Women’s Space Peer Support Megathread

[opheliaoveragain]

Good looks. This is a good space to have. I am AFAB but ID as she/they. Finally a place inside the other place that I can scream into the void about my PMDD and not be misunderstood.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Thanks @rainwillneverstop . I'd like to draw on the experience of our middle aged + members please...

What's the menopause like? Is it worse than having periods? Does it mess with your mood the same or worse? When did it start for you? How long did it last? I'm 44... I'm guessing it's looming on the horizon for me.

I found the menopause subReddit a HUGE huge help on helping prepare and understand both peri and menopause - the treatments and to help not feel as isolated.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I found the menopause subReddit a HUGE huge help on helping prepare and understand both peri and menopause - the treatments and to help not feel as isolated.

Thank you for sharing this.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

Anyone have any good website/app etc recommendations for info on menstrual cycle and its impacts.

I have previously used Fitr woman for tracking and info related specifically to exercise/training/nutrition but found it never updated or provided much 'new' or varied information. (Worth a read as a once off but not so good longer term imo).

I also have tried 'clue' but found it too focused on reproduction/fertility and in the past 6 months or so it has really shut down the free information trying to make me pay up/subscribe.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I use Lively (https://www.livelycycle.com/) which is super useful in terms of what hormones are doing tied to your cycle. I haven't gotten quite into cycle syncing where you do certain activities at certain time because my life is a little chaotic for now. I don't like having too much health info online about my period because of where I live, but it's been interesting to show you what's happening and why in terms of hormones. I am just using the free version but might pay for the full version because trying different foods and exercises sound like they would be really beneficial.

Appreciating this thread - I honestly have not felt safe around a lot of interactions with men online lately so thankful where there is a corner for us <3

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I use Lively (https://www.livelycycle.com/) which is super useful in terms of what hormones are doing tied to your cycle. I haven't gotten quite into cycle syncing where you do certain activities at certain time because my life is a little chaotic for now

Amazing, thanks I'll have a look! I don't think I'll ever be in a place to match up my actions to theory in real life. In fact I guess I'm still looking for info as I'm so consistently inconsistent in so many ways that I keep hoping I'll find something somewhere that actually matches up and makes sense for me!

 

[astr4]

has anyone seen that study that was recently done on tampons? they found toxic heavy metals in every single brand… but pads are so uncomfortable? what other options are there? menstrual cups?

 

[Ash]

I used to use cups. They hold a lot more than a tampon and can be roughly cleaned and reused or even just tipped into the toilet then and there if you're out and about.

The thing to watch out for is that every vagina is a slightly different shape and not every brand will suit every vagina. I had to change brands as I got older because it wasn't just my belly that was relaxing and getting ready for middle age!

It can take a few goes to make sure it's sitting correctly, otherwise it's a bit of a leaking bucket. Doubling up with pads until you're confident is a wise move.

 

[justanotherdaynow]

Can we make a private chat for women and enby folks? Rather than a thread?

 

[ConfusedClouds]

Can we make a private chat for women and enby folks? Rather than a thread?

At the risk of being controversial, I think there is huge value with being transparent/not private and allowing those interested to see that this space is useful and why - they can see and appreciate that there are numerous topics/issues out there and how impactful they are and how little understood they are and how quickly they can be belittled elsewhere when they are significant to a significant number of people. But also that it is not a 'bitching-fest', there is genuine need for and value in sharing of experiences and there should be no reason to hide this. Helps to clarify why the space was asked/campaigned for in the first place and highlights how other groups/spaces could be requested to the mods should there be a relevant grouping of topics/issues for folks to share experience around.

menstrual cups?

It can take a few goes to make sure it's sitting correctly, otherwise it's a bit of a leaking bucket. Doubling up with pads until you're confident is a wise move

I use a cup. It took a cycle or two to fully get used to - some discomfort where I was unconfident in use and also the general use of them (e.g public toilets with no sink in the cubicle where can't simply fully rinse it when emptying it). I also recommend doubling up with pads to start, but its great then not going through so much single use stuff every month! I have had mine for many years now, though as Ash mentioned, I think now I'm a bit older I might be needing to change size/brand soon. Minor leakage occasionally creeping in.

