Introduce yourself

[Predestinated]

Hey guys, I know I'm late... but better late than never ;) I'm 24 and from Germany. I had suicidal thoughts since i was 16.

 

[Polaris]

Hi there. Thanks for having me, SS. I'm Polaris. I've been suicidal nearly all my life, so it's very comforting to see a community that embraces the complexity of death. My official diagnosis is BPD. "Just ask for help" has resulted in me being involuntarily hospitalized twice, so I can't talk about suicide to anyone in real life. My death is the most important thing I have. It might be strange, but my death has become a huge part of who I am. As someone who's had little control over my life, knowing that I will die and taking control of my death brings me comfort. I don't know when I'll CTB. My suicidal gestures have been getting more and more extreme these past few months, so I've built up the courage to just go with the flow whenever the urge arises. Until it happens, I hope that I can be a part of this community.

 

[Nichols]

Hi, Nichols here. 40, male, living in Europe. Looking back, I've probably had depressive tendencies since my early adolescence, but they've worsened over the past 5 years. I've started taking antidepressants around the same time. The past three months have been absolute hell on several levels, to the extent that I was briefly committed to a psych ward for a "suicidal crisis linked to a context of psychological exhaustion". I've got a senior job but it's increasingly turned into a source of stress or, on the best days, boredom. I'm married with a child but we live in different countries and the marriage probably won't last much longer. Most of all I haven't experienced joy or feelings of hope for the future in a long time. All I do now is work, sleep for as long as I can and see a few friends or family members once or twice a week. I feel tired of living and think about ctb'ing several times a day. Based on my research here I'm considering N -before that I was pretty set on chloroquine. Thanks for having me.

 

[asdasan]

Hey, I'm glad I stumbled upon this community. It's the one place where I can be myself after all the mess that robbed me of my sanity.

My whole life came crashing down in the course of two weeks.

But that's life, eh?

Looking forward to chatting with you guys, at least until I CTB. Maybe even after.

 

[Samuel]

Hello I'm Samuel. I'm 25. I'm very dissatisfied with my appearance. With age it just gets worse. It could be my parents or Gods fault. Sadly, I believe there is a heaven and a hell. The Bible says narrow are the gates to heaven, and wide are the gates to hell. I'm paraphrasing.

All I care about is my appearance. and how good I would feel if I had supernatural good looks. I hate the way I look. I seen this one guy, while working drive thru at McDonald's, he had supernatural good looks. I saw him while working there on three separate occasions. He was real young and beautiful. I dream to be. A vampire with that good looks and never age.

Anyway. This is all I think about 24/7. Literally. And how ugly I am. And how poorly I am aging.

 

[noonetoo]

Hi. I'm noonetoo. I would've used no one but that was taken. I've been on discord the past year and before on reddit. I'm female, almost in my late 20's, from the Golden state. My life has been filled with anger and pain, divorced parents, abused by my step dad, drugs, rape, Bullimia, depressed most of my life, being an outcast, impossible to make friends, overthinking my overthinking.
I try my hardest to be social, make myself noticeable and even then I'm still the same loser I was a year ago, except I just got laid off from a hard labor job I was at for 7 years. I actually volunteered since it's not fun being in an environment where the entire company hates you. And as a female, my body has really weakened.

I'm a real person, I'm not here to offend anyone, if I ever do I'm only truly so sorry. However I can be dramatic, overthinking takes me to another level but I'm definitely not here to harass or bully. If I make you feel that way, please just tell me to stop and I will.
I was diagnosed with Major Depression when I was 15. I've tried committing suicide before. Took a whole bunch of anti-depressants and OTC Advil and called the cops on myself out of panic. After that, it was in and out of mental hospitals, ridiculous therapy sessions, more meds, slitting my wrists; eventually alcoholism and drugs helped me escape my realism and took me into a worse world that I eventually had to slap my way out of with a huge wake up call. STD's.

Life is good now, being able to splurge on one self, travel and such with a partner but
I'm still "dying" to die, however I'm currently in like an insurance probation period. If I were to die now, I'd leave too much debt to my few loved ones. There's a 2-year wait period so I have yet to find a purpose or will to live, if not I'm leaving. My main method of choice is Charcoal/ Carbon monoxide. Working in the weatherization field and educating customers on safety, I've learned too much. I fear pain having experienced it most of my life so dying peacefully in my sleep sounds amazing.

