What helps you guys hang in there?

[ThatStateOfMind]

As the title says, what allows you to hang in and stay alive? I'm just curious what some people on this site's motivation for living is.

 

[apearl]

one motivation for me is the music ill miss out on once im dead. if there is no afterlife then ill never be able to listen to my favorite songs again.

 

[Leiot]

My cats. The thought of leaving them to live in a shelter keeps me going. As far as anything happy - not much.

 

[whywere]

For me, I guess, it is the fact that being older and having 24/7 chronic pain, that I really want to see parts of this world and also experience local folks.

Since I live with pain, I also want a counterbalance of sunshine and happy times.

Walter

 

[nomoredolor]

In full transparency I use suicide ideation as a coping method and thinking "I can ctb tomorrow just not today" has helped me a lot. And I know I have it as a legitimate way out of the poverty and physical and mental pain. And I'm doing some planning just in case I do ctb.

I try to make rules for myself like I'm not allowed to ctb when I'm on my period or really really exhausted or on a loved ones birthday/ holiday in an effort to extend my life.

My main goal is living long enough for something else to take me out so I don't hurt my family extra with suicide.

To stay alive I try to think "I need to live long enough for the next season of X tv show to come out" or "I need to read all the Stephen King books first." I want to travel more if I can ever afford it and get more tattoos. I want to date someone of the same sex. I would love to see my chemical romance live. Learn more Spanish or another language. Spend more time making memories with the people I love.

It's really really hard. But I'm still here

 

[Aspiring Mushroom]

My parents. They've been through so much, and I can't hurt them in this way. I can't. They deserve happiness. Once they're gone, that's when I'll CTB.

 

[whywere]

My parents. They've been through so much, and I can't hurt them in this way. I can't. They deserve happiness. Once they're gone, that's when I'll CTB.

You are truly salt of the earth soul, just OUTSTANDING!

I am so super happy to have you as a friend on here, as you are so darn kind, thoughtful and a heart of gold.

Have a great rest of this week filled with sunny blue skies and lots of hugs and well wishes.

Walter

 

[Aspiring Mushroom]

You are truly salt of the earth soul, just OUTSTANDING!

I am so super happy to have you as a friend on here, as you are so darn kind, thoughtful and a heart of gold.

Have a great rest of this week filled with sunny blue skies and lots of hugs and well wishes.

Walter

Wow, I'm actually crying, I haven't had someone be this nice to me in a while and it was a nice surprise. Thank you, and I hope you have a wonderful week too.

 

[hēĸsenko]

It's not really a motivation, more of a challenge: "How much interesting bs I'll see" or "What will catch me sooner — all my illnesses or myself".

But, to be honest, I don't think I'll be able to do anything in foreseeable future. I don't care if my death will cause suffering to anyone, but I do know it will. So, at least until my parents die and I loose all my few close mates, I don't even think about CTB. My way of being kind and respectful.

After all, I'm holding for quite some time already to act with hustle.

 

[SweetItalianS]

As the title says, what allows you to hang in and stay alive? I'm just curious what some people on this site's motivation for living is.

Mainly my family, I should stay alive to make sure I won't give them trauma they don't deserve.
Honorable mentions would be -
Good books, delicious food, nature, sports, computer games, traveling, music... - as external things.
Dreams of better future, goals, love, hope, helping others, curiosity, making new friends, working on myself physically and mentally(as in discipline, mindset, communication skills, etc), ... - as internal things.

 

[astonishedturnip]

Minor plans in the near future (travel, concerts, meeting up with friends, etc.).

A MASSIVE backlog of video games and books that I haven't gotten to yet.

Wanting to finish my fanfictions before I pass. (I do have some loyal readers!)

My sibling's adorable dog and my even more adorable nibling who is an absolute joy to babysit.

The pinprick of hope that I'll meet the love of my life soon.

An equally-sized pinprick of hope that something will happen that will allow me to die without actually taking my own life.

 

[RoyalBengalAutistic]

My family. My mother to be exact. I just don't want to put my family in a horrible pain. She is my only refuge in this world. I love family so much.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

My life isn't that bad - it could be so much worse. However, there are external circumstances that make me suicidal. Also, I have some hope left it could get better and I actually don't wanna die.

 

[OnlyOneSolution]

In full transparency I use suicide ideation as a coping method and thinking "I can ctb tomorrow just not today" has helped me a lot. And I know I have it as a legitimate way out of the poverty and physical and mental pain. And I'm doing some planning just in case I do ctb.

