Introduce yourself

[LonerPotato]

Well, hello there. So, I like potatoes, and that's how I go by. I'm from Brazil, and just gonna start saying I don't want partners or whatsowever.
Well, I'm one of those cases where there was not a trauma or a trigger, my brain just decided to fuck up my life. I was one of those persons who is the "smart one" and also "the one who everyone thought will succeed the most". Well turns out I can't even kill my self the right way. I had an overdose, but not a fatal one, so I got to experience the joyous adventures of getting your stomach pumped.
I'm really uneasy about pain, wich led me to seek the "painless" methods, wich led me here.
And to end it. I'm also one of those persons who is surrounded by people while feeling the only one in the Universe.
And that's most of what I'm going to say. So, hey people.

 

[Sarainia Angelsong]

i'm venus

i'm an 18 year old girl from canada. i've had two suicide attempts since middle school and have spent a lot of time in the therapist's office, shockingly. when i'm not whining i'm being a burden on my parents that they throw money at hoping it'll go away. i used to be popular and at the top of my class but depression and anorexia have made me into a dropout leech who lives in her bedroom and doesn't have a friend to her name anymore

i wish i had succeeded the first two times i tried to ctb because anything is better than being this alone. i used to think that i failed for a reason lmao.

True I attempted a few times myself, but I came to realize that I had to research and come up with a solid plan, cuz just doing something with no active plans I found were the results of me ending up in the psychward twice and hospitals countless other times, but now I found this site a couple ish weeks ago and now I'm able to draw up a solid step by step plan so I'm glad I found this site to CTB hopefully soon now for me , I hope you find your peace too as well, but main thing like me is research and plan cuz when it comes to time to be 100% sure to do it, you wanna be 100% confident nothing will mess up!

 

[Deltrus]

Hello, I'm deltrus, a 26 year old male from canada.

I have moderate chronic fatigue syndrome, which basically means I have constant extreme fatigue and many other symptoms such as terrible sensations in my jaw, gut, and legs. I don't really have depression, I have an extremely optimistic outlook, I'm just suffering so much. I'm stuck in bed 22 hours a day. I'm lucky, people with severe cfs can barely move, shower or take care of themselves, at least I can take care of myself and do shopping for a few hours every few weeks.

I am basically living for my parents and my brother, so they don't suffer from my death. My mom is somewhat mentally unstable and prone to depression, while my brother is just barely getting through university for his cs degree. I really fear that my death would be the straw (or hammer?) that breaks the camel's back for both of them.

The thing that pushes me towards suicide is that my mother often doesn't respect me or my illness. It is invisble so she always tells me I just need to exercise to cure my fatigue, even when 6 months ago I did 15 minute walks every day for a month, and now my legs permenantly hurt in the evenings. Pushing myself to exercise just harms my body.

In addition, she got a beagle who is now a year old. I am very sound sensitive so the barking just kills me, and the dog needs constant supervision so I often have to sit downstairs and look after him, even though I often can barely sit up.

And I can't nap anymore because the dog will wake me up.

Anyways when my mom doesn't treat my illness or my suffering with respect, it makes me very suicidal because I am living for her! I can barely live yet she is always nagging me to do stuff, look after the dog, exercise more, do quack treatments she is completely ignorant of my illness. I NEED quiet, little stress and little movement.

I have been completely selfless living for my family, right now I feel I need to take care of my self and suicide. This year felt like 10 years, I have no idea why. Even living another year seems impossible.

Moving out might be an option, as I have a 1200$ monthly disability pension. I just don't know if the place I end up in will be quiet. And my parents will probably have to get rid of the dog anyways if I'm not there to take care of it, which would mean I'd be much happier living at home again. And if I live in an apartment, that is at least 700$ a month going out of our family, normally I'd give it to my parents for rent and my brother for university money.

I don't know, I'm just so tired of living for my parents, who don't even respect my needs or how much I'm sufferring. I want to be selfish for once and just end it.

 

[esclava]

I've already posted but figured I'd say hi here. I'm a disabled domestic workhorse, hoping to ctb soon

 

[Manfromtheocean]

Hi, I've been a member for a while now, mostly silent tough.
I am still a neet. And soon I'm nothing.
Hi to everyone!

