Introduce yourself

[Sidi]

Hi all
Glad to be here, this place is great.
Spanish is my mother tongue, in case there is anybody que hable español.

 

[Swisher]

Hi all
Glad to be here, this place is great.
Spanish is my mother tongue, in case there is anybody que hable español.

It's absolutely sinful. I do not know Spanish. So You're bilingual? You may now teach me.

 

[Sidi]

Not bilingual, I just know some english. Of
course I can teach you.

 

[BACONF]

Hello everyone
Im from Mx and I've tried to ctb 20 times but with no success. I came here after finding about the page in reddit. Im in college (arts) but Im already tired to continue. Im running from my biggest fear: become like my "mother" and to suffer the horrible fate of bipolarity that plagues our family.

Anxious,nigthmares since 12 and posible bipolarity.

 

[TheNorthernSilence]

Hello to all,

I'm a 31 years old male from Finland. I've been a NEET for about 7 years now even though I have somehow gotten a Bachelor's degree in the past (I know I wouldn't manage to do it with my current state of mind). And the degree is now old information so it's no use for me anymore anyway.

I live alone on some sort of disability wellfare (I didn't manage to think of a better words to describe it) and don't get out so much from my (rented) apartment.

I've been suffering from clinical depression and severe social anxiety for about half of my life. My nervous system is so sensitive in (new) social situations that I tend to sweat, escpecially from my palms which I'm so ashamed of. I don't sweat 24/7 so it's a psychological thing (and bad self esteem). I think too much what other people think about me (analyze in too much detail) I guess.

I've tried multiple methods to treat my issues, including botox injections for my palms (really painful) and many medications for my depression (and anxiety) with very little success.

I recently also got separated from a ~4 year old relationship with my (ex-)gf so I think that there's not that much hope or future anymore for me.

I'm really glad I found this place because I can relate to so many users with their views and issues and I don't want to make it to some sort of competition in who has the most desperate situation so I empathize with them all.

I usually just lurk around and don't write at all so I guess this is a big thing to post here and I hope I can contribute more in the other threads too as time goes by.

 

[Dead Meat]

Welcome @TheNorthernSilence I hope you enjoy your time here on the forum.

 

[Swisher]

Hi I'm johnny a 53 Yr old from Scotland. Tired and worn out with all the shit in life, tried many times in the past to CTB. Been on and off meds all my life never been hospitalised, though family considered having me sectioned after the marriage fell apart. Music has always been my thing, had bouts of mania in the past when the creativity floods out. I'm an atheist but came up with this many years ago.
"Does god have a face? Is God full of grace to you?
Does God have a name? Does God cause you pain too?"

I Like that. Whatever this is, it's to painful. Yes. Pain and only pain if I feel anything at all.

 

[Swisher]

What, come live in this hellhole?
It's ok-ish for tourism... I'll give it credit for having decent neurologists, but not much beyond.

How are you doing? It sounds terribly scary there now....hope you're not close to it?!

 

[Toxic Person]

Welcome Toxic Person to the forum hope you enjoy your time here.

Thanks <3 <3

 

[Toxic Person]

Hi Toxic person

Hey ^-^

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

How are you doing? It sounds terribly scary there now....hope you're not close to it?!

I live in Israel. It's probaby not as terrible as I make it sound, but then again I disagree with a lot of aspects of the culture.

 

[Swisher]

I live in Israel. It's probaby not as terrible as I make it sound, but then again I disagree with a lot of aspects of the culture.

I was actually thinking about the bombing with Hamas. Not near you? It's been a while for air strikes...Not necessarily wanting to visit this moment...what's up with you? Anything? ok?
I remember the bombings in England and thinking things like " WE CAN'T GET ON THE TUBE?! Now how are we gonna get Pizza Hut?!!

 

[Afterman]

18y male from California. Dealing with OCD (mental, existential, obsessional), depression (with occasional psychotic features), and anxiety. Everything seems to get worse as time goes on so I figured I'd come up with a solid plan to ensure a way out if nesccesary. Gone through lots of treatment and even going in for an ECT consultation soon. If that doesn't work it's pretty much game over. I have a number of wonderful people in my life who care about me and vice versa but deep down I know I can't solely live for others whilst dragging myself through the mud. Everyone on here seems quite nice and non-judgmental so I figured I'd make an account after lurking for a while.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I was actually thinking about the bombing with Hamas. Not near you? It's been a while for air strikes...Not necessarily wanting to visit this moment...what's up with you? Anything? ok?
I remember the bombings in England and thinking things like " WE CAN'T GET ON THE TUBE?! Now how are we gonna get Pizza Hut?!!