 

[Ash]

Can we make a private chat for women and enby folks? Rather than a thread?

I wouldn't use it if it were a chat room. I find them too unpredictable for my mental health. I know where I stand with both standard forum threads. And a lot of the time I learn stuff or feel validated just by reading. And this forum isn't like Facebook where your real life identity is plastered everywhere and your mum's school friend's aunt's cousin's nephew's boyfriend's sister's best mate who in a weird coincidence works with your next door neighbour can read what you're writing.

 

[AmericanMary]

i am tired. I want to leave this exsistance.

However, the only thing I can imagine that would give me the desire to stay here is finding somewhere I feel like I belong & can make a difference. Community is my answer to happiness.

If anyone knows of some kind of feminist commune type thing anywhere in the USA, plsssss send me info!!

I am ready for one of the following:
1) I'm ready to die fighting for equality for ALL women.
2) run away and join a chosen family of strong women who share similar mindsets to me & that I can be of use to.

Thanks girlys.
Xxx

 

[mistymoo]

I do have a question as well. Has anyone else here had antipsychotics really mess with their menstrual cycle? I had really irregular, long, & painful cycles until I started birth control. The BC pill made me very I'll, but once I got off of it my cycles were the 15th of the months like clockwork, only lasted 3 days, and were very mild. I'm now on Seroquel & have had one period that came a few days late, was all old brown blood, lasted a week, and was pretty painful. This month I haven't had one at all yet, so it's over a week late. I usually start cramping like a week before my period too & that hasn't started either

Absolutely. When I was taking ablify my period got incredibly messed up, it's actually how I accidentally got diagnosed with pcos lol.
Ever since switching off it my periods are fairly regular. If I get overly stressed (which is often ) I won't get it that month.

i am tired. I want to leave this exsistance.

However, the only thing I can imagine that would give me the desire to stay here is finding somewhere I feel like I belong & can make a difference. Community is my answer to happiness.

If anyone knows of some kind of feminist commune type thing anywhere in the USA, plsssss send me info!!

I am ready for one of the following:
1) I'm ready to die fighting for equality for ALL women.
2) run away and join a chosen family of strong women who share similar mindsets to me & that I can be of use to.

Thanks girlys.
Xxx

I feel this with all my heart. I'm in Canada so my experience with healthcare is much different than Americans :( but personally I started using the local woman's help shelter / woman's sexual assault centers for therapy. 1 on 1 counselling has been great in helping me heal but lately going to group therapy with other survivors is the only thing I look forward to.

If you find a chosen family of other women to run away to I would absolutely love to join. I even have a cute little service dog who can make everyone smile

 

[ferrie]

Absolutely. When I was taking ablify my period got incredibly messed up, it's actually how I accidentally got diagnosed with pcos lol.
Ever since switching off it my periods are fairly regular. If I get overly stressed (which is often ) I won't get it that month.

I still haven't had one this month, and I haven't skipped a month since I was a teenager. I have all my usual PMS super anxiety & had the stomach issues I get leading up to my cycle a couple weeks ago, but no actual period. I'm not against skipping a month bc I hate my period lmao, but stressing that it could start at any moment is so annoying

i am tired. I want to leave this exsistance.

However, the only thing I can imagine that would give me the desire to stay here is finding somewhere I feel like I belong & can make a difference. Community is my answer to happiness.

If anyone knows of some kind of feminist commune type thing anywhere in the USA, plsssss send me info!!

I am ready for one of the following:
1) I'm ready to die fighting for equality for ALL women.
2) run away and join a chosen family of strong women who share similar mindsets to me & that I can be of use to.

Thanks girlys.
Xxx

This is honestly the dream. A woman centered collective could be so ideal. Unfortunately I've never personally heard of a commune that either lasted or wasn't a cult A few friends have joked about starting one in Indiana, but nothing that's actually been started

 

[Undertow Mermaid]

I'm so tired of just rotting away, I keep thinking of catching the bus every day. I wonder why I don't just take a knife and stick it in my outlet. I feel like a coward, I had a friend who used a gun and he was able to just do it. I'm still alive years later, still suffering and doing nothing. My family all think I'm a lazy loser, they think I enjoy staying up all night staring at my computer looking for something to distract from the constant barrage of self hatred.

