I've been listening to and got a little inspired to write about "Old McDonald had an empire".
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Sit, child, sit and listen.
These days they call him a hero, the harbinger and the uniter of the nation, but then? A madman. Some say he started with the empire passed to him from his father Old McDonald did nothing but bring it to a turning. Some say he was a mere counselor, but one who became somewhat of a friend of the emperor. Do you know why Old McDonald was truly terrifying, child? Because he was none of these things.
No, child, no, Old McDonald was but a son of a farmer. Old McDonald grew on a farm with his father and sister. His mother was lost to some bored, sadistic guard who passed as he escorted the king to one place or another. It is then he took his vow - the vow to not merely kill, but eradicate the king like vermin.
And so he did, child, he did.
At first, he tried to simply put poison in his foodstuff and drinks, but that, of course, did not bring the... desired, shall we say, result. The king, of course, had a man to test and taste his foods to be sure it is up to par, you see.
If Old McDonald was caught there and then, put through the court, and stuffed into prison, the entire revolution wouldn't have happened. As he was brought before the court, his father begged they took him instead of Old McDonald, he begged to pay for his child's wrongdoing. The court agreed and executed Old McDonald's father before his very eyes, and so his rage grew a thousandfold.
When his sister passed, his rage became sadness, and then once his mourning finished, anger. Not anger like that of a common city guard stepping in the droppings of a peasant, no child, anger like that of gods.
Now, a man with nothing to lose but his life, which he had not cared for, he snuck into the king's castle. It was a sight like no other - some hundred men lay breathless on the ground, each next to the other, but there was no blood. He strangled each man, one by one, and then brought their lifeless bodies back to their posts, as if to say "it is here where you die, your majesty, not in war, not in struggle or a fight, but at the foot of your door, and there is nothing to postpone this."
The foolish king grew anxious, for what monster would not just do, but be able to strangle a hundred well-trained guards right there and then? Right there at their post? Why was there no commotion, no fighting, no resistance? Why would they give up their lives in such a hurry?
And so, he brought every man and woman to try and protect him.
Old McDonald had no fear in him, child. More men meant nothing to him, you hear, child? More guards - merely more men to slaughter.
And so he did. When he came to the room of the king, he made sure it would be noon, he wanted to see the eyes of the king turn white as he took his life, child. Some say he took it with a dagger, some say he took it with his own hands, some say poison, but if it was anything of those, it could not be.
The next day the king was found. He made sure of it by bringing his lifeless shell to the then-city's middle hub. There was no puncture in his skin, child, no blood, although it was all drained. There was no sign of poison in his body, no bruises, no nothing. It was if the king suddenly gave himself to the gods.
The only thing missing was his heart, but even that was taken away cleanly - no cuts, no deforming. It was as if the king saw Old McDonald and his body ejected his heart immediately.
Truly, a sight of its own to behold. It is then Old McDonald took over the city and began his thirteen crusades.
There was no resistance. Unlike the king, Old McDonald brought himself to the battlefields to fight along with his men. When the king fought, he did so in the comfort of his castle, but Old McDonald? An entirely new sight to behold.
Some of the old guards say there was a strange, nigh sadistic twinkle in his eyes, as if light came through them as he fought. And so, child, through the thirteen crusades old McDonald overthrew thirteen kings more and made them kneel before him.
Only one other king was foolish enough to try and resist. Then and there they saw the same thing happen - once more the king lost his life. Once more, no puncture, his blood and heart missing, and his eyes turned pure white. They do not know if Old McDonald was a god himself or perhaps something other, perhaps a demon.
Those who spoke against Old McDonald were imprisoned right there on the spot and... "educated", he called it, but they were not the same as they were when the guards came. Were they possessed? Nobody knows, child, nobody knows. And so, through his acts of cruelty and so-called education, Old McDonald brought the empire together.
True, some men and women became hollow, but those who did not, pledged their allegiance to Old McDonald and fought along him to conquer more and more for the empire. The more they fought, the more the empire grew, and more men and women were educated. The more people were educated, the more the empire grew.
A cycle like no other.
And so, once Old McDonald passed away, through all his deeds, the empire was united. The new emperor is a mere replacement, a statue of sorts. The laws abolished by Old McDonald remain abolished, the laws put in place by Old McDonald remain in place to never be changed. The emperor does nothing but sit on Old McDonald's throne and watch.
The new emperor does not govern as harshly as Old McDonald did. He does not need to. Most people are educated now.
All the emperor now does is simply seek more and more people to educate, not out of need, but out of fear, for if a revolution is to rise, the emperor would be overthrown in not days, not hours, but in seconds. Sometimes, child, it is said that the spirit of Old McDonald still walks the castle. Some say Old McDonald's spirit whispers things in the emperor's ear and educates him further. I do not believe Old McDonald to be truly gone, child.
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Ah, I apologize, child, you go on your merry way. The ramblings of an old man should not bother you as much. Worry not of the future, Old McDonald has united us all and brought us the education we so much needed. Hop on to school now and you too will receive it. We all will.