My living dream is to have a Disney wedding, have a daughter to give her the love and protection I never get from my own parents, move out of this state and just be happy. My current relationship is with a wonderful guy but I know I've put him through hell with my PTSD and anger issues, he's also broken my heart quite a few times. I've had an abortion and it's an extreme trigger being exposed to all the hatred people impose on women's lives without any understanding. I don't think I'd survive having a child and I really don't see a bright future ahead that's why I'm here.
If you made it to the end of my rant, I can only thank you for acknowledging a complete nobody. Feel free to message me. :)

 

[End.of.the.line]

Hi. I'm noonetoo. I would've used no one but that was taken. I've been on discord the past year and before on reddit. I'm female, almost in my late 20's, from the Golden state. My life has been filled with anger and pain, divorced parents, abused by my step dad, drugs, rape, Bullimia, depressed most of my life, being an outcast, impossible to make friends, overthinking my overthinking.
I try my hardest to be social, make myself noticeable and even then I'm still the same loser I was a year ago, except I just got laid off from a hard labor job I was at for 7 years. I actually volunteered since it's not fun being in an environment where the entire company hates you. And as a female, my body has really weakened.

I'm a real person, I'm not here to offend anyone, if I ever do I'm only truly so sorry. However I can be dramatic, overthinking takes me to another level but I'm definitely not here to harass or bully. If I make you feel that way, please just tell me to stop and I will.
I was diagnosed with Major Depression when I was 15. I've tried committing suicide before. Took a whole bunch of anti-depressants and OTC Advil and called the cops on myself out of panic. After that, it was in and out of mental hospitals, ridiculous therapy sessions, more meds, slitting my wrists; eventually alcoholism and drugs helped me escape my realism and took me into a worse world that I eventually had to slap my way out of with a huge wake up call. STD's.

Life is good now, being able to splurge on one self, travel and such with a partner but
I'm still "dying" to die, however I'm currently in like an insurance probation period. If I were to die now, I'd leave too much debt to my few loved ones. There's a 2-year wait period so I have yet to find a purpose or will to live, if not I'm leaving. My main method of choice is Charcoal/ Carbon monoxide. Working in the weatherization field and educating customers on safety, I've learned too much. I fear pain having experienced it most of my life so dying peacefully in my sleep sounds amazing.

My living dream is to have a Disney wedding, have a daughter to give her the love and protection I never get from my own parents, move out of this state and just be happy. My current relationship is with a wonderful guy but I know I've put him through hell with my PTSD and anger issues, he's also broken my heart quite a few times. I've had an abortion and it's an extreme trigger being exposed to all the hatred people impose on women's lives without any understanding. I don't think I'd survive having a child and I really don't see a bright future ahead that's why I'm here.
If you made it to the end of my rant, I can only thank you for acknowledging a complete nobody. Feel free to message me. :)

I made it the end of your rant and wow it sounds like you been through one hell of a journey. Your not a nobody. Your just another person struggling without this shit show we call life. Anyway welcome to the forum.

 

[Flutter]

That's horrible. Why are they stopping your benefits?

Welcome to SS and I hope you find it comforting/helpful.

Thank you. According to the letter they sent, it's due to "medical improvement" which makes no sense since my health has deteriorated and I need surgery for Crohn's disease, along with extensive psychiatric medications. I've been fighting their decision for months and unfortunately Im out of options.

 

[Onomotopoeia]

Hi. I'm noonetoo. I would've used no one but that was taken. I've been on discord the past year and before on reddit. I'm female, almost in my late 20's, from the Golden state. My life has been filled with anger and pain, divorced parents, abused by my step dad, drugs, rape, Bullimia, depressed most of my life, being an outcast, impossible to make friends, overthinking my overthinking.
I try my hardest to be social, make myself noticeable and even then I'm still the same loser I was a year ago, except I just got laid off from a hard labor job I was at for 7 years. I actually volunteered since it's not fun being in an environment where the entire company hates you. And as a female, my body has really weakened.

I'm a real person, I'm not here to offend anyone, if I ever do I'm only truly so sorry. However I can be dramatic, overthinking takes me to another level but I'm definitely not here to harass or bully. If I make you feel that way, please just tell me to stop and I will.
I was diagnosed with Major Depression when I was 15. I've tried committing suicide before. Took a whole bunch of anti-depressants and OTC Advil and called the cops on myself out of panic. After that, it was in and out of mental hospitals, ridiculous therapy sessions, more meds, slitting my wrists; eventually alcoholism and drugs helped me escape my realism and took me into a worse world that I eventually had to slap my way out of with a huge wake up call. STD's.