I have a friend who got help after an attempt and now they're medicated and seeing a therapist. They're happier and actually motivated to work and hang out with friends, I can't tell them how jealous I feel. He told me I have to hit my bottom, like he did before I can truly realize no one will help me I have to help myself.

I guess he's right. I should just help myself, not like anyone else is going to end this misery. I don't want to involve anyone else with my body so I'm trying to think of a way to fuck off without anyone finding me. I don't want to suffer anymore, I want to be free from this endless torment of knowing I amounted to nothing, all my abusers won. The things my dad would tell me about how I'd be nothing once I was an adult -- all true. I just wasn't strong enough and in these moments I realize I'm still not. I can't even jump into traffic and just end it.

I'm a coward and a loser. What a combo.

 

[AmericanMary]

I still haven't had one this month, and I haven't skipped a month since I was a teenager. I have all my usual PMS super anxiety & had the stomach issues I get leading up to my cycle a couple weeks ago, but no actual period. I'm not against skipping a month bc I hate my period lmao, but stressing that it could start at any moment is so annoying

This is honestly the dream. A woman centered collective could be so ideal. Unfortunately I've never personally heard of a commune that either lasted or wasn't a cult A few friends have joked about starting one in Indiana, but nothing that's actually been started

Omw to Indiana ;)

 

[RosebyAnyName]

This is going to sound dumb but is it weird to get worse dissociative symptoms on your period?
It's like my vision goes fuzzy and warped, my sense of balance is off, I space out and get really nasty brainfog, as well as the moodiness and depression that's par for the course.

I'm on hormonal contraceptive pills and I used to get those symptoms more when I was taking the active pills, meanwhile I felt more normal on the sugar pills. However, now I find I get these symptoms only when I'm on the sugar pills and I feel normal on the active pills.

Not sure if anyone has an idea but I'm going to take it easy this week anyways.

 

[lnlybnny]

Anyone have any good website/app etc recommendations for info on menstrual cycle and its impacts.

I have previously used Fitr woman for tracking and info related specifically to exercise/training/nutrition but found it never updated or provided much 'new' or varied information. (Worth a read as a once off but not so good longer term imo).

I also have tried 'clue' but found it too focused on reproduction/fertility and in the past 6 months or so it has really shut down the free information trying to make me pay up/subscribe.

I use the app ''Flo'', it's pretty good

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

There are a few feminist communes I've heard about from research online but on rough days the idea of having a house where we grow our food had have dance parties in the living room but also restorative Sundays cooking is the only thing that keeps me going

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Fuckin hell. The PMDD monster is approaching. This shit truly takes a hacksaw to my will to live. Wish I had something fast on hand.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Fuckin hell. The PMDD monster is approaching. This shit truly takes a hacksaw to my will to live. Wish I had something fast on hand.

I'm so sorry. I'm reading up on PMDD and am starting to wonder if I have it - while I've had mild PMS before my period, I'm looking at this list (https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-pmdd) and wondering if that's a factor - I really need to track my symptoms better but have been so tired of doing that for other health things. The only time I've ever wanted to NOT be a woman has really been about health, and I'm so tired today, I keep on needing coffee to stay awake

 

[ConfusedClouds]

STORY/VENT

Possible sexism in workplace?

Supermarket shelf stacking night shifts. Get given an area/aisle to restock and generally once done yours, you help out in other areas/aisles as instructed by manager. However we are crazy short staffed so there's often a balance of trying to get as much stock as possible out vs actually tidying the shelves and putting things in their correct places/at their price tickets.
I'm very much more the 'quality' side than the 'quantity' side as, to me, it makes sense that if its put out properly, the system 'works' and then it is quicker for the next person/everyone rather than just hiding stuff in the back of shelves or over-filling and the never ending spiral of knock ons. Ok, sidetracked.