Hamas is more of a border thing. Unless Arab farming villages are your thing, your normal destination would be the center area or the Dead Sea. I actually chuckled out loud after having to remind myself this situation is not normal. Here in the center we have mostly stabbers, but even those are pretty rare.
I do remember an attack happening at my work place, which drew me even more towards hating this country. Five guys got hit, two died. One of them managed to crawl outside. First, people outside called the medics, second, they whipped out their fucking phones and started taking pictures of the guy while he's bleeding to death. The medic had trouble penetrating the wall of soccer moms who desperately needed to update their feed with a bloody guy dying, so the second guy died too.
The police is impressively acrobatic, the only info they had on the attackers was that one has long hair and a hobo beard. Jumped on my head. Literally. No running start.
"Sir, could you please move to my spine? I have a headache" seemed to convince them I'm not a perpetrator. Fun day, all things considered.

If you're scared of Hamas, watch this

They're using a Mickey Mouse ripoff as a martyr. Frankly, they're fucking ridiculous.

 

[Swisher]

Hamas is more of a border thing. Unless Arab farming villages are your thing, your normal destination would be the center area or the Dead Sea. I actually chuckled out loud after having to remind myself this situation is not normal. Here in the center we have mostly stabbers, but even those are pretty rare.
I do remember an attack happening at my work place, which drew me even more towards hating this country. Five guys got hit, two died. One of them managed to crawl outside. First, people outside called the medics, second, they whipped out their fucking phones and started taking pictures of the guy while he's bleeding to death. The medic had trouble penetrating the wall of soccer moms who desperately needed to update their feed with a bloody guy dying, so the second guy died too.
The police is impressively acrobatic, the only info they had on the attackers was that one has long hair and a hobo beard. Jumped on my head. Literally. No running start.
"Sir, could you please move to my spine? I have a headache" seemed to convince them I'm not a perpetrator. Fun day, all things considered.

If you're scared of Hamas, watch this

They're using a Mickey Mouse ripoff as a martyr. Frankly, they're fucking ridiculous.

Firstly, Hahaha! Not the video. You! (Do you have a guest room? Just asking).
We may not have acrobatic police but we have incredibly stupid ones.
For example: I'm sure I could have found one who would have jumped on your head, whipped out his own phone and taped himself or the soccer Moms for reasons unknown. They have cameras in/on their cars and still can't control themselves ( SOME IF THEM. I'm not hating here. My guys are fabulous. They took out my garbage! I digress).
I was wondering if you were in harms way. I'm not afraid of Hamas. I'd probably start dating Hamas....all of them. ( I'm really quite fucked up myself, you know)

( that's awful...how is your head?)
Continuing the list...Arab farming villages, stones, hellholes. What else you got?

 

[muretax]

Hello everyone!
I'm 22 years old from a crap town on Long Island. I'm entirely self destructive with the ability to make everyone around them hate their lives. Been suicidal since I was 14 years old with numerous attempts in high school. I had an original plan to go out on my graduation day but some things have pushed me to stay alive.

Things have been going back to shit for a few years now with this year being the cherry on the top. I spent $1000 on twenty one pilot tickets for their bandito tour and told myself that I'm doing it after I attend their concert and ever since I've been utterly obsessed with it. I'm hoping I don't see 2019 at all.

 

[starcrossedfate]

Hello everyone. I am a guileless boy but five years old staring blankly in the face of death, while his heart is cut and torn away. A pair of ragged claws scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

 

[Meeseeks]

Hello everyone. Late 20s male in NJ. I've had a good life but I've screwed up so many relationships and opportunities due to anxiety and depression and a psychotic break (nuked my life). Have had previous attempts in the past during early 20s. Things have taken a turn for the worst and am on edge about CTB. Seems more and more likely. Lonely as hell.

 

[Throwaway478953b]

Hi

I hate everything to the extreme.
I am stuck here because of the survival instinct.
I have too much to say but am beyond tired.

Too tired to continue...

 

[nztphill]

Late twenties from the french part of Canada.
I'm living with chronic pain in both my shoulders and upper back for two years now. It is absolute constant pain at EVERY single seconds of my life now. Its taken a mental toll on me, nothing is pretty anymore, nothing is interesting, nothing smells nice, you get the idea. Life is pain.

It destroyed friendships, relations, my enjoyment of sex, gaming, reading. I don't even appreciate smoking a simple cigarette anymore.

Im not even depressed. I just can't fucking live like this anymore, I need to put an end to this misery, or its gonna eat even more of my soul.