Life is good now, being able to splurge on one self, travel and such with a partner but
I'm still "dying" to die, however I'm currently in like an insurance probation period. If I were to die now, I'd leave too much debt to my few loved ones. There's a 2-year wait period so I have yet to find a purpose or will to live, if not I'm leaving. My main method of choice is Charcoal/ Carbon monoxide. Working in the weatherization field and educating customers on safety, I've learned too much. I fear pain having experienced it most of my life so dying peacefully in my sleep sounds amazing.

My living dream is to have a Disney wedding, have a daughter to give her the love and protection I never get from my own parents, move out of this state and just be happy. My current relationship is with a wonderful guy but I know I've put him through hell with my PTSD and anger issues, he's also broken my heart quite a few times. I've had an abortion and it's an extreme trigger being exposed to all the hatred people impose on women's lives without any understanding. I don't think I'd survive having a child and I really don't see a bright future ahead that's why I'm here.
If you made it to the end of my rant, I can only thank you for acknowledging a complete nobody. Feel free to message me. :)

I also made it to the end. Sorry for your struggles. I can relate to some of your struggles. Several unwanted hospital stays myself and a very love/hate relationship with drugs also but we are on a break :). What dont you like about your state? Just curious as i've lived in a few and they all just seem the same. Glad you have someone to support you sometimes even just a little support can help. Welcome!

 

[noonetoo]

I also made it to the end. Sorry for your struggles. I can relate to some of your struggles. Several unwanted hospital stays myself and a very love/hate relationship with drugs also but we are on a break :). What dont you like about your state? Just curious as i've lived in a few and they all just seem the same. Glad you have someone to support you sometimes even just a little support can help. Welcome!

The horrible traffic, rude people, the possibility of a great earthquake wiping us out (even the small ones are scary), inflations affecting everything and many jobs want to pay the minimal with minimum wage rising yet want to raise their expectations. Rent keeps rising, gas prices are high compared to many other areas in the country, crv this, plastic bag tax that, did I say traffic?

I want to go where it rains, not too cold, nice gloomy weather, where people are kinder, where I can start a clean slate. Indeed, I'd miss the food the most and being able to go out and enjoy all the places of entertainment but I could always just come back for a visit.

I did like Florida, I mean they have Disney World. & NYC was a nice rush but too cold. I haven't visited enough or done any research to decide where yet.

Plus, to get away from family. They don't believe we could start over somewhere and that is just motivation to prove them wrong and only hope life gets them back in return.

Thank you for reading :)
ty too @End.of.the.line

 

[Roberto]

Hey everyone
I'm a 17 year old female from the US and I've struggled with severe mental illness my entire life. Treatment hasn't helped the smallest bit and I refuse to live this way for the rest of my life. My only hobby is sitting on the internet all day long and having no human contact.

Me too

 

[Sarainia Angelsong]

Hi, I'm just very depressed lately and wanna kill myself by Hanging, I have my reasons, you see my family died whether it be fire, illness, suicide etc. the point is I have no one left but a brother that's always trying to do incest with me like Ewww, anyways I don't like him or want him, the Government messed up my ID so I can't work, or do taxes, cuz my SIN card is all messed up, I'm still considered a Youth where I live even though I'm adult and can gamble, smoke, drink etc. I lost alot of stuff in a recent fire and barely made it out alive as I was curled in the corner when firemen found me I was rushed on Oxygen and nearly died 3 times from the smoke inhalation, my favorite cat died and my Boyfriend always threatens to leave me and I have a Heart condition that I have no chance to survive anyways, sorry if I'm depressing you too but my life sucks!

 

[ShadowOfTheDay]

Hi, I'm just very depressed lately and wanna kill myself by Hanging, I have my reasons, you see my family died whether it be fire, illness, suicide etc. the point is I have no one left but a brother that's always trying to do incest with me like Ewww, anyways I don't like him or want him, the Government messed up my ID so I can't work, or do taxes, cuz my SIN card is all messed up, I'm still considered a Youth where I live even though I'm adult and can gamble, smoke, drink etc. I lost alot of stuff in a recent fire and barely made it out alive as I was curled in the corner when firemen found me I was rushed on Oxygen and nearly died 3 times from the smoke inhalation, my favorite cat died and my Boyfriend always threatens to leave me and I have a Heart condition that I have no chance to survive anyways, sorry if I'm depressing you too but my life sucks!

