Introduce yourself

[Weeping Garbage Can]

what about close the book or cross the bridge

I'm no expert, but I would say that ctb could be interpreted in those ways too.

 

[Dayzareover]

Hi guys
I'm mostly just here because I feel like there aren't enough people I can talk to about this. I've been really depressed for a while about education and life in general. I'm mostly worried about money and my future. I don't want to rely on my parents forever, and there's so much going on. I have no real "close" friends as the two I do hang with prefer each other.
On a lighter note, I enjoy games, reading, writing stories(that I usually don't finish), and drawing. There really isn't much left for me to do. I've been considering suicide for a while, but it really depends on my mood, but it's like a dark thought that never leaves.

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

Welcome @Dayzareover I wish you all the best both on and off this site. Please feel free to contact me (by posting on my profile page) or sending me a PM if you ever need/desire help or companionship

I love your avatar, it's so calming and magnificent imo <3

 

[Bärchen]

Hello
I'm a 33 year old male, fat, ugly, and disgusting.
I love my 2 cats and i like videogames when i'm not depressed.

 

[Please_stop]

Hi everyone,
25 year old female, writing from Italy. Never been diagnosed with anything so far, but ever since I can remember I've always felt a sense of deep loneliness and unhappiness. This has only grown with everything that happened in the last twenty years (no real friends before high school, constant conflict with my family, coming to terms with being a lesbian, my mother going crazy about it and me trying to kill myself after s year of her saying horrible things to me, etc). I'm in therapy right now and, not gonna lie, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't having issues with my girlfriend of almost 4.5 years. She just can't stand my unhappiness anymore, and I just know that her leaving me will be the last straw.
I can't even think of starting over, I'm just too tired. If I lose her, that's it. If I don't, I'll still be glad that I've found a community like this!
Having said that, I'm currently interning for a law firm, I love cats, tennis, tv shows and going to the gym. Thank you so much for having me here!

 

[Barzakh]

Hello
im basically here to meet people and express my feelings without judgment and shame.
im actually so happy that i found this forum. Im 20 and dying inside <3

 

[200_ponies]

Hi everyone,

I'm here because there's no where else I can speak my mind freely about the topics of depression, suicide, and mental health. I've been diagnosed with double depression and have been struggling to hang in there despite huge efforts. It's really refreshing to see a community like you guys where we can all talk and commiserate with others who understand.

It's nice meeting you all.

 

[Dayzareover]

Welcome @Dayzareover I wish you all the best both on and off this site. Please feel free to contact me (by posting on my profile page) or sending me a PM if you ever need/desire help or companionship ❤

I love your avatar, it's so calming and magnificent imo <3

Thank you so much

 

[mel_laree]

Hi everyone. I'm a 20y/o female in the US. I had an abusive childhood that I've never learned how to recover from and I feel like I can't make connections with anyone irl because of my severe social anxiety and depression. I didnt expect to make it to this age and I have no plans for my future. I recently experienced a heartbreak that sort of pushed me over the edge, I guess. That person was one of the last things that made me want to stick it out. I'm very slowly starting plans to ctb.

It's so comforting to read this forum and know I'm not alone. Love to all ❤

 

[Alchemist]

Hi everyone. I'm a 20y/o female in the US. I had an abusive childhood that I've never learned how to recover from and I feel like I can't make connections with anyone irl because of my severe social anxiety and depression. I didnt expect to make it to this age and I have no plans for my future. I recently experienced a heartbreak that sort of pushed me over the edge, I guess. That person was one of the last things that made me want to stick it out. I'm very slowly starting plans to ctb.

It's so comforting to read this forum and know I'm not alone. Love to all ❤

Welcome. You remind me of myself at your age with the exception that the abuse was mere negligence.

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

Thank you so much

You're very welcome :-)

It's so comforting to read this forum and know I'm not alone. Love to all ❤

I'm really glad it's a comfort for you, love to you as well

 

[Escaper Boy]

Hello, I'm 27 years old male. I'm also an LGBT. Long time lurker on this site. Finally have a courage to register an account because I believe that my time is "near".