Man you just described my life right now

 

[LiveSlowDieFast]

Hello, I hope you guys don't mind if this text becomes a tad bit long.

I think I should be honest in that compared to most people here I've always had it very easy, but I still somehow grew into a quite depressed and isolated person over the years. I can function and maintain myself just fine, but the simple truth is that I don't want to live anymore.

I'm nearly unable to have meaningful or enjoyable interactions with people unless they're immediate family or my closest friend. Around others I turn into an off-putting weirdo and I cannot ever just have a natural, relaxed conversation. It absolutely amazes me that there are people who view talking to others as a normal and natural thing to do. There is also the issue that I don't even want to interact with others. I'm not interested in most other people and at the same time I'm also incredibly boring to them. I feel like I'm on a completely different wavelengths than others and this means that at best an interaction with someone will be boring and meaningless, and at worst I will turn into an anxious mess during and afterwards. I don't think I need to get started on relationships lmao.

I'm not one of these super intelligent, passionate nerdy types either; you know, the ones that end up pursuing some amazing career as scientists or something like that. I don't have a dream job, as the few things that interest me aren't worth money (because the only thing that matters is how much value you can produce for your shitty-ass boss and for the economy) and fuck getting up every day for the next 40 years (at least) for some bullshit job I hate. I'm in college right now, pursuing a major that's almost completely useless and that doesn't even interest me that much either and it also fucking sucks.

I've seen many people with depression who are absolutely great, talented and passionate people underneath their illness, but I'm not like that. I don't have passions anymore and the only thing that makes me feel at ease is spending time alone in my room, playing video games or playing guitar, but I can't even get myself to do these things every day. I mean, fuck... it shouldn't be such a struggle to just watch a movie, but it is like this for everything. I never feel genuine enjoyment beyond a surface level and I'm unable to just be "in the moment" the way normal people can.

I don't see a point in living. I don't want a family, I don't desire relationships anymore, I don't have a dream job, I don't have passions and I don't have a big goal in life. Not to mention that this planet is going to be absolutely wrecked by climate change soon anyways.

I keep up a facade for my parents and my sister, all of whom I love deeply, but behind that facade I'm only going through the motions, "waiting until the clock runs out" as somebody called it. I'm constantly tired and everything feels like a drag. The only thing I wanna do is go full NEET and then off myself once I get sick of that also, but I couldn't do that because I don't want to hurt my parents.

I'm not sure, but I think I may have dysthymia or Persistent Depressive Disorder as it's also known. I haven't really bothered to talk to somebody about it, although I did look up quite a lot of stuff online. The fun part is that under articles and videos on the topic there's always tons and tons of comments by people who are in their 50s or even 60s and they're always like: "I've suffered from this almost all of my life and nothing has helped, but what can you do :-)" and I think I might be headed for the same thing. I can't bear the thought of having to be here for another 60 years or so.

That's the reason I'm here. I'll probably not ctb until my parents are gone, but neutral information on suicide methods and communities like this one have been a great source of comfort for me regardless. I appreciate that there are other people out there who don't buy into this idea that every person must continue to live for as long as physically possible, regardless of whether they want to or not.

Sorry again this text got so long.

 

[onewayroad]

Hello, I hope you guys don't mind if this text becomes a tad bit long.

I think I should be honest in that compared to most people here I've always had it very easy, but I still somehow grew into a quite depressed and isolated person over the years. I can function and maintain myself just fine, but the simple truth is that I don't want to live anymore.

I'm nearly unable to have meaningful or enjoyable interactions with people unless they're immediate family or my closest friend. Around others I turn into an off-putting weirdo and I cannot ever just have a natural, relaxed conversation. It absolutely amazes me that there are people who view talking to others as a normal and natural thing to do. There is also the issue that I don't even want to interact with others. I'm not interested in most other people and at the same time I'm also incredibly boring to them. I feel like I'm on a completely different wavelengths than others and this means that at best an interaction with someone will be boring and meaningless, and at worst I will turn into an anxious mess during and afterwards. I don't think I need to get started on relationships lmao.

I'm not one of these super intelligent, passionate nerdy types either; you know, the ones that end up pursuing some amazing career as scientists or something like that. I don't have a dream job, as the few things that interest me aren't worth money (because the only thing that matters is how much value you can produce for your shitty-ass boss and for the economy) and fuck getting up every day for the next 40 years (at least) for some bullshit job I hate. I'm in college right now, pursuing a major that's almost completely useless and that doesn't even interest me that much either and it also fucking sucks.