I like your unicorn. Sorry your life sucks :(

 

[Sarainia Angelsong]

Problem is I'm not gonna get a heart transplant in time, I mean I'm fine dying naturally too, and my Unicorn is a Valentines, it has a red heart on the Left bum while Unicorn is facing same way your facing it was from Walmart this year! I mean also if my Boyfriend stops the leaving me threats all the time then yeah maybe I can relax and not be so anxious and depressed all the time cuz my heart condition is only getting worse anyways, so I'm not really wanting stress or pain anymore than I have to endure it sooo...
@ShadowOfTheDay let me know how to get the Unicorn to you when I do die, cuz I figure I will find a way very soon to commit suicide and be successful at it!

 

[ZiggyStardust]

g'day, apparently I am 'old' now (according to one post I read) but first time I attempted to CTB was age 10. My strongest urges these days come when I am really happy - I always think how great it would be to switch off the lights right there and then, leave the party while it is in full swing so to speak.

 

[bruisedtorso]

Hi everyone.
I started having thoughts of suicide at aged 11, i am now 20. I never thought i would join a site like this as i thought i could fight the urges, but i'm at a point in my life now where i don't see any other options. I've dealt with a lot of childhood trauma, abusive relationships and more. I just feel like a burden at the moment, i'm sick of grating on everyone's existence. I truly believe i would be better off dead.
Other than the depressing shit, i am a music fanatic. Music really is the only thing that is keeping me here, but i don't think it'll keep me here forever. I usually watch true crime videos/series's in my spare time. I'm not really that interesting otherwise.

 

[feelsbadman]

Hi my name is Marshall and I'm an alcoholic

 

[elizabeth.luck]

Hello, friends.
I am in my twenties. When I was a kid, my friend died in a freak accident. I had suspicions that it was suicide but it's been years and I've finally had to accept that I will never know. My family despises me and I can't keep friends to save my life (ha!). I have chronic physical and mental illnesses. I'm gross looking and in debt. Everything I love doing I'm horrible at and I have no purpose in life.
Well, that's all for now.
Thanks for having me.

 

[Your Own Ghost]

Hi. I'm glad a site like this exists. It's almost impossible for me to mention the topic of suicide elsewhere because I never know what the true wrath of someone's good intentions or ideology is going to be. Like many others, I've been assaulted by psychiatry, used by psychology, discarded at every turn by medical doctors, and dragged through hell on a daily basis by my own body. The latter, like it's performing some kind of sick ritual and I'm merely a spectator. The effects of it all have created this sad display typing to you now.

I think I got too close to death's door twenty years ago and didn't come the whole way back. Metaphorically, of course – or maybe not…

Maybe I can find some people to talk to here until the day comes when death says, "Oh, you again?"

 

[noonetoo]

g'day, apparently I am 'old' now (according to one post I read) but first time I attempted to CTB was age 10. My strongest urges these days come when I am really happy - I always think how great it would be to switch off the lights right there and then, leave the party while it is in full swing so to speak.

Hi. Welcome. Sorry if it was me that referenced that. May have meant old as in "old enough" to be our parents. True definition is when we'll all be back in diapers. Hope that sounds better. Don't let my words bother you please. Also sorry life has brought you here. Yes, sometimes it feels like happiness is too good to be true and we may not feel like we deserve it but after the hell we may have experienced, the world truly owes us so much more. At least our own peace. Hope you find comfort here : ) ignore the "bad" if you happen to come across.

 

[ZiggyStardust]

Hi. Welcome. Sorry if it was me that referenced that. May have meant old as in "old enough" to be our parents. True definition is when we'll all be back in diapers. Hope that sounds better. Don't let my words bother you please. Also sorry life has brought you here. Yes, sometimes it feels like happiness is too good to be true and we may not feel like we deserve it but after the hell we may have experienced, the world truly owes us so much more. At least our own peace. Hope you find comfort here : ) ignore the "bad" if you happen to come across.