Strange how that obscure hope can ease our daily pains and nudge us on just another step.

 

[coffeebeany]

It's very simple. My lovely and amazing partner (who I love and adore), my best friends (I live with one of them). I do realize my privilege having all these amazing, kind and loving people in my life who care about me. I feel often guilty because I know that in the end I will ctb and leave them. I sometimes feel like a fraud. They do know about my mental health struggles but they don't know how finite my decision to ctb is. My partner knows a little and he has been nothing but supportive trying to make me envision my future on earth and to pursue and experience things. I believe he is scared sometimes that I will go through with it. But then again he s supported me through multiple hospital stays, therapy, mental health medication etc. But he s always trying to keep me optimistic. It makes it hard. I don't want to leave any of them but I cannot stay. I m in this limbo. It's tough.

 

[nomoredolor]

Strange how that obscure hope can ease our daily pains and nudge us on just another step.

The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.

Nietzsche

 

[(in)sane]

In full transparency I use suicide ideation as a coping method and thinking "I can ctb tomorrow just not today" has helped me a lot. And I know I have it as a legitimate way out of the poverty and physical and mental pain. And I'm doing some planning just in case I do ctb.

I try to make rules for myself like I'm not allowed to ctb when I'm on my period or really really exhausted or on a loved ones birthday/ holiday in an effort to extend my life.

My main goal is living long enough for something else to take me out so I don't hurt my family extra with suicide.

To stay alive I try to think "I need to live long enough for the next season of X tv show to come out" or "I need to read all the Stephen King books first." I want to travel more if I can ever afford it and get more tattoos. I want to date someone of the same sex. I would love to see my chemical romance live. Learn more Spanish or another language. Spend more time making memories with the people I love.

It's really really hard. But I'm still here

You're really strong.

 

[nomoredolor]

You're really strong.

Thank you so much for saying so

 

[(in)sane]

What keeps me alive is that my life is shitty and it's never been good. I've never been at peace. That's why I'm working hard to have a nice job, to be healthy, to have have people I care about who care about me, so I can make sure that I actually want to go and that it's not just the bad cards I've been handed that make me want to ctb. Cause if there's a chance for happiness in the future I'm gonna use the little energy I have left to try and achieve it.

Thank you so much for saying so

I mean it makes me wanna try harder as well. Also I love your pfp!! Angel's of Death is so good

 

[ChronicAnamnesis]

To be honest, i don't even know. ctb'ing is always there as an option but also there's alotta fun stuff to do here, besides i'm currently having my 1 week of feeling good

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

For me, I guess, it is the fact that being older and having 24/7 chronic pain, that I really want to see parts of this world and also experience local folks.

Since I live with pain, I also want a counterbalance of sunshine and happy times.

Walter

Love your posts, Walter. You're a bright beam of light in this forum! You're the sunshine!

In full transparency I use suicide ideation as a coping method and thinking "I can ctb tomorrow just not today" has helped me a lot.

This isn't too strange, I do the same thing sometimes!

You are truly salt of the earth soul, just OUTSTANDING!

I am so super happy to have you as a friend on here, as you are so darn kind, thoughtful and a heart of gold.

Have a great rest of this week filled with sunny blue skies and lots of hugs and well wishes.

Walter

and this is what I meant by my above post Walter! I also want to say, I had no clue you also commented this, but it just shows how kind you are!

Minor plans in the near future (travel, concerts, meeting up with friends, etc.).
…

A MASSIVE backlog of video games and books that I haven't gotten to yet.
…

The pinprick of hope that I'll meet the love of my life soon.
…

I can relate to some of these! I am actually in the process of planning a trip to a theme park after this semester. It'll only be 1 night but it shouldn't cost too much ($200/person), and it's just the break I need after a rough semester and before I transfer to Uni. I'm also hopeful that I will play GTA 6 before I pass, which I have mentioned in a previous thread on here lol.

Also, I think you'll find the love of your life, just takes patience and a little effort in meeting the person :)

My life isn't that bad - it could be so much worse. However, there are external circumstances that make me suicidal. Also, I have some hope left it could get better and I actually don't wanna die.