 

[marcusuk63]

Hi everyone im Marcus from UK and have constantly messed up every single thing i have done my entire life , i have suffered depression for over 20 years.tried to take an overdose several years ago.Im on the verge of losing everything and being homeless. My twin died at 2 years old and my older brother and i have always been very close , even living together once. 3 weeks ago i found him dead ,he was diabetic and never told anyone or had treatment ,suicide??.... my world has always been on the edge and the funeral two days ago was the hardest day of my life ,siblings i havens seen for years and everyone hugging me and telling me they love me and dont hide anything like my brother did and they are always there for me .My mum and dad are still alive an very active in their 80s and it was so hard seeing my mum and dad suffering .

 

[adam]

Spoiler: My english is terrible

Hello, I'm 20. I'm depression for about 2 years. I've been trying to find the answers on my existential questions any cases: religion ( I'm an atheist, but I've been trying to find the god and come to believe), philosophy(I'm continuing to find comfort by reading the philosophy of pessimism like as Liggoti, Mainländer, Cioran, Stirner, Zapffe). I can honestly say I'm the snob, maximalist, egoist and I are very frustrating when to make any the slightest mistake. Peoples those like me nobody likes because exist in another side of life. At the moment I have accumulated so much the problems which I couldn't decide by cause of my depression.

 

[Jodes]

Hi everyone im Marcus from UK and have constantly messed up every single thing i have done my entire life , i have suffered depression for over 20 years.tried to take an overdose several years ago.Im on the verge of losing everything and being homeless. My twin died at 2 years old and my older brother and i have always been very close , even living together once. 3 weeks ago i found him dead ,he was diabetic and never told anyone or had treatment ,suicide??.... my world has always been on the edge and the funeral two days ago was the hardest day of my life ,siblings i havens seen for years and everyone hugging me and telling me they love me and dont hide anything like my brother did and they are always there for me .My mum and dad are still alive an very active in their 80s and it was so hard seeing my mum and dad suffering .

Welcome Marcus - and "Sorry you're here" - given what you've said, this must be the hardest point in your life - I'm really sorry. I hope talking here will quickly help you "feel better"

Hi, I've been a member for a while now, mostly silent tough.
I am still a neet. And soon I'm nothing.
Hi to everyone!

I'm really glad you're talking - we need more neets. Not sure what that is but it would be good to have a representative to explain it.

Hello, I'm deltrus, a 26 year old male from canada.

I have moderate chronic fatigue syndrome, which basically means I have constant extreme fatigue and many other symptoms such as terrible sensations in my jaw, gut, and legs. I don't really have depression, I have an extremely optimistic outlook, I'm just suffering so much. I'm stuck in bed 22 hours a day. I'm lucky, people with severe cfs can barely move, shower or take care of themselves, at least I can take care of myself and do shopping for a few hours every few weeks.

I am basically living for my parents and my brother, so they don't suffer from my death. My mom is somewhat mentally unstable and prone to depression, while my brother is just barely getting through university for his cs degree. I really fear that my death would be the straw (or hammer?) that breaks the camel's back for both of them.

The thing that pushes me towards suicide is that my mother often doesn't respect me or my illness. It is invisble so she always tells me I just need to exercise to cure my fatigue, even when 6 months ago I did 15 minute walks every day for a month, and now my legs permenantly hurt in the evenings. Pushing myself to exercise just harms my body.

In addition, she got a beagle who is now a year old. I am very sound sensitive so the barking just kills me, and the dog needs constant supervision so I often have to sit downstairs and look after him, even though I often can barely sit up.

And I can't nap anymore because the dog will wake me up.

Anyways when my mom doesn't treat my illness or my suffering with respect, it makes me very suicidal because I am living for her! I can barely live yet she is always nagging me to do stuff, look after the dog, exercise more, do quack treatments she is completely ignorant of my illness. I NEED quiet, little stress and little movement.

I have been completely selfless living for my family, right now I feel I need to take care of my self and suicide. This year felt like 10 years, I have no idea why. Even living another year seems impossible.

Moving out might be an option, as I have a 1200$ monthly disability pension. I just don't know if the place I end up in will be quiet. And my parents will probably have to get rid of the dog anyways if I'm not there to take care of it, which would mean I'd be much happier living at home again. And if I live in an apartment, that is at least 700$ a month going out of our family, normally I'd give it to my parents for rent and my brother for university money.

I don't know, I'm just so tired of living for my parents, who don't even respect my needs or how much I'm sufferring. I want to be selfish for once and just end it.

Welcome. I empathise with how you feel about living for others while having a disability. My stress has not left me for some time now so I'd sit in a triple sound isolated room if I could.

Hello, I'm deltrus, a 26 year old male from canada.