I consider myself very anti social. Although, it's mainly because of my social anxiety. Strangely enough, I have no anxiety communicating with people online. I remembered the time when I played MMORPG almost "religiously" before. The "me" in the virtual world had no problem talking to stranger and initiating conversation. It's almost like I possess multiple personality or something.

Speaking of other interest, I used to really love playing Go/Baduk before. But depression took away that hobby from me. It's difficult to enjoy anything while drowning inside ocean of darkness.

Anyway, I'm happy I can join the community.

 

[Alchemist]

Hello, I'm 27 years old male. I'm also an LGBT. Long time lurker on this site. Finally have a courage to register an account because I believe that my time is "near".

I consider myself very anti social. Although, it's mainly because of my social anxiety. Strangely enough, I have no anxiety communicating with people online. I remembered the time when I played MMORPG almost "religiously" before. The "me" in the virtual world had no problem talking to stranger and initiating conversation. It's almost like I possess multiple personality or something.

Speaking of other interest, I used to really love playing Go/Baduk before. But depression took away that hobby from me. It's difficult to enjoy anything while drowning inside ocean of darkness.

Anyway, I'm happy I can join the community.

It's a bit easier treating with people when no words are said, only written. Welcome, and nice pokey man.

 

[heaterxo]

Hi all!
I am a 37 year old female (I look 25), and I hate myself, but I'm a writer..of poetry. People like what I write, I don't really understand myself or others.
I'm highly intelligent (sometimes too much for my own good.) I think I have been trying too hard to "act" like others, that it all sounds very awkward and...odd. My life has never been like anyone else's..nothing really fell into any sort of linear path.
I don't know what else to say right now.

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

Hi all!
I am a 37 year old female (I look 25), and I hate myself, but I'm a writer..of poetry. People like what I write, I don't really understand myself or others.
I'm highly intelligent (sometimes too much for my own good.) I think I have been trying too hard to "act" like others, that it all sounds very awkward and...odd. My life has never been like anyone else's..nothing really fell into any sort of linear path.
I don't know what else to say right now.

welcome to SS, i hope you find support here

 

[heaterxo]

welcome to SS, i hope you find support here ❤

Thank you so much!

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

Thank you so much!

You're more than welcome, I find your avatar compelling <3

 

[Mn1245]

I'm 31 and have been thinking about suicide since I was 16. I can't decide on a good way to do it. I don't like pain. I find this life boring. There's nothing I enjoy doing.

 

[Djee]

Hi,
I m 35 y/o male from France.i find it great that this Forum exist.Thanks to make it alive.(excuse my french by the way )
I never knew what to do with my life.Since 2 decade now i decide to get to know myself and the world im living in and to find a way to live in harmony with Nature.
I realize years after years that any actions of (99pc) human because of overpopulation and capitalism (civilization) participate to the destruction of the écosystème.
Going deeper and deeper in ecology make me feel sader and sader.I start to have less and less social relationship too.
I ve been from farm to organic farm,community to permaculture project,from vegetarian to raw vegan,to France to Ecuador.From hope to desillusion.
The thing is that i tried to CTB 10 years ago and it didnt work (electricty to make it accidental)Since then i just go for what make me happy but there is less and less things and because i m overthinking i always find future worse and worse.(so CTB come back from time to time)
Rationnaly i don t see better future than death.And for me it is really not bad to die just i realise how living being want to live and avoid suffering.It s make me kind of joy knowing someone died.
Still i m not on hurry so i d like to organise my trip as beautifull as it can be for my last moment on earth.From now i give me one year until my next birthday,i like N option on a sunset in Mexico.(2nd option suicidal pact with a beloved partner )I think it s better if it looks accidental for my family even if i m pro choice and like this movement to be recognize by the society.
If i was a warrior i would fight to participate to destroy civilization and speak loud support people to kill themself if they are sure about it.No one deserve to suffer .
But i m more like escaping trouble and suffering.