I thought it was hilarious actually - hence the emoji

 

[Mr. Hang Man]

Hello SS, I am a 18 year old (male) fuck up. I am currently finishing highschool but I am failing most of my classes, once I leave highschool I will attend a vocational rehabilitation center for the disabled. I have already been homeless before and made an attempt against my life through falling from a elevated area, however I stopped myself last minute because of my survival instinct. I don't have any friends and my family knows I don't value my own life, they look upon me with disgust and hatred for my actions and thoughts. Despite everything, I have one more hand to play in the game of life before I finally cash out with what I got.

I look forward to conversing and relating with the people on this fourm. Something I fail to do in the physical realm.

Thank you.

 

[TakeMeBack]

Hello Everyone!

I'm a young male who's seeking to ctb soon. I don't really care to go into my life story, I just think it's finally time for me to give myself back to the void.

It's a pleasure to meet you all, and I'm really looking forward to this!

Thank you,
TMB

 

[lupin333]

Hi everyone

I'm in my late 20s. As the years have passed I have struggled more and more in social settings. I'm helplessly addicted to benzos and have been through the ringer the last handful of years. Both of my parents have died a number of years ago and I blew through a 7 figure inheritance. I have a couple really good friends in my life, but life for me feels unrecoverable at this point. Especially with bills and taxes I am going to owe

 

[Umbra]

Hi. I'm someone from somewhere. I'm a HS dropout who used to excel at school. I'm mostly indifferent on whether I'm alive or not (although sometimes I learn towards the latter). I dropped out of HS in junior year because I realized that I really hated being bossed around and wasting so much time learning things I don't care about. I'm yet to regret it although I advise doing your own research before deciding if you should do the same.

 

[time2go]

Been here a couple weeks but haven't properly introduced myself.

All my life I've struggled too fit in, I've always had friends but I don't really connect the way other people do. Suicidal at 13, depressed as fuck. All I wanted in life was love and happiness but thought id never find it, but I did. And it was the best thing that ever happened too me.

But whatever darkness I have inside of me consumed my thoughts and I destroyed my life. I was living my dream and I completely fucked it up.

I still love her with all I have but it's become unhealthy. I'm suffering the consequences of my actions and I completely deserve it. I'm not myself anymore, I have a good job but I just don't care anymore. I drink everyday and do drugs most days. I did try too get my life back on track but I just fucked myself up even more, I've been a dead man walking for a long time now. Soon it will be my time and I can't wait, I may post a full story before I CBT.

 

[TheDarkPotato]

Hi, I'm 19 and am from Canada.
After being diagnosed from a psychiatrist and 2 years of social work (which really didn't do much besides helping me with my anxiety), I got pulled out of it all when I turned 18. I had to seek out help for myself after that, but I really just gave up. None of the work helped my mentality. he only thing keeping me tied down are the few people that I care about.

I don't believe that "everyone can get better". After learning about the world and myself, I just want to leave more than anything lol. I don't really remember ever really being content with my life (at least, not for a period longer than a few months).

Anyways, I go to university and study psychology. I have a cat named Kovu, whom I adore more than anything in the world.

 

[Jean Améry]

Hi.
I'm from the mountain part of Canada, I'm 23 and female.

I'm an ex fentanyl addict, so if you have any fentanyl questions, please don't hesitate to ask.
I like videogames, weird music, my job, my dog and crying myself to sleep. (y)

Nice to meet you, too bad it couldn't be under better circumstances. I would very much like to pick your brain concerning fentanyl. I don't have the PM-thing yet but when I do get it do I have your permission to send you one?

 

[heavensighs]

i'm venus

i'm an 18 year old girl from canada. i've had two suicide attempts since middle school and have spent a lot of time in the therapist's office, shockingly. when i'm not whining i'm being a burden on my parents that they throw money at hoping it'll go away. i used to be popular and at the top of my class but depression and anorexia have made me into a dropout leech who lives in her bedroom and doesn't have a friend to her name anymore

i wish i had succeeded the first two times i tried to ctb because anything is better than being this alone. i used to think that i failed for a reason lmao.

 

[Begemont]

Hey all. Found this place pretty much by accident. Lurked for a while and registered. Almost feel like I'm home, sad as that is. Hopefully only for a while though. There is not much to say. Northern Europe. First tried to slit my wrists open in an attempt when I was 10. Somehow I've survived 18 years after that with only one other failed attempt. Hopefully thanks to this place I can make the next one count. Maybe get some comfort before it too. Nice to meet you all.