I've seen many people with depression who are absolutely great, talented and passionate people underneath their illness, but I'm not like that. I don't have passions anymore and the only thing that makes me feel at ease is spending time alone in my room, playing video games or playing guitar, but I can't even get myself to do these things every day. I mean, fuck... it shouldn't be such a struggle to just watch a movie, but it is like this for everything. I never feel genuine enjoyment beyond a surface level and I'm unable to just be "in the moment" the way normal people can.

I don't see a point in living. I don't want a family, I don't desire relationships anymore, I don't have a dream job, I don't have passions and I don't have a big goal in life. Not to mention that this planet is going to be absolutely wrecked by climate change soon anyways.

I keep up a facade for my parents and my sister, all of whom I love deeply, but behind that facade I'm only going through the motions, "waiting until the clock runs out" as somebody called it. I'm constantly tired and everything feels like a drag. The only thing I wanna do is go full NEET and then off myself once I get sick of that also, but I couldn't do that because I don't want to hurt my parents.

I'm not sure, but I think I may have dysthymia or Persistent Depressive Disorder as it's also known. I haven't really bothered to talk to somebody about it, although I did look up quite a lot of stuff online. The fun part is that under articles and videos on the topic there's always tons and tons of comments by people who are in their 50s or even 60s and they're always like: "I've suffered from this almost all of my life and nothing has helped, but what can you do :-)" and I think I might be headed for the same thing. I can't bear the thought of having to be here for another 60 years or so.

That's the reason I'm here. I'll probably not ctb until my parents are gone, but neutral information on suicide methods and communities like this one have been a great source of comfort for me regardless. I appreciate that there are other people out there who don't buy into this idea that every person must continue to live for as long as physically possible, regardless of whether they want to or not.

Sorry again this text got so long.

Welcome! I wasn't sure what kind of place this was when I joined, but it's not just a place where everyone sanctions suicide, in my experience it's a place where people openly and honestly discuss suicide. I've seen threads where almost every reply is discouraging suicide right next to a thread where everyone is saying farewell and best wishes to somebody who is saying goodbye forever.

I think this is a great community that reduces the chance of suicide when it isn't the best option, and when suicide is the best option it helps people to choose a peaceful and painless death instead of something violent and dangerous (as in, could leave you alive but a vegetable).

I have bipolar, which is just major depressive disorder sprinkled with manic and/or psychotic episodes. Anhedonia (an inability to feel pleasure) is a key symptom of major depressive disorder, so it's probably what you have. A really good quote I heard is that "the opposite of depression isn't happiness; it's vitality". If you feel like you can't enjoy things and lack vitality, that's depression buddy. Because of my illness I really relate to a lot of your post, thus the extended welcome.

If you want to talk about depression and treatment options I'm your man, I've been dealing with bipolar for about 15 years and I was initially just diagnosed with major depressive disorder. Just send me a message once you get enough posts/time and we can have a chat.

Anyway welcome!

 

[LiveSlowDieFast]

Thank you, I really appreciate what you wrote and especially that you're willing to listen to me.

I think it's good that people here don't just encourage suicide to everyone, but instead let people ultimately make their own decision.

 

[onewayroad]

Thank you, I really appreciate what you wrote and especially that you're willing to listen to me.

I think it's good that people here don't just encourage suicide to everyone, but instead let people ultimately make their own decision.

Yeah, absolutely. I've posted about it in other threads, but this is basically what a suicide hotline should be. Not a black and white 'suicide is bad' but a genuine discussion about it. I think a lot of people wouldn't listen to someone who will always say that suicide is never the answer, but they will listen to people who say hey suicide might be the answer, let's discuss it.

And yeah no problem always happy to talk to someone going through something similar to me. Btw the admins made it secret how many posts you need to PM to prevent spam posting, but when you can flick me a message.

 

[sadsoul]

Hey i'm a toxic person.

I like sleeping, food , Panic! At The Disco, My Chemical Romance, Animes and books

Omg I like all these things too, MCR and Panic! are great, Fall Out Boy is also really nice

 

[Toxic Person]

Omg I like all these things too, MCR and Panic! are great, Fall Out Boy is also really nice

Omg that's cool ahhh. I was on two fob concerts and it was so amazing!
This makes me happy that someone like the same things like me

 

[Whiskeyjames]

Hey there I'm lost all hope and hope this is the last footprint of my short but merely meaningful journey

 

[JordT]

Hi my name is Jord, from Scandinavia and in i am 40, want to die please.

 

[Dead Meat]

Welcome to the forum JordT I wish you all the best.

 

[Motherfly]

Man you just described my life right now

Is it your shoulders giving you problems aswell?