 

[Harry_md1]

Hello all
I am a 24 year old from England.
Through my middle teens and late teens I struggled badly with depression etc and self harm. I must admit in recent years I have felt a lot better however I am questioning the point of life if there is no point? I am non religious and have no intention of going down that route. Having love is the only reason to exist for me but what if you feel that boat has already sailed what then? I find myself going through the motions of work wishing I was somewhere else in a different existence which I have done for the majority of my life. I no longer see the point of living as I believe I could never be happy within this messed up world that we live in. I almost wish for some terrible event to happen to give my life a purpose ec
There is small comfort however in knowing that I am not the only one going through this..

 

[Seaghost]

Hello to all of ya.
I'm no native speaker. So I'm sorry 'bout mistakes in writing ;).

It is really a pleasent that I found this place. It makes me feel a bit more comfortable.

I'm 30 plus a few years and from north germany.
Since I'm a teenager depressions (with suicide thaughts) haunted me. Besides that I'm blessed with Adhd.
My ex girlfriend stand by my site until beginning of this year. We were together for more than seven years. She knows everything from me even the things I can't write or tell others.She was my rock in the surf.
She showed me the beauty and the friendliness of Ireland, Scotland and England.

From one day to the other she said her feelings went away. She can't be strong for two anymore.
And now shes frigid to me and I can't stand that any longer.
Even in my realationship with her my suicide feelings came from time to time. So I tried to be powerful, be alive, be good and such things.
But now everything is gone. Deep in my heart I know that I wouldn't be here if we didn't met a few years ago.
So now it's time to end all of this suffering and pain.

It would be nice to ctb before the end of easter but I don't think that will work. I am fully disabled and got not much money. So getting the magical N. isn't possible. SN and what belongs to it will not shipped to germany.
For the Tourniquet method I am to dumb or it feels my head will explode.
So I want to try charcoal or find a place in the city for jumping.

If i had the money I would travel one last time to the united kingdom. Maybe the end would be beachy head. Or takin' N. in the highlands while sunrise.

I'm tired but it feels good I'm not alone. Thank you.

 

[Escaper Boy]

Hello to all of ya.
I'm no native speaker. So I'm sorry 'bout mistakes in writing ;).

It is really a pleasent that I found this place. It makes me feel a bit more comfortable.

I'm 30 plus a few years and from north germany.
Since I'm a teenager depressions (with suicide thaughts) haunted me. Besides that I'm blessed with Adhd.
My ex girlfriend stand by my site until beginning of this year. We were together for more than seven years. She knows everything from me even the things I can't write or tell others.She was my rock in the surf.
She showed me the beauty and the friendliness of Ireland, Scotland and England.

From one day to the other she said her feelings went away. She can't be strong for two anymore.
And now shes frigid to me and I can't stand that any longer.
Even in my realationship with her my suicide feelings came from time to time. So I tried to be powerful, be alive, be good and such things.
But now everything is gone. Deep in my heart I know that I wouldn't be here if we didn't met a few years ago.
So now it's time to end all of this suffering and pain.

It would be nice to ctb before the end of easter but I don't think that will work. I am fully disabled and got not much money. So getting the magical N. isn't possible. SN and what belongs to it will not shipped to germany.
For the Tourniquet method I am to dumb or it feels my head will explode.
So I want to try charcoal or find a place in the city for jumping.

If i had the money I would travel one last time to the united kingdom. Maybe the end would be beachy head. Or takin' N. in the highlands while sunrise.

I'm tired but it feels good I'm not alone. Thank you.

Welcome to the community, Seaghost. I wish you find your peace and closure over here (or other place) soon.

 

[Seaghost]

Thank you Escaper Boy. Yes peace...it's really time for it :).

