Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Freedom Believer]

Numb. I had a good Christmas but it's back to the same cycle. Work, school, relax, etc.

 

[PartingGlass]

I joined this forum one year ago today. I'm still alive and just as miserable now as I was then. Feel so hopeless.

 

[UiopQwerty]

Dissapointment and some anger, A normal day/night it seems...

 

[Miss_Takes]

Who am I?

Who are 'they'?
Who are they to tell me what to think?
Who are they to tell me how I feel?
Who are they to tell me what to do?
Who are they to tell me?
I am 'they'.
Who am I to tell them what to think?
Who am I to tell them how to feel?
Who am I to tell them what to do?
Who am I to tell them
I am 'them'.

Who am I?

I am filled with sadness.

 

[deleted]

Hate and tiredness

 

[UiopQwerty]

Dissapointment and some anger, with a pinch of hate also. A normal day/night it seems...

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I really want to sleep but meds aren't working and anxiety is insane

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Awful, rotten, heavy, dead. Fuck everything. Wish I could just die for real...

 

[mjs135]

Alone and tired

 

[FatalSystemError591]

I don't want to go into work, I hope that I walk in and will be told this week is my last week so I can start figuring out how to pack things up and move to my girlfriend's place and away from the people I live with. My job is the only thing tying me to where I am and with how things have been it is looking like they want to fire everyone but can't because it is their busy season. I'm too anxious to be walking on eggshells even more than I already am and I'm considering just quitting on the spot and saying that after this week I am never coming back. Even if I got a half-assed apology for what was said to me (last thread I made) it doesn't erase how uncomfortable I feel now about everything.

Also wish I could muster the courage to CTB. I panic a little thinking how close to my birthday it is and how much I want to be dead by then, but I haven't found the right time yet.

 

[Deleted member 22624]

Catching a slight break from symptoms right now. Need to stop using the internet but it's almost impossible, not much irl holds my attention without taking me on a journey through everything I don't want to think about or feel. Wish I could just hit pause

 

[demuic]

My head hurts. Wish I wasn't alive. Tired of dumb people. Always so self-righteous.

 

[Deleted member 15256]

Sad. Crying almost nonstop por days. And so so tired, all I want is to sleep and never wake up again

 

[UiopQwerty]

Atm. Waiting for answers. Sadness. Stress. Some humour inbetween though,

 

[Phill]

A little of anger. There's this guy at work who is really good at irritating me. It's not that he does it on purpose, it's that he's annoying by nature. I try to avoid him, but every now and then he comes with some stupid comment. Today he was telling other guy, in an ironic way, that my problem is that I talk too much. It pissed me off. I held myself not to tell him to fuck off. Actually, writing this made my anger level rise.

 

[painoflife]

I have the need to harm myself, either superficial or serious, I just need to do something because this has been building for a long time.

 

[http-410]

I have no idea.

I'm currently too exhausted to deal with ctb arrangements / getting a new anti emetic. But I'm also too exhausted to continue living. I also hope that covid restrictions don't mess anything up.

I feel a bit lost. I don't know what else to do with therapy.

 

[deadbeat]

Hopeless. I feel like I was always going to be doomed. I can't see things ever getting better.

 

[painoflife]

I dont want there to be a tomorrow

 

[Mentalmick]

Why do I get itchy when stressed.

 

[rs929]

Hopeless

 

[NodusTollens]

I have the itch right now & it has been one hell of a time not to impulsively scratch.

Good things come to those who wait, I suppose. Though I grow tired of waiting.

 

[Thinking]

I feel like I just took a big breath and I'm waiting for the panic and the burning to set in from holding my breath, but it's just... Nothing.

I want the pain back so badly

 

[DocNo]

all over the place. hopeful, hopeless, focused, confused.

 

[Arrow]

fear

 

[Kat!]

I don't even know.
I want to die but I feel like this body ain't even mine. I constantly talk to myself in 3rd person I'm so fucking weird, I scare myself. Don't even know if I really do want to die anymore.

 

[http-410]

hopeless
tired
torn
irritated
resigned

 

[Bigpink]

Mournful, hope this will be my last year. Fuck life

 

[Weary Soul]

A bit terrified and trying to distract myself.

Today is my anniversary to the man-child who almost killed me.

I am so scared he might show up even though I doubt he will (he lives about a half-mile/mile away), but I never know what he is going to do. I do have a lot of protection in place - but I think that PTSD does not recognize that.

I have been distracting myself today by posting a lot here. Apologies for posting so much.

 

[greebo6]

Strange.
Yesterday I had what is probably going to be my last ever birthday.
About 45 mins ago I probably had my last ' Stroke of midnight -its New Year ! ' moment.
It feels weird.
(Have a January CTB date planned )