I have moderate chronic fatigue syndrome, which basically means I have constant extreme fatigue and many other symptoms such as terrible sensations in my jaw, gut, and legs. I don't really have depression, I have an extremely optimistic outlook, I'm just suffering so much. I'm stuck in bed 22 hours a day. I'm lucky, people with severe cfs can barely move, shower or take care of themselves, at least I can take care of myself and do shopping for a few hours every few weeks.

I am basically living for my parents and my brother, so they don't suffer from my death. My mom is somewhat mentally unstable and prone to depression, while my brother is just barely getting through university for his cs degree. I really fear that my death would be the straw (or hammer?) that breaks the camel's back for both of them.

The thing that pushes me towards suicide is that my mother often doesn't respect me or my illness. It is invisble so she always tells me I just need to exercise to cure my fatigue, even when 6 months ago I did 15 minute walks every day for a month, and now my legs permenantly hurt in the evenings. Pushing myself to exercise just harms my body.

In addition, she got a beagle who is now a year old. I am very sound sensitive so the barking just kills me, and the dog needs constant supervision so I often have to sit downstairs and look after him, even though I often can barely sit up.

And I can't nap anymore because the dog will wake me up.

Anyways when my mom doesn't treat my illness or my suffering with respect, it makes me very suicidal because I am living for her! I can barely live yet she is always nagging me to do stuff, look after the dog, exercise more, do quack treatments she is completely ignorant of my illness. I NEED quiet, little stress and little movement.

I have been completely selfless living for my family, right now I feel I need to take care of my self and suicide. This year felt like 10 years, I have no idea why. Even living another year seems impossible.

Moving out might be an option, as I have a 1200$ monthly disability pension. I just don't know if the place I end up in will be quiet. And my parents will probably have to get rid of the dog anyways if I'm not there to take care of it, which would mean I'd be much happier living at home again. And if I live in an apartment, that is at least 700$ a month going out of our family, normally I'd give it to my parents for rent and my brother for university money.

I don't know, I'm just so tired of living for my parents, who don't even respect my needs or how much I'm sufferring. I want to be selfish for once and just end it.

Welcome. I empathise with how you feel about living for others while having a disability. My stress has not left me for some time now so I'd sit in a triple sound isolated room if I could.

Well, hello there. So, I like potatoes, and that's how I go by. I'm from Brazil, and just gonna start saying I don't want partners or whatsowever.
Well, I'm one of those cases where there was not a trauma or a trigger, my brain just decided to fuck up my life. I was one of those persons who is the "smart one" and also "the one who everyone thought will succeed the most". Well turns out I can't even kill my self the right way. I had an overdose, but not a fatal one, so I got to experience the joyous adventures of getting your stomach pumped.
I'm really uneasy about pain, wich led me to seek the "painless" methods, wich led me here.
And to end it. I'm also one of those persons who is surrounded by people while feeling the only one in the Universe.
And that's most of what I'm going to say. So, hey people.

If you want to talk more I know that people here will listen. Welcome and sorry you're here

 

[Marriedwithsuicide]

Hi. I should be happy with everything but I feel like I'm not for this world. Like I don't deserve what I have

 

[Vanish]

Hello!
I'm 20 from Philippines. Mylife messed up. And I can't see future in front of me. I love horror movies and I love reading novel (specially if it's about mental illness and how they do to end thier life).

 

[Jodes]

Hi. I should be happy with everything but I feel like I'm not for this world. Like I don't deserve what I have

Welcome. It's a terrible feeling - being so unhappy and feeling like it's your fault, or ungrateful etc. But anyone can feel down, it's just a human thing. I was diagnosed with depression about 25 years ago and I've had other diagnoses too but depression was the main one, and I'm pretty sure you're going through something similar, it's seriously on the increase, people think because of changes in modern life. So you'll find plenty of people here that are going through the same thing, or have done. I'm sorry you're here, but glad as well. I hope we can get you feeling better

Hello!
I'm 20 from Philippines. Mylife messed up. And I can't see future in front of me. I love horror movies and I love reading novel (specially if it's about mental illness and how they do to end thier life).

Hi & welcome. I hope you can talk to us more. I sometimes look for dark films like that too. Why don't you see a future in front of you?

 

[Exitbattle]

Hello ppl


Im new here. Have thought abt ctb for a while but always felt scared about going through with it alone. I didnt want my family to suffer over me but i cant deal with my misery any more.

30 yo m from ca. Hoping to recover soon so i can get some n in the near future. Not sure what else to say. Feel free to ask or pm if you like.

 

[Jodes]

Hello ppl


Im new here. Have thought abt ctb for a while but always felt scared about going through with it alone. I didnt want my family to suffer over me but i cant deal with my misery any more.