 

[BridgeJumper]

My name is Alex
Im a 25 year old girl and Im from Poland.
My hobbies are painting, photography and singing (Im a self taught artist) and Im also utterly obssessed with beautiful bridges.
My username comes from the fact that I jumped off a bridge twice and the year I was born.
I have been mentally ill for almost as long as I remember. Doctors suspected Im autistic because I didnt talk, draw, make friends or do any of the things normal kids do. Ocd started when I was 5, seen a doctor first at 8 and struggled with it till I was 12. Tongue biting, brow smoothing, arranging clothes, shouting out expletives and feeling guily for everything because what if I did something wrong. Then the abuse started, there were beatings, death threats and molestation from my schoolmates and it triggered my depression. I got some meds and I was fine for a few years until a manic state hit where I did a lot of stupid stuff but doctors couldnt diagnose me with bipolar yet after only one cycle. Of course after the mania there was another depression and the mood swings were worse and more frequent year by year. When in a depressed state, I was desperate to die. I tried massive ods, slitting my wrists down to my elbows, bridge jumping, standing on buildings, putting my neck on the train tracks, throwing myself into traffic, putting forks in outlets, drowning myself, hanging myself of bridges, radiators and doorknobs. I had nooses, alcohol bottles, pills and concrete bricks hidden everywhere in my room. My parents unininstaled knobs in my windows so I could jump out. Treatment centers rejected me, they didnt feel equipped to treat me. I started hearing voices and talking erratically. Right now I havent left my room and showered in like a week or two because Im worried fbi is after me and also too depressed to actually do it. I joined this site hoping I would finally find likeminded people that dont tell me to either trigger warning every post or leave, that would feel comfortable discussing my wish to die because they experienced it themselves. So far I havent found a mental health boear like that. So, welcome.

 

[tootired]

hi, too tired pretty much explains who i am . my life has been pretty rough to say the least. i'm 54 years -ls with some pretty bad physical ailments that aren't going toget better. i was married young and had 2 beautiful daughters.. then i did some stupidshit andenedup in prison.. after i completed 15 yesr i was released ito the world. fortunately i had a bit of money. i decided to travel through asia a bit and settled on goingto the philippines. before i left the staes , while iwas waitingon my passport a friend ofmine helped me look for girls i could meet. so i lined a a couple g rls. i meet a few and really hit it of with one. . so we spentalot o time together,,,and after a year of backandforth between the countries wegotmarriedhere in the states.and had a son.

we lived here for years...nice house etc etc. after years we decided to buy a house therand move there to live. my wife and son moved there..well long story short her family stole all our money then my wife took off with my son.

so i came back with justmy siutcase. basically homeless. a friend told me i could live in his empty house and when i paid off the morgage he would give me the house. so ipaid him and he never put the money toward the morgage and the house going into forclosure.

its been so long since i saw or talked to my son..he was the only reason i get up in the morning

there's alot more to this but basically i dont care to live because i cant fix things and knowing i'll never seen him again is too much

 

[Red]

Hey, I'm red, 36 female... musical, creative, empathetic, logical, daft. Into making things n nature; my body doesn't allow me good hobbies atm and my brain won't let me read books anymore lol

I'm not depressed, just in so much pain that I feel that I can't continue to suffer any more.

It always hits worse st night when everyone else is asleep. No one knows how bad it really is... my meds don't stop the stabbing, burning, aching torture.

I'm not sure if I'll actually CTB or not, but it helps to have the option. I've started collecting the kit I'll need for the SN method... having it will give me a sense of control if I can control nothing else. I get to choose to live or die.

It all sounds very dramatic and it distresses me to find myself here. However the iinformation on this site has been invaluable in my research, so thank you to the people who took the time to post useful information and answer questions (the same ones again and again usually!) with excellent research to back it up.

To those who have lost all hope, I feel ya. I've been there n got out n fell back in again - it hurts when you feel like you don't belong and nobody really cares about you. It's hard to be grateful for the things that we do have when we're broken by the things that we don't... it is awful when it stops us moving forward, when we're built to evolve.