Yeah, that's the same way I feel. My life could be much worse and I feel I at least have some privileges that others don't have. I'm not part of a marginalized group, I'm able to go to college and get a degree (granted, it's all paid for by FAFSA due to poverty), and I have all the basic necessities and even some luxuries

It's very simple. My lovely and amazing partner (who I love and adore), my best friends (I live with one of them). I do realize my privilege having all these amazing, kind and loving people in my life who care about me. I feel often guilty because I know that in the end I will ctb and leave them. I sometimes feel like a fraud. They do know about my mental health struggles but they don't know how finite my decision to ctb is. My partner knows a little and he has been nothing but supportive trying to make me envision my future on earth and to pursue and experience things. I believe he is scared sometimes that I will go through with it. But then again he s supported me through multiple hospital stays, therapy, mental health medication etc. But he s always trying to keep me optimistic. It makes it hard. I don't want to leave any of them but I cannot stay. I m in this limbo. It's tough.

This one hits hard, I have a partner currently and I do NOT want to hurt her, but I know I might do it. At the very least, she gives me pause so I know I will not do anything impulsive. Similarly, I have a friend whom I made on here, she left the site, and now we chat on social media. I made a promise to her that I wouldn't leave without writing her a note so that also gives me pause. All of those things make it so hard.

What keeps me alive is that my life is shitty and it's never been good. I've never been at peace. That's why I'm working hard to have a nice job, to be healthy, to have have people I care about who care about me, so I can make sure that I actually want to go and that it's not just the bad cards I've been handed that make me want to ctb. Cause if there's a chance for happiness in the future I'm gonna use the little energy I have left to try and achieve it.

Yeah I can relate to this somewhat. I wouldn't say my life has never been good, but it's been pretty poor for all of my life. I don't wanna get into specifics but neglectful parents for most of my life is a big part. In that neglect and poverty, I have decided that I don't want my life to be that. I don't want to be defined by that. It's part of the reason I chose the major I did, and if I switch majors, my second choice is also something that pays well. I wish you the best in trying to achieve your goals, my friend!

To be honest, i don't even know. ctb'ing is always there as an option but also there's alotta fun stuff to do here, besides i'm currently having my 1 week of feeling good

Hope that week continues beyond just a week!

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Healthy: Friends, my drive to learn and absorb information.

Healthy-ish: Music, games, updates from YouTubers I follow.

Less healthy: Food.

Least healthy: Drugs.

 

[Whydid]

Friends. If o didn't have some good friends to call I don't think I would be alive right now.

 

[Depressed2]

my cats

 

[OnlyOneSolution]

My life isn't that bad - it could be so much worse. However, there are external circumstances that make me suicidal. Also, I have some hope left it could get better and I actually don't wanna die.

The nice thing about externals is that you can often control or, even better, eliminate them. I am glad for you that internal factors do not seem to play a dominant role in your considerations. I truly hope that you are able to resolve your circumstances so that you no longer feel respite in the hope of a premature death.

Live long and happy.

 

[ebg]

This forum <3 but I don't have any solid reason, I am quite interested in the after-life but I can't die until I finish my bachelor's. I like researching schizophrenia, I also like helping with my disability/accessibility club on campus

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Laziness, selfishness, and other horrible things that make it so it's just better that I die anyway.

 

[unhopeful]

For me, ctb requires a lot of energy and prep work. I'd like to get things set up before I pass so I don't have to inconvenient anyone who has to deal with my aftermath and my decision. This means setting up a proper will, beneficiaries, packing up my things / having them rdy to donate, writing letters, etc. For the past years I've found it extra hard to find the energy to simply wake up, get out of bed, brush my teeth, shower, cook, etc. Basic daily tasks. So, it's even tougher finding energy to start packaging things up for my death.

I also fear of failing at my attempt and ended up crippled or in a vegetative state where I can no longer make a 2nd attempt independently.

If there was an easy button or white glove service that could prepare everything for me and guarantee a successful and clean death. I'd pay for it.

 

[CatLvr]

My kids. And my pets. I owe it to them to honor my commitments. I imagine with the way things are going I'm gonna manage to die of old age -- or ctb after a diagnosis that will leave me incapable of caring for myself. Like Alzheimers or Parkinson's or something like that.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Music and making art.

I've been thinking as I'm struggling to find work at a certain point I don't have a lot of hope of ever finding work. I'm terrified of being homeless but fear is all that motivates me and it scares me, because it used to be music, art, and learning new things. I am so scared right now that my art isn't reason enough to stay