As the busy summer season is now winding down we have occasional nights with no delivery and our aim is to 'dress' the shop. Get everything back in line. I spent most of my night thoroughly sorting one messy aisle. Never got any feedback from management, just left to it, until a couple hours before the end of the night we all got sent to put out a pallet of stock in another aisle. Once all reunited it transpires male colleagues had been told to hurry up multiple times despite working multiple areas while I was still in my first. I've never been told to 'hurry up' but I know I am a 'worker'/'grafter' and am not generally slacking. Hard to know how quick/slow you are when deliveries are different every night and you're alone in your aisle. The no-delivery night was more of a comparison. I asked a new girl (only 3 weeks) and she had never been told to hurry up either, but thats maybe to be expected while she is settling in. BUT her bf has been and he is only 4-5 weeks into the job. This has thrown me and made me massively doubt my work ethic/abilities (or just confirm low confidence). I know its such an irrelevant scenario. I also only have 2 more weeks at the job (seasonal contract). Can't work out if I would prefer to have been told to hurry up or whether they acknowledge my more thorough approach so accept slower working but also part know that it would throw me completely if I was pushed to hurry up too much and I would have likely reacted very badly (sulked or toys out of pram). Doesn't help that I have picked up some physical niggles too so can't tell if thats 'weak/unsuited to job' or working hard or not. Strength is not an issue as I regulary weightlift - more to do with bad posture and repitition.

Sorry, don't think this had ended up going anywhere other than a long arsed confused rant.

 

[Whale_bones]

Does anyone else deal with purposely abstaining from physical contact due to trauma (or other reasons)? I've chosen to have zero physical contact for years now (not a hand hold, nor hug, nothing). I was able to go a long time without having a conflict with that, since the reasons for doing so come from trauma and the need for survival/protection, and my brain always puts that first.

Inevitably, though, the desire for it came back and slowly grows, no matter how much I try to ignore it. I feel like the odds of meeting the specific type of person I'd need (someone who is safe, fully respects consent, doesn't require deep emotional investment, is attracted to me and I'm attracted to them) are so low even IF I could actively search for that, which I can't!

I don't have the energy or health level to search for anyone… so it's just not in the cards for me. Anybody found ways to make the desire/yearning for contact go away, or atleast ways to successfully ignore it? Please share your wisdom with me

 

[Dot]

Does anyone else deal with purposely abstaining from physical contact due to trauma (or other reasons)? I've chosen to have zero physical contact for years now (not a hand hold, nor hug, nothing). I was able to go a long time without having a conflict with that, since the reasons for doing so come from trauma and the need for survival/protection, and my brain always puts that first.

Inevitably, though, the desire for it came back and slowly grows, no matter how much I try to ignore it. I feel like the odds of meeting the specific type of person I'd need (someone who is safe, fully respects consent, doesn't require deep emotional investment, is attracted to me and I'm attracted to them) are so low even IF I could actively search for that, which I can't!

I don't have the energy or health level to search for anyone… so it's just not in the cards for me. Anybody found ways to make the desire/yearning for contact go away, or atleast ways to successfully ignore it? Please share your wisdom with me

Honstly - & slf promse am nt tryn2 b flippnt - bt slf wld recmmnd animls lke dgs

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I go through periods thanks to trauma where I either don't want any physical contact (or any contact) and then do miss having sex with a partner. I'm struggling to figure out ways to cope - I try to go to a lot of meetups and talks but haven't found a successful situationship that might be an approach.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Anybody found ways to make the desire/yearning for contact go away, or atleast ways to successfully ignore it? Please share your wisdom with me

God I wish there was a way, would've saved me a lot of grief over the past few years :\ Personally I have not found any satisfactory substitute.

I know you said you don't have the energy or health to search right now, but if you ever do, I will say, I managed to stumble upon someone who meets the exact criteria you listed (safe, fully respects consent, doesn't require deep emotional investment, is attracted to me and I'm attracted to them), so it's not impossible to find. I've found that his touch--which has mostly consisted of hugging/cuddling, though we did kiss once--has been very cathartic/stress-relieving. I met him at a place I volunteer once a week at. It was about eight months from the time we met to when we first started touching; if you're anything like me, it takes time to build up a sense of safety, trust, and familiarity, hence why places where you regularly see someone week after week are great for meeting such people.

Best wishes.

 

[Whale_bones]

God I wish there was a way, would've saved me a lot of grief over the past few years :\ Personally I have not found any satisfactory substitute.