If you're able bodied, I am completely and utterly envious of you! You can do anything!! Please go climb a mountain for me, take a brisk stroll through the woods or by a beach or whatever bit of nature you've got near you. Do an extra few steps for me, for I used to have to slow down for people and now they leave me behind.

I hope that my predicament is temporary- maybe they'll finally get control over this pain and I can actually sleep a night in the big bed with my bf without having to drink on top of a ton of painkillers n weed. Maybe they'll find out what is wrong with me n fix it, or at least manage it to be able live again.

In the meantime, there's the backup plan. I'll keep it at the back of a cupboard just in case.

As I've said before, it's not me that is being selfish, wanting an end to the exquisite pain that no one seems to be able to fathom; it's more selfish to expect someone to live with that for the few moments that you want them around.

Thanks for reading, and hello

 

[Rn110bg101]

hey everyone, i'm rn110bg101. i'm a woman (though you can use it instead of she, if you wanna, i don't care much), and i've lived in france for as far as i can remember (even though i hate this fact, actually).

i'm a pretty quiet person, so i might not talk a lot, however i'll probably go around and like/post comments from time to time. (this isn't saying i'm not gonna post topics, ever, though.)

long story about my life short, i'm a useless recluse, everyone (that is, my family, i have no friends) hates me and believes i have some sort of mental disorder, my brain is a nightmare because i've had depression and suicidal thoughts for as long as i've lived, and i can never hope to be loved by anybody, be intelligent, or really have anything that could allow me to be happy one day.
that's why i wanna ctb as well (though i don't exactly know my method, yet).

so that's that. hope we can all get along, still.

ps: i usually type in all lowercase, as you can see, though i can change if this annoys people or break the rules.
pss: yes, reddit rn110bg101 is me. i wanna try coming here instead, though, because r/SuicideWatch is a joke and i hate it.

 

[lemon17]

Hi, I am 23 yo male, going to CTB soon. It's hard decision but the best way out for me. My method will be full suspension - simple, reliable and not very painful. Hope to find some support here from open minded people.

 

[Escaper Boy]

hey everyone, i'm rn110bg101. i'm a woman (though you can use it instead of she, if you wanna, i don't care much), and i've lived in france for as far as i can remember (even though i hate this fact, actually).

i'm a pretty quiet person, so i might not talk a lot, however i'll probably go around and like/post comments from time to time. (this isn't saying i'm not gonna post topics, ever, though.)

long story about my life short, i'm a useless recluse, everyone (that is, my family, i have no friends) hates me and believes i have some sort of mental disorder, my brain is a nightmare because i've had depression and suicidal thoughts for as long as i've lived, and i can never hope to be loved by anybody, be intelligent, or really have anything that could allow me to be happy one day.
that's why i wanna ctb as well (though i don't exactly know my method, yet).

so that's that. hope we can all get along, still.

ps: i usually type in all lowercase, as you can see, though i can change if this annoys people or break the rules.
pss: yes, reddit rn110bg101 is me. i wanna try coming here instead, though, because r/SuicideWatch is a joke and i hate it.

Welcome to the community. I'm sorry if my question comes out as insensitive/ignorant. But, why do you dislike France? It's just that, I was born in third world country (and I hate it!). And, I have this "fantasy" that I somehow were born in first world country like Europe, my life would totally be different.

Please, don't force yourself to answer if it makes you uncomfortable. I was just curious.

 

[Rn110bg101]

Welcome to the community. I'm sorry if my question comes out as insensitive/ignorant. But, why do you dislike France? It's just that, I was born in third world country (and I hate it!). And, I have this "fantasy" that I somehow were born in first world country like Europe, my life would totally be different.

Please, don't force yourself to answer if it makes you uncomfortable. I was just curious.

people always hate the french. the whole empires, colonies, racism, plus the rampant homophobia, racism and antisemitism there is today. we're self-centered, narcissist, cowards and always complaining.

as a french myself, i suppose there's as many idiots here as everywhere else, but people don't think that way, it seems. as for the colonies, nothing i could have done to change that.

and this probably sounds horrible