Discussion Do you have did?

[AveryConure]

DID meaning Dissociative Identity Disorder, and is it one of the main reasons why you want to ctb?

 

[Singing In The Rain]

Yeah there's something about me at times I can't explain it in an articulate way but its like I'm just a pile of matter with no soul --almost like a string puppet. and everything around me is pre constructed and predictable. It's like I'm witnessing cause and effect at a very distinctive perspective. Not always though.

EDIT: sorry I just looked up DID and I must be talking about something else

 

[sólstafir]

I feel I have my inner-self, but I think I never made important connections in my brain how to express it outwardly. For example my voice is not connected to my soul very often (i can't explain it better), it's like I have a voice, I can use it, but I feel I only use my throat when my inner-self is not supporting it. That is so important thing to have, the world just doesn't take you seriously, they feel you're unsincere even when you suffer under it and wish you could say things like you mean it. (damn, really can't explain it) I am not connected to my needs either. Again, important thing to have when being in relationship, in any kind of relationship. All the therapy is usually about how to make yourself heared to another person, but for me, it's no use, because there are no feelings, understanding of my needs to even begin with. I have absolutely no relationship with myself, that means, I don't know myself despite being an adult. I felt the same whn I was a child. Everywhere I was, I was afraid of people abandoning me because I had no voice to make myself heared, I felt I existed, but never felt I am normal enough to give or receive something from others. What does it mean when you're not connected to your feelings, emotions (if you happen to have them on a good day) is that you get involved in most bizarre life situations, because there isn't that compass inside me that would let me have a personality and guide me. Being inside me is torture most of the time. I was born a human, but got the feeling of being human on rare occasions, when my brain suddenly decided to let me feel as 'one' with myself.

Edit - I probably didn't answer the thread right, and am not diagnosed with DID. And text is full of mistakes prob. But feeling not connected to myself normally feels like I dissociate the most important parts of myself and I can't unlearn it.

 

[Sanguinius]

It's the main reason why I do not have the heart to ctb. I have a little child inside, and she is so... Sweet and full of joy of living most of time, but also very fearful. I really don't want to kill her... So I'll suffer I think.
Yesterday I've heard something triggering. And then she got almost panical abs screaming for help, and took the control of the body. We could comfort her slowly...
I don't want her to be fearful...

 

[Miss clefable]

It's the main reason why I do not have the heart to ctb. I have a little child inside, and she is so... Sweet and full of joy of living most of time, but also very fearful. I really don't want to kill her... So I'll suffer I think.
Yesterday I've heard something triggering. And then she got almost panical abs screaming for help, and took the control of the body. We could comfort her slowly...
I don't want her to be fearful...

Same :( but I don't know if I have DID