30 yo m from ca. Hoping to recover soon so i can get some n in the near future. Not sure what else to say. Feel free to ask or pm if you like.

Welcome, I hope you get some comfort and help here. CTB is obviously a last resort, you know all too well it'll cause hurt, but sometimes it's all juts too much. I hope you'll talk in the forum to see if it really is your last option. I don't think it is, just guessing of course, but knowing you have a way out can help delay CTB

 

[Exitbattle]

Thank you


Im trying to talk to ppl but its hard to tell anyone irl that you want to ctb. First thing everyone says is talk to a doctor or take meds but that doesnt help make ones miseable existance better. I have put off ctb for a few years due to fam and friends but its agony to go on everyday just because i dont want others to suffer about me. At what point is ones pain too much to accept. I regret having got rid of my n the first time i got it. Now its becoming much more difficult to attain. Thanks for responding though. Much appreciated.

 

[Marriedwithsuicide]

Welcome. It's a terrible feeling - being so unhappy and feeling like it's your fault, or ungrateful etc. But anyone can feel down, it's just a human thing. I was diagnosed with depression about 25 years ago and I've had other diagnoses too but depression was the main one, and I'm pretty sure you're going through something similar, it's seriously on the increase, people think because of changes in modern life. So you'll find plenty of people here that are going through the same thing, or have done. I'm sorry you're here, but glad as well. I hope we can get you feeling better

Hi & welcome. I hope you can talk to us more. I sometimes look for dark films like that too. Why don't you see a future in front of you?

Hi Jodes

It's not going to get better and I know this. I found out last night my dad has a few months left Everything keeps getting harder and i don't know how to cope

 

[enzyetee]

hi i'm 34 from philippines
i'm scared of the future most of the time...

 

[Sarainia Angelsong]

Hello, I'm deltrus, a 26 year old male from canada.

I have moderate chronic fatigue syndrome, which basically means I have constant extreme fatigue and many other symptoms such as terrible sensations in my jaw, gut, and legs. I don't really have depression, I have an extremely optimistic outlook, I'm just suffering so much. I'm stuck in bed 22 hours a day. I'm lucky, people with severe cfs can barely move, shower or take care of themselves, at least I can take care of myself and do shopping for a few hours every few weeks.

I am basically living for my parents and my brother, so they don't suffer from my death. My mom is somewhat mentally unstable and prone to depression, while my brother is just barely getting through university for his cs degree. I really fear that my death would be the straw (or hammer?) that breaks the camel's back for both of them.

The thing that pushes me towards suicide is that my mother often doesn't respect me or my illness. It is invisble so she always tells me I just need to exercise to cure my fatigue, even when 6 months ago I did 15 minute walks every day for a month, and now my legs permenantly hurt in the evenings. Pushing myself to exercise just harms my body.

In addition, she got a beagle who is now a year old. I am very sound sensitive so the barking just kills me, and the dog needs constant supervision so I often have to sit downstairs and look after him, even though I often can barely sit up.

And I can't nap anymore because the dog will wake me up.

Anyways when my mom doesn't treat my illness or my suffering with respect, it makes me very suicidal because I am living for her! I can barely live yet she is always nagging me to do stuff, look after the dog, exercise more, do quack treatments she is completely ignorant of my illness. I NEED quiet, little stress and little movement.

I have been completely selfless living for my family, right now I feel I need to take care of my self and suicide. This year felt like 10 years, I have no idea why. Even living another year seems impossible.

Moving out might be an option, as I have a 1200$ monthly disability pension. I just don't know if the place I end up in will be quiet. And my parents will probably have to get rid of the dog anyways if I'm not there to take care of it, which would mean I'd be much happier living at home again. And if I live in an apartment, that is at least 700$ a month going out of our family, normally I'd give it to my parents for rent and my brother for university money.

I don't know, I'm just so tired of living for my parents, who don't even respect my needs or how much I'm sufferring. I want to be selfish for once and just end it.

Nothing is selfish, you do you, if they don't respect you then I really don't see them missing you if your gone! Basically do what you instincts and heart tells you to do, whether that's living elsewhere or ending it! Your gonna have to find peace somewhere, and that is not gonna happen living in that household, 1st try living on your own, if that doesn't work then I guess end it then! You did say your optimistic so maybe you can find a good place for yourself?