I know you said you don't have the energy or health to search right now, but if you ever do, I will say, I managed to stumble upon someone who meets the exact criteria you listed (safe, fully respects consent, doesn't require deep emotional investment, is attracted to me and I'm attracted to them), so it's not impossible to find. I've found that his touch--which has mostly consisted of hugging/cuddling, though we did kiss once--has been very cathartic/stress-relieving. I met him at a place I volunteer once a week at. It was about eight months from the time we met to when we first started touching; if you're anything like me, it takes time to build up a sense of safety, trust, and familiarity, hence why places where you regularly see someone week after week are great for meeting such people.

That sounds like the exact type of situation I wish I could have; being around someone in a public/low-risk situation for months while I gradually get to know them and build up a sense of trust. I'm glad you have that, it sounds lovely! I will live vicariously through you for just a moment

I'm too sick to do any activities out of the house, for ~5 years now I solely go to doctors' appointments (which I have a lot of, often multiple times per week). But I know I can't expect to run into such a good situation by chance when I'm going to and from appointments.

Of course, just by existing in the world as a woman, I still get hit on even with as little social interaction as I have... by Uber drivers, if I'm standing outside waiting, etc. But even the times where it would otherwise be a possibility, I can't have any trust when it's a man I just met... And I think the only way to establish that they're safe is to physically be around them over a period of months... something that I'm too ill for.

Honstly - & slf promse am nt tryn2 b flippnt - bt slf wld recmmnd animls lke dgs

I absolutely would have gotten a pet if I wasn't too ill. I know I couldn't give them the life they deserve; even if I could cover basic needs, I wouldn't have the energy to play with them or do all the things that are best for them. That is a great suggestion though, animal cuddles can be sooo healing.

 

[purplesky9]

Thanks mods for setting this up ❤

Quite a personal topic maybe, but do people here do the cervix smear test? Every year I get a letter from the GP to do it and every time that happens I start crying, shaking and can feel myself going pale. They explain the procedure through images in the booklet that comes with the letter but I just can't do it. It looks so violent to me...

Is it that bad?

I can't fathom a stranger looking at my vagina and messing with it

It's really not that bad. It's not painful or anything. Maybe just feels a little cold and it's over before you know it.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

That sounds like the exact type of situation I wish I could have; being around someone in a public/low-risk situation for months while I gradually get to know them and build up a sense of trust. I'm glad you have that, it sounds lovely! I will live vicariously through you for just a moment

Yeah, judging from other women's experiences, I may have gotten lucky lol. While he's made it clear that he would like sex, when I explained that it's not on the table (at least right now), he accepted that response and has never once been pushy about it or made me feel pressured. So we've been able to take things very slowly. The downside to that is that I only get to see him once a week and for a relatively short period of time, so it's not enough to truly satisfy me and I'm usually left wanting more.

I'm too sick to do any activities out of the house, for ~5 years now I solely go to doctors' appointments (which I have a lot of, often multiple times per week). But I know I can't expect to run into such a good situation by chance when I'm going to and from appointments.

This is a really shitty situation to be in, sorry to hear that. I've often wished that physical contact wasn't such a deeply ingrained component of human well-being, it really complicates life.

 

[lnlybnny]

Does anyone else deal with purposely abstaining from physical contact due to trauma (or other reasons)? I've chosen to have zero physical contact for years now (not a hand hold, nor hug, nothing). I was able to go a long time without having a conflict with that, since the reasons for doing so come from trauma and the need for survival/protection, and my brain always puts that first.

Inevitably, though, the desire for it came back and slowly grows, no matter how much I try to ignore it. I feel like the odds of meeting the specific type of person I'd need (someone who is safe, fully respects consent, doesn't require deep emotional investment, is attracted to me and I'm attracted to them) are so low even IF I could actively search for that, which I can't!

I don't have the energy or health level to search for anyone… so it's just not in the cards for me. Anybody found ways to make the desire/yearning for contact go away, or atleast ways to successfully ignore it? Please share your wisdom with me

I feel you, I've been feeling so needy/clingy today. I hope it goes away. I almost never feel this because I always isolate myself. Must be PMS doing its thing though :/