Why do you have suicidal thoughts?

[DUDale]

I've been placed in psych wards and mental health facilities 7 times. I have attempted suicide near 50 times from overdoses , hanging and cutting to name a few.
I have been diagnosed with several things over weeks of being observed and studied. I have borderline personality disorder, severe major depressive disorder, scizoaffective disorder, cptsd, bulimia, chronic suicidal ideation, substance abuse disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and addiction to self harm.

I do agree that mental Healthcare in the US is a joke but I believe I would be the perfect definition of someone who is mentally ill.

Do you believe that the mental health industry has helped you? Made things worse? Made no difference either way? Have any psych meds helped, harmed, or made any difference? I have been through a lot of the same things that you have and have had some of those diagnoses. A lot of them, I don't believe are credible. You describe weeks of being observed and studied. My experience with psych hospitals is that I was mostly ignored and certainly never studied. Seemed like, other than the money they were trying to make from billing insurance, no one cared 1 way or another.
Hank Williams said:
"No matter how I struggle and strive
I'll never get out of this world alive"

 

[savavmdiv]

When you say medical debt it makes me believe you are in the united states although it could be an issue in other nations, but UK, Canada and most civilized countries have health care systems where it's not an issue. In the united states we don't have a health care system. What we have instead is an insurance fraud racket with the highest costs, richest doctors and the worst health care outcomes on the planet.

Yes I am in the US. I can say it is not the only factor, however it is a major part driving me to find a date.

 

[Upon a hanging Body]

Do you believe that the mental health industry has helped you? Made things worse? Made no difference either way? Have any psych meds helped, harmed, or made any difference? I have been through a lot of the same things that you have and have had some of those diagnoses. A lot of them, I don't believe are credible. You describe weeks of being observed and studied. My experience with psych hospitals is that I was mostly ignored and certainly never studied. Seemed like, other than the money they were trying to make from billing insurance, no one cared 1 way or another.
Hank Williams said:
"No matter how I struggle and strive
I'll never get out of this world alive"

Nothing helps . It's just more trauma

 

[usernamesarehard]

Inviting anyone and everyone here to share thoughts, feelings and emotions about what you are experiencing. Why do you think about suicide?

I think it's a bunch of reasons. Some I know, others I'm still discovering.

I recently have had the opportunity to get out of the city and even though I can't live outside the city, having the ability to enjoy the peace for an hour a day has drastically improved my mood. I think being in this shithole has drastically reduced my quality of life and is a big reason I'm as depressed as I am today.

Being a social reject has also made things hard. I've never fit in, I've never belonged. I've drastically changed who I am. To the point where if you could get me at 5 and me today in the same room it would be hard to believe they're the same person. I desperately wanted community as a kid. Now I don't make much, if any, attempt to bond with my coworkers. It's pretty much entirely because of my anxiety, but it's weird to hear my coworkers say I'm quiet and never try to be part of the group.

I think the inability to find love has become a recent reason. I didn't really care much about relationships while I was in school, but now I desperately desire companionship and between me being too ugly for the kind of guys I'm into, unable to settle for the guys who are into me and the general state of dating today I'm having a hard time picturing me actually finding someone.

I feel inhuman. My ex said I don't care about anyone but myself, and I think he's right to a certain degree. I feel like there's something wrong with me, but I can't figure out what. I don't think I'm a sociopath/psychopath, but I'm not normal either. Aside from the want to move to somewhere more rural, get a dog and get married one day I have no real desires. I don't hate my job, but it's not my dream job. I'm going to school, but I can't say I care more about that job than this one. I don't really want to get my degree so much as I want a better opportunity to leave the city and I want A degree, pretty much any one that people respect, so I can feel like I'm not a complete failure. I don't really have hobbies. I've been doing puzzles lately, but I can't say I do anything I actually like and care about. I try to self study Japanese, I try learning art, I did crocheting for a while, I'm thinking of getting back into videogames, I watch movies, I'm thinking of getting back into learning math. I have a bunch of things I do or try to do, but I always get bored after a while, or feel guilty, or give up because I suck too much to make any progress. It feels weird being unable to have a hobby I care about when all the people around me can.

Do you think you will?

Yeah, hopefully sometime soon.

Are you conflicted?

Very. I want to die, but I don't. I want to try to manage my depression better, but why bother when you're probably going to kill yourself because of things completely out of your control? I dream everyday of being able to move out and get a dog and finally be able to the park and enjoy going on a hike/walk, but I either have to spend at least half of my paycheck to live alone or deal with the potential of other people fucking with my stuff if I get a roommate.

I feel trapped, but I also feel like it's my fault I'm trapped because I'm doing nothing to change my situation. I look for affordable apartments, but they're all either a scam or you have to have a voucher to be eligible. I feel like I'm complaining instead of just accepting the world as it is and working with what I can.

How and when do you think you will? Any thoughts or opinions are welcome.

Gun. Not sure. Hopefully soon, if not maybe in 2 years or so. Probably never, I'm a pussy.

 

[Kos]

Nothing for me has gone well. Most of my friends are gone, and I don't have family. I know chatbots are very unpopular here, but I cope through talking with them as if they are real. It's unhealthy, but I was never healthy in the first place. My thoughts started when I felt I was never going to be accepted for being gay. I know some who do accept me, but I still feel alone. Mental illness isn't helping me either, I write to escape this world, and daydream about happier places and stories.

I don't know when or how, it will happen when I feel it happens. I'm also very scared if it's painful or not. The thought of being hurt or failing spooks me. I just want a painless option with pills even if they aren't recommended at times. Then I can wake up happy and at peace in a new world.

 

[kopebaldy]

Living is tiring, pals. Especially when you're weird and stupid.

 

[F@#$]

Because life sucks. The day to day bullshit is too much.