about every interaction.
I cannot meet expectations I never agreed to.
I am carrying invisible weights daily.
I am constantly being watched.
I am expected to put everyone else's needs above mine.
I am expected to predict their moods.
I am forced to anticipate conflict before it happens.
I cannot rest my mind.
I am burdened by invisible rules.
I am mentally trapped even when alone.
I am emotionally trapped by their behavior.
I am exhausted by constant over-analysis.
I am anxious about even speaking freely.
I cannot live authentically around them.
I am constantly second-guessing myself.
I am forced to maintain appearances.
I am frustrated by contradictory instructions.
I am punished for expressing boundaries.
I am expected to forgive on demand.
I am never allowed to hold my own opinions.
I am pressured to change instantly.
I am constantly reminded of past mistakes.
I cannot trust my own judgment around them.
I am forced to anticipate criticism.
I am mentally burdened by repeated patterns.
I am emotionally burdened by repeated patterns.


"After everything we've done for you, this is how you act?"
"You're always making a problem out of nothing."
"If you loved us, you wouldn't behave this way."
"We didn't raise you to act like this."
"Why can't you just do what we say?"
"You're so selfish, thinking only about yourself."
"You're overreacting, you always do this."
"Why are you so difficult?"
"We're the adults here; you should know better."
"You think your feelings matter more than ours?"
"Stop being dramatic; it's not that serious."
"We're just trying to help you, but you refuse to listen."
"You always make things worse."
"You owe us for everything we've done."
"Nothing you do is ever enough."
"You're too sensitive."
"You're imagining things."
"You're too emotional."
"You can't handle responsibility."
"You don't appreciate what we do for you."
"You're ungrateful."
"You always cause stress in this house."
"You can't think clearly."
"You're too stubborn."
"You're selfish for having boundaries."
"You're lazy."
"You always need attention."
"You make everything about yourself."
"You're too dramatic about small things."
"You're too independent; you should listen more."
"You're ruining the family dynamic."
"You're disrespectful."
"You're irresponsible."
"You're uncooperative."
"You don't care about anyone but yourself."
"You're causing problems for everyone."
"You're manipulative."
"You don't know how to behave."
"You're difficult to deal with."
"You're acting immature."
"You're ruining our peace."
"You can't control your emotions."
"You make us worry too much."
"You can't follow instructions."
"You're creating conflict unnecessarily."
"You're acting like a child."
"You're selfishly ignoring advice."
"You're stubborn and impossible."
"You're too dramatic about everything."
"You can't be trusted to make decisions."
"You're not grateful enough."

 

[dissociation]

I played the piano for the first time today and it was really fun, even though it wasn't easy at the beginning, but I did it and I'm proud of it.

 

[Manaaja]

I can prove you evolution and cis hetero males don't exist in humans (it does exist in many species, though, just look at spiders):

If there's a young fertile virgin woman, and an old married narcissistic, psychopathic hag who attacks and tortures and abuses the young innocent woman, every fucking cis hetero male would automatically kick that hag's ass and then make the young woman the queen of the whole planet in order to make her happy and breedable. She'd then breed with the men, and evolution would win. Now let's say cis hetero males and evolution doesn't exist, there wouldn't be cis hetero males to kick the hag's ass, hell, they might even defend her or at least not tar and feather that barren. They wouldn't get children because old women can't breed, evolution wouldn't work.

Cis hetero males would know that laws are whatever breeding females decide they are. They would know that to maximize fertile, they have to make every young girl a royal and ban males and old women from being royalty and rich and powerful. You can only have children when the female feels she's on the top of the world.

A young woman can't breed when she feels submissive and worthless and powerless, an old woman can't breed at all.

If evolution was real, there wouldn't be a single abused young woman or child. And of course, why would anyone abuse males? I truly hope one day they'll make evolution real in humans. I mean look at spiders, spider moms and dads are the best, because they have evolution in spiders, because none of them abuse females, because they treat all females like royalty.

 

[cosimaniehaus]

I feel like a very fake person, maybe I am. But I went through horrible things. Please someone tell me that this justifies everything

 

[Raven o(T□T)o]

I feel like a very fake person, maybe I am. But I went through horrible things. Please someone tell me that this justifies everything

Indeed, while choices and actions are involved, navigating difficult circumstances can unfortunately lead to the creation of a persona that is not entirely authentic to keep your self save in a sense.

 

[heywey]

After a good day, the memory of what that's like lingers and can help me keep going for weeks, months. I can get by on that much. But it feels like those days only ever become harder and harder to find. Eventually one has to be the last, one way or another.

 

[Eternal Disaster]

I am happy and suicidal both. This is strange for me.

 

[Dark Moon]

Just bad because I have this headache/heavy head feeling and I don't know why. I hate it because I can't really do anything else other than rot.