 

[Jodes]

Hi Jodes

It's not going to get better and I know this. I found out last night my dad has a few months left Everything keeps getting harder and i don't know how to cope

My Dad is old and it terrifies me

 

[Marriedwithsuicide]

My Dad is old and it terrifies me

My dads not even 60. He might not make it til his 60th

 

[CoolGuy9]

Hello, I am a really cool guy on the internet. After going through a hard day of doing nothing and being exhausted, I love to do one of my favorite activities and that is attention whoring on the internet to get sympathy from strangers. After that I like to go to bed and wonder why I don't just use the rope to end it all.

 

[maomin]

You sound like a really cool guy

 

[CoolGuy9]

You sound like a really cool guy

Thank you, stranger. Say, have I told you that really depressing story that always makes people feel bad for me? No? Well here goes: when I was 12, I hit my right big toe and it hurt for a couple of days.

 

[Queer_Kenny]

Hello! My name is Kenny. I'm 64-years-old, am Gay, and feel I no longer belong on this planet. There is too much hate, thanks in part to some of the most dangerous political leaders in the world. I have attempted suicide three times in the past. In 1970, when I was 15-years-old, my then boyfriend and I tried to hang ourselves together. We both survived, though he tried again shortly after and succeeded. In 1975, I was 20-years-old when I tried a second time to hang myself. My third suicide attempt was in 1984. Am I thinking about suicide? Yes! As I said, the world is full of too much hate, and I don't want to live in such a hate-filled society.

 

[Emptiness]

Hi everyone. I ran across this forum looking for information about N and I have been for awhile a silent observer. Finally, I decided to take the step and join the forum. Nice to meet you all and I hope this account is soon inactive due to the "inactivity" of its owner.

 

[misos9]

hello
i am a weeb
i like to think about my pointless life for hours and thinking ways to die without making my parent sad
i play csgo and im stressed with my life

 

[CoolGuy9]

hello
i am a weeb
i like to think about my pointless life for hours and thinking ways to die without making my parent sad
i play csgo and im stressed with my life

I have an internet friend that is quite like you. He isn't suicidal though (atleast hasn't told me).

 

[uiop]

Hello,
I'm uiop. That's not my real name because I'm a nobody. I am a software developer in my 20s, but feel like a complete failure everyday. I have clinical depression and anxiety. The meds my psychiatrist gave me worked for a short while: it dulled my emotions and masked my symptoms. I try to be upbeat and live life, but in reality, I'm just trying to survive. It's tiresome; I'm exhausted; I want it to end. I don't want to CTB: I want a way out, and I know I can find happiness by going through it.

I understand that my reality exists only in my head, but everything feels so real. I just want it to stop.

 

[lyssanne]

Hi ,im lyssa i stumbled across this page and i am so desperately hoping to find help and advice . i have postpartum depression induced by a nervous breakdown that was created by my now ex fiancee . ive been on several meds that have just made my situation even more hopeless and my child has been removed from my care because of her father lying about what actually happend so he can play house with the woman he cheated on me with ,. because of medications i have permanetly lost my ability to laugh , and enjoy anything. i cant even listen to music . i feel as if i have some kind of brain damage. i used to be very intelligent and successfull . now i can barely function . im just ready to go i have my daughters father rubbing his relationship and his gfs relationship with my daughter in my face . im fighting dcfs but im so slow now i cant find work . my family is tired of trying to help me and do not understand the impairments i do have . im alone and very angry at life and i am just ready to go . i had a original plan of jumping infront of a train . tried 5 times and bailed at the last moment. i tried partial hanging also but i never lost consciousness . so i dont know what to do . but i cant keep suffering anymore everyday of my life is a pure and actual hell and the harder i try the worse it gets . i cant win no matter what i do . im so angry with lilfe . because it took everything from me and none of it being my fault . all i ever dreamed of was to be a mother. now some other woman has my my perfect child attached to her and my baby doesnt even know who i am anymore. i just reallly need help i need to go while i still have a shred of dignity left.

 

[limone]

Hi Folks,
The decision is made. I must not stay in this world any longer - it's unbearable. In few days I will die by full suspension hanging. I'm so happy that I'm not alone here and many people are along with me. Will be grateful for any words of support.

 

[lyssanne]

Hi Folks,
The decision is made. I must not stay in this world any longer - it's unbearable. In few days I will die by full suspension hanging. I'm so happy that I'm not alone here and many people are along with me. Will be grateful for any words of support.

Hi Folks,
The decision is made. I must not stay in this world any longer - it's unbearable. In few days I will die by full suspension hanging. I'm so happy that I'm not alone here and many people are along with me. Will be grateful for any words of support.

I hope you find peace and a end to your suffering .