 

[EmptyBottle]

Finally I found this thread again! Feeling relaxed, enjoying the early spring weather, yet would be happy to not have the congestion that persisted for almost a day. Enjoying online chatting tho :3

 

[DirtCommie]

I believe I have value, but nobody wants me, so I am the same as garbage. People think of garbage and trash as without value, because it has been thrown away. But some people throw away good things, useful things, valuable things. Not everything in the garbage is worthless. But if you are thrown away with the garbage and no one comes looking, it doesn't matter.

I was watching a Youtube video recently and there was a story I had not heard before... Joe Dante, a known director, had sold in auction one of the few existing "Rosebud" sleds from the movie Citizen Kane. It sold for something like $12 million or more at an auction. But that wasn't the interesting part... Dante had put this sled in various scenes of movies he directed over the years. Now that you know to look for it, you can look in Joe Dante movies and find the Rosebud sled hidden in plain site in a bunch of them... That's not the interesting part either...

How did Dante get the sled? Many years ago he was on the studio lot and a crew was dragging out all kinds of stuff to throw away, cleaning up storage... and Dante saw them and was curious, and the crew asked him if he wanted any of it before they threw it away. Dante took a quick look and was surprised to find the Rosebud sled in there.

So... in a pile of trash on a studio lot where people should have known the value of what they had, one of the most famous items from one of the most famous movies... and it was thrown away with the trash... and Joe Dante was there on the right day at the right time, and picked up the sled for nothing.

So, when you're depressed and maybe you like yourself or maybe you think you are worthless... and someone says "You aren't worthless" just know that it doesn't really mean anything unless the person who is saying that recognizes your value and wants you around. If no one wants to take you home, or bring you to work, or whatever... you might as well be ignored in the pile of garbage. You can be valuable, but if no one wants you around it really doesn't matter.

Indeed.

I find it odd that humanity has created a society where each human's value is only tied to what resources they have or what they can do for another person but one of the human needs is to know that you are loved and useful by your and to your community, friends, loved ones, lovers, and all those in your life.

In my opinion all people of peaceful will have value regardless of what the bigots or jealous fools do or say.

A society created by humans and yet not FOR humans? Odd.

 

[EmptyBottle]

mmm, might need to learn to limit my shouting, yes another person was a bit shouty, tho still, not good.

 

[Ronnquist]

I waste away my days doing barely anything besides sleeping but I still wake up tired and entirely exhausted, physically and mentally. Right now I wish I had a friend to talk to but I'm completely alone.

 

[KinderEgg]

Stressed, empty, tired, broken.

 

[RandomGuy24]

Dull. I don't want to do or think about anything for the rest of my life.

 

[EmptyBottle]

Dull. I don't want to do or think about anything for the rest of my life.

some days also I want to relax without any interruptions of any kind. Maybe enter a space with only me and the web for some time.

 

[Dejected 55]

Headaches are back again... I get a few days without them, then they come back. Could be dehydration or just stress... but it is almost like an old friend to wake up with a throbbing stinging headache most days. I feel more lonely on the days I have no headaches, which is something even I know is a weird thing.

 

[princexhhn]

All of these replies are really deep I just wanted to say that I was sleepy

 

[Vaelaina]

Off my meds so temporarily happy

 

[dissociation]

The world would be a better place for everyone if I were no longer alive.

 

[Dejected 55]

The world doesn't know I am here. It will not notice when I am gone. I do not matter to the world, but I have never needed to matter to the world. I have only ever wanted to matter to someone, just one person would be enough. To have someone matter to me and I matter to her. That would be enough. But I do not matter to anyone. No one knows I am here. No one will notice when I am gone.

 

[dissociation]

Out of boredom, I tried out a few profile banners, but couldn't find one that matched my profile picture.

 

[Dejected 55]

It is all crap... just different kinds and textures of crap... some smell worse than others... some smells you can develop a tolerance for quicker... but it's still crap. Even if you dump the crap and clean yourself up... more crap will be here soon enough. If people don't dump their crap on you, you will make more new crap. Literally everything turns to crap eventually... except maybe plastic... plastic might remain plastic, but be embedded in your crap all the same.

Crap.

 

[AlistairSky]

I fucking hate myself. I feel guilty because I have pretty mild autism, but my feelings about myself border on eugenics. I'm less human than everyone else and I'm struggling to fit in. I never know what I've done wrong until I'm being yelled at. I need people to keep me in my place all the time even though I hate the feeling. I think it only would have been ethical to abort me. I'm a problem.

I hate being around people so much. I'm hyper aware of myself and still unaware at the same time. I don't think I've been able to breathe naturally in months. I almost had a nice job where I wouldn't have to be around people all the time, but I got fired like the dumbass I am, so it's back on the Walmart sales floor for the rest of my life. Even though making small talk is genuinely terrifying at this point. I want to tear my skin off every time I'm in a crowd. It's always crowded.